Remember that old SNL sketch “Fecal Matter with your host John Fecal”? No? Yeah I figured it was just me. It was a solid (heh) talk show format with a specialized host and topic. Well, we ain’t exactly doing Pod Flies Open around here, but what about in written form, maybe say like a mix between John Fecal, Jack Handey, Balls’ 25 questions, Rev’s take on Larry King, and I don’t know, my own fucked up mind? With that backdrop I present to you the twenty-sixth edition of a potentially sporadically recurring irregularly scheduled Random Thoughts with BFC! Now also (occasionally but not today) in open thread form! If you want to make this interactive, drop a note/question/bon mot in the comments ala my old Mouth Flies Open attempt at an advice column.
- Yesterday was election day in many parts of the US (but not in the federal district in which I live), and congratulations to the people of Ohio, Kentucky, and Virginia for protecting abortion rights/not just going along with the modern GOP position that women aren’t people.
- Speaking of women, what percentage of American women named Lexi live in Florida? 40%? 50%? More?
- In possibly the best football story of the year, Cam Newton shared that the pickle fucker Jimmy Clausen tried to charge him $1M for jersey #2 when he joined the Panthers, to which Cam said “kiss my ass.” Obviously it’s the only proper answer but good for Cam.
- Those aforementioned Panthers will take on the Bears tomorrow night with Justin Fields tbd on if he’s going to start. So yeah, go ahead and make plans for tomorrow night, that game is going to be a suck sandwich.
- Am I the only one who didn’t realize Josh Dobbs is a rocket scientist? The man has interned for NASA twice. Not saying that convinces me he’s going to be a Pro Bowler or even long term starter but it sure as hell makes me like him more (and wonder if that is going to be the new “did you know Ryan Fitzpatrick went to Harvard?).
- I have negative desire to talk/write about the Trump trial goings-on (Horatio and the DFO Lawyer Crew can share their hot takes) but I do have to say I’m enjoying that he’s wasting oxygen complaining about his courtroom sketch:
- I agree that it doesn’t look like him. Here’s a more accurate drawing:
- Now THAT’S a man who’s 6’3″, 230lbs.
- I don’t know why the Lorax is having a moment in terms of cosplay amongst young women, but I’ll speak for the dweebs that think these are the costumes that everyone needs.
- Have you ever seen someone miss an entire light cycle because they were so engrossed in their phone? I’m not talking about drivers, I’m talking about pedestrians. Though they’re both equally scary.
- Did Dr. Mrs. TikkiDeadly start writing for the Washington Post? Apparently that venerable publication has views on robot vacuums.
- Is everyone else getting bombarded with Black Friday ads for….now? Why? Doesn’t that make it a Veterans Day Sale? Way to disrespect the troops, retailers of America.
- This post marks my 40th of the year for DFO, well beyond my previous best of less than 40.
- Alright, off you go into the world today, here’s your fill in the blank: “The biggest surprise coming out of the DFO trip to Vegas this past weekend was: ________________.”
You wanna know how much DST fucks with me?
Today I was listening to an REM song and I experienced this thing, I think it’s called “feelings”?
Horrible.
You can go nightswimming an hour earlier!
It was “You Are the Everything.”
This one I hope
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tB54XUhA9_w&ab_channel=TheSoulJukebox
This isn’t the end of the world as we know it.
“Fozz, I know you fucking hate going to restaurants. And I know you hate fancy restaurants. So guess what? We’re going to a fancy French restaurant for your birthday!”
I might just fucking move to Wichita. Or join the traveling circus.
An Italian family in a fancy French restaurant?
“Yeah, we’ll have the beef bourguignon, with a side of marinara, and replace the haricots verts with some pasta over here. AAAY. O.”
“Sir, please don’t tuck the tablecloth into the neckline of your undershirt.”
That’s him in the corner.
It’s not going to be pretty. At all. If I brought in a La Big Mac, would that be ok?
Ay, I’m slurping the onions outta my cheesy soup ova heah!!!
My younger sister calls me today and says that “We need to talk to mom about finding a care facility for dad. It’s bad and it’s affecting everyone in the house.”
You’ll be glad to know that I didn’t yell, “I’ve been talking about this for a fucking year.”
No, I did not. I remained calm.
When I got off the phone I got a hammer and destroyed my office and then set my neighbor’s hedge on fire.
Jesus, Mary, Joseph the Carpenter.
I’m actually a little disappointed you didn’t say, “NO SHIT! YOU HAVEN’T BEEN LISTENING TO ME!”
I just started talking to my little sister after two weeks of good old fashioned Italian grudge match.
When this decision gets made, I’m going to be the one who has to tell my father.
Maybe I’ll get him drunk first. Maybe I’ll be drunk.
No no — Josh Dobbs hasn’t worked at NASA; he’s been studied by NASA….
Moon Man!
I didn’t go kill some guy for whatever reason in Afghanistan just so my friends and family back home could spend November 11 PAYING FULL PRICE.
“He was jaywalking! He had it coming!”
“That guy” was his 1st Lieutenant.
-the lack of flags borrowed
-the lack of arrests
The biggest surprise is that they all made it home safely, and nobody is playing the tambourine at the airport.
Not for money, anyway.
I have a question about the pictures that were posted, the ones where everyone’s face was distorted. Is that to protect the innocent or to give me screaming nightmares?
Yes.
It would be nice to see what my imaginary internet friends look like in real life.
I’ll start.
I’ve been keeping up on the Trump civil trial through Adam Klasfeld (@KlasfeldReports). Anyone who thinks the courts (all courts) are a joke, 45 is your patron saint. Trump’s testimony was open defiance and harassment. The kicker is that he can get away with it–and even prevail on appeal because of his lack of respect for the judicial process.
Most successful appeals hinge on the lower court applying wrongly a statute or misinterpreting applicable law. Proving, on appeal, that the judge or jury got the facts wrong requires establishing prejudice, partiality, or passion (“PPP”) against the losing party. So Trump is effecting legal strategy (not just “INJUSTICE!” talking points) when he said repeatedly on the stand “The judge always rules against me” and talking shit about the AG’s motive. It’s geared to get a rise out of the judge and then go cry PPP at the appellate court. Judge Engeron, seemingly, has not taken the bait–but there’s been nibbles fo sho. The judge is in an extremely delicate position, because he and his staff get routinely harassed by crazies because of this trial.
Trump is a very, VERY special kind of defendant. Being the Repub. front runner makes 45 the only defendant that can get away with such grandstanding, bullshit, and open hostility to judicial business. Any other defendant gets a scolding, a fine, or contempt by merely muttering “gimme a break” in open court after an adverse ruling.
Wishcasting bonus: Trump gets emboldened and forces his attorneys to sit him on the stand as well in the criminal trials.
I’m a little concerned with the judge granting summary judgment on liability in a fraud case. Putting aside that Trump is a degenerate asshole and has almost certainly acted fraudulently for most of his life, summary judgment is really hard to prevail on, trial courts generally try to avoid it, and appellate courts are going to give it a real hard look before letting it stand.
On the other hand, saying that your 11,000′ apartment is 30,000′ does seem pretty fraudulent.
“The biggest surprise coming out of the DFO trip to Vegas this past weekend was: ________________.”
I woke up Monday morning in a strange North Las Vegas motel room, and I looked over and goddam if Spam and Litre weren’t passed out next to me in the same bed, buck naked. I carefully extracted myself and quietly exited, and then I ran a full block before I even bothered to get dressed, which was fucked up because they weren’t my clothes, including two mismatched shoes, one a leather brogan and the other a clog. I had to run all the way back to The Strip like that.
Later the whole group met for breakfast at The Plaza and those guys acted completely like nothing had happened. Like nothing had happened!
WEIRD
Photos or it didn’t happen.
Oh. My. God. I don’t want to know. [ I want to know]
Please stop with the facial swirls. Christ are they disturbing.
I think one of them is Tom Brady
My folks taught me that mentioning mismatched shoes is bad manners. But yeah, it was intriguing AF.
Was wondering where my other clog went. You still owe me $25 for the blumpkin.
Should have realized that Chic Fil A strip clubs werent real. Especially on a Sunday! Brunch the next day was nice though.
Well it was Chick-Fill-A, that was your problem.
“The biggest surprise coming out of the DFO trip to Vegas this past weekend was: ________________.”
When Yeah Right asked the waitress if she had any Irish in her, and she said no, and he said “well you’re about to” and next thing I know he’s got her bent over the bar and everyone was shouting and throwing money at them and then the baby looked at me.
Happy 40th BFC, and well done Sir.
Sitting in the clinic waiting room while Wifey chats with her Doc, and on the radio comes AWB Pick Up the Pieces. I am right back in high school folks.
Pick up the pieces, uh huh.
Another surprise:
There’s a Night Ranger cover band?
That still has a job?
Hey, they can still rock in America.
The biggest surprise coming out of the DFO trip to Vegas this past weekend was:
1. the absence of any fauna and flora outdoors in Las Vegas. I’m still wrapping my head around EVERYTHING being concrete, metal, asphalt, wood, plastic, and lights. No birds, no trees, no mosquitoes (that one’s cool, fine).
2. everything was clean. Another cool one.
They cleared the trees on the strip for F1, but yeah there weren’t all that many to begin with.
https://thenevadaindependent.com/article/critics-balk-as-trees-cut-down-in-front-of-bellagio-to-make-way-for-f1-grandstands
Yeah, I went back to check my pics. There were some trees, some. Still, daym!
F1 needs those trees for an additional level of difficulty.
You should see the desert landscape just outside of town. It looks like the moon.
Yeah, that’s why they used the setting to fake the moon landing
(gets punched by Buzz Aldrin)
Just watch Capricorn One – all the clues are right there.
Soon it’ll be chrome, because everything is chrome in the future!
“The biggest surprise coming out of the DFO trip to Vegas this past weekend was: ________________.”
passersby were amazed by the unusually large amounts of blood.