DFO Request Line: Do Your Worst

I was in the car the other day and the 1990 pop classic “Hold On” by Wilson Phillips came on the radio. As I was nostalgically transported back to a more innocent time in my life, I became aware that this is probably the worst, most god-awful song of all time. Which made me wonder why I had called the station 10 minutes earlier, requesting it.

This experience prompted me to reach out to an imaginary internet community and take requests for the worst song ever. The following conversation definitely took place, word for word:

[avatar user=”trollsoharduniversity” size=”thumbnail” align=”left” /] Troll-So-Hard-University: I hate “The Boys Are Back In Town” by Thin Lizzy, but my musical opinions are of no value whatsoever because I claim not to like Yes.

[avatar user=”johnzdennis” size=”thumbnail” align=”left” /] Rikki-Tikki-Deadly: This is not a mock draft, this is a REQUEST LINE. It’s DIFFERENT!

[avatar user=”sunrisesunrise” size=”thumbnail” align=”left” /] Sunrisesunrise: I dislike any song that Monty has parodied, and I hope that some part of him dies inside as a result of my comments.

Mmmmmm Mmmmmm Mmmmmm Mmmmmm

American Pie

[avatar user=”fmwarner” size=”thumbnail” align=”left” /] Why Eagles Why: I also hate American Pie, but here in Australia we call it Dingaroo Dongy Doo.

TSHU: I hate We Built This City, by Starship. Did I mention I hate Yes, which is a wrong opinion?

[avatar user=”Doktor Zymm” size=”thumbnail” align=”left” /] Doktor Zymm: Taylor Swift has a new song about an ex-boyfriend that is somehow more the worst song ever than any of her previous songs about an ex-boyfriend.

RTD: “Fly Away” by Lenny Kravitz has terrible lyrics. Lenny Kravitz is pretty. THIS IS NOT A MOCK DRAFT.

[avatar user=”cuntler” size=”thumbnail” align=”left” /] Cuntler: I do not participate in this discussion, in protest of #BFIB.

[avatar user=”joeseppe” size=”thumbnail” align=”left” /] Sep: X Ambassadors sold out, man. It used to be about the MUSIC, man.

[avatar user=”thepiratesloth” size=”thumbnail” align=”left” /] ThePirateSloth: I am unable to follow simple instructions like picking ONE song that is the worst song ever, so I have selected two entire bands, Green Day and 311.

[avatar user=”WCS” size=”thumbnail” align=”left” /] William Charles Schneider: I can go one better than ThePirateSloth and pick the entire genre of Bro Country, AGAIN INSTEAD OF PICKING JUST ONE FUCKING SONG.

[avatar user=”blaxabbath” size=”thumbnail” align=”left” /] Blaxabbath: Is there a song with the lyrics “still prayin’ to a god I don’t believe in”? If so, I hate it.

RTD: You’re doing this all wrong. I am oddly sexually attracted to Lenny Kravitz.

WCS: Oh, just one song? Okay, despite claiming to really like Pearl Jam, I vehemently disparage the song Black. My ideas are confusing to others.

[avatar user=”King Hippo” size=”thumbnail” align=”left” /] King Hippo: “Hollaback Girl” or however the fuck you spells it is by far the worst thing I’ve ever heard. If repeated enough, I’d kill infants to make it stop.

[Ed. note: this comment really IS word for word.]

[avatar user=”laserguru” size=”thumbnail” align=”left” /] yeah right: I have a couple of large rooms at work. I work in the main front production area and most of my employees work in the back area. They listen to some old school and today’s R&B on the radio and it keeps them productive so I don’t care. It’s not my thing but they’re happy. Anyway a year or two ago this screeching, out of tune, just shit-be-goddamn-awful song kept playing every few hours. It got to the point where I would actually go outside when I heard it come on. Finally, since I am the boss I had to find out. “What the fuck is that ear melting screech that I keep hearing every few hours?”

“Oh that’s Rihanna’s new song “Diamonds”. Jesus Christ. There is nothing I find more awful and unforgiving than domestic violence. Chris Brown is a scumbag but maybe she just started singing this song to him?

[avatar user=”Titans4Eva” size=”thumbnail” align=”left” /] Letter T on Fire: Hotel Fuckin’ California

Hotel Fuckin’ California, indeed, Letter T. I’m happy to take more requests in the comments… remember, the song has to be THE WORST. And then we can all feel bad about ourselves for the songs that other people request that make us say to ourselves, “Gee, I always kind of liked that song.”

[avatar user=”New School Zero” size=”thumbnail” align=”left” /] New School Zero: Wait, you think you’ve requested the worst song ever? You sorry saps have no idea what future musical horrors await you, when Peter King & The Florios reach the top of the charts.