Your Sunday Morning NFL Slate Week 16 Open Thread

Somewhere in Northern Ontario….

The old man grumbled. He said to himself, “What am I doing out here? This is why you have underlings!”

He muttered to himself but he knew deep down he had no choice. Some work you just had to do yourself. If you didn’t, that would mean double work and, quite frankly, this was already cutting into the Christmas celebrations. He couldn’t afford to waste more time

He parked and unloaded. It was about a 100 yards, but he was in decent shape and the load wasn’t too heavy. That’s what happens when the economy goes in the shitter. Everything becomes “lean”.

Why did he have to go into the office today of all days? I mean, there’s NFL football on the TV! And there are several games with playoff implications!

“Oh well. Might as well get on with it. The faster I do this, the faster I can get home and watch the games. Stupid work.”

TO THE GAMES!!

Bills at Browns

Much like our intro, this game is going to be a slaughter. The early line was Buffalo -10 but I think that’s generous. I say Buffalo by 21 with a guaranteed Cleveland injury. Maybe Shadeur, maybe someone in the defense. Just book the parlay.

Bengals at Dolphins

This is the “I’ve got no fucks left to give” Bowl. Both teams had their seasons ended in embarrassing fashion last week. What are they playing for? Pride? Nah. It’s all about incentive bonuses from now on. That’s why the Bengals will probably bench their starters at halftime…

Chiefs at Titans

Don T’s Glorious Tits get a golden opportunity to claim a victory over the “dynasty of the 2020s”. Yes, I know the dynasty is over, but it’s still something nice to put in the resume like the management certificate you got for attending a webinar and watching movies at the same time.

Jets at Saints

The Saints were pretty frisky last week in beating the Panthers. They should beat the Jets and give themselves a little ego boost. This will, of course, drop them in the draft order, so they clearly can’t have nice things because they touch themselves. And, honestly, who can blame them? Have you been to New Orleans strip clubs?

Chargers at Cowboys

Until last night, this was a game with playoff implications. The Chargers could have put Cowboys fans out of their misery once and for all this football season by beating the Boys in the Jerry Dome. As it is, the Eagles had that pleasure. As incentive for the Chargers, they must continue winning in order to have any chance at catching Denver for the division and the top seed in the AFC.

Vikings at Giants

The Vikes went through a rough patch but now they have McCarthy back and it looks like they are playing better. They are still eliminated from the playoffs. The Giants are actually in the same boat. They are eliminated but playing better. No one will watch this game. Not even Scotchy.

Bucs at Panthers

Here is the one game with major playoff implications. Both teams are tied atop the NFC South. Today’s outcome doesn’t provide final decisions, but it will give the winner a huge advantage. Remember these two teams play again in the last week of the season.

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ballsofsteelandfury
Balls somehow lost his bio and didn't realize it. He's now scrambling to write something clever and failing. He likes butts, boobs, most things that start with the letter B, and writing in the Second Person. Geelong, Toluca, Barcelona, and Steelers, in that order.
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Spur

Pickens!

rockingdog

Shoot I’m playing against DaAK in fantasy this week 😟

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

I love it when a long pass hits a really fast receiver perfectly in stride.

Redshirt

Good DOINK!

rockingdog

Found a funny:

ROOMMATE: hey what the hell happened to my corn
THE INVENTOR OF CREAMED CORN: pretty cool right

Spur

the vile mind that invented creamed corn needs to dug up and staked to ensure they stay dead.

Spur

FIGHT! FIGHT!

Spur

Don’t worry about me folks. Dallas my be disappointments but my beloved SA Spurs are looking legit. Castle is beast. They’re a fun team to watch.

WCS

Don’t worry about me folks…

We weren’t.

Redshirt

Insurmountable Lead in KC-TEN?

Last edited 2 months ago by Redshirt
WCS

2-0?

Doktor Zymm

And Minshew might be hurt

Last edited 2 months ago by Doktor Zymm
Spur

more useless zone from Eberflus. Double J needs to ask Michael Irvin to give Eberflus a “haircut”.

2Pack

That was a pretty bullshit penalty on Carolina. And it took long enough to compose it. That much debate = let the boys play.

King Hippo

Seriously, at this point I would NEVAR try putting pressure on the kicker. There’s no way it’s anything but net-negative.

WCS

I’m a little baked right now, so yinz get to deal with my random musings..

Am I wrong in that Hopper from Stranger Things is going to the 2020s version of Phil Dunphy (Ty something) was the 2010s.

Doktor Zymm

Jaxxon Dart wearing some serious bling

WCS

Insurmountable lead? Insurmountable lead.

also,

HAIL SHANK’LOR

rockingdog
rockingdog

Fantasy football question:
Should I start WR Diggs (vs suspect Ravens Def) or Brian Thomas Jr (vs good Denver Def) ?

Leaning Diggs…

BrettFavresColonoscopy

Follow your heart

rockingdog

🫡

scotchnaut

Digg Up!

2Pack

Couldn’t be just one guy, but a roomfull, like a clubhouse setting perhaps… this would be a concern.

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King Hippo

Good God, how loud this made me laugh

WCS

“He’s got all day back there,” is an overused commentator cliche…

but…

Allen really did have all day back there, though.

Redshirt

Oh, right. Our defense sucks ass.

Doktor Zymm

I didn’t realize Balls was on the Bengals D, but that makes a lot of sense

Redshirt

Uh, no. I’m pretty certain even Balls understand simple geometry and the experimental, top secret play of “HB Toss Off Tackle”.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Well he definitely understands the part about “tossing off”.

WCS

SHAD-D’OH!

Redshirt

Touchdown…Bengals….lead? Huh, haven’t seen that in a while.

Doktor Zymm

Lookit Mike Evans doing all good after playing a key role in sinking my fantasy team!

I think they’re trying to get him 1k yards this season despite the injury

WCS

BLEERGH drops an early deuce in the Pauls’ stocking.

Spur

Throw Eberflus out of that box

Doktor Zymm

-Overheard at an anonymous brothel

Redshirt

Joe Burrow is in full “F— it, doesn’t matter, I’m throwin’ it deep” mode.

Spur

I attend your meetings!
I follow your gameplan!
I trust your lineman!

Am NOT CRAZY!

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LoF_a0-7xVQ

Doktor Zymm

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We should update the badge!

WCS

Bills/Pauls will either slow down after this start and finish like 13-10; OR, we’re on the verge of a 44-37.

Redshirt

Pauls Defense seems amenable to the later.

rockingdog

The Dolphins are wearing the helmets with the dolphin wearing the little helmet!

That’s Rocking! 🐬 🏈

Doktor Zymm
WCS

This is actually what Hell is. Just this forever.

Doktor Zymm

The sounds makes it SO MUCH WORSE

WCS

What if that was the last thing you ever heard before either going deaf or just dying?

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

It also makes a lot of sense if you believe that dolphins are the ones who actually designed the human afterlife. As payback.

Spur

If a Fin player wears one of those big helmet hats? Does the Dolphin little helmet get the big helmet hat too?

this thing
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Redshirt

I think they should a slightly alternate logo version of the concussion slip covers.

2Pack

I’d like to see holograms get a shot.

King Hippo

Cowperson success that only hurts Draft positioning. Though I guess they don’t own the pick no MOAR? Still, it amuses.

Spur

Burrow is going to be great with Vikings. Smell you later Cincy!

Redshirt

I do look good in purple.

Gumbygirl

You would look banging in Black and Gold! So would Joe

Last edited 2 months ago by Gumbygirl
Redshirt

At this point, I think the whole fanbase will go with Burrow wherever he goes.

Doktor Zymm

The ones that are fully committed to masochism might stay

Redshirt

I think I’ve had my fill of masochism. I’m only human…

im-tired-boss-john-coffey-the-green-mile
Redshirt

Death, Taxes and Joe Burrow being sacked in front of a confused Offensive Tackle standing over him

Spur

I’m liking those Saints unis

rockingdog

Same. Yea they’re kinda Rocking!

Doktor Zymm

Manilla folder!

Gumbygirl

The Thrilla in Manila! Probably not so much Thrilla, Jest vs Aints. More like the Laffa in Jaffa, amirite?

BeefReeferLives

Taysom fumbling up his first touch for the Saints is just so perfect…

BeefReeferLives

& then the Jests being able to do fuck all with it is just

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Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

We’ll always have the Jets.

WCS

The Hashtag Pauls looked cromulent. That can’t last, right?

NotShogunButShogun

It was scary!

Spur

Dallas Staffer: “Here’s your booth Coach Eberflus”
Coach Eberflus: “Thanks, this will be a great view to call the game”
Coach Eberflus“What’s that ticking noise?”
Dallas Staffer: “Don’t worry about that countdown sound. Its just the air vent”
……………………

Dallas Staffer: “Ready sir”

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NotShogunButShogun

Buffalo/pauls to remind the citizens where it all went wrong or clips/boys

Gatoraids

the Dreary at the Erie

King Hippo

Buffalopauls won’t ya come out tonite….

Spur

Morning Folks.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

God, I love it so much. The Kansas City Chiefs are facing the prospect of their easiest win of the season AND IT DOESN’T EVEN FUCKING MATTER! HAHAHAHAHAHA!

Redshirt

Good. Embrase the madness. It makes things easier.

/no it doesn’t.

King Hippo

Washed my sheets and just finished making the bed. It’s nice to have sommet to look forward to.

Also, can’t believe Donks/Jaguras didn’t get flexed somewhere better than the 4:05 “local audience only” timeslot. This likely decides the muthafuckin’ 1 seed in the AFC!!!

Doktor Zymm

Took out the trash and running the dishwasher, the two most essential tasks before going out of town for a couple weeks

WCS

Friend of mine in school’s dad accidently left raw chicken in the microwave before they went on summer vacation for a week. This was in the 90s, and they didn’t have central air conditioning.

They had to spend two nights at a hotel when they returned because the smell was just impressively horrid.

Doktor Zymm

I assume they threw out the entire microwave

WCS

Throw out the entire kitchen.

Gumbygirl

Ewwwwwwwwwwww. My parents had a chest freezer in the garage, power went out while we were away. It was heaving with maggots. They threw the whole thing out. So fucking gross!

Gumbygirl

I’m going to do my big clean the day after Christmas. I’m not going up to Big Bear with the fam, the weather forecast is iffy, and I don’t want to leave my ancient cat alone. I am going to Vegas over the weekend, my SIL can come over and take care of Henry while I’m gone. My sister and nephew will be there. Two days of the nephew is all I can take, but I love my sister.

Dunstan

Seeing a lot of ads for Mr. Pibb lately. I’m sorry, but I insist that my weird-ass prune-flavored sodas have a doctorate.

King Hippo

I recall when my local convenience store started carrying “Pibb Xtra” in its fountain (where you could get like a 46-oz cup for 99 cents). \After the twins were born, I must have went there SOLELY FOAR THAT, like 5x a week for two or three years.

Man, do I miss having a metabolism.

NotShogunButShogun

Coke doesn’t have the Dr. anymore (owned by Keurig?!), so next man up

BugEyedBoo

Mr.Pibb > Dr. Pepper. Pibb Xtreme is a failure.

Gumbygirl

Counterpoint: they are all disgusting.

scotchnaut

Ha! I drove in whiteout conditions just yesterday.

WCS

You have some red stuff on your boots, just FYI.

yeah right

Au contraire.

I will be watching Vikings Giants.

We’re running out of games over here.

King Hippo

Tell a muthafucka to THROW TO JEFFERSON today, please.

Redshirt

😢

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NotShogunButShogun

This will totally jinx me but …
*whispers* I’m still in the ldb challenge.

Redshirt

(femur drums in the distance; ominous jingle bells ringing in the air)

NotShogunButShogun

Being a drummer adds a degree of difficulty

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

I usually survive since I’m an incorrigable recluse but this year I managed to get gotten.

Gumbygirl

Me too. Fucking Jimi Hendrix !

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

But enough about what Janis Joplin is doing in the afterlife…

Redshirt

Today is a meaningless game save for Draft Positioning; Joe Burrow is limping but starting and Tee Higgins is active one week after his second concussion in three weeks.

Will someone tell Zac his job is safe?!

Doktor Zymm

I guess he is grinding up Burrow and Tee for the meat in his verrah special Xmas skyline chilli

BugEyedBoo

What makes you think Skyline chili has meat in it?

Doktor Zymm

Who would have thunk at the beginning of the season that Bucs/Panthers would be the most important of these games? Nothing against Baker, but think I am pro-kitties on this one.

Bet the Bears are having brunch and taking care of their post-improbable win hangovers this morning. Cole Kmet is a lifelong Bears fan who has played on the team since 2020 and this was his first home win against the Packers. Very nice Xmas prezzie!

King Hippo

New song cover for all y’all Stones fans:

Ground hobo!
How do ya taste so goooood?
Ground hobo!
Just like a fresh catch shoooouuuuuld

Gumbygirl

Yeah! Yeah! Yeah! Whooooo!

Redshirt

What should I have for lunch: Pizza, Skyline Chili, Ice Cream, Beer or whatever I find in the fridge?

King Hippo

YES – Clubhouse, in unison

I am fasting for tomorrow’s physical (ie, the weigh in part, to minimize the shame)

Redshirt

That’s me after the New Years. My cousin has a wedding in September and I’m pushing my record in weight.

scotchnaut

Doc: “Hmmm…looks like you’ve lost a bunch of water.”

Hippo: [under breath] “How did he…?”

Redshirt

latest (900×633)

This is me tomorrow. Not Sunday, football is more important and cash is an acceptable gift.

Last edited 2 months ago by Redshirt
Redshirt

…that was supposed to be today’s Garfield comic, but I guess the Grinch game early this year.

Last edited 2 months ago by Redshirt
WCS

Was sitting around, waiting for the Stillers pregame to begin, thinking they’re running late…

Then I saw the game is a 16:30 kick.

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BeefReeferLives

Who else heard the lil “meow” upon seeing that gif?

WCS

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Dunstan

Greetings, all! I am still hanging in there in the LDB Challenge, which frankly is better than I expected. Going to be a quiet holiday season, just making Beef Wellington for two on the 25th, and having another couple over on NYE. I’ve been mostly ignoring the NFL, which seems like the right call for a Dolphins fan. Though really that could have been said for the last several decades.

BallsofLacrosseAndMapleSyrup

I’m still, somehow, in the LDB. Kids are home and being festive and we’ve been going out, so lotsa chances for elimination there. My family did change the song when the next one was to be LDB and I was about to enter that room. Maybe they do like me.

King Hippo

lookit Dunstan just casually announcing his NYE #FourOnTehFloor

Gumbygirl

Oooh, Beef Wellington! You are brave to attempt it. Make sure your duxelles are as dry as possible, to avoid the soggy pastry.

Dunstan

This will be the third time I’ve made it. First time I was lunatic enough to make my own puff pastry, which actually worked fine but was way too time-consuming.

WCS

That’s impressive. No sarcasm or joking; that shit’s a pain in like seven different asses.

Redshirt

To me, this is the new canon ending of Home Alone. Any objections?

‘SNL’: Ariana Grande channels Kevin McCallister for family reunion gone wrong

2Pack

Hey Balls… The… Best… Christmas ad goin… Tezenis knows marketing.

740full-tiah-eckhardt
Redshirt

V/O: “The Catholic Church. Pope Leo has made some changes.”

Senor Weaselo

Oh, fuck EVERYTHING.

Padre Weaselo is watching CBS Sunday Morning, their feature on Pentatonix just killed me in LDBC.

King Hippo

At least you have the J-E-S-T! to look forward to, amirite??

/goes into Witness Protection

Redshirt

(Witness Protection drops off King Hippo)

“Hi, Tzar Rhino! Welcome to Cincinnati! Here’s your Cheese Coney!”

Last edited 2 months ago by Redshirt
BugEyedBoo

Take two, they’re small.

BugEyedBoo

Sister-in-Law is in a game where Wham’s “Last Christmas” takes the place of LDB.

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