Aaron Rodgers Receives a Call

AARON RODGERS: [phone rings] Oh, hey David. DEREK CARR: Goddamnit, Aaron, that's not funny anymore. AARON RODGERS: [chuckles] How's it going, kiddo? DEREK CARR: Eh, I've seen happier days. You guys looked really great against the Vikings. Shoulder feeling better? RODGERS: Much better, thanks. I wish I could say the same thing about the

A Welker Darkly

In early November of that year, nine months after he entered free agency, Wes was transferred to a practice facility in St. Louis, which is located inland in eastern Missouri. It is barbecue country, where many fine briskets and rib slabs are cooked. Les Snead, the general manager of the Rams-Team Front Office,

I am Keenan Allen’s Lacerated Kidney

YOU WAKE UP at MetLife Stadium. Every kickoff and kneeldown, when the ball was booted off a tee or snapped by the center, I prayed for an injury. That moment cures my insomnia with narcolepsy when we might die helpless and packed human tobacco on the sideline. This is how I met

The Dirk Half

A number of years ago, back before my children were born, I traveled quite a bit for work. One fall I found myself in Little Rock, Arkansas for a two week assignment. Little Rock isn't much of a city for tourists, so during the weekend I was there I thought

Request Line: Rob Ryan’s Rockin’ All Hallow’s Eve

ROB RYAN: AWWOOOOWOOOOWOOOOOOO!!!! DFO TRANSLATION ALGORITHM: Hello, and welcome to a surprise midseason edition of Request Line! I'm your special host Rob Ryan, and today we'll be taking requests for your favorite Halloween songs. ROB RYAN: [mournful howl] DFO TRANSLATION ALGORITHM: I'd like to take this opportunity to personally apologize for the quality

Scratch-22

In the wake of recent incidents where a potentially concussed Arian Foster was allowed to retake the field without clearing the concussion protocol and running back Bernard Pierce was observed trying to set a block when he was actually supposed to be tackling the runner, the NFL elected to revise the concussion protocol yet again