Meet The New Boss, Same As The Old Boss: 2024 Carolina Panthers Season Preview

2023 PREDICTION: Bad (6-11) 2023 REALITY: Worse (2-15) Truly a testament to the power of the human will, these Panthers. "Parity" has been the battle cry of the league since the salary cap was introduced in 1994. "Offense Über Alles" has been the official NFL religion almost as long. And yet the Panthers

Burdened with Glorious Purpose: 2023 Buffalo Bills Preview and Tuesday Open Thread

2022 PREDICTION: 9-8 2022 REALITY: 13-3! (No record for Cincy game, on account of Damar Hamlin temporarily dying) From last year's Preview:   There is nothing more depressing to a Bills fan than an expectation of success. We can't cope with it, because of our near-religious faith in The Narrative. The Narrative has taught us

Can’t We Just Hit “Simulate Season”?: 2023 Carolina Panthers Season Preview

2022 PREDICTION: Bad 2022 REALITY: Worse (but not bad enough) The Carolina Panthers. They have been in the league for nearly 30 years, and yet they have never shaken that Expansion Franchise stink despite playing in two Super Bowls- which I attribute to their insistence on teal-adjacent colors. They exist solely to

Can I Get an Amen!?!: 2022 Buffalo Bills Preview and Tuesday Open Thread

2021 PREDICTION: 13-4, AFC Champions 2021 REALITY: 11-6, Divisional Round loss in an instant classic It is dark times for the Buffalo Bills faithful. It's not just Eric from Lackawanna putting his injury settlement on the line picking them to go to the Super Bowl. It's everyone. The Bills are currently 7:2

Kicking Off the Strangest FA Cup and Wild Card 1 of 6 Bitches! Combo Thread

Good day, imaginary peoples.  It's REALLY here.  The day we gets a TRIPLEHEADER of Wild Card, Bitches! action.  And it happens again tomorrow!  We just needed a world-wide pandemic to make it real.  [slaps #NuAIDS on the ass, HARD!] But first, we have a wacky Lesser Morning, with pretty much every match on

I Can See Cleeeeeaarrrly Now, Tom Braaaaady’s Gone: 2020 Buffalo Bills Season Preview

[Author's Note: Despite the overwhelmingly positive response to last year's All Interpretive Dance team preview, I have decided not to go back to that well a second year in a row.  Try to contain your disappointment.] So here it is.  It's finally happening.  Like Christmas morning, high school graduation and losing

Wangs of New York: Your 2019 Buffalo Bills Bye Week Bonanza

[Interior. Press Room at the Meadowlands. JOSH ALLEN is at the podium, answering questions after beating the New York "Football" "Giants".] ANONYMOUS PR FLACK: Ok guys, we've got time for one more question. SNOTTYASS MOTHERFUCKING REPORTER FOR THE NEW YORK POST OR SOME SHIT: There's a chance you could have ended up

Tripping Over The Light Fantastic; or A Desperate Plié: Your All-Dancing 2019 Buffalo Bills Season Preview

[Author's Note: As promised/threatened, this year's Buffalo Bills Season Preview will be conducted in the medium of interpretive dance. Yes, I know it's particularly inappropriate for Buffalo, which has no cheerleaders but a thriving post-angioplasty community.  Expand your minds and get some culture, you barbarian savages.] Your 2018 Buffalo Bills: 6-10,

Your “Is It Too Early To Make Room For Seconds?” Thanksgiving Eve Open Thread

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=u4tf9Q83ERg As in life, a light menu this evening, in anticipation of the big feast tomorrow.   NFL News: Josh Gordon was officially back at Browns practice today. So, I guess we're no longer talking about 0-16? Driving even ardent Christians to pray for a meteor, Donald Trump & LaVar Ball continued their