ballsofsteelandfury
Balls somehow lost his bio and didn't realize it. He's now scrambling to write something clever and failing. He likes butts, boobs, most things that start with the letter B, and writing in the Second Person. Geelong, Toluca, Barcelona, and Steelers, in that order.
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scotchnaut

I was prepping some beef ribs when I was gripped by shame-why has this song not been on this post?

https://youtu.be/UF084-QBh8U

laserguru

Who ordered the Allagash white?
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8I8mWG6HlmU

laserguru

Whose liver is this?

scotchnaut

Thing is, these meet-up folks are going to be doing their best Canadian impressions in that they’ll be as polite as fuck to each other at the outset.

/HAH!

King Hippo

Off-topic, whoever on here recommended “Knockemstiff” please pat yourself on the back. Fucking great. The author’s style and personal story (blue collar worker turned author of very beautiful, brutally bleak literature) remind me of one of my all-time favourites – Per Petterson of Norway.

laserguru

That was me, Hippo.
Glad you liked it.
Seriously, try Frank Bill. Donnybrook.
Nice.

King Hippo

It’s on my calendar to order from the library. Started “The Devil All the Time” this morning. Need to pace myself so I don’t run out of A-list material before football starts.

laserguru

Well I’m here on time and everything. For those coming there is valet parking off of Venice. Hurry up dammit, I want a beer.

King Hippo

Of all the myriad reasons for me not to reside in LA (not being able to afford it, not good looking enough, etc), THAT would be the real deal-breaker. I fucking HATE someone else parking my car. Makes me twitchy as a methhead. And I drive a beat-up, piece of shit Honda Odyssey that’s pushing 160,000 miles.

Yeah, LA would just LUV teh Hippo.

WhyEaglesWhy

I lived in LA for 17 years and I hated valet parking with the heat of a thousand suns until the very last day.

Covalent Blonde

So what you’re saying is that my life does depend on ordering another, I see!

/Drinky logic

Covalent Blonde

I am the blonde girl in the watermelon-colored shirt drinking this awesome pilsner like my life depended on it.

King Hippo

Something else to enjoy whilst you wait:

laserguru

Oh there you are.

King Hippo

Long-distance dedication:

VonTazeMeBro

I am requesting a recap post of the meetup so Monty, Horatio, Snow and I can feel even more terrible about being in no proximity to any of our make believe friends.

Old School Zero

Supposedly there are other ones in Portland.

They just don’t want to hang out with me.

VonTazeMeBro

That’s bananas. I’d stalk the shit out of you if I were closer!

Old School Zero
King Hippo

The space/time continuum is a real pain in the ass for the stalker on-the-go in this modern world.

montythisseemsstrangetome

This is not unusual. Even my make believe friends when I was little didn’t want to be anywhere near me.

Cuntler

Completely overlooked again. What are you, my wife?

/bike horn

//tugs at collar

montythisseemsstrangetome

So, this Culver City, is it anywhere near the Midwest?

laserguru

It’s near the Mid Wilshire district so…
that’s something.

Horatio Cornblower

If anyone is up for a DOF outing in Eastern CT I’m eating ice cream by myself right now.

“That may be the saddest sentence I’ve ever written” thought Horatio, “including that dead-dog post.”

Old School Zero

I found this drawn on a whiteboard at work this week, so I took a picture.

comment image

I think this makes this thread open!

Old School Zero

somebody periscope this so the rest of us can creepy peeping video watch you.

Old School Zero

I would do it if I didn’t have plans tomorrow–visitors to entertain–but I’ll have to stalk you all in some other way.

BrettFavresColonoscopy

Serious question: how did your wives/girlfriends/partners/husbands/whatevers react to you saying you’re meeting up with your internet friends for a drink?

King Hippo

My then-wife was always very amused by my imaginary friends (in fact, she was the first person I heard use said phrase), but the for realz get togethers were so few and far between that I don’t recall the exact reaction. Probably some mild serial killer jokes.

BrettFavresColonoscopy

Well, I’m looking for other data in case there’s a meet up in DC when I’m in town. Though that’s getting less frequent now that I took a job that splits my time between here and Boulder.

Cuntler

Boulder? Hmmm… I can meet you in Denver. I am drunk now so I will totally renege on this. I assume all internet people want my kidneys or children.

BrettFavresColonoscopy

I have two kidneys, if that helps allay your concerns.

/just what someone who wants your kidneys would say.

montythisseemsstrangetome

Any internet person who ends up taking my children will have gotten what they deserved.

King Hippo

I’m always amused when I hear about kidnapping plots (it was part of a Nordic crime novel I recently read). I figure after I ignored the kidnappers for a few weeks, they’d be offering me a few thousand to come get them.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Mike (Balls of Steel) has already paved the way for my wife not worrying much about folks I meet via KSK.

montythisseemsstrangetome

RTD’s pets on the other hand now cower in the corner and whimper anytime they hear the word “balls”.

laserguru

I will be the fairly tall suave motherfucker with the grey “CUBS Baseball” t-shirt.
I’m willing to bet that I’m the only one who will be wearing one of those.

BrettFavresColonoscopy

Go Cubs!

/we suck

King Hippo

As much self-loathing as I have always possessed, I am damned lucky to have escaped your sad fate. Fortunately, I was always a speed and defense-based ballplayer as a lad (read – I couldn’t hit for shit, but I got to lead off because I would take a walk and always got to run for the catcher with 2 outs) plus could pick up KMOX all the way in Charlotte on my old-assed clock radio.

Thus, Cardinals Devil Magic for me. WOO!!!

Warthog

Shit Hippo, NC and a Cards fan? Now I know what it’s like when doves cry.

King Hippo

Woo! We’uns will have to have words if’n you like U*NC or Duke, though…

Cuntler

Broncos and Cardinals and you’re from Carolina? You are worse than Cancer and AIDS combined. No offencse.

Cuntler

Also 99% of Cardinals fans have never been to St. Louis and wouldn’t be Cardinals fans if they wandered 1/2 mile from the stadium. You
people are the worst. And that place is a shit hole, and I know shit holes, having spent a lot of time in Detroit and the South Side of Chicago.

Cuntler

(Yes, my hatred of that team and city burns with the fire of 100,000 suns. And I am Tigers fan.)

/DTLZM attempts to block account, locks self out instead and somehow gets a DUI
//Hippo holds me down
///Monty forcibly dresses me in jorts and Darren Wilson jersey

King Hippo

Hee hee, yes the “gas station fans” really are terrible. On the internet, not much better. I spent 3 days in St. Louis, found it ok, just unremarkable. The only city of any size I’ve really enjoyed, oddly enough, is Chicago.

Since It’s All Over, Fat Man went inactive, there’s no Broncos fansite that isn’t reprehensible, either. It’s a pity. But my love goes on anyway.

And you won’t get any argument from me, I am totally the fucking worst. Just don’t ever confuse me for a Carolina fan. Or a Dukie. Gross.

Cuntler

I get free donks tickets through work a lot so I root for them to do well because people in Denver are happy when they win. But they don’t make my soul hurt like the Bears do. Or the way the Cardinals do.

King Hippo

Yeah, unless one is a Chargers or Raiders fan, I gather it is hard to get too hate-filled about the Donks. Despite the whole lucking into arguably 2 of the 5 best QBs of all-time in the same generation of fandom in Elway and PeyPey, once your ineptitude on the biggest stage has been (fairly) a punchline on The Simpsons, it’s hard to ever be a true villain.

Thus, the Cardinals are the only villainous/overdog franchise I support. Trust me, my foaming at the mouth enthusiam (and subsequent heartbreak) for NC State and Everton (the Premier League footy version of NC State) more than makes up for it, Karma-wise.

BrettFavresColonoscopy

You should really commit and go in full Pam cosplay. I know they still sell that dolphin puppet online.

King Hippo

But do you have a Pam Poovey real doll? And if so, will you soon be featured on HBO’s Real Sex?

The Right Reverend Electric Mayhem

Never meet your heroes.

Or your gyros.

Such stomach pains

Covalent Blonde

And how! With any luck, I may have a moment out of the office before hand to make a moderately visible ‘DFO’ sign… like a weird valet meeting you as you depart the escalator.

Should we plan on a patio if there is room out there?

… is that an “anti-pants” tag I see? Do we not have to wear pants? Don’t tease!

laserguru

I will not be wearing pants.

makeitsnowondem

I’ll be there in spirits.