Get up lazy heads!

We’ve got steak to make!

Happy Sunday all and welcome back.

Everyone set their clocks an hour forward last night yes? That’s why your ass is tired because you lost an hour of sleep, remember? I fucking love when we do this at this time of year STRICTLY because it means I get to drive home from work in the daylight.

Do you know just how many dumb motherfuckers forget how to drive when it’s dark outside? Pretty much ALL OF THEM. And every goddamn one of those nimrods all decide to drive on the same freeway as me right when I’m trying to get my ass home from work. Thank CHRIST I’ve got about 7 months or so now of a much easier commute home.

Fuck that, let’s talk about steak.

For you long time readers, seeing steak on Sunday Gravy should be somewhat familiar. Basically at some point during the 7 month long Gravy season I’m gonna want a steak and shit, and hell, I may as well write about it.

Let’s harken back a bit shall we?

Last year I used the flimsy concept (yet still a great idea!) of showcasing various compound butters in order to have a steak.

Before that I informed everyone of the beauty of using cast iron for steak preparation. Just like we’re doing today! I also made a red wine, mushroom pan sauce for the steak.

A few years before that I showed y’all how to grill a steak on a charcoal fire.

We’ve made Steak Diane.

We’ve done smothered steak.

And of course filet mignon with a gorgonzola cream sauce.

So what pretext will we be using this time because I really want a fuckin’ steak?

Look!

A new toy!

Say hello to “Meater!”

Quite possibly the stupidest name for a device/app ever. I realize that’s some broad motherfucking territory but really? Meater? Was “Heat Your Meat” taken?

The idea for this came from where all of the quality ideas ever come from, our comments section! I believe it was Mr AYO who mentioned it first, which led to subsequent research, which led to me buying the thing which leads us to right fucking here right now.

I’m sure you grasp the concept. Bluetooth driven app so you can synch the probe with your phone, set the details and shit and the phone tells you when the meat is ready. Cool right?

Actually the concept is cool as fuck but will the outcome be?

That was the original intent to our post here today but like many of my initial concepts, reality had a different goddamn say so.

Let’s see what she looks like.

I like the wood box effect just fine. For the record this little fucker will set you back about a hundred bones on Amazon.

It works via the “Meater” app.

Which, of COURSE, is a massive pain in the ass to sync with your phone.

First you’ve got to make sure to charge Mr. Meater for like 2 fuckin’ hours and shit before it will do ANYTHING. Then you download the app from your usual play store. THEN you have to be sure that your phone can find the new device, trickier than it sounds because it involves pressing that little red button on the wood case and making sure it flashes continuously THEN if the Gods are smiling and the wind is right it just may find your goddamn phone.

Oh yeah. Be prepared to do this each time you use the fucking probe.

Turns out it didn’t even really get used correctly today – we’ll get to that –  so throw that goddamn pretext for the steak right out the motherfucking window.

Aw fuck it. Let’s make a steak the old fashioned way.

Prep your baked potato.

Cuz we’re making steak.

My favorite method is the “Coat with olive oil and kosher salt, do not wrap in foil and bake directly on an oven rack in a 375 degree oven for just over an hour” technique. Perfect results, every time.

For our bourbon peppercorn steaksauce today you’re going to need a lot of freshly ground black pepper. May as well sit your ass down to grind this shit.

A shallot will be employed as well.

Sorry, a “minced” shallot, please.

And of course my lovely kitchen mistress, Betsy.

Ribeye will again be the preferred cut used, because of course it fucking is.

Yeah, the price is a fucking thing, May have to wait until this shit goes on sale. Beef prices are beyond stupid these days.

You are going to want to salt that baby. Aggressively would be a good descriptor. Both sides.

Let’s go ahead and show what happened when we decided to try the probe.

Well, that’s certainly a photo. Jesus Christ I almost need to apply an NSFW tag to that fucker.

First time I’ve seen a ribeye with a buttplug.

Into the heated skillet we go. 

Please look closely at that photo. See that little gouge in the middle of the steak? That’s me fucking up with the probe dealie.

I couldn’t even probe my own meat properly.

I removed the meat probe in shame and proceeded as if nobody would notice.

In truth I was cooking just for myself this day and I really couldn’t give a liquid shit about the probe. I know how to cook a steak on my own, thank you. We’ll get back to the probe another episode.

I was reading about a steak cooking technique where instead of letting it sit sizzling and undisturbed for 5-7 minutes before flipping, the steak is flipped every 60 seconds until done. Failing to see a single motherfucking difference I went ahead and gave this technique a try.

For Science!

Flip after a minute.

Yes, just one minute. 

After cooking and flipping for about 12 minutes I added in some fresh herbage. This would be in the form of fresh rosemary and thyme. A spring or two of each will do nicely.

You know what? Fuck it! Let’s add a tablespoon or so of butter to aid in the sauce preparation.

Steak looks ready. Remove from pan and let rest for about 8-10 minutes. Basically the time it will take to make the pan sauce should suffice for the resting period.

Time to make our pan sauce. In goes about a cup of beef stock, a teaspoon of dijon mustard, our previously minced shallot and some minced garlic, say 3-4 minced cloves.

Stir to combine and cook for about 2-3 minutes. Next we will add in a shot or two of some good quality bourbon. I used Woodford Reserve myself. But use what you have on hand.

Go ahead and increase the flame to high.

Do you happen to own one of them long grill lighters like I do?

Then get ready for an advanced technique. Caution required of course.

Flame that motherfucker!

Holy shit! Random flame flares! That’s cool as fuck.

Another angle.

Quite obviously you want to use extreme caution here. See how that sauce starts to bubble like a goddamn madman? You need to be prepared for that as well.

Needing to quickly extinguish the flame and continue with our sauce I kept a cup of our next ingredient right next to the stove.

Add a cup of heavy cream. Feel free to season with salt and pepper.

The cream instantly doused the flame. Stir and thicken to your desired consistency while the steak rests.

Let’s eat dammit!

Drizzle sauce on steak and serve that shit with our baked potato.

I dressed the shit out of that potato with butter, cheese and sour cream.

I don’t know if that’s “Better Homes And Gardens” quality of a food photo but I like the looks of that plate just fine.

Uncork a bottle of red and just leave the bottle on the table. You’ll need it.

Dip a hunk of that steak into a container of that sauce.

Devour. Growl. Repeat.

That ribcap on the steak was drool worthy. SO goddamn tender. This sauce is fantastic. Those background notes of the shallot and garlic sing harmony throughout the entire meal. Then you’ve got the black pepper playing some freeform jazz on your tongue, tasty baselines from the tangy dijon, followed up with some lead guitar jamming from the smoky bourbon.

That cream really ties the whole sauce together, does it not?

So?

Did it work?

Are you going to head straight to the grocery store and buy some motherfucking steak?

Then my work here today is finished.

Sunday March 8th “FUN” holidays include: National Retro Video Game Day,  National Peanut Cluster Day, International Women’s Collaboration Brew Day [yay beer!], Check Your Batteries Day, International Women’s Day [yay women!] and National Oregon Day.

Enjoy the extra hour of daylight everyone and may all of your commutes be friendly.

See you next week?

COOL!

Until then…