Hillary Clinton Gets a New Mock Debate Partner

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly - October 12, 2016October 11, 2016

INT. OFFICE - HILLARY CLINTON’S CAMPAIGN OFFICE HEADQUARTERS, BROOKLYN - DAY ROBBY MOOK: ...and so that puts us at a 94% chance of winning the election and Obama's dream of turning the United States into a gay Muslim caliphate is one step closer. HILLARY CLINTON: I like it! MOOK: That said, I think it's now

♫…When Our Ranks Begin to Fall…♫

DFOing Good

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly - October 11, 2016November 10, 2016

The miserable melodrama of the Cleveland Browns season continued on Sunday as starting quarterback Cody Kessler was knocked out of the game with a while trying to one-up Dan Orlovsky by throwing the ball backwards out of his own end zone. His replacement Charlie Whitehurst was also injured shortly thereafter,

♫…But She Never Saw Me There! ♫

DFOing Good

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly - October 5, 2016October 4, 2016

♫ …set to the music of “Eponine's Errand” from Les Miserables… ♫ DUKE JOHNSON JR. Such luck! What a bounce! Such luck! Right back to me! So close to a disaster, I stand triumphantly. [sideline flies open] SARAH THOMAS Good God! Oh, what a rumpus! That ball, where can it be? DUKE JOHNSON JR. It's here! Just let me show you, I got it back,

Your “I Still Refuse to Spend a Dime” Saturday Evening Open Thread

Open Threads

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly - October 1, 2016October 1, 2016

466

Last week, the Browns showed incredible heart by battling back from a 24-13 deficit in the fourth quarter to tie the game and put themselves in position to win outright, only for their brand-new kicker Cody Parkey to miss 46-yard field goal attempt (his third miss of the day) as

Fantasy Advice: Gary Oldman

Insane Shit

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly - September 21, 2016September 20, 2016

Thanks to Rikki-Tikki-Deadly and Darkest Timeline Zach Morris' connections in Hollywood, we're bringing in a special guest to provide fantasy football advice this week: star of stage and screen GARY OLDMAN! --- DOORFLIESOPEN: Gary I can't tell how thrilled we are to have you providing our readers with fantasy football advice this week.

The Poise Boyz

DFOing Good

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly - September 17, 2016September 15, 2016

EXT. NIGHTCLUB ENTRANCE - NIGHT A hip nightclub in a big city. The line of potential patrons stretches around the corner and out of sight, corralled by a velvet rope. A burly bouncer wearing a black shirt that emphasizes his bulging biceps stands sentry at the head of the line. Equipped with

♫…He Spent a Summer By My Side…♫

NFL News

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly - September 13, 2016November 10, 2016

...But He Was Gone When Autumn Came! As has been widely reported, Robert Griffin III has been placed on Injured Reserve following the Browns' first game of the season, a 29-10 loss to the Eagles. Griffin has a fractured coracoid bone in his left shoulder; he could be finished for the

One More Down!

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly - September 10, 2016November 10, 2016

♫ ...set to the music of "One Day More" from Les Miserables... ♫ JIMMY HASLAM One day more! Another day, another felony Much less a franchise than a laund-ery And though I've made a mint from crime I still refuse to spend a dime One day more! HAL HUNTER (OFFENSIVE LINE COACH) The blocking scheme has gone awry It's like the Red

DFO Insider Radio: Songs That Make You Want To Run Through a Goddamn Brick Wall

DFO radio

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly - September 8, 2016September 7, 2016

INT. DFO PRODUCTION OFFICE - DAY. A pair of sleazy Hollywood producers emerge from an office. The camera follows them in a classic Sorkinesque walk-and-talk. RIKKI-TIKKI-DEADLY: And so after the trailer bombed, Sony tried to push the narrative that everyone who said anything negative about the film was a misogynist... DARKEST TIMELINE ZACH MORRIS: A misogynist? RTD: A

Request Line: Songs That Make You Want To Run Through A Goddamn Brick Wall

DFO radio

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly - September 2, 2016September 2, 2016

This is it. The NFL season is upon us, with all its attendant joy, frustration, panic, and misery. And this is the final edition of Request Line until next year. Sure, if something truly special happens like Roger Goodell getting fired (out of a cannon, into the sun) we might slip

DFO Radio: Pickin’ Apples

DFO radio

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly - August 29, 2016August 29, 2016

Just one more week before the regular season starts. I can't believe it's so close...I can practically taste it. Wait, no, that's last week's Request Line, when we took a double dip into the well of Eli, taking on the topic of "fruits". My own weekend was relatively fruit-free, since I

Request Line: Pickin’ Apples

DFO radio

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly - August 26, 2016August 26, 2016

INT. GIANTS PRACTICE FACILITY - DAY We follow from over the shoulder of a tall, strong, confident young man as he strides through a hallway in the Giants practice facility in East Rutherford, New Jersey. He pauses in front of the door, then hammers both his palms into it, causing the