TGIF! We are so close. One more week of edging and we’ll have football back. Oh, and there’s a long weekend. Hooray!
Word Count Filler Time
Here’s some headlines that are less than clear in their intent.
Doctor Testifies in Horse Suit
Must of been laundry day
Diet of Premature Babies Affects IQ
Just ask wormbrain
Oprah, Madonna Talk Marriage
And you thought TNT was exhausting
Complaints About NBA Referees Growing Ugly
Pal, they were already there
Groom Sues Bride of 4 Mouths
General Eisenhower Files Back to Front
God Gets a Parking Caution: “No Exceptions” Say Police
They are not messing around in DC
Dumped Fish Remains Upset
We all deal with the end of a relationship differently
Airline Travel Safer Despite More Accidents
American Ships Head To Libya
Have to read the article to find out whose
Woman Not Injured By Cookie
Phew!
Lack of Water Hurts Ice Fishing
LA Voters Approve Urban Renewal By Landslide
No need, folks, nature will do that on its own
Lawyer Calls Soul As Witness
Obviously not his own, what with not having one
Thanks to President Clinton, Staff Sgt. Fruer Now Has A Son
Him and several others
Tortoises Held Hostage As Lobster War Turns Nasty
Snow Storms May Be Precursor To Winter
Unlike sand storms, which are a precursor to a South Carolina JV footy match.
Blind Bishop Appointed to See
They can do that?
Diaper Market Bottoms Out
Ancient Blonde Corpses Raise Questions
All stupid questions no doubt
Lawyers Give Poor Free Legal Advice
The paid version is not much better
California Governor Makes Stand on Dirty Toilet
Sir, the dais is over there.
Reason For More Bear Sightings: More Bears
Buddy Cole signal activated
Ban On Soliciting Dead in Trotwood
The end of one hell of a party
Cuts Could Hurt Animals
But better than bullets
Nude Scene Done Tastefully In Radio Play
Dude, just fake it next time
Word count achieved, let’s move along.
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Sexy Time
Enjoy the weekend, folks! Alright, now let’s get to the comments!
We’ve got a baseball game next Friday!
With astute dignitaries!
Cheezies included for all!
He’s finally asleep. Time for some rye.
LFG. Ready for a *censored number* shot.
Okay.
Oh, wait. You meant for yourself.
Not my call, but reading a sedan into the front porch of someone’s house. The driver then attempted to flee the scene, but, buddy, you’re not going far with half the engine strewn on this guy’s lawn.
Took out a fire hydrant and a utility pole, too. If you have “INTOX DRIVER” on your BINGO card, be prepared!
you moved to Kansas City?
I’m back from drinking the promised margaritas (and eating burritos). I’d drink another margarita but I’m out of lime juice. So…shots?
Dangerous gambit, but I’m in.
The Taco Bell has fortified my stomach somehow.
And the septic tank braces for the morning…
2 left here in a city of 2 mill.
I will do one from afar. What spirit?
Tequila.
I’ll drink a beer along with yez.
The night before the long weekends turns into fucking Mad Max on the freeways out here.
It’s less traffic so you can drive a little faster and these fuckers are trying to get to a long weekend.
Got to get my ass off the 405.
Happy Friday!
Picture below may contain Strawberry jam for you sir.
Give the missus my best and thank her profusely.
Ugh, I know. I went over to Riverside today, and on the way home, I just couldn’t face the 60. It would be a complete shitshow on a Friday afternoon before a holiday weekend, so I opted for surface streets. A jillion lights, but worth it for my mental health. Thank you, President Van Buren, I thank Dog for your lengthy Avenue! I had my mammos grammed this morning at the crack o’ dawn. I ‘m going to bed. I’ll be sorry when I’m wide awake at 4 am, but I can’t keep my eyes open now. Good night my darling dears!
Good night and may you and the mammos sleep tight.
Pre-packing for LA
Where’s the Foles jersey? Not enough room to pack the matching hog?
Foles is a big dicked hero. If I am going to make Dok Zymm, and Larry from Regina wear bad jerseys, I have them.
Tuesday I go back to work. I need a haircut. These two weeks of working vaca were much needed around the house. I knocked out about 8 or 10 small nagging projects so my mind is now pretty clear.
Time to start accumulating small nagging projects again, the cycle never ends.
On our way home from dinner at our beloved French spot I ducked into a Wendy’s.
“What are you doing?”
“Stoned litre will appreciate this later.”
I bought a Spicy Chicken, and I appreciate wine tipsy me.
On my flight to Chicago I got a flash flood warning from an unnamed canyon. Curious to see what emergency alert I’ll get on this flight
SNAKES ON THE PLANE
MEXICANS ON THE PLANE!
COACH PRIME will not be undefeated this year. Georgia Tech wins, 27-20.
Over under on number of snaps Shedeur sees this season?
This is #ThePauls, so he’ll be forced into action Week 8. He’ll suffer a season-ending injury before the game is over.
Nude scenes are always done tastefully here to Ayo. I’m interested in lady number 3 today. Ciao tutti.
Another discerning choice. Well done, sir.
The UK has all the best headlines
Wish we still had good newspaper journalism like this
This was after Brexit, so, yup.
Something something Scottish diet
Sharkbait 2.0 is having a rough time with the jetlag. Putting him to bed has been a four hour event with me and Mrs sharkbait taking turns trying to get him the fuck to sleep.
Where are you/returning from?
Worcester.
it’s spelled woostah smh
I used to work for the Islanders AHL affiliate in Bridgeport. In their first season, the scoreboard actually said Wooster the first time the Worcester Ice Cats came to town. I let someone know and it got changed by the time doors opened.
Absolutely stunned someone in Bridgeport was able to spell it at all, even with your help.
Yeah last I remember the city council had issued a resolution that “letters” were actually demonic sigils.
Do they do the sauce there?
Back from 3 weeks in Australia
Apply the scotch directly to the throat; stop fucking around and coating his gums with it.
The return from Australasia is always a bitch, usually fine heading there but takes me a week to readjust on the way back. Assume it’s worse for kids
Sharkette is almost back. We’re gonna have to run 2.0 into the ground tomorrow. No naps, no days off, do your job and all that
Back a little earlier from the poker tournament than I’d like. Set a perfect trap after flopping a set, got a guy to go all in chasing for a straight and called him, then he had the absolute gall to catch the straight.
I swear, that man had the boorish manners of a Yalie.
Guess you’ll have to settle for a flush next hand, while wiping your tears with your degree from Brown.
At least it’s not Princeton. Imagine losing to someone from that clown school.
Dr Mrs Bogdanski is a Cornell alumna, and she tells me, during the hockey games at least, the chant while playing them was “Princeton’s in New Jersey, Princeton’s in New Jersey”
That’s some good taunting.
You must have got my luck from last night. I had the second nuts lose something like 7 times
Gotta love those nights. They make poker so much fun!!
/grits teeth hard enough to create a pound of enamel powder.
Tarleton State HATES TEH TROOPZ!!!!!11!1 Just beat Army, 30-27 in OT.
Happy Friday night/evening, comrades.
Should be another interesting shift. It’s the start of a long (huh huh huh “long” heh heh heh) weekend, the last of “summer.” What shenanigans will we discover this time?
Found a funny:
RoboCop: *about to arrest me*
Me: before you arrest me, which of these 9 pictures have cars in them
RoboCop: i’m going to let you off with a warning
RFK Stadium, today
https://ibb.co/VY9TDwjJ
They’re missing some seats.
Also, one of the greatest inventions of the USA is the right turn on red. What kind of god forsaken municipality denies that while having to also look at this misbegotten structure? Madness. Also, love the Fred Smoot Love Boat tribute.
I see they let Fred Smoot keep a tiny container home there!
Is it on fire today?
Because it was like a week ago.
On week today DFO night out at thr Anahrim Angels of Los Angeles game. There will be cheezies and Big Turks. Any other LA based DFOers that aren’t murders want to come let us know. There are 6 plus Larry from Regina coming. IYKYK
Wait, you didn’t tell me LARRY FROM REGINA is coming!!!
He is. You will meet him on Saturday
Larry from Regina!?!?
/starts pricing flights from CT
Ummmmm……Trump wasn’t seen yesterday by the White House press pool. He wasn’t seen today. He has no public events scheduled this weekend. Trump hasn’t been seen in public since Weds, and it’s unclear if he’ll be seen in public until Tues.
That’s pretty damn weird…
Still posting on NotTwitter, though the recent posts do seem a bit less manic than usual.
When he goes I am going to have to be very careful not to follow him into the dark by celebrating too hard.
I’ll actually feel a little bit cheated if he just up and dies without suffering for a while, though. Ideally we’re talking about Death of Stalin type stuff.
Friday?
Debilitating spray tan accident would be fun
I am going to jerk off to the point that death by dehydration becomes a real issue.
IMO a possible outcome is debilitation without death…
Stroked out finally.
Maybe he’s just shy
OMG Mariners. This has all gone quite pear shaped quickly.
Not that he ever looked not-like he drinks a quart of vodka every morning…but Hugh Freeze really looks ROUGH tonight
Speaking of, I’m so drunk I’m trying to pick my dinner based on which one will be less unpleasant when I throw up half of it in the morning.
I’m going to drink margaritas tonight!
Though in retrospect I should have been drinking hurricanes.
With age, a man learns to think ahead like that. SMRT!
After much deliberation, I chose Taco Bell delivery. I’m sure tomorrow will be great.
That’s S-M-R-T, because with it coming out both ends you’ll be finished twice as fast.
They’re finally sending Lee Corso to live at a farm upstate.
Trent Green urinates on floor in solidarity
At least they saved the cost of a cremation
It’s a built-in feature designed to ensure that the victim’s ghost doesn’t come back and steal all of Space Karen’s ketamine.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vmHPzXl236w
https://ibb.co/cXkCmCdC
That’s an all-time headline.
This is basically my attitude towards having food delivered. I’d just as soon go pick it up myself.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=V66XdulPrBM
Counterpoint
Good evening from the hawtest event in the worldT: Bad Bunny’s residence 25 mins. walking from my Apt. Warmup act, chickens
PE ERRE ES OTRA COSA
Today is the 20th anniversary of Hurricane Katrina making landfall. Thank God the Kid Diddler administration gutted the funding for the agencies that provide warnings about these kinds of natural disaster, ensuring that nothing like that will ever happen again.
.
If anyone is looking for a good book to mark the occasion
This was maybe his very bestest work. I could nae put it down.
Oh, that’s Devil in the White City guy…will have to pick that up.
A most excellent read.
Natural disasters in the Gulf Coast are going to affect red states almost exclusively, and quite frankly I hope it’s horrific. Will it indeed be tough banana for quite few people who do not deserve it? Yes, but we need to make a brand new omelet here, and we’re not going to do that without cracking a whole of eggs.
I should probably eat something. I’m kind of irritable and my metaphors are definitely leaning towards breakfast.
The COTW will be back in it’s regularly scheduled slot next week. Jetlag is hitting us hard still, the kids especially so. I had something half assed I could have run, but I didnt like it and it needs some more work.
You made the right choice. Balls would have been calling for your head and I don’t think any of us would have been crazy enough to stand in his way.
Despite half assing it being the DFO way, It needs more work for sure
Full ass or nothing! The fuller the better!
“I had something half assed I could have run, but I didnt like it and it needs some more work.”
/pushes Dallas 2025 preview under the carpet with his foot
At least your Dallas preview was more full-assed than Jerry Jones’s negotiation with Parsons
“Why are there so many flies in the house?” – my mother-in-law, as she heats up fish soup on a ninety degree day, the same exact day that the garbage is collected, in fact
If a new strain of COVID breaks out, I know where to start the investigation.
(kidding, this bunch is gonna ignore it and let everyone die)
“Why are there so many flies in this entryway?”
-My neighbors that constantly put their trash in the entryway for a day or two before taking it the extra 30 second walk to the trash
Our neighbor is on Ozempic and it looks like he’s been throwing out a bunch of food in the compost bin. I hope he gets his portioning figured out, cause it’s pretty nasty.
“I’m not racist but Whoopi Goldberg started to get real aggressive on that morning show after
JoeBiden, I mean that Obama guy got elected. She showed her true colors.”-A family member, less than four hours ago
THIS FAMILY MEMBER I CALL THAT PERSON KIM KARDASHIAN BECAUSE THE BUT IS DOING A LOT OF FUCKING WORK
And don’t even get me started on season 4 of Next Gen.
She let Ted Danson do blackface; they should celebrate how not-woke she is!
BayBay with the “Big Lots Notre Dame” alternate kit
I mean, Baptists ARE just dollar store Catholics.
I like how “A River Runs Through It” called Methodists “Baptists who could read.”
I remember one that was like “Cop shot in argument with spouse” where it turned out the cop shot himself. Not funny really, just not a very good headline
Then there was the one where the midget psychic broke out of prison.
“Small Medium At Large”
Did you hear about the midget inmate climbing down the prison wall?
He was a little con-descending
Lowratio, right now:
I mean it’s kind of funny, assuming he was waving his gun around and threatening her with it.
Yeah, it was definitely a better outcome than I expected
When we got married, our local paper put “Gumbygirl and Gumby wedding” in weirdly big font. Right below our announcement, in slightly smaller font, was the headline for another story-
” Pregnancy classes to begin”
#6 is a helluva picture.
However, the fave this week is #9. My goodness those are some plump tomatoes!
Yeah, it’s a good pic, but I’m gonna wait until dinner to judge.
And they’re in season. Dig in now.