The quality of the fixtures, or the writings? YES.
Start your morning, if you dare, with Leeds welcoming Spurs (7:30, USA). As usual, I really have no idea what Spurs are, for good or ill. Leeds are kind of shit, but might at least survive the drop. So…consider this a “background noise” watch.
10:00 strangely only has two on the schedule, Men Untied/Black Cats on USA, and Rum Ham away to King’s Afrikan Water Pistols streaming on Peacock. Suppose this is the peril of having NINE fucking clubs qualified for European play. Anyway, you’d expect each “name brand” to roll here. So…still background noise.
12:30’s Spotlight Dance is a puppy abortion. Watch terrible JV NFL instead. I care little about Sunday’s action, aside from Everton/Palace (9:00, Peacock), but even that is likely a dreadful watch for the neutral.
Cornpone State (+1.5) at JV WKRP (Noon, ESPN2)
Maybe it’s just me, but I don’t see Matt Campbell’s bunch stubbing a toe here. They’ve enough offense to match the inevitable handful of Bearcat punches.
Come on Feel the Illinoise (-9.5) at Purdue (Noon, BTN)
Yes, the early slate is REALLY that bad. So you get a random chaos matchup.
Steerfuckers South (-5.5) at Florida Men (3:30, ESPN)
Line shrinkage alert! This was a full 7 on Thursday, but the “Arch as Shadeur’s Draft Stock” phenomenon seems to be accelerating. Not entirely convinced myself, but this could be a very low-scoring, physical battle.
Vanderbilt (+11.5) at Roll Damn Tide (3:30, ABC)
Did you ever think you’d live to see Vandy less than 2-TD dogs in Tuscaloosa? FUCKING LIAR.
Wahoowa (+6.5) at Lousiville (3:30, ESPN2)
Ugh, having to add an ACC game to the watch rotation. But there is some shootout potential here, at least.
I randomly threw on an old horror movie the other night. I dont remember what it was (I think it sucked and I turned it off) but it was the first time I’d ever seen the source material for the shopkeeper who sells Homer the evil Krusty doll (and offers free frogurt)). So that was cool.
Oh it was Gremlins 1. Bad movie.
This schizophrenia ad med commercial.follows this guy getting up, leaving his roommate, skateboarding, meeting a girl he knows, then skating again to a suburb home (except, twist, the family there is ALL hispanic and the place is real nice). And anyways, the kid skateboarder there to set up his laptop and speaker because he’s doing the DJing at a family yard party gathering at the end of the commercial.
And I’m like — man, schizophrenia must be a bitch.
Judge and Stanton struck out last inning with the bases loaded, Yankees are losing 2-1.
Pray for Lowratio.
Meanwhile UConn football is ahead by 34 and about to go to 4-2, so we might have a Monkey’s Paw situation.
I couldn’t tell you who the Fightin’s are playing today.
Ball State? Maybe?
It’s the mighty Florida International, um, let’s say “Catamounts”
Turns out it’s Florida International University, which I refuse to believe is anything other than a football program masquerading as a tax shelter.
The Yankees didn’t lose to the Red Sox in the first round. Anything that happens from here is gravy as far as I’m concerned.
The Yankees ability to turn bases loaded and no one out into at best one run is truly amazing.
Manning Brothers to Cooper when watching Arch Manning play (Artistic Interpretation):
Maybe you were adopted… l Back to the Future – YouTube
I’ve fallen down a rabbit hole of Pluto TV channels that shows nothing but Star Trek: The Next Generation, Star Trek: Deep Space Nine and Star Trek: Voyager. Welp, I guess I’m not doing anything this weekend after all.
Narrator: No one believed Old Redshirt was actually going to do anything productive this weekend.
Halftime: UCLA 27, Pedo State 7
I’m scared too.
And Florida beating Texas is nice too.
Here’s an account of the Stabchez incident (patent pending) where the QB doesn’t come off as an innocent victim:
https://bsky.app/profile/summerbreeze0102.bsky.social/post/3m2fakhr2es2z
“Did he have a smaller knife? Bitch.”
-Ray Lewis
Sanchez has now been arrested and apparently there’s at least a chance that he was drunk and attacked a 69-year-old delivery driver to the point that the guy had to first mace him and then pull a knife.
Maryland is leading Washington, but Maryland’s QB is named “Washington” so I dunno what to believe anymore. It’s like those Lincoln/Kennedy/Kirk coincidences.
Hold onto your shorts Spam-George Washington didn’t land on the moon.
That’s James Buchanan! Not George Washington. Spam is spreading disinformation just like a Trump mole would totally do.
(calls handler in Moscow)
“Yes, Scotchy’s onto us. Right, I’ll beat him this weekend in Hippo Lawyer Fantasy Football and demoralize him. Da.”
I “knew” you were a fellow traveler! And that’s why I put Goff into my lineup against the Bengals D!”*
*maniacal laugh reverberates across the lake and back again
Спящий агент Красная Рубашка активирован. Враг пролетариата будет уничтожен по приказу.
Svetlana in the potato larder with the donkey hoof?
I’m guessing that Redshirt is providing clues to Clue in some sort of Soviet ‘language’.
Sure, DJ Lagway can really affect a game of foot ball, but to get the whole story you also need to consider his cousin, DJ Pingway
Senorita Weaselo let go of her Saturdays at the place on LI that we both work(ed, her formerly now) at, so she is spending pre-birthday weekend being alot of tea and mooncake. And texting me about it.
She has bought said teas as well so I’m looking forward to drinking these teas with her.
This is my drug of choice:
Vic Tayback is very disappointed in you-just how much? I can’t get a precise bead on him because this Ouija board was previously owned by a single mother with seven cats. Eww.
kiss my grits
UCLA took the opening kickoff, marched right down the field for a TD.
Then, SURPRISE! onside kick, and took it down for a FG.
Up 10-0 over Pedo State before the Nittany Pedos could even run a play.
(yeah I know this’ll end badly, but this is the first actual lead the Bruins have had this season so I’m gonna enjoy it)
Like every young boy visiting Penn State, it starts happy and fun but then…I just got an urgent message from the Moderators to stop this comment.
Clapping for this comment, sounds like rhythmic slapping.
That tracks; none of our moderators are Penn State alumni so they’re not inclined to just look the other way and pretend it didn’t happen.
Early window? Was pulling for Clemson. Now? Pulling for FUCKING FLORIDA
Every weekend I am brutally reminded of how shallow, mundane, and futile my life has become. Not because of the Ravens (they’re cooked) but because of the shallow, futile, and mundane tasks I must undertake.
So, to shake things up a bit.
I have decided to become a meth addict.
I mean, THIS GUY has discovered the true meaning of life. As Kenny Rogers put it best – the best you can hope for is to die in your sleep.
I’d become a meth addict but what’s the point? Happiness and tranquility is a lie. Only pain and misery is real. Why, yes. I am a Bengals fan, why’d you ask?
Q Lazzarus salutes you with their signature tune, “Goodbye
HorsesFront Teeth.https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zILmrAJgzSc
– Whoever stabbed Mark Sanchez today, 7 months ago.
I hope Mark Sanchez is okay. It’s unfortunate how often players-turned-announcers get involved in altercations at bars. Why just last week I walked by Trent Green standing outside a velvet rope repeatedly shouting at a bouncer “DO YOU KNOW WHO I AM?”
Now that’s how you do it.
Daring both the Skull Fractured Boys to go for a swim. They’ve got 15 minutes.
Bastards are cooking something-they get an hour’s reprieve.
If the Fat Lady isn’t signing at Nippert, she’s warming up.
Or showing her wares on OnlyFans-it pays much better.*
*someone told me that in confidence
Mark Sanchez hospitalized with injuries from reported stabbing in Indianapolis ahead of Raiders vs. Colts game – CBSSports.com
When you’re a Jet, you’re a Jet all the way…
“I have to apologize? I wasn’t even in the same city!”
-Janay Rice, sick and fucking tired of not being compensated for this running joke
Janay Rice would like to apologize for not being compensated and for the stabbing.
The impression I’m getting is that it was a bar fight gone way, way wrong.
“Hey, I know you, you’re the Buttfumble guy!”
Pfft, Pitt the Elder.
I’m still pissed off at Boris Johnson for surviving COVID because that would have been the funniest thing ever.
Ahem?! (gestures towards 1600 Pennsylvania Ave.)
He brought a buttock to a knife fight as ex-Jets players are prone to do.
In honor of PirateSloth, pregaming for 🔱🔱🔱 at his spot.
Does The Real McCoy hold court in today’s lexicon? Or has that just been completely forgotten — like the Nazis.
Someday we’ll get a documentary about the fake team NC State is playing right now…
Something called Campbell University, starring such players as Kamden Sixkiller, Bonde, Aidan Bonde, and Rudolph!?
And their nickname is the Fightin Camels… it’s like they said “hey, Camel kinda sounds like Campbell so…”
Should be the Chunky Soups.
We actually lost to them in hoopsball once, when I was a student. Not exactly the glory years, for sure.
Brewers-Cubs right now:
Cubs should just start using utility infielders as pitchers now. Get ready for game two.
If the Yankees can’t win the World Series, (and let’s face it, they can’t), I would like to see the Brewers do it. Win one for the Rust Belt!! Schlemiel!! Schlmazel!!
Also fuck Tom Ricketts.
Wouldn’t mind a first-timer, Brewers or Mariners. Feels weird to root for all the higher seeds, but that’s where I’m at this round.
Fun fact: “rooting for seed” is what Jordon Hudson does every time she opens a box of Clearblue sticks.
nods in Fredbird!
And the ghost of Uecker!
Unless Hippo hallucinated, Purdue apparently has a player named Nitro Tuggle.
Wait a sec. Nitro Tuggle, International Spymaster plays on a football team?
“Yes, please give me a badass first name to go with my 70s-sitcom-nosy-neighbor-ass last name.”
Something I learned today:
Peet’s Coffee, Caribou Coffee, Keurig, Einstein Bagels, Noah’s Bagels, Jimmy Choo, Krispy Kreme, Dr Pepper, Snapple, and Portland’s own precious Stumptown Coffee are all owned by a German conglomerate named JAB Holdings (now based in Luxembourg).
JAB has been in business almost 200 years and they were very enthusiastic supporters of Hitler and the Nazi Party since before they took power in 1933. They had chemical industry interests and rivaled I.G. Farbin as among the largest supporters and beneficiaries of Nazi rule and slave labor.
“Kudos to JAB Holdings! They saw the way that the wind was blowing and adjusted their sails.”
-Karl Donitz
JAB CEOs pitch to acquire Einstein Bagels: “Vith your business acumen ond our knovledgemenbundesweipen of owens…”
Update: Cincinnati is Cincinnatiing. Reality is slowly asserting itself.
https://bsky.app/profile/nkalamb.bsky.social/post/3m2f5qxhq722u
You truly have NO IDEA how orgasmically happy Wolven Sort are right now.
So that’s what that was…
Do they have a post-game call in show I can stream?
Nothing like a good, strong hit of schadenfreude in the morning…
With all the jokes about Joe Burrow winning MVP for getting hurt and the Bengals effectively regressing to Pee Wee Football Team, I think we need to reexamine all doubts about Tom Brady being the GOAT due to all the evidence of Bill Belichick without Brady.
I hate to admit it, but…not wrong.
I’m not sure I’d make that assertion based on an obviously checked out 73-year-old taking an 8 figure last job with the idea of handing it off to his son in one or two years, but I am sure I’d make that assertion based on Bill’s history of being a pretty mediocre coach whenever he didn’t have Tom Brady playing QB.
Christ amighty. 3rd and 10, Campbell runs off tackle and gets the first before he’s even TOUCHED.
If Dabo says “how my ass taste, Bill?” after the game, then I will never ever say another bad word about him again.
Hold up, let’s not say things we can’t take back.
It’s what we’ve always said at [DFO] – you don’t steal another man’s gravy.
Holy shit! Hope he pulls through… Poor guy.
(& not to victim shame, but do kinda wonder what he was doing in an ally at 12:30 at night. taking a piss? scoring some coke? just stumbling back to his hotel?)
I mean, really? Who uses a knife for Nacho?
/I seriously hope he’s okay
“I TOLD that boy his footwork was lackluster!”
-Pete C.
“Yessir, and I know a thing or two about feet.”
– Rex Ryan
Figures, the one time I bet against a Cincinnati team, and they suddenly remembered how to ____ball.
Look at it this way, you bought them a win!
Remind me to bet on the Lions. I may have cracked the Matrix’s code.
Hippo, are your Wolven Sort in a foul enough mood to cover a 43 point spread?
Probably not. Coach is kind of checked out (strongly rumoUred to be retiring after the season) and we don’t often run up the score anyway.
That said…Campbell is a non-scholarship 1-AA side. Basically D-2.
Always wondered what would happen if a punting team just never touched the ball. Would the clock keep running? Wisconsin punted with 25 seconds left in the half, just sit there and watch it and run out the half!
Dead ball rule. When the ball is at rest, the play is over regardless of anyone touching it.
Also known as the “Nate Solder” rule.
The plural of Cincinnati is actually Cincinnatius
/may have failed AP Latin
Cincinnatis
The plural of Cincinnati is Cincinnatis. This term is used to refer to the people or inhabitants of Cincinnati, Ohio.
Wiktionary
+1
I would’ve thought the plural of Cincinnati would be Cincinnati.
“Whatever. I’m only paying for one”
-Mike Brown
Pushing Glasses Up Nose Alert
am watching 2 futbol matches but just saw the Cincinnati score, Redshirt can haz happy?
For one weekend only – God bless Dabo Swinney.
Los Angeles: Home of the Jesus Taco
https://ibb.co/JwJmWLPv
Also the home of a food truck that sold me a 5 oz cup of coffee for four-fucking-dollars.
plus TIP!
Zoomies vs. Squidees
How is Cincinnati favored against an undefeated team ranked #14? We are better than last year but we’re not Top-25 good.
Okay, JV Cincy waltzing down the field on the first drive may have answered my question.
ESPN: “This Cincinnati game is brought to you by Tums!”
Me: “I see what you did there, ESPN.”
Maybe I’ll watch some college ball today. The Prem is officially to depressing (for me) to watch. Go Chelsea, I guess. Doesn’t matter, I’ll probably get hit by a car anyway.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AdUBTE9JpgI
The Repo Man soundtrack was one thing I listened to when I was battling with Kronos.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=k8rsf_ejiSc
Hey Rikki, if you haven’t lost my number, let’s go do some crimes!
“Nice friends”
‘Thanks, I made them myself”
Well, at least there will be Hearts v Hibs shortly. There will be blood in Edinburgh.
/wifey is returning from a 10 day trip to Alberta tomorrow
Me: “Can’t wait for sexy time! Also, I washed the sheets on our bed so it’s going to be extra comfy for you.”
Wifey: “I’m so looking forward to it! The fresh sheets I mean.”
Narrator: “Scotchy never fully recovered from that near-mortal wound.”
Counterpoint:
This seems like a good day to do yard work.
I wish you good fortune in your battle against your own personal Kronos.
Around here that would be the Russian olive tree.
Friggin’ commies.
I don’t want to trigger you, but a fire would wipe that out quickly.
That photos apparently from Wyoming, so I’m all for setting a fire that wipes that, and everything around it, out as soon as possibly, and preferably before the next election.
We have three Russian olives on our property. I’d like to get rid of them but Mrs. Horatio loves that you can make cool arches/shaded areas out of them by clearing the dead branches from the undergrowth. Which you can, and which are cool, but you have to stay alert or else 3 suddenly turn into 15 and they crowd out all the native plants.
Woo hoo! I haven’t been this happy about something a Gunner did since…well, it’s been a couple of weeks, at least.
Found a cool:
https://bsky.app/profile/lukeknox.me/post/3m2epildlc22c
Needs more octopus arms.
“I don’t care for it”
-Bill Parcells
That is not the best slate this morning. I may have to converse with the family I guess.
desperate times desperate measUres yada yada
Yeah but, is your family ready for this though? Think of the decilitre.
Don’t go to the pub, don’t go to the pub.
Mornin’. Still recuperating from a grueling workweek (all-out effort, mixed results 🤷🏻♂️). And I’m currently in the yearly stage of hearing this song in 🔂🔂🔂
https://youtu.be/RqOSPm2UdRs?si=ymZ4hURQ1P1NNvVV
First of two Fronken-derbies this morning as my Hammers prepare to be trounced by eldest son’s Water Pistols. This one is going to hurt.
Shame bet the lad? LMAO
Wouldn’t dare. Doing plenty of screaming AT West Ham, but no “fuck you”s to the Gunners. Glad Nuno is giving our babies some time.
30k at night one of the Maui County Fair.
Fairs are as big as the WNBA.
https://mauinow.com/2025/10/03/historic-return-of-maui-county-fair-draws-30000-fair-entrants-on-opening-night/
Making up for the lacklustre:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_WsSJwHGHU8
I love that a radio station chose the callsign “KINK”.
Portlandia amirite???
Loogit that lil’ hussy, barely coverin’ them shoulders!
Yeah, sweet li’l thing noes wut Hippo likey