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Your ‘Til Tuesday Evening Open Thread

Beerguyrob

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NFL Nuggets:

  • The window is starting to close for the Eagles now that they are talking a long-term extension for Carson Wentz.
    • Much like how Russell Wilson’s pay raise ended things for the Seahawks, this only gives the Eagles a couple more years before they have to start shedding salary.
  • Derek Carr is safe for 2019: the Raiders have signed Landry Jones to compete alongside Mike Glennon and Nathan Peterman as potential backups.
    • The Raiders are still expected to draft a QB this April.

  • RGIII is being sued by his former agent for failure to pay the agent’s required percentage of endorsement deals.
    • The agent believes he is owed $650,000 in lost income, plus damages & court costs.

Site News:

An auspicious event occurred last week.

On March 21st, [DFO] published its 5000th post.

Aww, c’mon – how about a little enthusiasm? Like your wife just spat out her ninth kid.

That’s better.

And what was this milestone to the evolution of the human condition? Why, Blax’s description of the first meeting of the new Denver offensive mindset – “Fine Dining“. It’s proof that our commitment to high-class dick-jokery and parody has legs. Thanks to all the commentists & lurkers that keep us striving to continue providing quality content, plus whatever it is that I do.

Tonight’s sports:

  • NHL:
    • Hurricanes at Capitals – 7:00PM | NBCSN
      • worth it for the celebration if the Hurricanes win.  
      • not worth it because they should still be the Hartford Whalers.
    • all Canadian games are regional broadcasts only
  • NBA:
    • Bulls at Raptors – 7:30PM | TSN
    • Rockets at Bucks – 8:00PM | TNT
    • Wizards at Lakers – 10:30PM | TNT / TSN
  • NCAA:
    • NIT Basketball Tournament:
      • Quarterfinal: Wichita State vs. Indiana – 7:00PM | ESPN
      • Quarterfinal: Creighton at TCU – 9:00PM | ESPN
  • Futbol:
    • International Friendly Soccer:
      • U.S. vs. Chile – 7:55PM | ESPN2
  • WWE:
    • Smackdown Live – 8:00PM | USA / Sportsnet360

I DON’T WANNA GO BACK TO SCHOOL!

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Brick Meathook

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1
theeWeeBabySeamus

Dogz R Stoopid.
– Cats

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BrettFavresColonoscopy

Greetings from Bellevue, WA

1
Mr. Ayo

Do I need to lock my doors extra tight tonite?

0
BrettFavresColonoscopy

Only if that’s a euphemism

1
Mr. Ayo

[Mouth Flies Open]

/double checks alarms

1
theeWeeBabySeamus

OK, show of hands…. how many of us believes he’s in Bellevue, but NOT Bellevue, WASHINGTON?
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Bellevue_Hospital

2
Unsurprised

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theeWeeBabySeamus

Must be a really good book.

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Unsurprised

Hysterical

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blaxabbath

oh good, a post I wrote that got five comments. that’s the one I want to be remembered for.

3
theeWeeBabySeamus

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SonOfSpam

Shit, that’s a lot for you! Huzzah!!!

2
blaxabbath

Truth hurts.

1
SonOfSpam

Eh, so do nipple clamps, but we all tolerate them for the orgasm.

4
Brick Meathook

They should bring back the “like” button for articles. I read lots of posts here that I like but don’t comment on, because I have nothing to add. I don’t feel like writing “good job!” all the time. I read your post and I liked it a lot; the words were spelled correctly and the margins were very neat. Good job!

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SonOfSpam

Plus I get a raging semi when I read his columns, but there’s no place for a +1/2

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BrettFavresColonoscopy

Good job!

3
Brick Meathook

I read your advice column too. The way you indent text is practically Shakespearian; Good job! I’d write in with a problem if I had one, which I don’t. You have a problem.

2
Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

When my posts get few comments I tell myself it’s because it was so good there was nothing left to say.

3
theeWeeBabySeamus

So in addition to all the other family stuff I had to deal with today, I got an email from the girl formerly known as tWLS letting me know I owed her $520 for the Baltimore Orioles tickets we bought together a coupla months ago. That kinda stung, all things considered. But the check is written and will go out tomorrow. The tickets haven’t arrived yet but I’m assured they will be here soon. It’s always fun when a relationship you thought was the one, is reduced to financial transactions for baseball tickets.

Anywhooo…..

Anybody want to watch the Orioles/Red Sox in June? Turns out I’ll be in California during those games. They’re really good seats.

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Senor Weaselo

$520 for two tickets at Camden Yards? Are you sitting in the dugout with—I would’ve said Buck, but who is the new manager?

1
theeWeeBabySeamus

No, there’s multiple series for the price. I’ll just be on the left coast for the Boston series as circumstances turned out.

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theeWeeBabySeamus

Yanks are May20-May23 btw if you wanna drive down?
I’ll put out for the hotel and other incidentals if you can swing it.

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Senor Weaselo

Working the 22nd. And first things first I have to take Senorita Weaselo to the Bronx.

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theeWeeBabySeamus

Understood.

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theeWeeBabySeamus

Oh, and the new manager is Brandon Hyde.
I’m sure that will work out swimmingly.

1
nomonkeyfun

I have to take Senorita Weaselo to the Bronx.

Is that a new euphemism for anal?

1
WCS

Why are two East Coast teams playing on the Left Coast?

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theeWeeBabySeamus

They’re not. That’s I why can’t use those tickets. They’re playing in Baltimore, I’ll be in LA.

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WCS

That makes more sense.

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ballsofsteelandfury

You should have told her to go fuck herself.

4
SonOfSpam

Also…nah, this is perfect.

2
theeWeeBabySeamus

Yes Balls, I probably should have.
But I still want the tickets, LOL.

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SonOfSpam

But if you get those tickets, you’re watching the Orioles. Am I missing something?

3
theeWeeBabySeamus

You’d probably only be missing an 81mph fastball…if you’re in the Orioles’ batting order.
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But seriously folks….I grew up in the Baltimore area. So did she. We ordered these tickets together, now I guess they’re mine since she hates me now.
(hate is a strong word….more like….strong dislike)

1
Senor Weaselo

Thank goodness I don’t have to teach tomorrow as my voice is officially gone. I am getting my taxes done though, so not exactly a restful day.

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theeWeeBabySeamus

Always fun.

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SonOfSpam

Don’t wanna ruin the surprise, but if you count on deductions for state/local taxes and/or mortgage interest, you’re gonna get fucked. But at least Mitt Romney will save money for more car elevators.

1
theeWeeBabySeamus

What’s happening, folks?

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ballsofsteelandfury

THE KACI SCHADENFREUDE HAS BEEN EXTREMELY DELICIOUS!!!!

2
SonOfSpam

No spoilers please. I look forward to the awesome column. And the Real Housewhores of West LA are on in my house.

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Unsurprised

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Brick Meathook

Peter North’s Fresh Canadian Doughnuts
Halifax, Nova Scotia

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Gratliff

Just like mother used to make

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Sharkbait

The mother, who is 22 in this scene

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

At his age the glazing is a lot more chunky.

1
Unsurprised

Wake the fuck up. If you don't think Darkwing Duck doesn't kill people, you're living in a dream world.

— Lindsay Ellis (@thelindsayellis) March 26, 2019

https://platform.twitter.com/widgets.js

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Gratliff

And I will 1000% embarrass myself singing along to this when they rerelease it
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=t-QSmNReDyI

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Low Commander of the Super Soldiers

That takes me back to middle school.

1
herodotus450

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Gratliff

So many good Asukas out there
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Sharkbait

Might as well post the other McFarlane video:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jRGrNDV2mKc

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Unsurprised

This was the biggest NuMetal hit they would play almost entirely on TRL when I was a freshman in college, just to give an example of how old I am and this song is.

0
Sharkbait

I think this was sophomore year of high school. I listened to this album constantly that year

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Gratliff

Twisted Transistor is still their best music video, and that came out my senior year of college and it’s fucking 15 years old already oh my god I want to die
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=n4aELnPYCIc

1
SonOfSpam

I worked with a 10ish years younger than I am Korn fan last decade. Would constantly make fun of the….whatever the fuck he does in the bridge. Not exactly rapping. but some shit. Anyway, eventually he got tired of all of us laughing at him and stopped talking about Korn. Mission Accomplished.

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Gratliff

Apparently there are only 2 fully animated McFarlane videos. I swear it seemed like he was omnipresent from 99-2005ish. Let’s go with something else fucked up! Let’s go with Komm Susser Todd, the happy suicide anthem, in celebration of Netflix finally licensing Neon Genesis Evangelion in a vain attempt to stay on top of the streaming industry.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GHMkRHk9lgI

1
Gratliff

This isn’t an official music video or anything. This is literally the ending of End of Evangelion, a proper “fuck you” to everyone who complained the ending of the series didn’t make sense (it didn’t).

2
Unsurprised

Sounds like my kind of artist.

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Gratliff

Fuck it. Let’s do all the McFarlane music videos.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YV4oYkIeGJc

2
Gratliff

Things feel especially stupid today
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aDaOgu2CQtI

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Sharkbait

Yup. Good song though

1
litre_cola

I just noticed the sportsnet tag tequilahombreroberto, fantastic.

3
Beerguyrob

It makes me so angry. All their channels are showing a Blue Jays exhibition game. I don’t object to them showing it, but why deprive us of a national NHL game? Home of hockey my ass.

0
litre_cola

Yep, they have enough channels, 360, one, and the regional, I get the Oilers game…

It is Tsn fucking us on this one because of region.

1
Beerguyrob

We get – because the season’s effective over – “Ryan Kesler’s last game in Vancouver”.

If the fans don’t litter the ice with garbage then we never deserve another Cup run.

2
Unsurprised

I should run for the Senate.

3
Redshirt

It worked out for Palpatine.

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Unsurprised

I have the same goals.

4
LemonJello

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Redshirt

WWE just took the Smackdown ladies belt off Asuka and put it on Charlotte Flair. I just quit WWE.

By comparison, I remain a Reds fan, a Bengals fan and an American citizen.

3
Unsurprised

Maybe watching her break a rib will make you feel better.
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Redshirt

You misspelled “implant”.

2
Senor Weaselo

Is that to set up Wrestlemania being a title match? I don’t know who’s actually wrestling, just that the ladies are the main event for the first time.

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Beerguyrob

Here’s what they ultimately want:
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Unsurprised

More like a Titty Match, amirite? eh? eh?

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Low Commander of the Super Soldiers

Here’s some good news: Fernando Tatis Jr. is apparently going to start the season on the Padres roster.

Is this what hope feels like?

4
LemonJello

It’s just the burrito you ate.

6
herodotus450

Usually unveiling Tatis like that results in a fine from the FCC.

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SonOfSpam

I think they’re just preemptively fucking the Dodgers on service time when they give ’em Tatis next year,

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Unsurprised

People online are bitching about the EU making memes illegal like it’s a bad thing.

1
herodotus450

Heh, “Load Management,” yet another thing pro sprots and porn have in common.

2
Wakezilla

Damn, that’s cruel:

“Trump’s Wall Will Probably Be Funded With Money That Was Supposed To Rebuild Puerto Rico”

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Sharkbait

I think Don T gonna cut a bitch

3
Unsurprised

You know, I’m starting to understand why Puerto Ricans shot up the House of Representatives chamber in the fifties.

2
Unsurprised

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/1954_United_States_Capitol_shooting_incident

Good Ol’ Jimmeh with the pardons on his way out the door, too. 😀

2
herodotus450

“Why would we need to rebuild a wall around Puerto Rico, we already have the ocean for that.”

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

“Plus we already did a GREAT JOB, FABULOUS, there, where ever it it is.”

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

I’m going to just live in the past with old SNL skits.

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Unsurprised

Classic Titt–Er, I mean Lindsay.

2
Don T

And that comes AFTER Congress decided not reupping a budget bill and thus cut by 25% welfare payments to PR. Which went into effect last week.

Coming up next: the 1st Circuit + SCOTUS overrule the “citizenship apartheid” decision from last month, to complete the shaftening by all branches.
https://lawprofessors.typepad.com/conlaw/2019/02/united-states-district-judge-finds-exclusion-of-puerto-rican-resident-from-benefits-violates-equal-p.html

2
Sharkbait

Hartford?

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IzbSRCkGEv4

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Unsurprised

There there, Moose. There there.

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Redshirt

Unanimously?! When did the Liberal Four turn heel?

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

Liberal?

0
Redshirt

Oh sorry. I must be using an archaic political term.

Non-evil? Open minded? Anti-doucebag?

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Unsurprised

Liberal as in “conservatives who want thank-you cards for not being overtly racist.”

1
Redshirt

I don’t need cards; just a quick thanks is enough.

1
Unsurprised

But for real, liberals are the people too stupid to realize that Mueller has always been a piece of shit. This is the second-least horrible thing he’s done, and NFL fans know this because #1 remains his fucking up the Ray Rice investigation. They stupidly thought that this company man was hired to dig up bodies when the reality is that he’s always been the fucker who hides the bodies in the same plot he dumped those Muslim teens his FBI entrapped. This motherfucker lied to Congress about 9/11 being tied to Saddam Hussein and that Iraq was a nuclear terror threat. Fuck him, and fuck them for being so fucking blind and dumb.

1
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

Least evil on the court I guess, certainly not liberal.

0
Redshirt

I just ran for the first time in three years. That was one of the most mentally and physcially exhausting runs I’ve had since I had Taco Bell for dinner and breakfast back-to-back.

5
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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How many non-published MEMBER posts?

5
Redshirt

Can I have the source? For science.

0
Unsurprised

Mariya Shumakova

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dira9pSSqt4

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Don T

T… Too

1
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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I really like this new Ghost remake!

10
Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Man, the Republicans’ proposed replacement for Planned Parenthood seems really unsanitary.

3
SonOfSpam

Careful, that’s how you get vasecooch.

4
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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scotchnaut

I kiln get behind this.

/apologies

2
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

Are you baked?

0
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

My eyes are glazing over.

0
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

She has a nice dunt.

0
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

I kneaded this.

0
BrettFavresColonoscopy

You’ve fallen down a pothole

1
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

I was just blunging.

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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5,000? Well, that’s kick!

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SonOfSpam

Dammit. Rank in Peace, Ranking Roger. 56 is too damn young.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8V8bmvyKvok

2
SonOfSpam

One more, because dammit for whatever reason, this one kinda hurts

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YFv1kqdl2VQ

2
scotchnaut

Dude didn’t even bother following his own advice-

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=h-QkQoNCmg4

1
scotchnaut

5,000 posts is also the number of departmental positions that haven’t been filled by the current U.S. government.

/wakka, wakka!

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

That’s not a wedge issue.

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scotchnaut

I inhaled “The Devil in the Kitchen” in 36 hours. Give me all the book rec’s please!

/I’m staring at a book about trade routes that existed during the Roman Empire

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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ballsofsteelandfury

What’s the title of that book?

0
Low Commander of the Super Soldiers

I’d really like to know where my good karma went after getting home from the DFO Pub Crawl, because this week has been fucking awful

I got stood up on a date I was really excited for on Sunday, saw Papa Commander on Monday and his new meds really seem to be affecting his mental state and I walked into the office this morning to find an email letting us know that no one is getting a raise this year! I already want to work somewhere else, I don’t need anymore of a kick in the ass, you guys.

Anyway, I’m gonna curl up on my couch with a crowler and a burrito when I get home. Nobody wake me until BOLTMAN crushes a Spanos’ head with his bare hands like a melon.

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SonOfSpam

Sorry man, that’s rough. At least you’re doing the right thing vis-a-vis beer/burrito.

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ballsofsteelandfury

5000 posts, huh?
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BrettFavresColonoscopy

What percentage of them have been underwear reviews?

2
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

They are not hard in the underwear ads.

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