A long, long time ago
I can still remember how those dick jokes used to make me smile
And I knew if I created an account
That I could make those komments count
And maybe make the Komments of the Week
But first Big Daddy Drew went packing
When Matt left, the mailbag’s lacking
Sexy Friday has left
I wouldn’t see one more breast
I can’t remember my mouth agape
When I read the tweet from Christmas Ape
But something left me in bad shape
The day the dick jokes died
So bye, bye, Kissing Suzy Kolber
What will become of the site now, I’m really not sure
And them good ol’ boys and even sometimes a girl
Sayin’ Roger Goodell’s worse than Hitler
Roger Goodell’s worse than Hitler
Did you write a Trent Green joke
And did you make fun of fat hump Colts
If the joke was sitting there?
Now do you believe in the Jeff George Least
Do you remember the Sean Taylor Meast
And can you handle Skittle-takes from Beef Moe?
Well I know that Aaron Rodger’s straight
‘Cause I saw him pictured on a date
Some folks they saw a beard
Maybe Olivia Munn’s just weird
Eli’s a pre-schooler playing quarterback
And he’s got Tom Brady by the sack
But I knew I wouldn’t be coming back
The day the dick jokes died
I started singing bye, bye Kissing Suzy Kolber
What will become of the site now, I’m really not sure
Them good ol’ boys and even sometimes a girl
Sayin’ Roger Goodell’s worse than Hitler
Roger Goodell’s worse than Hitler
Now for nine years we’ve been cracking wise
And for that, Janay apologized
But that’s not how it’s supposed to be
When NFL Memes started making waves
With a cartoon that they stole from Dave
And some jokes that came from you and me
Oh just long enough for a girl to blink
Darren Sharper had spiked her drink
His courtroom sentence came
But he’ll still be Hall of Fame
And while the Sex Cannon’s going deep
Rex Ryan’s ogling someone’s feet
And we watched Too Many Cooks on repeat
The day the dick jokes died
We were singing bye, bye Kissing Suzy Kolber
What will become of the site now, I’m really not sure
Them good ol’ boys and even sometimes a girl
Sayin’ Roger Goodell’s worse than Hitler
Roger Goodell’s worse than Hitler
Wars fought over girl scout cookies
The trolls acting like naïve rookes
Nat Turner and Underball
They got under CBQUE’s skin
A flawa no one ever wins
With Otto suddenly nowhere at all
Now at halftime Dorito Dink lets out the air
While Brady is “generally aware”
We all could give a shit
Oh, but the coverage won’t quit
‘Cause Dreamboat won’t give up his phone
The media can’t leave it alone
Reasonable fans made Spilly moan
The day the dick jokes died
He started singing bye, bye Kissing Suzy Kolber
What will become of the site now, I’m really not sure
Them good ol’ boys and even sometimes a girl
Sayin’ Roger Goodell’s worse than Hitler
Roger Goodell’s worse than Hitler
Oh, and there we were all in komments
A kommunity with much more sense
Than PFT could hope to form
So come on, make it snow, and OSZ
Horatio, Cuntler, and Vontaze-Me
‘Cause if your not with us theirs teh door
Oh and as I read the Bud Light post
I laughed and tweeted Sam a joke
But no more the post would stay
Uproxx took it away
And as the komments vanished one by one
Deleting Moose’s gifs and puns
I saw this was no longer as much fun
The day the dick jokes died.
I was singing bye, bye Kissing Suzy Kolber
What will become of the site now, I’m really not sure
Them good ol’ boys and even sometimes a girl
Sayin’ Roger Goodell’s worse than Hitler
Roger Goodell’s worse than Hitler
I found some guys had a new site
I checked out KSK Kommenters on the Side
It was Balls of Steel and RTD.
It turned into Door Flies Open
DTZM helped run this little gem
And the men there said the dick jokes here would be.
And on the web, the trolls still scream
The spambots spam and the bloggers meme
But no takedown of PK.
We’ll never ASK SOMEBODAAAAAY
And the writers who began the task
Like Ufford, Drew, Ape, and Maj
They have more than earned their badge
The day the dick jokes died
And they were singing bye, bye Kissing Suzy Kolber
What will become of the site now, I’m really not sure
And them good ol’ boys and even sometimes a girl
Sayin’ Roger Goodell’s worse than Hitler
Roger Goodell’s worse than Hitler
They were singing bye, bye Kissing Suzy Kolber
What will become of the site now, I’m really not sure
Them good ol’ boys and even sometimes a girl
Sayin’ Roger Goodell’s worse than Hitler
Goddamn go through 20 fucking steps to register, make an account, log in, then get told “an administrator has to approve your account.”
Then press the stupid “log on with WordPress” button and think, “wait, am I not logging on TO WordPress?” Then go through 20 fucking more steps to remember my old WordPress account, change my username and gravatar so it looks like the KSK version of me, and suddenly, here I am.
And then find out Otto is still missing.
Hold up — waaaaaiiitttt.
So Friday is my typical zone-out at work and catch up on KSK commenting day. However, since my crown popped off last week, I was spending Friday morning driving 100 miles to my dentist (read: friend who is an excellent dentist and he doesn’t charge me so I recommend everyone to him) and, as I was booking down I-10, weaving around semis and Priuses (because neither should be outside the right lane!) going about 95MPH in a wind/rain/dust storm, I decided to check my Facebook. It was there that I saw Ape was stepping down. I read about half the article, thought “Hmmm, good for him. He is the kind of guy who would step down after dealing with Uproxx — and, frankly, having to deal with all the kommenters making a point to attack Uproxx and their sponsors.” I figured I would write him a short DM this weekend and, I don’t know, maybe keep following the site or maybe not. RT Deadly recently introduced me to DFO and I’ve enjoyed lurking here for a few weeks so I was glad to have a new landing spot set up.
I helped my brother move on Saturday morning (“Oh yeah, we gotta walk everything up to the third floor. In Phoenix. In the middle of the day. In one of our eleven humid days a year.”), ate, then got blazed and laid around all day. So, fast forward to this morning when I see that pretty much the whole staff is taking a hike. Per above, I’m not heartbroken about the situation as much as I am for the writers (assuming they enjoyed the gig — until, you know, the last straw) but, seriously, what happened? I mean, I read the posts but does anyone have any details?
All I can do is infer. The writers were pissed that Uproxx really didn’t give a crap about KSK. The writers were rightfully enjoying what they were doing and decided to walk instead of turning KSK into WarmingGlow by making all there posts lists or “check out what was on the front page of Reddit today!”.
However, there are whispers in the wind if you listen very closely that something is on the way from Ape and folks. All of their twitters have basically said something of “taking a month off” so I don’t know if there was a specific non compete clause or everyone just taking a vacation.
I do not have any inside information… just a guy who is #upforwhatever
Outstanding.
HOW THE FUCK YA DOIN BOYS!!!! Nat Turner never got under my skin. Underball? Yeah that mutha fucker got to me. Oh FUCK UPROXX!!!
HEEEEEYYYYYYY!!!! How ya’ doing, CBQUE? Maybe we all just hated Nat Turner in the same way Underball enraged you. Whatever. Monty included you in a song. Now that is impressive!
Agreed more than my heart could’ve asked for. I tried to upload my Otto Orange why didn’t it work? Does it take some time for your profile to do it? Let’s keep the band together forever. Oh FUCK UPROXX!!!!
For years I sat, crouched in the tree just outside KSK’s window, looking through the glass at all the fun being had. Jokes flying around, pillow fights, hands placed in cups of warm water. Admittedly, I touched myself. I always said, “I should join in and comment; they seem like swell folks.” But I never mustered up the guts and put it off to long and now it’s TOO LATE!
Today I say NO MORE! after reading (singing) the absolute masterpiece Monty wrote above. You all made the site what it was and, if it’s alright, I’d like to press on with you all.
Welcome. All of us degenerates are glad to have you.
It’s just like that time that Mr. T was at the mall, and I kept saying, “I’ll go later, I’ll go later.” And when I finally got there, they said he had just left. And when I asked the man who worked there if Mr. T would ever come back, he said he didn’t know.
Drunks, Romofans, kountrymen, lend me your ears;
I come to bury KSK, not to praise him.
The dick jokes that men do lives after them;
The content driven posts is oft interred with their archives;
So let it be with KSK. The noble Uproxx
Hath told you KSK was profane:
If it were so, it was a grievous fault,
And grievously hath KSK answer’d it.
Here, under leave of Uproxx and the rest–
For Uproxx is an honorable site;
So are they all, all honorable sites–
Come I to speak in KSK’s funeral.
It was my friend, faithful and just to me:
But Uproxx says he was profane;
And Uproxx is an honorable site.
He hath brought many dick jokes to us all
Whose PK take downs with coffee notes doth fill:
Did this in KSK seem profane?
When that the kommentators have cried, KSK hath wept:
Profane should be made of vulgar stuff:
Yet Uproxx says he was profane;
And Uproxx is an honorable site.
I komment not to disprove what Uproxx spoke,
But here I am to komment what I do know.
You all did love KSK once, not without cause:
What cause withholds you then, to mourn for him?
O judgment! thou art fled to brutish beasts,
And men have lost their sexy Friday. Beardown with me;
My heart is in the coffin there with KSK,
And I must pause till it come back to me.
Also, props to whoever added the American Pie image. It’s perfect.
De nada.
Two days removed from “The Circumstances”, I feel like a young boy whose mother died, but his step-dad Liam Neesim bought him a drum kit to court the girl he likes. In short, it sucks, but the present looks very very promising. And The Universe still owes me a Bill Nighy full frontal.
http://www.allgeektome.net/wp-content/uploads/2012/12/love_actually_movie_image_bill_nighy_01.jpg
SWEET FUCKING DREAMS UPROXX.
http://38.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_ma49r28KZb1re4ylro1_500.gif
http://i.imgur.com/uUhOLyF.gif
Damn, this is beautiful.
Hall of fame.
Man, that was beautiful!
I can’t believe what’s happened. I take a day or two off the internet and KSK done blew up. So very bereft, but I’m relieved to find you all here (I literally never knew this place existed).
How the fuck are you doing? Welcome! WCS already spilled lasagna on the carpet, but take a look around… maybe sign up to do a season preview of the Titans or whatever!
Thanks for the welcome. I haven’t been around KSK too much since the rivebrog, but I missed everyone (especially you, because you reply to my comments. Also, you’re funny.)
I probably won’t do a preview, but I’m always game to make random comments about unrelated hockey games and dumb jokes.
Now to figure out how to change my damn avatar thing.
Odd how that is the general reaction that one has towards a preview of the Titans…
Lucky for you that you could correct your avatar. Some of the WordPress monsters will grow on you over time, such as Horatio’s tarted-up-whore or Croooow’s hairy-female-reproductive-system.
It’s great to see you here! Darkest Timeline Zach Morris is kicking ass trying to get us a rivebrog functional for the season to presumably facilitate banter about the new AHL-style adjustments to NHL OT!
Hahahaha. I did change my avatar when I first got here, but it hasn’t converted yet.
You may need to use gravatar for it to work.
Yes, this is indeed the case. I had to sign in to Gravatar, by which I mean I had to register for WordPress.com, which by the way is not WordPress.org (which we are on now?), THEN get onto Gravatar and add an avatar to my email address, meaning the same address as the one I used to register here.
Next thing I know, by which I mean after refreshing and waiting and refreshing for about 20 minutes, there was tiny struttin’ Dinklage up there in the right corner.
Now you have me wondering if my avatar change stuck .. let’s see.
Yes, it did stick. Welcome back pre-uproxx anonymous kneeling donkey!
I tried changing it several times, and in fact on my profile it comes up as something else.
I have, however, become quite fond of my tarted-up-whore.
I couldn’t remember the tune until i remembered ” the saga begins”
Still, great work son
THAT’S GREAT HUSTLE, SON
BRB, submitting this to the best covers post.
This made me laugh and cry.
It made me laugh,
it made me dance
it made me shit my pants.
Nice job Monty!
Excellent, excellent work Monty. You’ve outdone yourself, and I guarantee I’m not the only one who sang the whole thing.
I sang it from start to finish.
Is that you John Wayne? Is this me?
KSK has gone and we need to accept that and lay off the eulogies.
Unless it’s as good as this one, because this was fucking genius. That’s a gauntlet I won’t be picking up. Excellent work Monty.
/slaps Monty on the ass, HARD.
Yeah, I agree on eulogizing. I had this idea floating in my head since Friday afternoon but I didn’t have time to write it all out until last night.
Glad you did. This was awesome.
I was contemplating a “Pretty Maids All In A Row” (Eagles/Joe Walsh) version last night but I got drunk instead and now can’t remember the “great” ideas I had. Oh well.
http://sr1.wine-searcher.net/images/labels/62/40/10396240.jpg
http://40.media.tumblr.com/821b66183ab92395d5d9284da940dc4f/tumblr_nhm1sc1Ps91todpfno1_1280.jpg
Someone tweet this to Ape and the rest because it is a thing of beauty.
This makes me happy.
http://i.imgur.com/D9p4vZx.gif
That is probably one of my 2 or 3 all time favorite Simpsons episodes.
Modonna would be proud of this cover…
Madonna even
Live in fear no longer, Duchess. WE HAVE AN EDIT BUTTON HERE!
SOME of us have an edit button. SOME of us appear undeserving. No big deal; I always get it write the first time.
http://36.media.tumblr.com/c4c48d3c8ef8f20d3b745b9d448da3fe/tumblr_nkf1l1HdY81r4ro7yo1_1280.png
Outfuckingstanding!
http://replygif.net/1294
Holy shit that was awesome! Excellent job!
You know who else was worse than Hitler?
New School Zero?
Seriously dude, quit bogarting the beer!
Don’t tell him, but all the beers he’s been stealing have actually been the Beer that Shall Not Be Named. I switched the labels on the bottles.
you sly dog
UPROXX did have some good ideas.