Scary NFL Stories: The Experiment

(Scene: a nondescript room with two doors—one far, one near—but no windows, and two tables and chairs. On one table is a large box with a number of switches on it, and cords running out from the back and through the wall, and a small television monitor and speaker on

Quoth the Ginger

With apologies to Edgar Allan Poe, JJFozz, and actual writers/poets/intellectuals everywhere   Once upon a season dreary, while owners pondered, meek and bleary- Eyed, thumbing through the ratings from the week before—     The Shield's keepers, focused on accounting, were ignoring a sudden tapping, As if some one gently rapping, rapping on the windows of

Boo This Man

[SCENE: Interior, NFL Headquarters. Uneaten pizzas litter the tables as men in suits nervously check their blackberries for updates on the DOW, emails from their assistants, and missives from their mistresses. The room is silent save the clicking from their outdated keyboards and the nearly imperceptible wheezing emanating from the

Request Line: Rob Ryan’s Rockin’ All Hallow’s Eve

ROB RYAN: AWWOOOOWOOOOWOOOOOOO!!!! DFO TRANSLATION ALGORITHM: Hello, and welcome to a surprise midseason edition of Request Line! I'm your special host Rob Ryan, and today we'll be taking requests for your favorite Halloween songs. ROB RYAN: [mournful howl] DFO TRANSLATION ALGORITHM: I'd like to take this opportunity to personally apologize for the quality