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#NuAIDS Time-Delayed Madness Round of 32 el Fin (and Monday Nite Open Thread)

King Hippo

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Alright, y’all.  5 hours or so of hoopsball loveliness left, before we go back to pondering all of our less-than-stellar life choices.

8E LSU (+5) v. 1E Michigan (7:10, CBS)

This would make for a fine game of FITBAW, at least before Harbs the Lesser turned the Wolverines program in a hollowed-out husk of its former self.  Who knows what to expect from the hoopsball matchup.  JUST GO WITH IT.

5E Colorado (+1.5) v. 4E Florida State (7:45, TBS)

Another cool FITBAW matchup, if you wind the clock back a few decades.  It’s like Shempions League, with fixtures featuring “next round” opponents, playing at roughly the same time.  Things like that interest my feeble brain.

10E Maryland (+5.5) v. 2E Alabama (8:45, TNT)

First, it was up to Rutgers to save face FOAR the Midwest.  They spit the bit.  Now, it’s Fear the Turtle’s Jerb.  My guess?  They never even put the bit between their teeth.  But what the fuck do I know?

6W Southern Cal (-1) v. 3W Kansas (9:40, CBS)

What a world.  The Troi Boiz are favoUred.  Over Kansas.  As the lesser seed.  Vegas has seen the Pac-Twaaaaaalve light, y’all.  And who doesn’t want the Song Girls to Fight On?

***HIPPO PUBLIC SERVICE ANNOUNCEMENT***

In spite of my rampant cynicism and our prevailing, mean senses of humoUr – this tournament really has been a joy to watch.  Full credit to the student-athletes, the trainers, the various support personnel who kept things together under grueling circumstances.  You have entertained the fuck out of a nation that needed same.

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Brocky

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5
Don T

My Vince Lombardi sex doll broke. It needs a seal here, a seal here, a seal…
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2
Beerguyrob

FML – the simple pipe replacement has turned into a full tile removal thanks to the leak they discovered behind a wall. Guess we’re adding a zero to the estimate.

0
Brocky

I once accidentally removed some tile in a hilarious fashion at the old house, but it ended up being a good thing in the long run:

i usually showered downstairs, but something was wrong with it, so i used the upstairs bathroom that my dad typically used. except that bastard never told me how slippery that tub was.

I felt my feet sliding, and somehow in the panic of thinking i was gonna be one of those idiots you read about in the newspaper, i threw my hip in the opposite direct to remain upright.

well, my plan worked, but when i removed my derriere from the wall, two tiles fell out. they were ceramic and still fully intact, but the sheetrock board they were adhered to was soaking wet and swollen up.

the house had been a foreclosure that me and my dad fixed up, but apparently its original owner had been to lazy to properly caulk all the edges of it. so using that small opening i had inadvertently created, we ending up pulling all the tiles down so we could replace the sheetrock. they came off so easy they may as well have been those stickers on bananad peels.

it saved us in the long run because when we sold that house we didn’t need to fix that particular problem.

so my uncoordinated ass was good for something after all!

this has been brocky’s home improvement misadventures

2
Beerguyrob

I hear that. I had to fix the caulking a few months back & I’m hoping that wasn’t it.

1
WCS

WVU lost, but, at least we didn’t get wedgied like KU right now.

1
Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Apparently KU stands for Kill Us.

0
Senor Weaselo

I haven’t seen Kansas getting bloodied like this since the 1850s.

5
Dunstan

So you’re saying their tournament chances are vanishing like dust in the wind?

4
Beerguyrob

Don’t you cry no more.

3
Brocky

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3
ballsofsteelandfury

Keep em coming!

0
King Hippo

Bill Self has, like, the most punchable face outside the Trump Klavern

2
Viva La Tabula Raza

That’s good hustle!!

0
Downfield Matriculator

After that first half of Bama raining 3s, you’d have thought the turtles would have done some adjustments to their defense, but alas they have not. Moving on to see about the Rock Chalks vs. the Ribbed and Lubricated

1
litre_cola

I have a suspicion the Ribbed ones will pull this out.

1
Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

I thought the point was that they don’t have to.

3
BrettFavresColonoscopy

Good work, you two. Don’t take the rest of the night off.

4
litre_cola

Are you our pimp now?

3
Viva La Tabula Raza

For whose pleasure?

1
rockingdog

TROY BOZY are ROCKING!!!

0
King Hippo

Will ask my kid if Boulder needs MOAR thoughts or prayers. It’s full of hippie libtards, so probably thoughts smh

4
Sharkbait

I’m kinda surprised The Onion hasn’t updated the “No Way to Prevent This” article yet

1
King Hippo

TN apparently just passed a law allowing “concealed carry” without even a permit, so that’s a good first step imogodbless

0
Brocky

oh jesus christ what happened?

0
Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Mass shooting in a supermarket. Six dead, I think?

0
Mr. Ayo

America is healing.

2
Viva La Tabula Raza

The writers are all union now, so none of them work past 5 PM.

1
Downfield Matriculator

Thoughts and edibles

1
litre_cola

I usually eat edibles to get away from the thoughts.

1
Don T

I heard the term “Trustafarian” when I went to CU one year. Boulder was full of ‘em. And got to know The Onion, so I got summin’ wonderful outta grad school.

1
Viva La Tabula Raza

Nanu Nanu!!!comment image

0
Senor Weaselo

Hippospawn’s roommate’s okay, right?

0
King Hippo

yep, all good

0
Brocky

i am both bored and disappointed with michgan winning

here’s some casual nudity
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Sharkbait

I think I have them in my final 4?

0
Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Aw Lily, you still got it.

/referring to the Danny Trejo commercial.

1
litre_cola

Next on the parlay is FSU.

2
Sharkbait

In a way I’m kind of glad Massachusetts hasn’t allowed sports betting yet. My bank account would be in a bad way.

Though last time I was in NH, I turned $5 into $50 on a 4 team NHL parlay…

1
litre_cola

Now if Bama wins I hit a 5 game parlay. I spoke to teh Hippo today and I figured normalcy would come back today and thus far it has, apart from Iowa which I stayed away from.

1
Downfield Matriculator

Wow the Big 10 got a school in the Sweet Sixteen — nice jerb Wolverines

1
Redshirt

Ohio Governor says surplus vaccines can go to people under 40. Of course, the vaccine sign-up website won’t let people under 40 sign up.

Ultimately, this is probably why I ended up (cursed to be) on the right side of the Political Turkey. The left side says the Government should have the power to help everybody, but I’m not completely certain the Government knows how to operate a light switch, let alone a bureaucratic labyrinth that people need to navigate to…you know…live.

0
herodotus450

We already saw the right’s approach to this pandemic.

2
Redshirt

That’s why I include the parenthesis.

0
herodotus450

Also, Ohio’s governor, and their state legislature is also republican controlled, no? So the response that’s failed and failing IS the right’s way.

3
Redshirt

Well…yes…when you use common sense, that does poke a slight hole in my argument. But the administration is non-Trump Republicans, so at least we have a vaccine instead of a blood oath to Trump.

However, if the Ohio Democratic Party had the helm, Ohio would currently look like a Mad Maxx movie. Not to impugn the other state and national Democratic Parties, but their Buckeye contingent isn’t quite a positive representation upon them.

1
SonOfSpam

Republicans say government doesn’t work, then get elected and prove it.

5
Viva La Tabula Raza

“See!?!? Toldja!!!”

2
Viva La Tabula Raza

Well, corporations are certainly a lot more qualified than government to tell us how live our lives.

0
ballsofsteelandfury

You do see the flaw in your logic, don’t you?

Here’s how to get around and actually use government inefficiency to your benefit:

1) Sign up for an appointment using any of the reasons the system allows you to.
2) When you show up to the appointment, you explain that the governor said you could sign up but the website wasn’t working so you signed up anyway.
3) They won’t care and you’re eligible anyway, so you get your shot. If they balk, ask them if they want to be on the 5 o’clock news for refusing to give a shot to a perfectly eligible citizen.
4) Profit

Last edited 5 years ago by ballsofsteelandfury
0
Redshirt

That Showhow-A-Charge was punishment for the #NotNCAAProperty shirt.

0
Redshirt

Men got so much exercise equipment than Women, that they have an exercise bike on the sidelines.

Meanwhile, the women gets a wornout bungie strap tied to a running ’97 Ford Taurus.

0
litre_cola

I think I saw a couple spare thighmasters in the back.
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Brocky

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herodotus450

I’ve said it before but I guess no one was listening: every time there’s an upset in the NCAA tournament, a member of hte selection committee should be taken out back and shot. DO YOUR JOB RIGHT!

2
Redshirt

Simple solution: For every upset in the first two rounds, they have to pay the difference in the seeds times $1,000 (9 beats 8 = $1,000; 15 beats 2 = $13,000), regardless of if the total number of upset exceeds the amount they were paid to create the seeding.

4
Redshirt

Charlotte Flair tested COVID-19 Positive. Odd choice for COVID-19 to have a Face Turn this close to WrestleMania, but WWE’s booking has been odd for years.

Last edited 5 years ago by Redshirt
2
Brocky

on one hand i feel sorry for all of the negative reaction she gets from the internet.

on the other i remember how much more talented the other three horsewomen are that i stop caring for the poor girl with eight breast augmentations

0
Redshirt

Agreed. Bayley was the 2nd closest worst 4HW when her character got stagnant as a face. Then she turned heel and turned into a great character. Its like changing a HB to a LB in a NCAA Football video game and they go from a 79 OVR to 94 OVR.

Besides being stilted on the promo (and that can be forgiven), Charlotte’s fallen into the rut of Randy Orton; she does everything great without trying, so she gets heat by fans because its looks like she’s not trying.

1
Sharkbait

Ice Bills losing. All is right with the world

1
herodotus450

And they have 16 points! That’s turrible! Almost 2020 Red Wings levels of terrible.

1
litre_cola

I always say never bet on Meecheegan, but what do I do?

Bet on Meecheegan. Fuck.

1
Brocky

listen here espn, if you’re gonna have lily from AT&T talk about elbows, someone needs to tell her that you can’t put your elbows together. just saying

1
Redshirt

I was able to do it. Now, I need to go to Urgent Care.

0
Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Seems like a solid candidate for this morning’s draft.

0
Sharkbait

Of course the Ice Giants are losing to the Ice Bills. Who are winless in 14 straight

0
scotchnaut

Ice Redblacks are winning despite starting a goalie that has played all of zero games in the NHL.

2
litre_cola

The meltdown here of the Ice Stamps is delicious

0
scotchnaut

“GOTTERDAMMERUNG!”

-Michigan’s Franz Wagner, swearing, after missing an easy bucket

4
Redshirt

Deshawn Watson is now up to 13 sexual assault lawsuits. Ben Roethlisberger nods his head in approval of being usurped.

In other news, the NBA is considering changing the player in the NBA logo from Jerry West to Kobe Bryant.

2
rockingdog

KOBE NBA logo would be ROCKING!!!!

1
Viva La Tabula Raza

Only as long as there were a significant bulge in evidence within the shorts.

0
SonOfSpam

Will the silhouette be a young lady bent over a futon or a whirlybird bouncing along the 405?

4
Brocky

as long as said lady is drawn with a smile indicating consent

0
Sharkbait

Who the hell is the QB coach? Bill Cosby?

3
scotchnaut

“Nice.”

-Larry Nasser

0
Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

I’d be a lot happier if they changed it to Elgin Baylor.

1
SonOfSpam

Apparently LSU and Michigan are the two best teams in the country.

0
Redshirt

Well, I can’t say much because Ohio State was overranked and underplayed in the oddest NCAA tourney ever and OSU “fans” believe that is a capital offense.

God, I have Ohio State “fans” sometimes.

0
King Hippo

No pressure, Maryland!

0
SonOfSpam

Thought experiment: Would Bama score more points vs Maryland in basketball or football?

1
Brocky

at this point I have so little faith in big ten teams that i fully believe five backups on the crimson football team could beat maryland by four

1
rockingdog

this LSU vs Michigan game is ROCKING!!!

0
Redshirt

Thank BLEERGH Joe Burrow is from LSU. I can root for them without throwing up.

1
Sharkbait

Old Co-worker just sent me this. Depressingly accurate to all the IT people here:

3
Redshirt

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BallsofLacrosseAndMapleSyrup

Still moar organised than most wiring closets I’ve seen

2
King Hippo

One of the dudes on the bench had a shirt that read “#NotNCAAProperty” – camera cut away pretty quick.

9
scotchnaut

Oof! Which squadroon?

0
King Hippo

think was LSU

0
Viva La Tabula Raza

Joke’s on him, unfortunately.

0
Downfield Matriculator

Livers from Michigan was wearing that last game and I was astounded TNT actually talked about it instead of cutting away. That’s why CBS gets the big bucks!

3
scotchnaut

Definitely thought that Crayton was a very weak 5 seed. I was told by certain peoples that I would grow wiser as I aged. I’d call them out but most of them are dead.

Last edited 5 years ago by scotchnaut
0
Viva La Tabula Raza

Engineer on my staff from Omaha, went to Nebraska, and picks Creighton to win it all in the office pool every year they make the tourney.
NO ONE EXPECTS THE JESUIT INQUISITION!

1
herodotus450

My two thoughts from watching this tournament:
1. I still have no clue “what is a foul”?
2. Have the shorts gotten shortsier?
3. What’s sorghum? I’ve been thinking about trying it.

Last edited 5 years ago by herodotus450
1
Viva La Tabula Raza

If you end up trying it, please let us know here if sorghum is equal or better than bubble gum.

0
SonOfSpam

Either way, it’s a sandwich.

4
litre_cola

I have seen enough now to agree. Arguing is futile.

0
Beerguyrob

.

Anyone But Maestro.jpg
0
Don T

Fave sorghum:

-I keep telling ya, we just grow sorghum here.

-Uhum. So where’s the hookers?

-Out back. Oops.

5
TheRevanchist

My previous employer owned a shit ton of land, some of which grew sorghum. I could see it out of my office window. Still don’t know what the hell it is.

0
Viva La Tabula Raza

And what the fuck is milo?

0
TheRevanchist

God, that’s weird. What the hell is Goofy?

0
scotchnaut

I think that it’s important for posterity’s sake that we should all watch/enjoy all of Sillycuse’s 3 pointers in the tourney so far. You’re welcome. It was nothing, really.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=P0LL8ju1YPo&ab_channel=MarchMadness

3
litre_cola

I agree with the Hippo. This has been very entertaining.

2
King Hippo

One fixture away from two sets of Pac-12 hated rivals (Oregon/OSU, UCLA/USC) into the Sweet 16. Never thought we’d see that!

0
scotchnaut

It defies belief that a country’s firearms laws are dictated by gun nuts. Holy Bananacakes…

0
Viva La Tabula Raza

Ask us Americans about abortion rights!

0
King Hippo

HippoSPAWN is ok, one of her roommates was there (at shooting site). Pretty scary!

9
Don T

Wonderful news. Glad she’s OK.

4
Viva La Tabula Raza

Yay!
Not to make light of the situation, but I am put in mind of when I was in Kabul; every time there was a Taliban terror attack or IED bombing in town, I would get inundated with email and text inquiries from friends and relatives as to my well-being. This in a city of over 3 million people. I never said anything, but always wondered why I didn’t get those types of queries when I was back home in San Antonio and a 10 or 15 car pileup on I-10 or I-35 nearby made the national news.

3
King Hippo

This is a fine sociological point.

1
SonOfSpam

You get more points for a troop than a civ from a thoughts/prayers standpoint.

0
Viva La Tabula Raza

I won’t mention that at the time I was a civil servant, nearly 50 years old, and 100 lbs overweight.

0
scotchnaut

“100 pounds? That’s a nice, round figure.”

-Some Brit Guy

0
Viva La Tabula Raza

Probably my PSD bodyguard. They were all Brits.

0
King Hippo

See, just growing your own Kevlar vest!

0
Dunstan

You mean I put all these thoughts and prayers together for nothing?

1
Viva La Tabula Raza

So, another mass shooting, this time in Boulder CO. I guess things really are getting back to normal here in the good old USA!

0
King Hippo

oh shit, one of my kids lives there

0
Fronkenshteen

Table Mesa?

0
BrettFavresColonoscopy

Yes

0
King Hippo

Shit, I’ve BEEN to that King Soopers

1
Viva La Tabula Raza

Cell phone status check with kid possible?

0
King Hippo

I texted. Waiting to hear, though sure she is fine. Boulder is such a chill damn place, makes it seem extra awful.

0
Viva La Tabula Raza

Yeah, I’d expect it in RWNJ Colorado Springs, not Boulder.

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