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Yet another Saturday Morning Hippo Substitute Open Thread

ballsofsteelandfury

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Somewhere in California….

The Hippo is taking care of some Hippo business today, so you get me. This is meant to get you going until the games start today. First off, can we talk about how hilarious this is?

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Hat tip to Redshirt for posting that. Not Zac Taylor is just chef’s kiss.

This morning, we have the Manchester Derby, which should be won handily by City if everything I read about the mess at United is accurate. The Robins Hood vs Arsenal match should be a fun one, too.

Over in Spain, Real Madrid (Don T spits on ground) look to avoid their third straight loss (suppresses laughter) at home against Levante. They are led by the coach of the Real Madrid JV squad, if you will, after Xabi Alonso was fired as head coach after losing the SuperCopa to Barcelona.

There are other games on, but the only one I care about is Wrexham vs Norwich City. That one is on Paramount +. The ones you care about are the Divisionals coming up later today.

Choose your own adventure in the comments until the first Divisional game begins. You may ask, why is this getting published in the middle of the night? Because the scheduler is borked and I want to sleep in.

 

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scotchnaut

Next thread is a go.

2
Senor Weaselo

I see that the Rangers are responding to the letter by telling Chris Drury to fuck himself and continuing to win road games and not even show up at home.

0
Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Jesus. Arsenal. It’s like having the #1 seed and the bye on the line and then losing to the fucking Browns.

6
WCS

In other words, every Stillers game in Cleveland this decade…

2
Horatio Cornblower

Watching Arsenal get next to nothing done with a chance to pick up 3 points on Man City…

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8
scotchnaut

There is a decided lack of women taking their shirts off and celebrating the 9 (and counting) goals the Canadian women’s hockey team has scored vs the Finns. If you want equality you’re going to have to pick up the pace, ladies!

2
Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

That should be given as a penalty just based on sheer stupidity.

2
Horatio Cornblower

Natural movement my ass. That was a handball, and a dumb as hell one, too.

3
bk109

Meanwhile, a stray heretical thought, since I have Queen blasting instead off the commenting team on telly …
…
Is it me .. or Queen don’t have a definitive album? As in – most great bands have *the* album, one that you point to when trying to get someone to give Iron Maiden or Del Leppard or Judas.. or hell, the proto-One Direction that is the Beatles has *the album* … but.. for Queen?
Greatest Hits 1 and 2…

Last edited 3 months ago by bk109
1
Horatio Cornblower

I don’t have an answer to that, never been a huge Queen fan, but I did see Almost Queen recently, a tribute band, and I heartily recommend not doing that if you have the chance.

4
bk109

Oh, I rarely go to concerts these days, let alone to tribute bands’. Hell, at this point I’m starting to wonder *what* what was the last concert I was to and I don’t think there’s anything I’d like to admit to while mostly sober 😀

Last edited 3 months ago by bk109
0
WCS

“Off”

1
bk109

*nods* Mea DERPa.

0
yeah right

A Night at the Opera is pretty much their go-to album.

2
bk109

You sure about that? It does have some bangers besides Rhapsody, sure. ie “39” or “You’re my best friend”.. but .. When was the last time you (of your own free will) listened to Good Company or Sweet Lady? Or The Prophet’s Song for that matter?

Hell, my own first choice if I’m getting someone to give Queen a try (and I can’t use Hits I & 2) is The Works, but even that one has …filler.

Last edited 3 months ago by bk109
0
Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

I was thinking the same thing. It’s what you think of, but it’s not really that great.

1
Horatio Cornblower

Will this be a mock draft topic this off-season?

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Last edited 3 months ago by Horatio Cornblower
0
Redshirt

Hat tip to Redshirt for posting that. 

n-HvML
3
Horatio Cornblower

As free kicks go, that was certainly one of them.

1
Horatio Cornblower

getting a bit tired of Nottingham Forest’s keeper.

2
Redshirt

Robin, Earl of Huntingdon, Sherwood Forest, GB

Last edited 3 months ago by Redshirt
3
Senor Weaselo

We would have also accepted Hereward the Wake.

1
Horatio Cornblower

Really should have been a red

https://twitter.com/Official_HUFC/status/2012506166799069410

Last edited 3 months ago by Horatio Cornblower
1
Redshirt

He would’ve but then his fans would’ve gotten butthurt.

1
Redshirt

(Seattle film room, watching the 49ers Wild Card Game)
Coach: “Okay, men. You see how the 49ers were able to fight through adversity and win the game. I need you do that. Do exactly like the San Francisco 49ers”

Darnold: (dies)

Coach: “Not that exactly, Sam!”

fin

Sam Darnold injury: Seahawks ‘don’t know’ if QB will be able to play vs. 49ers, per report – CBS Sports

Last edited 3 months ago by Redshirt
9
Horatio Cornblower

The announcers are making fun of Martinelli for missing the net on that shot, and they’re right to do so, but watching the replay if he put it on the net near post the keeper gets it, and far post one of the defenders would have cleared it. So he missed the net and avoided both.

What I’m saying is that Martinelli couldn’t score in a two-bit whorehouse with fifty cents.

3
bk109

Eh, just treat each game as a guaranteed loss.. That way only emotions can be positive ones and you can concentrate on drinking and resoldering caps 😀

3
DJ TAJ

I’ve decided that my fading old brain needs to be rewired so I am going to take a handful of (it’s not like it’s chemicals or acid) of mushrooms and let my spirit find a happier place to dwell. If I die then I’ll see you n the other side.

Wish me luck it’s been awhile since I’ve had an “adjustment” Start the Laurie Anderson and let all the demons wail in unison.

7
Don T

Anderson is intense
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2
BeefReeferLives

Have a fun serotonin reset!

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WTJffUJ4ews

2
Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

I had an acid trip in high school that was like that. I just felt so rejuvenated the next day, it was wonderful.

3
Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

The last time I took mushrooms was at the zoo in Amsterdam, where I threw up all over myself. Families were there with their kids and I felt like such a degenerate druggie. I was so ashamed I just went back to my hostel and laid in bed for the rest of the afternoon. But then that night I played drinking games with some Finnish girls and had sex with one of them, so I guess things worked out okay.

3
Gumbygirl

The last time I took them, Gumby and I were in a bar, all pissed off because we weren’t feeling anything, and we ate a bunch of them. Suddenly, the local loser who everybody sarcastically called the Wizard because he was so stupid and unmagical came in, wearing a powder blue tuxedo with a frilly shirt. Not far behind him was one extremely pissed off bridesmaid in a long blue gown, who took her stiletto off and started whaling on the Wizard with extreme prejudice. That’s the exact moment the shrooms kicked in. Gumby and I were laughing so hard we couldn’t breathe.

9
BeefReeferLives

Ugh. I’ve found that psychedelics and unfamiliar surroundings is generally not a good combo for me.

1
yeah right

Well fuck it. You can’t go without me.

Buy the ticket take the ride.

2
WCS

Managed to close the front door on me fingertip. It’s a nice shade of purple, swollen, but the bleeding has slowed down!

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8
Horatio Cornblower

I did that with the car door a few years ago. The relief when the fingernail finally fell off was awesome.

4
BeefReeferLives

Ooo. I hate it when that happens…

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Im1aXFYoedg

4
Horatio Cornblower

I loved those skits.

0
Don T

Crystal + Guest were incredible. Lowkey embarassment of genius, that SNL season.
Yes, even Rich Hall. ESPECIALLY Rich Hall. I had every Sniglet book as a kid.

0
Fronkenshteen

HAMMERS!!!!!

2
NotShogunButShogun

Maxwell’s?

1
LemonJello

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6
Mr. Ayo

So our very special QB hasn’t thrown a pass since Thursday? WTF

Niners by a million.

https://twitter.com/AdamSchefter/status/2012542292784009342

Last edited 3 months ago by Mr. Ayo
2
scotchnaut

I’ve read that it’s a pain management thing and as we all know, ‘special’ people aren’t capable of feeling anything.

4
NotShogunButShogun

So if they lose, the annoying little prick at work who’s a hox fan has an excuse? That’s just ducky.

1
Mr. Ayo

Hey! I don’t work with you.

8
NotShogunButShogun

No, it’s a local kid fresh out of high school. Somehow he’s a rabid fan. With the old-timey name of clem.
*smgdh in WASP*

1
Horatio Cornblower

A pot of paste and he’ll be fine.

3
BeefReeferLives

Ugh. I would SO like Sam to get over the hump and get the playoff gorilla off his back

…which means he is fucked.

2
Gumbygirl

Ruh-roh.

1
Horatio Cornblower

LET’S FUCKING GO, BURNLEY!!!

0
Horatio Cornblower

ManUre beats Man Shitty, 2-0! What an opening for Arsenal. I am rigid with anticipation to see how they fuck this up.

5
2Pack

Waiting for the Napoli game to start here in a bit. They could really use a win, to close up on the lead.

Balls is always sensational in relief here. He deserves this as we await Marika’s analysis…

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2
Doktor Zymm

Hehe, that’s great. I’ll see if I can get a pic from the taxi tonight

1
Fronkenshteen

We have history in this stadium, you know:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Y-kQmzr7KQk

0
Don T

Mike McCarthy interviews today for Titans HC. My dream McCarthy interview:

10 AM: scheduled start time

10:13 AM: McCarthy arrives at facility, munching on a hot chicken sandwich while leaving a trail of crumbs and discarded lettuce.

10:15 AM: “Yeah yeah, good to meet alla youse. Got any Tabasco? Hot my ass haha ha. No, really! Check out my ass [turns around]. I know you want a taste [beckons Amy Adams Strunk over, rips long, intermittent fart]”

9
NotShogunButShogun

I support this scenario, but it needs an ice cream sammich. The bluebunny variety. I knows what I know.

6
Horatio Cornblower

He has that melting in his pocket while he finishes the chicken sandwich.

1
Fronkenshteen

Richarlison and Kudus the Betrayer are both out injured for Spurs today. And ratbastard #1, Lucas Paqueta, is out for West Ham (which is good!). HOWEVAH, ratbastard #2, J.C. Todibo, is starting at center back (which is bad.) Nuno is starting this new Portuguese acquisition, Pablo, who was noticeably out of shape last week in our FA Cup match with QPR. By “noticeably” I mean the analyst working the game couldn’t stop making fun of him.
The pick: Spurs

Palace lost another key player in defender Marc Guehi to a blood-club this week, but have recently bolstered their offense by picking up Brennan Johnson. This Stadium of Light place seems a legitimate home-field advantage for Sunderland, although they start slower than a diesel station wagon there. Xhaka and defender Dan Ballard set a very physical tone the rest of the club feeds off. Palace has offensive quality in Pino, Mateta, and Johnson. Sunderland can counter off their bench with Adingra and Wilson Isidor.
The Pick: Sunderland

0
Fronkenshteen

Chelsea were lucky as hell to keep their mid-week Carabao Cup match vs Arsenal to a 2-3 final. Chelsea made mistake after mistake on defense which Arsenal failed to capitalize on. Could’ve easily ended 4 or 5-1. Brentford continue to get their talent pruned by the blood teams, but somehow keep chugging along. I’ll take them as my Upset of the Day to rally once again and surprise a fatigued Chelsea team in the second half. Brentford with the smash-and-grab?
The Pick: Brentford

0
Fronkenshteen

Well, every one of these is wrong so far, so I’ll just say I’m taking Liverpool and a draw in the Fulham/Leeds match and leave it there.

2
Horatio Cornblower

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4
Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Holy shit, the first dose of the shingles vaccine is supposed to be the mild one? I’m running a nasty fever, am sore all over, and barely slept last night. I’m fucked.

5
litre_cola

I have to do that this year, the big 5-0 is coming soon. I hear its real bad, but shingles are way worse.

1
Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Yeah, I’m definitely not taking my chances with shingles. I’m happy to be getting this over with but man does it suck so far.

2
Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

[whoops redacted]

Last edited 3 months ago by Rikki-Tikki-Deadly
0
Horatio Cornblower

Mrs. Horatio had shingles. Unless you’re turned on by the idea of burning nerve pain lasting several months, (and hey, I don’t judge), suck it up and get the shots.

Sorry RTD; I don’t remember the first shot being anything like that. Maybe they accidentally gave you the second shot first.

Last edited 3 months ago by Horatio Cornblower
4
Senor Weaselo

Shit, I was juuust before the chicken pox vaccine so I did get them.

When do I need to get the shingles vaccine?

1
Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Age 50.

1
ballsofsteelandfury

So glad I got mine out of the way. I’ll echo what everyone has said. The second one is worse.

2
Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

[groans in dread]

1
BeefReeferLives

Really? It was the opposite for me.

The first one laid me on my ass, but the second one had almost no effects, just an achy arm at the injection site.

but then, I am a rather abnormal weirdo…

1
Mr. Ayo

Shit. That’s way too soon.

0
litre_cola

Have to factory reset my “smart” TV. This is fucking brutal. I am about to throw this thing in the snow if I don’t get my mighty whitey in 27 minutes.

4
litre_cola

Oh, it’s updating is it. Just wait?

Fuck you just wait you dick. You will be waiting in the fucking snowbank in t minus 19 minutes.

3
Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Don’t you love how it can stream 60 frames per second of 4K ads without the slightest stutter but downloading an 20 kilobyte update file takes the better part of the morning.

4
litre_cola

Had to reinstall the futbol apps because the Amazon fire stick I was gifted decided to block them, jealousy I guess. So it decided to factory reset. I gave up and went to the basement pub and am chromecasting it from my phone to the old tv.

2
Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

I hate my fire stick. Our old roku stick is broken but I am seriously considering trying to fix it just so I don’t have to deal with all of Amazon’s stupid ads.

1
Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

btw frankenstein was the first one to hate the fire stick ppl forget that

9
Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Damnit that should have been an Andrew Luck joke.

0
Unsurprised

Prometheus didn’t even get a card for gifting us that first stick.

3
Senor Weaselo

He got a lifetime supply of eagle feed though!

0
Fronkenshteen

My lottery ticket 10:00 parlay is the following Anytime Goalscorers:

  • Chelsea v Brentford – Alejandro Garnacho (+210)
  • Tottenham v West Ham – Jarrod Bowen (+310)
  • Sunderland v Crystal Palace – Brennan Johnson (+469)
  • Leeds v Fulham – Brenden Aaronson (+416)
  • Liverpool v Burnley – Florian Wirtz (+195)

$2 gets me $2,200! Let’s do this!!

2
litre_cola

No faith in a clean sheet for Mighty Whitey. tsk, tsk.

In all honestly I can’t believe how well they have done with 3 starters at AFCON and 3 others injured. Just need that soft skulled Mexican to keep rolling.

1
Fronkenshteen

City getting their doors blown off 2-0. Pep waved the white flag a couple of minutes ago by taking Haaland off, unless that collision just before the half had more of an impact than he let on. Yep, there’s the third goal. Mount. City getting outplayed all over the field.

0
ballsofsteelandfury

That was certainly unexpected…

1
Fronkenshteen

Third goal was offside, so it finished 2-0. Is Michael Carrick the manager they need to turn it around? So far, so good.

1
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