The First Real Open Thread of the Season!

FOOBAW-TIME

Holy crap, it’s here.  We have ACTUAL, COUNTING FOOTBALL for the first time in roughly 10 quatrillion years.  We’ve been subjected to preseason football, Ballghazi, Spygate Redux, The assorted ongoing [*Redacted] s debacle, the goddamned Patriots being your returning champions, the preseason knee apocalypses of Jordy Nelson and Kelvin Benjamin, thousands of terrible think pieces about violence and concussions, the weird muzzling of Junior Seau’s daughter at the Hall of Fame, Geno Smith getting punched in the face by a teammate, and everything else awful pertaining to football being dragged into the light.  Sadly, this is in no way a comprehensive list.

But now, we’re here.  We’ve climbed an Everest of garbage and planted our dick joke flag on top of NFL mountain.  Let’s have a great time tonight, kids.

 

FOO’BAW!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Gina Carano

Tennant Dr Woh Yes

Loki

Al Bundy2nd Half Post is up HERE

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Darkest Timeline Zack Morris
DTZM escaped his dark timeline through a wormhole created by Lord Screech, after he destroyed Bayside for never allowing him to mate with Lisa Turtle. Zach now lives a quiet life in St. Louis with his wife, Darkest Timeline Kelly Kapowski. They have no children, but do have the world's cutest dogs.
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bourb0nblues

C’mon ref… say it: “5 yards, cheating” … you KNOW you wanna.

Why Thank You Eddie

/gently pushes open door/ Good evening gentlemen.
/places top hat on hat rack
/gently swats all on the the backside in good fun

Lothar of the Hill People

What a pussy punch. You’re gonna punch a guy, punch him. Don’t try to be sneaky so the ref doesn’t see it.

Jeez, I hate the Patriots so much I hate how they punch guys.

Duchess

Brady looks like a psychopath… he’s a Trump supporter so it fits

talkingcanofveggies

Weird, usually Edelman is the one who swipes right…

Moonbatting Average

Unfortunately, the first snap of Brady’s season wasn’t his ACL

King Hippo

God is dead.

scotchnaut

“LONG LIVE GOD!”

-Kim Davis

Redshirt

Ha. Ha. Eat it, Pats!

Hey Greatriots, looks liie Roger is a lover spurned now.

Stabby Pants

If he’s told the officials to flag the Pats for their fouls, they will go 4-12.

Horatio Cornblower

Gritty

scotchnaut

CFL ads during the NFL game. So cute!

You Mistook My Lust For Love

All former Jaguars are doomed to failure.

Sill Bimmons
Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Big fan of 3 o’clock high references.

upstate underdog

Blow jobs > Steve Jobs

MikeWallaceAndGromit

Somebody’s kicker just wracked up a big -4 with that miss in the DFO league.

CBQUE

Every time I look at one of these dumb ass play callers fuck things up I remember Bill Walsh saying put the ball in the hands of your best players and stop overthinking. But no these assholes have to get cute. Fuck you Boss Todd.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

You can take the kicker out of Jacksonville…

Sharkbait

With Stiller kickers going down faster than Spinal Tap drummers, at least he didnt spike himself.

Redshirt

I hope on the first play the defense dogpiles on Tom Brady NFL Blitz style.

Senor Weaselo

Goddammit Josh Scobee.

Thrillhouse

Nothing like some good ol’ American HiFi to go with Thursday night football.

The Right Reverend Electric Mayhem

CHECK THE BALL PRESSURE!

makeitsnowondem

more like shaun missham

Stabby Pants

Jeff Reed-esque.

King Hippo

Godfuckingdamnit

WCS

Juuuuuuuuuuuuuuust a bit outside…

Sill Bimmons

Playing for the FG.

Ask Mike Fucking McCarthy how that turns out.

Lothar of the Hill People

Is Scobee the drunk?

WCS

That kick looked like he was high on mescaline.

ThePirateSloth

Al Michaels hates having to work with Cris Collingsworth….

but still does his fucking job Kim

CBQUE

Tomlin Vs. Belichick in a fight who wins?

King Hippo

Belicheat’s dentist!

John Difool

Belichick would lose the battle but win the war eventually when he sleeps with Tomlin’s mom.

Horatio Cornblower

41 years total as an NFL coach, his entire life a humorless prick.

CBQUE

Holy shit a Camaro. This night just got epic

CBQUE

You knew NBC wasn’t going to have anyone ruin their narrative about The Patriots dominant defense. Which basically stops no one other than Luck & Manning.

Stabby Pants

‘It’s almost like they know what plays their opponents are going to call soemtimes. Thats how good they are.’

makeitsnowondem

Anyone here having trouble with the refresh?

CBQUE

Here.

Sharkbait

Error 404: Dick joke not found

WCS

Extremely.

Sill Bimmons

Yep.

Thrillhouse

Yurp.

Lothar of the Hill People

Try a little masengil. That’ll get rid of that not-so-fresh feeling.

(One of SNL’s best commercial parodies, when Michael Jordan did the masengil commercial)

upstate underdog

I’m prett sure Bell would have had about 50 rushing yards by now

Lothar of the Hill People

2nd and 28 draw play courtesy of John Shoop. Stay tuned for the 3rd and 24 bubble screen.

The Right Reverend Electric Mayhem

Dear JHVH-1: Please let Rapey triumph over Cheaty. And let Cheaty Jr. be dismembered and his body parts displayed in the four quarters of the Football World.

And I would like a pony.

Horatio Cornblower

Isn’t it about time for Tomlin to trip up a defender on a Go route?

Sill Bimmons

So much for that display of competence…

upstate underdog

First flag of the season, drink!

Horatio Cornblower

Wait, we have to have a reason?

WCS

BOSS TODD CARES NOT FOR YOUR TRICK PLAYS

Brocky

Yeah chris let’s focus on the patriots defender getting owned, not the ot doing his job

Stabby Pants

Ah, there we go. There’s the steeler’s trademarked option pass that they’ve been runnign for 15 years.

MikeWallaceAndGromit

Brown may know how to throw, but he sure as shit doesn’t know how to throw it away.

Moonbatting Average

FIRST DERP OF THE SEASON!

scotchnaut

I read your handle as Motorboating Average. I don’t apologize.

makeitsnowondem

Well, now Antonio Brown’s Total QBR is shit.

Sill Bimmons

IROC FAIL

Horatio Cornblower

The Patriots have clearly gotten together on the high-lighted hair extensions.

I hope Todd Haley uses the Patriots trophies for his chewing Tobacco spittoon.