Hard Ride To Nowhere (Chapter 80)

Beastmode Ate My Baby - May 19, 2017May 18, 2017

The scene: The Last Resort resort in Cancun, where a bunch of DFOers are enjoying the sun, the pool and the alcohol. Yeah Right is on a large inflatable lobster with Teddy's BOTW at the edge of the pool in bright flowered swimming trunks. Cookiethulhu and Abraham Lincoln are chatting

“SOME TABLE IS BETTER THAN NONE TABLE?”

Low Commander of the Super Soldiers - May 15, 2017May 15, 2017

SERVER: Welcome to Cafe Fina on Monterey's beautiful Fisherman's Wharf! My name is Nick and I will be your server today. Can I start you off with anything to drink? CUSTOMER: Well, I... [DOOR FLIES OPEN] JOHN MADDEN: EXCUSE ME, BUT YOU APPEAR TO BE SITTING AT MY TABLE, AND WHEN YOU SIT AT

Hard Ride To Nowhere (Chapter 79)

Beastmode Ate My Baby - May 12, 2017May 11, 2017

The scene: That wasteland known as the Forbidden Zone, where Top Detective and Hard-boiled Detective have arrived at the scene of the carnage from last week's episode. They are currently surrounded by a mob of angry men with mohawks, who are dressed in your typical post-apocalyptic chic. Voiceover Narration (by Top

Smoking Hot Microphone

NFL Announcers

Low Commander of the Super Soldiers - May 5, 2017May 5, 2017

INTERIOR - FOX SPORTS BROADCASTING STUDIOS - LOS ANGELES, CA [A pair of well dressed men sit around a broadcast studio's control room, watching sports highlights on various screens] GEORGE GREENBERG: Look, Joe, we have to keep up with the times. CBS has finally done the smart thing for once by canning Simms

Hard Ride To Nowhere (Chapter 78)

Beastmode Ate My Baby - May 5, 2017May 4, 2017

The scene: Ape City, that bustling hive of simian activity in an undetermined future. Voiceover Narration (by Top Detective): This is the city. Ape City. Every day hundreds of primates walk these streets, climb these walls and swing from these balconies. Every kind of ape from every walk of life is

HRTN Spring Break Special 2017 (Part Deux)

Beastmode Ate My Baby - April 28, 2017April 28, 2017

The scene: Fort Lauderdale, Florida. Future Moose is silently packing up the Moosemobile, Cookiethulhu is cleaning the windows and Old School Zero looks over a map. In the back seat of the Moosemobile Señor Weaselo lies in a fetal position, occasionally making whimpering sounds. Otto's Brain comes rolling up. Otto's Brain:

HRTN Spring Break Special 2017

Beastmode Ate My Baby - April 21, 2017April 21, 2017

The scene: Fort Lauderdale, Florida, where the sun is hot, the beers are cold and the bikinis are tiny. The spring break crowd is having a great time, partying it up on the street, when suddenly there's a screeching of tires. The crowd quickly parts, running to safety as the

Hard Ride To Nowhere (Chapter 77)

Beastmode Ate My Baby - April 14, 2017April 13, 2017

The scene: The large, if largely unused, dining room in the castle of Death. It's large because, duh, it's in a castle. It's been largely unused since, until very recently the castle has been the domain of a trio of vampires, and a dining room isn't on their list of

Pens-Jacks Quasi-Preview Or Some Such (mostly Ice Stillers)

WCS - April 12, 2017April 11, 2017

The Pittsburgh Ice Stillers commence their Stanley Cup title defense against the "third best" team in the Metro Division, Columbus. The Pens recorded their third-best record in franchise history with 111 points, which not only wasn't enough to win the division (piss off, Crapitals), but, has them playing the equally

The Bachelor: NFL Edition

BrettFavresColonoscopy - April 7, 2017April 7, 2017

CHRIS HARRISON: Good evening, and welcome to a very special episode of The Bachelor. I'm your host, Chris Harrison, and thank you for tuning in to see if some lucky lads and ladies can find love. And our contestants are very lucky indeed, as they will be vying for the love,