Your Thursday Night Football Open Thread

[peeks out from under the covers] Has it started yet? No? Who said I was scared? I’m not scared. Maybe it’s YOU that’s scared. [sighs]

Wash @ NYG: The Giants should  be 2-0. Let’s get that out of the way right now. Howevah, The Catastrophic Meltdowns really like the vibe that this team is giving off. As far as Washington is concerned, if this Matt Jones kid is the real thing and Morris keeps going they’ve got a running game that may take them to the NFC East title. Not that that will be a great accomplishment this year. Ain’t sour grapes grand? Cousins’ play is up and down and he doesn’t have D-Jax but the Giants don’t have Rogers-Cromartie so that should be a wash. Beason is ready to give it a go tonight-maybe he’ll make it through the whole game. You just never know, maybe the Giants finally get their *Coughlin* shit *Coughlin* together. We could be looking at another snooze-fest but, “It’s Still Real To Me, Damnit!” What can I say, the scotch is poured. (into an Oktoberfest-sized stein)

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jjfozz

God this game is a shit shower
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Dunstan

Has any defense scored on a 2-point conversion turnover yet? And if not, can we start a pool on which QB will be the first to throw a Pick-Two?

jjfozz

I got Flacco

Darkest Timeline Zack Morris

Jay Cutler meows his acceptance to your challenge.

entropy

That was one awkward-looking attempt at a catch.

Moonbatting Average

Men. I just got back from a business trip to industrial west Houston. That place makes my home (Dallas) look like Singapore. What. A. Shithole. Third-World cities like DC have better traffic

JustStopDude

I love how there is zero fucks given for zoning, education, and quality of life. I once offered to do a job in India rather than a o e in Houston.

jjfozz

Milk, it does a body good
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MikeWallaceAndGromit

Donnell, you’re killing me Smalls.

hippofant

What’s the difference between Donnell and an offensive lineman?

Sometimes an offensive lineman surprises you by catching a pass.

King Hippo

18-6, coming right up.

BrettFavresColonoscopy

Freaky.

JustStopDude

This baseball game is getting out of hand

Darkest Timeline Zack Morris

http://i.imgur.com/n8saJTs.png

We need this guy back.

Old School Zero

Yeah, there’s a void there. Someone needs to step up and start stealing our jokes to use on their twitter account.

Darkest Timeline Zack Morris

Right? I don’t feel appreciated until I see my jokes in someone else’s hands.

MikeWallaceAndGromit

Did I miss this whole ordeal?

Darkest Timeline Zack Morris

Yeah, this guy kept trying to promote his Twitter and blog on KSK and OSZ slapped him in the mouth one day. His user name was @PellicanPierre Twitter.

King Hippo

The Fat Islamic?

entropy

BEHOLD OUR BASICALLY COMPETENT PLAY!!!

OsamaBenJarvus

ANSWER THE GODDAMN PHONE!

WCS

I thought class was over.

OsamaBenJarvus

Probably an alarm to remind Eli to take his Flintstones gummies.

jjfozz

I always wonder how a black guy gets the last name of “Blackmon”. Is there a Caucasian out there named Ryan Whiteboy?

Sill Bimmons

Plenty of Caucasians named just “White.”

Sill Bimmons

And “Black,” for that matter.

jjfozz

I just realized there has got to be a Ryan Whiteboy living somewhere in Boston right now

Sill Bimmons

Southie.

bourb0nblues

Throw it to Beckham! Prey on the weak!

Old School Zero

SWEEP THE LEG

Darkest Timeline Zack Morris

2 fun Jim Nantz facts:
He pays 960,000 per year in alimony
He cheated on his wife with a woman born the same year he got married

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

960,000 what?

Darkest Timeline Zack Morris

Whimwams.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

Oh, ’cause Thai virgins ain’t cheap.

entropy

Hah! Joke’s on you, there’s nothing fun about Jim Nantz!

Sill Bimmons

Douchebaggery costs, but it apparently pays much better.

BrettFavresColonoscopy

/the more you know gif

JustStopDude

I dated a girl in college nine years younger than me my senior year. We were bpth seniors and I had done 6 years in the military prior to college.

It was still weird at times….explaining references and shit. I cannot imagine dating someone that fucking younger than me.

WhyEaglesWhy

My girlfriend is 11 years younger than me. I would have said the same thing, but we actually get along okay. It helps that I’m immature. She basically only makes fun of me for liking hair metal.

WCS

hes a hardworking SCARPPY hardwoker not leik that other guy if u no wat i meen smdh

JustStopDude

Ha! Boss just texted me “u r joking yes?”

I honestly feel bad for the dude. 12 months ago, we had 35 US based field engineers working for him globally. There are nine of us left. For the life of me I cannot umderstand what our upper management is doing.

entropy

I believe their usual excuse for that sort of thing is “protecting the investors.”

jjfozz

That’s why they’re upper management, someone put them there so they could do less damage.

King Hippo

26 of 35? Maybe it really is time to look inward, eh?

And Jeebus, I can only imagine how creeped out I would be to get a text from my boss that started “u r”

JustStopDude

He is German. His English is terrible. Its actually easier to understand his text speak than his actual speak.

entropy

Usually when I ask this once a year, you usually respond, “my three incompletions,” so, here we go, Phil: who has a better shot at quarterbacking success, your grown sons or the kids that didn’t make it to term?

King Hippo

I quit paying attention, and Most Glorious Baseball Cardinals are now AHEAD 7-3.

Knew that WCS and Sill would be happy to hear that. NOW BEAT THOSE GODDAMNED SMALL BEARS ALREADY.

Darkest Timeline Zack Morris

WHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO I went to the game last night, and it was GLORIOUS. Will people leave DFO if they find out I’m a Cardinals fan? I DON’T CARE GO CARDS!

Sill Bimmons

I knew, and I didn’t leave.

And I fucking despise the Cardinals.

So, there you go.

Darkest Timeline Zack Morris

That is true. I feel less hateable.

Sill Bimmons

boo

Sill Bimmons

This…has been something that happened.

JustStopDude

Lets see if this works. For some reason i got to use chrome on moble. My lazy ass doesn’t want to sit ina chair anymore. Couchtime!

BrettFavresColonoscopy

I just took a leak and got a reminder that I made asparagus as part of dinner tonight.

BrettFavresColonoscopy

No YOU share too much.

jjfozz

Pink plate!

Look kids, the money generated by that pink plate won’t go to help breast cancer victims.

OsamaBenJarvus

I watched the entire first half in a blur because I can’t be arsed to get up and find my glasses. Taking lazy to new levels for myself.

Defensive Back Mike Wallace

A blur? Lucky bastard.

Sill Bimmons

You did yourself a favor.

blackroseMD1

I was going to comment about how exciting this game is, but then I realized that it had put me to sleep and I was dreaming about a different game.

Think I’m gonna go run over some hookers instead of sitting here watching this.

Then maybe get in some GTA V later.

jjfozz

As I get older I have noticed that my new thing is to give the finger to solitary objects: the television, my cell phone, a chair that bumped into really hard.

What the fuck?

Darkest Timeline Zack Morris

I gave the finger to a gate I knocked over today. Am I an old too???? GAH

entropy

And who said you can’t teach an old dog new tricks?

King Hippo

I do this to yellow lights that I run.

Senor Weaselo

I give it to show peace between worlds.

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Spur

“Giants broke the curse”, they’re only up by 9 at the half.

Senor Weaselo

There’s still a fourth quarter to be played.

King Hippo

Did Dok’s Lebanese kill her, or why has she forsaken us?

THIS IS YOUR FOOTY SIDE’S SPOTLIGHT DANCE ,, SMGDH

Sill Bimmons

SUICIDE BY KOFTE

Dunstan

So, has there been one commercial break yet without at least one fantasy commercial?

entropy

Don’t talk shit on FanDriftFuckDuel, the NFL will revoke your fan status and make you watch curling regional qualifiers during the playoffs.

Dunstan

Joke’s on them. I like curling. Go, Rachel Homan!

entropy

I…. I don’t even have a response for that.

WCS

At this rate, maps of the country will read, “Fan Duel Presents: The United States of America, sponsored by Draft Kings” by 2017.

entropy

The civil war will be devastating, but at least only virtual.

King Hippo

I dunno who I is even supposed to support, as a Son of the South ,, smgdh

Beerguyrob

“LIVE, from the President Trump Casino at Camp David!”

Senor Weaselo

Pepsi Presents: New Zanzibar

OsamaBenJarvus

I don’t know what’s worse, all the commercials or the fact that every goddamn sports talking head is pushing one or the other. Even fucking Ufford is shilling for them.

entropy

Would anyone else start watching NCIS if they got rid of eve one but Mark Harmon and the brunette, and the new agents were Dave & Chainsaw from Summer School?

Dunstan

Throw in Courtney Thorne-Smith and you’ve got a deal.

OsamaBenJarvus

Fuck yes, Francis.

Darkest Timeline Zack Morris

Bring back Alotta Fagina and you’ve got a stew going!

Dunstan

You know, it takes a lot to make a stew….

Darkest Timeline Zack Morris
Sill Bimmons

yes

entropy

That settles it. I am obviously meant to be a Network Television Executive. Where are my complimentary hookers and blow?

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

I would watch if they chainsawed Mark Harmon into little pieces.

Spur

Holy shit I’m watching Thursday night football?

King Hippo

You get Thursday Night Football on Sunday night this week too!

Senor Weaselo

Good clock management. LOFTY clock management.

Sill Bimmons

So…

Mother Puncher

…………………………………..

WCS

Not sure if Morse code, or Shonn Greene’s empty locker…

Sill Bimmons

Both…

Old School Zero

Yup.

jjfozz

Kettle One Lemon vodka served in a flagon?

You bet your sweet ass.

litre_cola

Eli really likes leaving his receivers hanging out to dry. Thats twice this drive that ODB has been led to a beating.

entropy

ODB stole his juice box, so Eli is getting him back the only way he knows how.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Hey, that’s what he gets for swindling Eli on that dessert trade.

Sill Bimmons

That’s nothing compared to what Matt Ryan tried to do to Julio Jones on Sunday.

Mother Puncher

“Get on my level, cunts.”

-Eli Manning

Senor Weaselo

Back from getting dinner. Did I miss anything good?

Mother Puncher

Believe it or not, there was a touchdown in this 15-6 game.

Senor Weaselo

I left at 9-0 because “Well, this game’s over, and Five Guys closes in an hour.” It’s still over, right?

WCS

Extremely.

BrettFavresColonoscopy

Bring me some five guys.

Senor Weaselo

I’m back already. You want my refilled drink? The one by me doesn’t have shakes, the bastards.

OsamaBenJarvus
Sill Bimmons

What do you think?

Old School Zero

that beer was good but now the room is tilting

Sill Bimmons

woops

Sill Bimmons

No pass rush against the Gints is a really bad sign.

Dick E. Phuck

Who the hell does J.J. Watt think he is? Rocky Balboa? Everyone knows he’s the NFL equivalent of Drago.

King Hippo

I think he’s locked on Beckham, slurs.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Originally they were going to hire former Jacksonville punter Chris Hanson for that ad, but…you know.

Mother Puncher

Are NFL players contractually obligated to wear their uniform in commercials, or is that an artistic choice?

BrettFavresColonoscopy

JJ Watt doesn’t ever take off his uniform. #riseandgrind #blessed

OsamaBenJarvus

I interviewed Rashad Jennings cousin for a job a couple of weeks ago. Due to the fact that he kept mentioning that he was Rashad Jennings cousin he’s still fucking unemployed.

jjfozz

JJ Watt. Lumberdick.

So how dull does that stadium have to be for Jim Fucking Nantz to complain about the lack of energy?

litre_cola

If anything Eli is known for his clock management

Old School Zero

Giants fans can’t show a lot of energy. Doctor’s orders.

BrettFavresColonoscopy

THIS GUY KIRK COUSINS, I CALL HIM MY BALLS IN HIGH SCHOOL BECAUSE HE CANT SCORE AND IS JUST HANGING AROUND WAITING TO BE PUNCHED

WCS

JV NFL is a damned good game. Way better than this dickpunch.