Guttersnipe

The Fingers are slipping. Our grip now loose and floppy after once being sunk firmly and deeply into the grab-holes of first place. We are nearing the pure, un-scrubbed ass bottom of the league standings. I’m also being consistently shorted on purples when I get “rainbow” carrots.

We entered last week 15th of 18 teams and on a steady downward trajectory. Three quarters of the squad is just about full-up on bowling. Lily Liver, meanwhile, wants to keep at it in the spring and summer and “bowl every week, forever”. He needs only find two or three new friends — which he might actually get by poaching the eager beavers from other teams in the current league.

Now, this week we found ourselves right back around the horn playing the same team on the same lane as the first week of the season. While in week 1 we ended up thrashing them three straight games, this time they came out looking for revenge. If it weren’t for their sub throwing some serious gutter they would’ve had it because my team just plain sucked.

Game 1 and Lily led the charge for us with a 129. I had a 116 and that was still better than our bottom roller who pushed a soggy 86 down the arrows. They blew us away, 882-810 with the handicaps included.

Game 2 we got lucky as their sub beat up the back corners and ended up with a 78. The other three on their side topped all of our scores save one but that painful sub score let us off the hook and we took an 845-839 win. God bless the lady, she really fed it to us in a pearl-handled honey pot.

Game 3 we sort of stirred to life, desperate for something to take away from it all. I managed a halfway decent 137, second behind our lady bowler’s 152. The opposition came out flat, putting up an 813 total to our 888 and giving us 2 of 3 games and the overall by a scant 9 points. Despite it all we still scuffle along at the end of the line, waiting for the sweet release of some sort of playoff elimination so we can go and drink in peace. Soon enough, dear children, it will all go dark.

Someone asked about the state of the chairs in my league alley so here they are. Not the best. Not even goddamn close. They swivel out and rotate but they’re too close to the lanes and just kind of annoying. There are also more of the same type, swivel-free, set back a bit from these ones but they are somehow both higher and taller and even less comfortable.

I miss the now-shuttered Lake City bowl. It was a perfectly old, grimy alley just past Darky’s Pawn, with the grow ops and brothel next door. The bowling was cheap and the benches were comfortable. The beer gave everyone a headache, the staff didn’t care one iota and people almost never got stabbed buying drugs in the bathroom.

No use crying about spilt milk, though. Unless you’re a dairy farmer. That’s your living, damn it. Ehhh, well, back to it I go, now. Enjoy your evenings.