HAHAHAHAHAHAHA suck it Cuomo. The real swaggy (presumptive heavy favorite for) mayor is a-comin’.
(Truly a disgusting scene. I mean, no shirt under his apron? That’s a clear health code violation!)
Also fun from last night’s show: It was some sort of kid-related company, so the singers before the finale were just throwing stuff into the audience. Which is the kind of thing I absolutely daydream about if I’m not paying attention in an orchestra rehearsal. Volunteering to help Senorita Weaselo out a few weeks ago because the place she works had their annual Carnegie Hall concert? Also means it’s time for me imagining throwing or hitting absolute moonshots into the balconies. So I joked to one of the singers that that specific thing is living one of my dreams. So he put his hat on me and I wore it for the whole finale. There’d be a picture, if I had the energy to photoshop my entire face out. But more work awaits anyway. It never ends (until 2 weeks or so, then there’s a bit of a break).
News? Uh… it’s late June in the NFL. If there were news it would be all fluff. Other than my condolences to whoever’s the Palace fan here, since Woody Johnson bought stake in the team.
So… uh, games? The NBA and NHL seasons are over, so under most circumstances it would be baseball and just baseball. Which, I mean, is fine for me. But not you all! We crave more!
Mundialito (now with the same amount of corruption!)
(Group F played this afternoon, so here’s Group E tonight)
Urawa Red Diamonds (JPN) vs. Monterrey (MEX) (at the Rose Bowl) (9:00, DAZN)
Inter Milan (ITA) vs. River Plate (ARG) (at the 12s Bowl) (9:00, TNT)
(Winner of Inter/River Plate wins the group. If they draw, Montrerrey could win the group if they win by at least 3 goals, possibly 2 but I have no idea what the tiebreakers are, which would knock out Inter. If INT/RIV has a result, Monterrey would advance as E2 with a win. Urawa is out regardless.)
Gold Cup (same corruption as ever): Quarterfinals this weekend
And remember, as much shit as Auckland City got, they weren’t the worst because they drew Boca Juniors, so that puts Al Ain on the hot seat because right now the worst team to play all three games was… Seattle! (0 points, -5; Al Ain is -11 in 2 games)
Jesse Watters is a deeply closeted, very gay man. He’s also a masochist, which is why he still voluntarily works at FOX.
He’s his generation’s iteration of Roy Cohn.
Norm Macdonald was a deeply closeted gay man:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3CYE6H3uDFo
Yeah, but, Norm Macdonald was fun and entertaining. Why didn’t Watters get cancer instead?
I could choose a thousand people who should have before Norm. God wanted a good roast, though, so here we are.
I can picture Norm at the dais, rambling for a bit, as the crowd of angels, saints, and Mormons chuckle uncomfortably then go silent.
Norm stand there a few seconds, “…and He said, ‘What do you want, I’m God, not a moth,” as the crowd erupts.
I would run over a crosswalk full of schoolchildren just to hit Waters hard enough to break both his legs, and I’d sleep like a baby all the way through my upcoming trial for vehicular manslaughter.
That Monterrey game was awesome!
Couple of bangers, for sure. Were you there too?
Nah. Watched it in the comfort of my own house with A/C and free DAZN.
Brooklyn just drafted a guy from Israel.
Is this a response to the election yesterday?
Would you say he was Brooklyn’s…Chosen?
/whips off sunglasses
YEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
Boston just drafted a Spaniard. UConn Nation weeps.
And one pick later, pale Irish UConn guy heads to Phoenix.
He will spontaneously combust.
Like if Stephen Miller walked into a church!
*slithered
**oozed in between the doorframe
Oh wait, he’s going to Charlotte. Ok, I’ve invested too much into this and will now bail.
A Jew will never survive in Brooklyn.
Horatio, you should be proud. I have on a Whalers Tshirt. The only mark is the logo in the corner. Sharkbait 2.0 saw it and excitedly pointed at it and went “Whale! Whale shirt”
Just added her to the will.
(it’s a Fudgie the Whale shirt)
(there’s not that much to the estate)
(what else would you need?)
(assuming the Fudgie the Whale shirt can be exchanged for a Fudgie the Whale cake)
Wish.com version of John Hinkley
Boy I hate it when what is supposed to be a simple brainless titty flick in this time slot, turns into some French black and white thing where they colorize the lemons.
This is a wonderful comment.
It really is!
UConn Twitter in a rage that Liam McNeely hasn’t been drafted yet and the thing about that is…he really wasn’t that good. 2nd round is very realistic for him. Really should have stayed another year, but none of these kids seem all that attuned to reality.
Dunno how many (assuming) white Irish guys are first rounders.
I see you’re not familiar with a team called ‘The Boston Celtics’
WHAT THE FAHCKIN’ FAHCK!?!? A GUY NAMED LIAM FAHCKIN MCNEELEY IS SITTIN’ RIGHT FAHCKIN’ THEAH AND YOUSE GUYS DRAFT A FAHCKIN’ SPANYAHD!?!? LARRY BIRD DID NOT FAHCKIN’ DIE FOAH THIS!!!!
About to get me white butt kicked again. Everybody have fun, and stay safe.
Also, the air is so thick with humidity outside, if you were to wave a knife or blade in the air, you’d draw blood. Thicker than a Clots’ fans arteries, it is!
Well that was kinda neat.
https://streamin.me/v/d358d0f5
https://www.reddit.com/r/soccer/comments/1lknjth/urawa_reds_0_1_monterrey_nelson_deossa_31/
Ur.. Ura.. Ura.. umm. Ur not going to be playing here anymore!
Their cheering section was awesome, I wish they would have scored just to see the reaction.
Surprised Matt Ishbia didnt take a scrappy 6th man from Michigan State at No. 10.
I think Ríver should incorporate their elbow game into Inter. Anywhere from face on down.
I went to my first Cubs game this past weekend. They lost, but the game was still fun. One guy in our group suggested we go to the White Sox game the next day. We politely declined. That dumpster fire wasnt worth the $17 tickets.
It’s a decent stadium, and they have vendors that walk around with a giant backpack tank of margaritas
THATS the sell he should have given us. We opted for pizza and cheaper beer at Peaquods. That seemed like a better move.
Not a bad plan by any means!
“They lost, but the game was still fun.”
The quintessential Cubs/Wrigley experience.
Now that you mention it, I’m not sure I’ve ever been to a game where they won. Maybe once?
“I don’t remember them ever winning a game I attended, either. Of course, I don’t remember them losing one. It’s a little fuzzy.” — Harry Carey
One of my favorite drunk Harry Caray moments. We were watching a game once, it was a snoozefest, and Harry made up a song about the Cubs catcher. To the tune of the Davy Crockett song, it went ” Jody, Joooody Davis, catcher without no fear.” Gumby and I damn near peed our pants laughing, it was so out there, yet perfect.
The Dodgers once lost four (or maybe even five) consecutive games we attended. Given their winning percentage at home I calculated it as having like a 2% chance of happening.
My wife and eye spent a weekend in Cincinnati, and saw the three weekend games. They had a good team that year, but got swept by Philly.
Being a completely neutral fan at a sporting event is always entertaining. I did pretty much the same thing with my ex-wife in DC. Nationals Park was impressively cool, unlike the temperature that day.
I also don’t really have any excuses not to see Comerica and whatever the Cleveland team calls themselves and plays in these days.
Gonna force all the kids to go ballpark hopping at some point.
That’s an idea.
For $27 the White Sox will let you play the position of your choice for 2 innings.
I’ll go as high as $20, and I get 3 innings.
Position: Reverse cowboy
Do you get to pick the bottom or do they?
It’s only $20, I’m up for whatever. As long as the crowd is respectful.
Our buddy ended up going solo. We kept texting him that he needed to start warming up in the bullpen
$17 for White Sox tickets is obscene. You could get tickets for Angels-Red Sox for like half of that.
Evening. Totally normal that we live in a world where most coverage of the NYC mayoral race is about a people driven movement and message but a lot of it is how the end is nigh because communism or something.
With both Cuomo and Adams running as independents the race is gonna be such a clusterfuck. I hope everyone has some popcorn ready for watching the Democratic party devour itself in an orgy of senility
The Democrats really epitomize the Sideshow Bob stepping on rakes scene don’t they?
Who are the Pubes running, that Guardian Angel guy?
Tough day, this one. I kicked a chair out of anger at work today.
Was working from home. The chairs at the office ain’t mine 👉🏼🤓
Loved this post! Man I hope Mamdani wins.
“Domo Arigato, Mr. Nosferatu!”
Egor Demin is the pseudonym of an actor in an Ed Woods’ Jr movie and you can’t tell me different!
Should be a good one tonight in The FIFA money grab world cup tonight! All it needs to get spicy is a goal by Monte Ray in the other match vs U R A Red Diamond.
What about THREE goals?
The NFL sent me a credit card offer today. I guess they thought they weren’t ripping me off enough with just NFL+
They will come for your kidneys next.
Hah, joke’s on them! My kidneys suck!
Yup. If they want mine, they need to be prepared to be up peeing all night.
“I’m tired, irritable, and just need 5 minutes of relaxing. Okay?”
“Dad, can you take me to the batting cage?”
I’m calling my ether guy, need to take a “mind vacation.”
I’d be calling my drywall guy.
The 2nd white guy from Duke that got drafted has a last name pronounced “Kuh-nipple” and the last time I’ve heard “nipple” mentioned this much on TV was when Janet Jackson was the Super Bowl MVP if I remember correctly
Sounds like he makes nip slips way less fun
Stephen A with some world-class crotch spread tonight.
DeGrom has a no-hitter going in the 7th at Baltimore.
And the Angels swept the SAWX and have reached .500
Degrom in Spanish means “The Grom”.
The Grom’s no-hitter is no-more.
In Latin it means “Out of the Grom”
Wouldn’t that be “Legrom”?
Degrom would be “of grom”, i think.
Your Spanish worse than litre’s 🤣
OF Grom
Blue Cross
¿Okei? 😅
I’ll let him know to blame you directly for that hit.
/went out for a second swim today because temperatures
I was way out there when a pontoon boat with two dads with a kid trawled very slowly by, between myself and the shore
One Dad: “Everything good?”
Me: “Everything’s good.”
Kid: (about 8 years old, I’m guessing) “Aren’t you afraid of the snapping turtles?”
Me: “Not really.”
Kid: “We just caught one 10 minutes ago.”
Me: “Well, I guess I’m afraid now.”
Also Me: [waits for laughter]*
*nobody laughed-they were genuinely concerned for me and playing it cool, I think
[gales of giggles would have been the proper punchline to this exchange but that ain’t what happened]
Dallas fans have to go from “LUUUUUUUUUUUKA” to “COOOOOOOOOOPER” but at least they’re both white
OK, the Sun has started to set and my yard’s completly shaded. The temperature is down to 90 and it only feels like 98, so it’s time to go mow down the grass that has exploded over the last three days of bright sunshine after a couple of days of rain.
Who here has a combine I can borrow?
Picture of Horatio:
“yub-yub!”
-Lowratio, getting into character for later tonight
“Tonight. You.”
Send in the cows
Duke has three players projected to go in the Top-10 of tonight’s NBA draft, and that’s why they won last year’s NCAA Men’s Tournament Championship so easi…
Oh. Oh dear.