“So, you can just pick any woman and inhabit her body?”

“Only for a few minutes at a time.”

Balls thought about it for a second and then started to panic.

“Wait!  You haven’t!”

“Dude, I’m not that sick!”

“Yeah you are!”

“Well, I’ll have you know.  I’m not.  Besides, Lady Balls is not and has never been a service worker, correct?”

“Correct.”

“Okay, she’s off limits then.”

“I didn’t realize there were so many rules.”

“Yeah, it kinda sucks.”

tWBS had quickly run down the situation.  He was in Limbo.  He had not gone to Heaven and he had not gone to Hell.  His situation was…. complicated.

“And what do you mean someone killed you?  From what we heard you died of medical issues.”

“I was thinking about suing the vodka companies.”

“You know there’s like only one now, right?  Every market in the US is so consolidated right now.”

“I don’t have much time left in this girl’s body.  Do you really want to waste it talking about economics?”

“I guess talking about how Bill Clinton killed the record business in 1996 is out of the question?”

“Maybe later.  For now, know that I need your help.   I’ll be in contact with you soon.  Later ‘bater!”

The girl looked up like she just awoke from a nap and suddenly realized her top buttons on her blouse were undone.  Embarrassed, she proceeded to button them up and walked back into the serving area.

Balls got up and walked out.  Instead of taking the 110 and the more direct route home, he decided to cross the Vincent Thomas Bridge and go up the 710. He rolled down the windows.  Maybe breathing in the exhaust from all the 18 wheelers would make the memory of what had just happened go away.

Balls was in relatively good health.  For his age for sure.  He worked out regularly.  He wasn’t on any medications.  Yeah, he didn’t really go to the dentist but who does?  He brushed daily and flossed… on occasion. Work wasn’t really very stressful. Could he really be going nuts?

When he got home, he told Lady Balls about what had happened.  Her reply surprised him, “I told you that idiot was bad news! I told you he was going to drag you into some weird shit one of these days!”

“Wait, so you don’t think I’m nuts because I think I spoke to a dead person inhabiting two women’s bodies?”

“Eh, shit happens.  You should hear the stories I heard from my Grandma. A lot of weird shit happens in this world.  You’ve got to be open to things.”

“That’s true.  If that were not the case, we wouldn’t be together.”

“Amen.  So, did the baboso tell you when he was going to contact you next?

“No.  Just like him to leave it open-ended too.”

“Okay, no problem.  Let’s go out to dinner tonight.  Maybe we’ll get a big-boobed waitress.”

“Can I just say something?”

“What?”

“You’re the best girlfriend in the world!”

“And don’t you forget it!”

***

The Chili’s was crowded but not to the point where there were no tables.   Lady Balls scanned the room.

She said, in a relatively loud voice, “No big titties at the sit-down tables.  Let’s go to the bar.”

“Yes baby.”

Balls grabbed her hand and led her into the bar area.  There were a few booths on the edges, some tables in the middle, and, of course, the bar itself.  The bartender was male and staring at Lady Balls.  There were two waitresses working the tables.  One had a particularly perky set.  The couple looked at each other and nodded.  They picked a table in her area and sat down.

“Be with you in just a second.  I’ll get the busboy to wipe the table.”

“Thanks!”

Lady Balls said, “What do you think?”

“It’s our best chance.  If he’s going to contact us, that’s the most likely candidate.”

“Okay.  Let me do the talking.”

“Go for it!”

Balls had no idea what Lady Balls was going to say to the waitress.  How do you ask someone if they are temporarily possessed by a perv friend of your boyfriend?

***

The ribs had been delicious.  Balls didn’t know what was more impressive:  the way Lady Balls ate those ribs or how she aggressively flirted with the waitress.  So far, however, tWBS had not made himself known.  They had to push the issue to see if he was in the waitress.

“Got any room for dessert?”

Lady Balls responded, “Absolutely!  What do you recommend?”

“Well, we have a new Peanut Butter Pie”

“I like pie…”

Balls was getting an awkward erection.

“But my personal favourite is the Skillet Chocolate Chip Cookie.  It’s drizzled with hot fudge and topped with vanilla ice cream. It gets all kinds of gooey and delicious.  If you’re not careful, it gets all over the place!”

“Oh, I don’t mind getting gooey.  We’ll have one of those.”  Lady Balls flashed her a smile and the waitress smiled back.

“Well, I don’t know if the baboso is in there, but I think this waitress is ready to go home with us.”

“Baby, can we focus?  Wait, are you serious?”

“Oh, she totally wants to bang us.”

“You don’t think she is just doing that for a good tip?”

“Oh, she wants the tip alright.  And the shaft and the balls.”

“Baby!”

“She ain’t gonna get it, but she can want it all night long.  Your ass is MINE and I don’t share.”

“Yes, baby.”

“I’m going to the bathroom to freshen up and get the girls a little more exposed.  If that doesn’t draw him out, nothing will.”

“Okay baby.  Good call.”

Lady Balls walked away towards the bathroom.  As soon as she left the bar area, the waitress returned.

“Dude!  I didn’t realize Lady Balls was so horny!  Good for you!”

“Wait, NOW is when you decide to show up?!?  And how long have you been in the waitress?”

“I just got here.  But I’d been observing and, well, I figured this was the only time I had to get you alone.  Wouldn’t it freak her out?”

“Dude, she already knows!  This was her idea!”

“Oh, so like usual, she’s the brains of the operation?”

“One:  Fuck You.  Two:  Yes.  And the tits and the ass.”

Lady Balls walked back from the restroom and took her seat.

“Guess who finally decided to show up?  tWBS, meet Lady Balls,  Baby, meet the baboso!”

“Hey!”

“Shut up!”, Lady Balls and Balls said in unison.

“About time you showed up!  Now, what bullshit are you dragging my boyfriend into?”

“It’s not bullshit!  I’m really in Limbo and I can’t get out.  I need your help.  Both of you now, I suppose.”

“And how are we supposed to do that?  What was the thing about you being killed?

“Oh, that was just to get your attention.  Turns out drinking freezer vodka like it’s water is not such a good idea.”

“Duh.  So, what do you need us for?”

“Apparently, I pissed off Saint Peter at the pearly gates.”

Balls and Lady Balls nod.

“aaaand he told me that while I did a great many good things in this world, I was also a bit of a dick and I needed to atone for that.”

“Oh, you’re fucked.  You’re still a dick!  You haven’t changed!”

“Okay, see, I think I’ve found a loophole.”

“Of course.”

“Shut up.  I think I just need to do one more major good deed and I’ll be set.  The only catch is that it has to benefit a LOT of people without hurting ANYONE.”

Balls said, “That’s not that hard.”

Lady Balls, on the other hand, sat back and exclaimed, “Oh, you’re fucked!”

“Right?!?”

Balls was confused, “Wait, why?”

Lady Balls replied, “Well, think about it.  It’s a Ying and Yang thing.  For every action there is an equal and opposite reaction.  Nothing is 100% good and nothing is 100% evil.  He must find ONE thing that will help people that won’t hurt anyone.  Even when they test drugs that save lives, someone usually gets bad side effects and suffers.  It’s inevitable.”

Balls thought about it for a second, “Oh yeah.  Yeah, you’re fucked.”

“Thanks a lot, assholes!  Serves me right for coming to you for help!”

“Relax. We’ll figure something out.  Lady Balls has brains as well as boobs and booty.  If anyone can figure it out, it’s her.”

“Thank you, baby.  Okay, now you, baboso, exit this waitress so we can get the fuck out of here.  And take the dessert off the bill.  I don’t feel like getting gooey anymore.”

“It’s too bad. This waitress totally wanted to bang you two.  Later ‘baters!”

“Christ, your friend really is an asshole.”