More about that in a bit.

I walked out of work this afternoon and was greeted with a temperature of 48C. (118 in Fair of Height) That t’was the ‘ambient’ temp around my pickup anyway. Blax in ‘Zona and all our fellas in Cali may snort but we get a bit surprised when you can stir-fry a beaver on the sidewalk. I’m much luckier than most in that I can do ‘inventory’ in the fridge/freezer any time things get too melty.

Walk Away:

Sorsby is not going to be suing the NFL because he has competent folks around him telling him, “You want to sue? That’s how you get Pariah Status. Do you want Pariah Status?”

Racism Thriving in Paraguay:

It’s interesting to know that overt racism isn’t just for folks in the southern US and Alberta. It’s also having a great time in South America! Some dumb clown in government made reference to Mbappe drinking from coconuts and a few other unimaginative forays into slurring. Fuck OFF, Nazi Lover!

The Shield’s Offseason?:

Not great, Bob! Murders, gambling and weird social media posts dominating-you guessed it-social media are ESPN’s headlines. I’ve the notion that Roger is waiting this out on the smaller yacht that is attached to Shahid Khan’s mega yacht.

[reaches for mic that is being dropped from the rafters]

“And Now For The Main Event!”

USA/BEL:

The latter has produced some remarkable ‘last ten minutes’ soccer to get to this point but has luck finally run out? They’ve been driving right to the edge of a loss and pulling back which just can’t last. The red, white and blue are at full strength thanks to pretty much the worst sort of intervention since my friends took away my flensing knife. Are they strong enough to overcome the stench of presidential support? Probably.

Give me your best.

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171 Comments
Gatoraids

number one belgian talents

Lou_Deprijck_Wikiportret
Doktor Zymm

It’s nawt just futbol, Belgium can make art with balls too!
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Redshirt

I’m curious how Trump is going to get this game overturned.

jjfozz

Whelp you can piss on the fire and call in the Kardashians, this one’s over

Redshirt

USA is just playing too tight. The Red Card BS turned a Must Win game into a Have To Win game.

Horatio Cornblower

I would argue that they need to tighten up, specifically their bowels, and stop collectively shitting all over the field.

Horatio Cornblower

After some 65 minutes of this game, I can say with some confidence that the US team’s main problem is that Belgium is considerably better.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

He’s fucking poison.

Doktor Zymm

Kicking Trump out of the stadium would be a start

litre_cola

Is he there?

Horatio Cornblower

Is he there?

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NotShogunButShogun

Like driving home?

rockingdog

Woof vibes are bad with da US team 😕

Doktor Zymm

The USMNT? Whatta buncha anTwerps

Doktor Zymm

Astoundingly, in the city of Antwerp they made a fountain commemorating this game YEARS ago

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Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

YOU FRICKIN’ IDIOTS!

Horatio Cornblower

What if ‘Ow My Balls’ but in a World Cup knockout game?

Horatio Cornblower

You gotta be kidding. What a clusterfuck.

BrettFavresColonoscopy

I think it’s all over but the waffle making

TheRevanchist

Fuck yeah!!!

Horatio Cornblower

Are you rooting for the Belgians because they have a similar color scheme to the Chiefs?

TheRevanchist

I root for Wales and Belgium traditionally. No Bale for Wales anymore so they were not good enough to complete. Belgium is my last stand.

jjfozz

US Coach rocking the Belichick look, except fancier.

Horatio Cornblower

Good no call, and also that has to hurt like hell.

Horatio Cornblower

I’m taking my hydration break a little early this half.

/pours beer

Horatio Cornblower

It’s stupid good.

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Horatio Cornblower

And apparently life-sized when imaged.

Doktor Zymm

Half time reporter: “Hey Belges, care to comment on the Balogun situation?”

Belges Team:
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Horatio Cornblower

From now on, whenever I have to excuse myself to take a dump, I’m going to say “be right back, I have to screen for colon cancer!”

TheRevanchist

*Rikki raising hand to help

Horatio Cornblower

If David Beckham was ever in a Home Depot before shooting this commercial I’ll eat these delicious Belgian waffles.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Not to accuse you of chicanery, but I don’t feel like you’re putting anything at risk here.

Horatio Cornblower

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rockingdog

The USA team seems kinda sus so far

Hope the 2nd half is Rocking! 🙏

TheRevanchist

It will be. Belgium has been a second half team. Lukaku!

rockingdog

At this rate they’re gonna get SteamRolled by Lukaku the tank when he gets subbed in

😬

Horatio Cornblower

AND DeBruyner.

herodotus450

After a couple weeks of watching this so called sport, I have some ideas on how to improve it. First, instead of a throw in, we put walls up aroudn the field and call it “Arena Futbol”

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Also the ball is a flat disk made out of solid rubber, and instead of grass it’s ice.

jjfozz

First change: every player must stop acting like a complete fucking sissy bitch when he makes contact with someone. No blood no fucking foul. And if you pull that shit, you get a lavender card, and a punch in the balls.

Honestly, this flopping is the only thing that keeps me from really loving this sport.

SonOfSpam

Bananencakes!

(That’s Dutch. 59% of Belgians speak Dutch.)

rockingdog

Watching US vs Belgium ⚽️

Hope this game is Rocking!!!!

jjfozz

Good Christ, can we start fucking up some of these guys?

Or are they still pissed about Operation Market Garden?

Doktor Zymm

We’re sitting on the ground at Dulles, probably cause of the SFO runway construction, but that means I can stream the game on my phone!

The US might need some of that English Viagra, they seem to have blown their tourney wad a bit early.

Edit:. I guess they took some during the hydration break!

Edit edit:. So did the Belges!

Last edited 1 day ago by Doktor Zymm
Redshirt

Ha!

Horatio Cornblower

SUDDEN THING THAT HAPPENED TO BRING US BACK TO WHERE WE WERE 60 SECONDS AGO!!!

jjfozz

I mean, holy shit. Mr Stupid Ass Ponytail Bunched Up Like a Douchebag got schooled.

Horatio Cornblower

Tim Ream is 38 years old and will play the whole game.

Which pretty much tells you all you need to know about the strength of the US defense.

Mr. Ayo

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Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Gonna need a version of that that goes in reverse.

Mr. Ayo

GOD DAMMIT IT!

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Horatio Cornblower

Hydration break, moar liek refractory period, amirite?

rockingdog

Hahaha

Horatio Cornblower

Does that count as an own goal?

Mr. Ayo

Don’t think so. Just a deflection doesn’t count if the original shot was on goal, right?

Horatio Cornblower

Not sure. I would think it shouldn’t, because what else is a guy in the wall supposed to do?

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Brand new game.

Don T

banger
1-1

Horatio Cornblower

Jozy Altidore is shown on the screen and of course he’s eating.

Horatio Cornblower

“Why isn’t the USMNT playing well?”

Because, dipshit announcer, they’re playing the team ranked 8th in the world, which is pissed, and they’re ranked 16th. In other words, Belgium is considerably better, and motivated.

Senor Weaselo

We would have also accepted “See: New York Knicks, Game 3.”

Except it’s single elimination.

Horatio Cornblower

There is the “Reverse Midas” thing Trump has going, true.

Redshirt

For additional examples of pissing off the Sports Gods and opposing teams and fanbases, please see The Burrowhead Incident of 2023.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

What’s the Flemish expression for “bulletin board material”?

NotShogunButShogun

materiaal voor prikborden

Don T

Hooray flensing knife shoutout!

BC Dick

Coconuts are racist? I don’t get that one. That seems like too much internet.
And you know what? Coconuts are just way too much work to be worth it. You don’t have to take an ax to an apple or a haskap berry.
Do you want to be eaten or not? Figure it out, coconuts.

Horatio Cornblower

Coconuts aren’t racists, Paraguayan senators are racist.

As opposed to Mitch McConnell, who as a US Senator may or may not be racist but is definitely dead.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

DON’T DO THAT TO ME!

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

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Redshirt

He’s dead, but if they wait a couple of days, they don’t have to have a special election and get Sen. Thomas Massie.

Horatio Cornblower

I initially dismissed that as conspiracy nonsense but the more I’ve read about how things would work the more I’m convinced that’s exactly what’s going on, especially with his loving wife having made herself scarce in China.

Horatio Cornblower

They’re gonna need to change the Seattle stadium name to Ypres with all these dead Belgians on the field.

Don T

Live look at Belgian goslkeeper
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Doktor Zymm

Nice hammock!

litre_cola

Needs a projector.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Jesus, Team Hypercolor really means business.

Horatio Cornblower

Belgium blowing the USMNT out after all this would be the funniest thing.

Redshirt

Low scoring, football score! 9-0.

SonOfSpam

It really would

Doktor Zymm

Postgame press conference: “The red card reversal really fired us up and rallied us to play at a higher level. Brussels sends its thanks to Trump!”

Redshirt

So, is it okay to root for Belgium now, because of Wimp Van Winkle here?

IMG_3851
SonOfSpam

Also would’ve accepted Rape Van Winkle

Redshirt

Darn it, it was right there!

herodotus450

You can, but you have to eat a spoonful of mayonaisse as induction ritual
/Belgians love Mayo

rockingdog

Found a funny:

Cristiano Ronaldo: what if a mall in Dubai was a person

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Missed layup by Belgium.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Yeah, they weren’t going to miss two of those in a row.

herodotus450

Refs: Miss a foul on the field.
oh well, thats how it goes
VAR: Reviews the foul, actually its a Red Kard and youre banned for 1.5 games.
Oh well, at least they got the call right
VAR R: Akshually, the VAR was wrong to review the call in that way, it should have been done in THIS way, the ban is revoked!
Hurray
Son of VAR: Actually, the Red Card stands and the ban is only postponed until next year, and we’re fining you 40k for fun.
Oh, well that’s… I guess?

This is why your sport sucks, soccer-heads! Imagine having to put up with such a corrupt and capricious justice system in your sprot of choice!

SonOfSpam

Kevin The Babybear is not starting for Team Waffle? Sacre bleu (or its Flemish equivalent)!

SonOfSpam

118 is stupid hot no matter where you are

(possible exceptions: Phoenix/Vegas)

Doktor Zymm

It’s still stupidly hot in those places, they’re just stupidly used to it. I have a theory that the heat increases the electrical resistance of the brain’s synapses, eventually resulting in a chronic slowness of thought

SonOfSpam




what?

litre_cola

Will Trump reach out to FIFA to get a loss overturned? What a crock of shit. Do I think Balogun deserved a straight red? No, but rules are fucking rules.

Doktor Zymm

At the very least it should still count as a yellow. Or maybe it does and I just haven’t seen it mentioned anywhere?

Mr. Ayo

No, they suspended the red card for a year. Same as they did for Ronaldo so he could play.

Doktor Zymm

Ah, so he’ll miss a game in next year’s World Cup, which doesn’t exist. Groovy.

litre_cola

That also is real fucking shady as well.

SonOfSpam

Yeah it sucks. But, sigh, go America I guess.

Redshirt

Not a red card but it didn’t need to become political.

litre_cola

Exactly!

Horatio Cornblower

The only thing wrong with this argument is that FIFA has never been beholden to any rules, least of all their own. No one should be at all surprised at this.

Last edited 1 day ago by Horatio Cornblower
Doktor Zymm

Last minute upgrade! Don’t think this plane has DirecTV though so will probably be watching this space for updates. Go USA, beat the Belges then go get crushed by the Spaniards!

Redshirt

Monday Night Football!

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