The First Real Open Thread of the Season!

FOOBAW-TIME

Holy crap, it’s here.  We have ACTUAL, COUNTING FOOTBALL for the first time in roughly 10 quatrillion years.  We’ve been subjected to preseason football, Ballghazi, Spygate Redux, The assorted ongoing [*Redacted] s debacle, the goddamned Patriots being your returning champions, the preseason knee apocalypses of Jordy Nelson and Kelvin Benjamin, thousands of terrible think pieces about violence and concussions, the weird muzzling of Junior Seau’s daughter at the Hall of Fame, Geno Smith getting punched in the face by a teammate, and everything else awful pertaining to football being dragged into the light.  Sadly, this is in no way a comprehensive list.

But now, we’re here.  We’ve climbed an Everest of garbage and planted our dick joke flag on top of NFL mountain.  Let’s have a great time tonight, kids.

 

FOO’BAW!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Gina Carano

Tennant Dr Woh Yes

Loki

Al Bundy2nd Half Post is up HERE

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Darkest Timeline Zack Morris
DTZM escaped his dark timeline through a wormhole created by Lord Screech, after he destroyed Bayside for never allowing him to mate with Lisa Turtle. Zach now lives a quiet life in St. Louis with his wife, Darkest Timeline Kelly Kapowski. They have no children, but do have the world's cutest dogs.
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Dick E. Phuck

What happened to Shazier’s eyebrows?

The Right Reverend Electric Mayhem

Is Shazier a clone of James Harrison?

Gratliff

Holy shit. Is there football on my TV? Can I really believe it? The patriots are being accused of cheating in the first? Yeah, it’s real.

Stabby Pants

Destiny: Please buy this shit, we spent 500 million dollars making it and still haven’t made that money back.

King Hippo

Wonder what odds you could have got betting on a scoreless 1st quarter?

Jesus Cris could you be any lamer with those nicknames.

Charge of the Light Brigade

Not every commentator can be Jon Gruden.

blackroseMD1

Is Aaron Hernandez playing QB for the Cheats, because #12 is murdering my fantasy team right now.

Heath freaking Miller already has 7 points for my opponent…Brady has less than 2. What an asshole.

Lothar of the Hill People

I love how Collinsworth talks about how “every team has a story of strange things happening at Foxboro” as if everyone’s jealous and they all are making shit up.

No, you Cincinnati-loving dipshit, if “every team” has a story, maybe there’s a fucking pattern of cheating. Considering the team’s been caught multiple times, maybe–just maybe–one of the things they’re really good at is breaking rules.

Stabby Pants

Everyone has stories of Cris Collinsworth not molesting underaged sheep…

John Difool

Was Chris Collinsworth playing pocket pool or actually jacking off below camera view: You Decide

Senor Weaselo

Are they actually calling holding penalties against the Patriots? It’s a Festivus miracle.

Wait is Cris not acting as an apologist for the Patriots.

King Hippo

SO MUCH BULLSHIT

The Right Reverend Electric Mayhem

Apparently Al and Cris received a memo from NFL that they were finally allowed to talk about the Patriots

Senor Weaselo

“A spade of stories? Oh hell no.” -Riley Cooper

Sharkbait

My fiance is making smores. I wonder how bourbon goes with that…

The Mighty Feklahr

Fucking GREAT

The Right Reverend Electric Mayhem

FEK LIVES

Why Thank You Eddie

Smores? Don’t trust her. She’s hiding something.

The Mighty Feklahr

OK, steak sub and fries down, time for more…frags?

Why Thank You Eddie

Is Aaron Hernandez allowed to watch tonight or do they make him go to his shame corner to think about what he did.

Stabby Pants

Did you see the pregame? No patriots player has ever felt shame.

makeitsnowondem

Is this a different DeAngelo Williams? This is a different DeAngelo Williams

Horatio Cornblower

It’s The Steeler Way! (TM)

Downfield Matriculator

Find a way to get to the quarterback when unblocked (fixed that)

Howdy all you KSK refugees!

blackroseMD1

The Steelers coaches headsets aren’t working right? In Foxboro?

Shocking!

Brocky

Anyone else having trouble logging in on to wordpress? Can’t log in from a desktop

Infinite Jets

Hello there you erotic creatures. Had a bitch of a time logging in but here to livebrog like its 2011.

Horatio Cornblower

That’s also not a horse-collar anywhere on the field Cris, you fucking idiot.

Lothar of the Hill People

Steeler headsets not working properly?

I’ve never heard of THAT happening at Foxboro before.

Holy fuck, does the NFL even give a shit that the Patriots cheat so blatantly?

The Right Reverend Electric Mayhem

Usually it’s the other way. I think the Dirty Tricks Team are protesting over how the Pats through the Deflator and Dorito Dink under the bus.

Stabby Pants

Well, it was more an equipment mistake. They gave the wrong headsets to the wrong teams.

blordinaryfagicmox

Seems like, just with the balls, headset frequencies and such should be handled and supervised by the league. And, if your headsets aren’t working cant you make the other team not use theirs for the duration? Youd probably get fired for being a pussy if trying to enforce that rule.

We want the ball and oh shit
Why Thank You Eddie

Speaking of slowly and gingerly, any sightings of the commissioner Michelle?

MikeWallaceAndGromit

I wonder how they describe Andy Dalton as he walks off injured.

John Difool

Elderly Steelers running back ‘The Old Train’

Stabby Pants

IF THEY MENTION MACLOM BUTLER”S SUPERBOWL PLAY ONE MORE TIME, I WILL SWITCH TO HARD LIQUOR.

Sharkbait

You havent already?

Stabby Pants

I was waiting till the half.

scotchnaut

“Hello, hard liquor!”

-Stabby Pants, ten minutes from now

bourb0nblues

Antonio Brown doing things.

Senor Weaselo

Antonio Brown might have pulled a “Gimme dat” from NFL Street.

Lothar of the Hill People

How is that not pass interference?

CBQUE

After all these years you really asking that question?

Go fuck yourslef Malcolm.

Brocky

The fact that brady could legitimately die in a horrible way and I wouldn’t feel remorely sorry for him is a testament to how much I hate nfl coverage

Horatio Cornblower

That fact that he’s my starting QB in ff and could die in a horrible way and I wouldn’t be remotely upset is a testament to how much I hate NFL coverage.

And also what a horrible person I am of course.

Sharkbait

Strangely competent DeAngelo Williams

CBQUE

So that graph means The Pats suck at drafting.

Sill Bimmons

Belichickian post-SB vomitus.

Horatio Cornblower

I think we’re breaking the server.

Sill Bimmons

Yep.

Lothar of the Hill People

Yeah, that’s what it feels like.

Stabby Pants

Heroes: Remember how good season one was? Well, this is kind of a season one, of sorts.

Dick E. Phuck

How the hell is everyone doin?

Stabby Pants

‘Belichek loves left footed punters almost as much as he loves his players mothers.’

Marc Trestmans Windowless Van

New England intros… I can’t watch even though it is the first game of the year and I miss football.

http://33.media.tumblr.com/1c62746a58d71302e8942981e5dc5fda/tumblr_nuhc64tcIK1rj4j4jo1_500.gif

NSFWish

We want the ball and oh shit

That’s a lot of gritty crackers.

Duchess

is it safe to post yet?

Horatio Cornblower

“he’d beaten Gay down the sideline….”

Even when the Patriots aren’t doing anything wrong it sounds like a hate crime.

Stabby Pants

If that offensive lineup got any whiter, it’d be a hate crime.

Lothar of the Hill People

Are the Steelers gonna have their corners actually, you know, cover?

Sill Bimmons

White Guy, White Guy Position, White Guy School

Sill Bimmons

I hate the Patriots more than I hate anything in the universe right now.

King Hippo

I’d trade a crippled Brady and a no-playoffs season (no 0-16 because I don’t want them with the #1 pick) for a goddamned President Trump.

Fuck the human race anyway.

The Right Reverend Electric Mayhem

1. War
2. Hunger
3. Possibility of living under President Trump
4. Patriots

CBQUE

Every time some asshole compares Brady to Montana I ask myself how would he do if he got to stand in the shotgun and have Rice, Taylor, Brent Jones & co get free fucking releases all game?

His Right Honorable Lord Lordship the Lordly

Has there ever been as coddled by the league as the Pats? It’s a genuine question, I am not as well versed in the history of the league.

Senor Weaselo

Personal foul, damn it… ON the Patriots? Holy shit!