The Jets are bad. The less can be said about them the better. Their bye post will be in a Wumbo post and more likely pre-empted by a Nocturnes Magazine.
The Yankees aren’t gonna win shit with Aaron Boone, as once again evidenced by yesterday’s Max Fried pulling for Luke Weaver suckorama and game-ending NOBLETIGER (No Outs, Bases Loaded Ends with Team Incapable of Getting Easy Run) against, of all people, Playoff Chapman. Please report to the Shadow Realm. For what it’s worth, Judge did go 2/4 and Anthony Volpe apparently is a Playoff Guy, but that’s not worth much.
(Why doesn’t YouTube embed nice for me some days? Who knows.) Anyways, we got news and we got heat!
-The heat: Aqib “Iced Up” Talib calls Tyreek Hill’s knee injury “karma,” stating “Football Gods don’t play.” Karma for, well, you know. Hill’s surgery went well and it was reported by his agent that he will not need more surgeries and plans to play in 2026.
-Another Elite Era Ends: Flacco benched, Dillon Gabriel in at QB for #ThePauls.
-LB Shaquille Leonard is retiring as a Colt, with a halftime speech on Sunday. Leonard, the 2018 DROY, played for six seasons (no movie) and was a three-time First Team All-Pro (2018, 2020, 2021), but nerve injuries and multiple back surgeries limited his career before being released by the Colts in 2023 before finding time with the Eagles that season, and did not play at all last year.
TV time:
More playoffs:
-…No, seriously? Game-ending NOBLETIGER? That’s somehow the third-worst thing you did in the calendar month! (BOS vs. NYY, Red Sox lead 1-0, in progress, ESPN)
-Fightin’ Redshirts vs. Gamblin’ Legally-Not-Ohtanis (CIN vs. LAD, Dodgers lead 1-0, 9:08, ESPN)
U-20 World Cup, in Chile, ‘Tain’t Chilly At All
-Brazil vs. Morocco (7:00, FS1)
-Argentina vs. Australia (8:00, FS2)
Even the Nocturnes don’t have a NOBLETIGER this season, and we had 4 last season in 30 games! Hell, there were two grand slams in the series against Springfield that just finished! (Yes, of course they’re the Isotopes, half this league’s team and/or stadium names reference something else and that one’s on a tee.)
I was making a reply to Redshirt down below, which has become something much bigger and bitter. I want to use it as a sort-of primer for the Stillers bye week recap WHICH I AM DOING unlike the never
writtentyped preseason outlook. When would be a good time slot to post these? I don’t want to punt anything that’s scheduled.Will there be hawt Qaaron takes?
To be honest, Qaron has been utterly silent around here. Like, not a peep about him. He’s not cornering co-eds in bathroom stalls, no riding his face on asphalt and window glass after flying off the motorcycle he was told not to drive, no weird ayahuasca-induced tirades. Not even a backhanded compliment about a teammate or reporter. He’s been good.
Thanks for letting me type up my assessment of him.
This isn’t the first time a player has responded positively to the uniquely Steelers perk of all the fresh chicken blood you can drink
Tomlin Voodoo involving psychotropics makes a lot of sense now that you think about it.
Wife asked me ” who’s that little boy pitching?”
The latest J-Pop sensation?
And our fahken closer apparently.
Filthy stuff tonight.
God hates Cincinnati, or our teams hates us. At this point, I have no fucking idea.
Vote better.
Dave Roberts took a pitcher out when he had 2 outs and a 1-2 count on the batter.
Francona responded by taking the hitter out and sending up a pinch hitter, who promptly swung very hard at ball striking out. The strikeout goes to the guy sitting on the bench.
If I’m sitting on a bench and the manager says “Hey, Horatio, grab a bat and get up there. By the way it’s 1-2 when you get there” my response would be “I’ll pass Coach, but let me know how it works out for you.”
If Marty Brennaman and Joe Nuxhall were still in the booth, they would be openly swearing until 700 AM cuts the feed.
Joe Nuxhall, who pitched in the majors when he was like 15? That’s a pretty unbreakable record.
How many times can the Reds leave the bases loaded? Let’s find out!
Okay, we have officially topped the Bengals Monday Night Football performance.
I just spent an 90 minutes, including 30 minutes with Disney/ESPN phone support (it took 2 guys to fix it), trying to get the ESPN app I pay for to show me a fucking baseball game. The solution finally was to give them more money.
How was it?
It was a living hell. Do you know what it’s like to be down in the mud, and kicked . . . in the head . . . with an iron boot? No of course you don’t, no one does, that’s a dumb question, skip that.
It’s so utterly fucked. Anytime I want to watch anything on ESPN+, I have to use a edge browser in private mode…
honestly, sometimes it’s just easier to pull in an illicit stream.
You can make a non-injury pitching change in the middle of an at bat?
Of course. As long as they faced their minimum of 3 batters.
We have a possible NOBLETIGER brewing.
Nevermind, the Rojos survive another batter.
Reds: “We give. Uncle.”
Dodgers’ bullpen: “NOT SO FAST”
Look, I know none of these teams wants to go to Philadelphia, but one of these teams has to win the series and move on.
Reds: “No, really, we’re good. Thanks anyway.”
I hope Jayden Daniels is playing Sunday, I didn’t pay good money to see Mariota.
/did not pay good money.
He’s not listed as questionable anymore
“All money is good money!” – Supply Side Jesus
…and thus concludes the latest chapter in Cincinnati Playoff Lore.
..
I don’t think the Reds are gonna make it.
No, no, we still have nine more outs…assuming we can get two more outs. A very big assumption, I’ll concede.
Well, you tried, Reds. And you gave us LOLMETS.
Yeah, we’re a year early but it showed. Though, I’d question why you’d pull Lodolo after 14 pitches, I’m sure it was for a valid reason. We’ll be back.
Congrats, LA fans. Good luck the rest of the playoffs.
(muttering under breath) Spoiled smug assholes probably forgot they had a baseball team until September.
We didn’t forget, it’s just been so nice out.
I’ll give you guys credit though, you guys showed up and cheered out.
That’s probably 90% Japanese tourists
Shohei likes those odds.
Thanks, we actually have 2 teams but we don’t talk about the other one.
No offence Spam
Well, one of them was a farm team that produced Ohtani, so that was nice.
The Nippon Ham-fighters?
The Angels will have their revenge by, um, not having to be in LA I guess?
Tuff but fare.
Sure, it’s vanilla and boring here, but it’s also soulless.
Fun Fact: “Tuff but fare” was a fast casual dining concept that Balls unsuccessfully pitched to some investors last month
Yeah, but they’re in Anaheim
Welp…
At least the Reds are keeping it interesting.
Rojos are in business here.
Or the exact opposite.
Grand Opening!
Grand Closing!
Yeah, that was pretty soul-crushing.
It was the baseball equivalent of Tin Cup where Roy kept dropping the ball to show he could hit the ball over the water. After the third run, I just started laughing.
Bobby Petrino is herpes, he infected PirateKansas 17 years ago, and Pig Soowee’s flaring up again.
Nope, the US definitely doesn’t have a gun problem.
https://www.404media.co/a-bullet-crashed-the-internet-in-texas
Guns don’t knock out internet to thousands and thousands of people, people knock out internet to thousands and thousands of people.
QUICK AIRDROP SOME “BOOKS” IN THE AREA
What are these “Books” and can we shoot them? average Texan probably
This is Texas, not the U.S.
We should invade Texas and take their stuff.
Doyers ahead? Nature is healing.
Es verdad.
Woo. Kike!
— overheard from Stephen Miller’s office constantly
Not in the context of wooing, however.
Given where he’s from and where he went to high school, this is not a joke.
Let’s get Redshirt some happiness tonight. Beat the Blue team!
Yay! Sympathy Coin!
Don’t forget, the Campeones Cup is tonite (9:30 DFO Time), which features last season’s MLS winner vs last season’s Liga MX winner.
Galaxy! Toluca! WHO YA GOT?
Univision I think, so brush up on that Español. (“pelota” means “ball” which will be important if someone is kicked in the pelotas)
In Canadia it is the Canadian Championship Vancouver Whitecaps of MLS vs Vancouver FC of Canadian Premier League, VFC is the worst team in the league this year but somehow made it to the final. Due to how berths work in Concacaf, they very well could lose tonight and get the right to get shit kicked in International games!
What’s great about the Campeones Cup is it doesn’t seem to be anywhere on TV. But your wacky Canadia Cup is.
American Soccer – catch the fever! (very very low-grade fever)
I looked it up and It’s only on Apple TV.
People running the MLS took too much Tylenol
CJ Stroud was asked about ways to improve his explosiveness:
“I feel like I’m getting old. I’m not as quick as I used to be. I was watching my high school stuff a couple days ago… I was like 180… I was rollin.”
What did that O-line do to CJ?
He’s 23, wth.
Wow, we’re destroying Burrow physically; Houston is destroying Stroud mentally!
Can that happen to an Ohio State alum?
Art Schlitcher. Dwayne Haskins. Troy Smith. Archie Griffin.
Evidence does suggest it.
https://youtu.be/wA0muyg2aNM?si=CfUhcG2QfPFMRF9j
EVERYTHING IS BIGGER IN TEXAS INCLUDING YOUR AGE AND WEIGHT AND THE GAPS IN YOUR O-LINE
What that weird shape next to the Reds logo? Holy shit, we scored runs in the first? We have a lead in a playoff game?!
3 out of the 4 baseball things I wanted last night happened; seems fitting that 3 out of the 4 baseball things I don’t want to happen look like they will tonight.
.
. https://theonion.com/joe-burrow-frustrated-hospital-wont-take-bengals-insurance
Never in doubt!
/Oh, it was very much in doubt.
“I have complete faith in my Reds,” he said while storing his Reds shirts in the closet.
And back to Denver, but just for a layover this time! Wheeeee
That has been my only Denver experience. Thanks to a weather delay, it was about a 5 hour experience.
Looking at the other QBs on the roster, I imagine Elite Joe’s mindset is somewhere along the lines of:
NotShogun reminded me of a band that I saw at least 30 years ago that was fronted by an incredibly dynamic female singer that wore some sort of cotton body suit. Friends, she sweated profusely over the course of her 45 minute set and there were wet patches everywhere. She just didn’t seem to notice.
It’s not like she could have done anything about it right? And it was probably more comfortable than sweating in a whole bunch of other outfits
My thinking was that it was her choice to wear it and there were many other outfits she could have worn that wouldn’t magnify sweat stains. I mean, this tour didn’t start in Butt Crack, northern Ontario.
Super scenery in Butt Crack, Ontario – BallsofSteelandFury
Lol browns
“Making fun of the Browns? I like your style.”
-S. Miller
“Now let’s get the adults in cages while the children watch!”
-S. Miller, fully engorged to two inches
“I barely saw what you did there.”
-D. Favre
(like she wouldn’t be grateful for that)
I see the fedex turf of doom making a strong showing at #3
So I guess I am in that Fantasy Football League.
Kicked the Shit out of me 2 weeks ago.
Xavien Howard retired today. Now he can pursue his true passion of sending male teenagers sexually explicit nudes of their moms when they aren’t sure of getting an abortion
“He was a complicated individual that always strived to achieve goals that others thought were not effort-worthy.”
-Karoline Leavitt
[translated from original German]
Die Nationalsozialistische Deutsche Arbeiterpartei distanziert sich von allen Worten und Taten Steven Millers und bittet darum, in Zukunft nicht mehr mit ihm in Verbindung gebracht zu werden.
Do you think Dr. Jane Goodall is headed to regular heaven or to monkey heaven?
All I know is she can rot in…(puts on glasses)…oh, Jane Goodall? She can rest in peace.
“No matter the Heaven, she’s headed there courtesy of our wonderfully safe chairs! Let’s have a look!”
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YwJA0gvhG4I
There’s no room for a passing lane. Total stairs bottleneck. FUCKING HURRY UP GRANDMA WHY’D YOU TIE YOUR SCARF BEFOREHAND? PLENTY OF TIME TO TIE IT WHILE YOU’RE ON YOUR NONWORKING ASS GLIDING UP THE STAIRS AND BLOCKING ME JUST DIE ALREADY”
Ascension music:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SHUb-xQMTOI
Shame I’m not going to be there to support our Big Black Richard.
https://www.oregonlive.com/portland/2025/10/emergency-world-naked-bike-ride-planned-in-portland.html
Paywall-free version. Also mostly ad-free (the paper is owned by Republicans):
https://archive.ph/bQtMK
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nZbbZUn_J1Y&pp=ygUSYmVuZGVyIHdlJ3JlIGJvbmVk
DOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOMED
The tank is on!
We may be the worst 2-2 team ever.
His expression in the pic says it all…
120 Minutes Playlist Project Update:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xyEHKGDSg5I
This entire episode is a banger; one of the best ones so far. Check this out:
The Primitives – Secrets
Ian McCulloch – Proud To Fall
Kate Bush – Love And Anger
The Psychedelic Furs – Pretty In Pink
The Original Sins – Why You Love Me So
The Jesus And Mary Chain – Blues From A Gun
Nine Inch Nails – Down In It
Deborah Harry – I Want That Man
The Innocence Mission – Black Sheep Wall
Depeche Mode – Personal Jesus
fIREHOSE – Riddle Of The Eighties
Flesh For Lulu – Time And Space
Soundgarden – Loud Love
The Mighty Lemon Drops – Into The Heart Of Love
New Order – Shell Shock
Camper Van Beethoven – Pictures Of Matchstick Men
I will be seeing Hum in Chicago next May. I found them here 30+ years ago and I’ve never looked back.
Nice! Are they touring? I had a chance to see the Smoking Pope’s a few months ago but stupid family stuff interfered. I’d love to see Hum again
I think I’m going to try Joxster’s in Culver City this weekend, since I’m not driving to CC during rush hour tomorrow. I’m going to try some place on Sunset for that. Unless anyone has better ideas or wants to call me a dumbass f2f