Ah, September. The most glorious month of all. Football returns. Humidity abates. This is our last Saturday full of footy. But worry not, October pretty much kicks ass too. SLEEPING WEATHER!!
But first, your EPL morning. I know you all must be heartbroken that Everton is slated for England’s version of MNF (3:00pm, NBCSN) this week. I know I am!! And it’s not that bad a matchup, I had no idea West Brom were on 8 points. I always assume they are sucking hind teat. Anyway, I digress. Manchester City plays the ass-crack of dawn (7:45 EST, NBCSN) fixture, and will take out their anger on the poor Hot Spurs of Tottenham. It’s a good test of whether City are truly mortal, or just had one of them days last week against the suddenly 3rd place Hammers (who try to avoid a trap fixture against mid-table but quite meh Norwich at 10 on Extra Time).
The main 10:00 MSNBC game is kind of a dog, 2nd place Manure against dead last Sunderland, but the team frustrated contenders have learned to call “Fuckin’ Sunderland, man” over the past two years is anything but predictable. Fortunately, USA has your back with a cracker matchup of 4th place Leicester and 5th place Arsenal.
You are free to switch to JV footy at noon this week. Woof.
Watford and Palace square off (11:00, NBCSN) in the only Sunday fixture, and that one could be well worth your time. Palace is considerably more progressive and interesting, but each side is on 9 points so far.
[JV Footy Door Flies Open]
BYU at Michigan (noon, ABC)
Have you ever seen a group of pissed off Mormons? This may be your chance. I like that mental image, combined with that of Harbaugh suffering. Worth a look-see.
Georgia Tech at Duke (noon, ESPN2)
This game will set back offense 50 or 60 years. The winner of this game will be in the driver’s seat of its division, and thus a seat in the championship game of a so-called major conference. The world, it just makes no fucking sense. Still, anyone but U*NC.
Central Florida at South Cakalaky (noon, ESPNU)
I just wanted to point out that this is a nationaly televised game. The teams’ combined record is 1-5. The only team vanquished is U*NC. HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHA
Maryland at West By God Virginia (3:00, FS1)
This has always been, and by transitive properly, always shall be, an entertaining shitshow. Nobody fears the turtle. You think WCS ain’t gon drank?
Tennessee at Florida (3:30, CBS)
Remember when this game mattered? Yeah, I old.
TCU at Texas Tech (4:45, Fox)
I like that this game starts at such an odd time, on a major broadcast network. My brain is a strange place. TCU scored 82 on the Red Raiders last year. Guns up, indeed.
NC State at South Alabama (8:00, ESPN News)
OH YEAH! We finally made the broadcast version of the ESPN family of networks. And we get to break into full Communist mode. DOWN WITH USA!! Capitalist pig dogs!!!
UCLA at Arizona (8:00, ABC)
Wait, you wanted a REAL game to watch? Probably go with this one, then. I’m not sure if either team is any good, really. But there will probably be ample scoring.
Utah at Oregon (8:30, Fox)
Also a real game, also from the Pac 12. A good chance to see just how shitty Oregon is this season. I could see Utah really shitting all over them, if what I saw during the Sparty game is any harbinger of teh future.
USC at Arizona State (10:30, ESPN)
For young people, insomniacs, and various tweakers. I will probably DVR it, since they is no early EPL fixture.
Texas tech is going to get its revenge against tcu today. Let the tortillas fly!
I’d rather see Tech win than the fundies.
are the Frogs uber-fundie? Thought that was just Baylor.
UMass down by just one to ND with 5 minutes left in the first half? Mrs. Cornblower’s cleanup jizz mop is going to pay for itself today.
I always wondered why Mike Rowe never tackled “jizz mopper” on his “Dirty Jobs” show. Woulda watched that episode.
Vols QB is very good at footballing aside from teh passing.
Which JV game should I watch opposite the Ice Stillers?
Ice footbaw has started already? Jeebus.
TN/FL (CBS) by default now, but it’s pretty shitty. Maybe TCU/Texas Tech when it starts in like 10 minutes (Fox).
“5 Dollar Fill Ups”
Hey consumer, we like to think of you as a gas tank that needs to have some sort of fuel in it.
I would like to be outraged, but it is mostly accurate. MURRIKA!
At least there’s some Pac 12kakke tonight
WVU absolutely shithousing Maryland.
Wake recovers onside kick down 7 against Indiana in cross-country Sadness Bowl.
Frohnapfel sounds like a delicious Swiss pastry.
/yesterday
Me: Just warning you-I’m going to be into the sauce VERY early Saturday.
Wife: That’s not good. Why?
Me: Good Bolognese takes time, baby.
Wife: [kicks me in the shin]
Scotch,
While you could have avoided the kick to the shin you absolutely right about a ragu. A good one takes a very long time. (Nomonkeyfun starts dreading the time his sauce with sausage will take.) Then realizes how tasty that sauce will be, doesn’t dread the waiting time anymore.
If I had my druthers (what’s a ‘druther’?) I’d let it go for 5-6 hours but the family wants in on it after 2 hours when the flavours start to permeate the house.
Buy the meat today, start cooking during breakfast time tomorrow. This is why I love cooking for only one person. No offense to your family, but most of the fools in the world aren’t interested in dinner or at least late Sunday lunch/early dinner until 3PM, if not later
When they start to get interested in you sauce tomorrow, tell them that it is a post production product.
“I’d rather” became “I’d ruther,” which became “druthers”
That is, “If I’d had my ‘rathers,’ I’d beat the fuck out of every mush-mouth southerner who introduced a stupid idiom into our language.”
Just finished in DVR the Spurs’ pasting over City. HAHAHAHAHA ingeniero Pellegrini will get more heat than architect Andrew Luck.
Oh NBC trying to sell me that #6 home team vs 0-2 UMass is worth watching?
This stupid fucking country.
Ladies and gentlemen…your 3:30 window!!
re: TN at FL pregame. Nothing makes me less excited for a game than CBS forcing 2 UNR teams on me and swearing that ‘the rivalry is back’
Not a good year to be ranked 20 to 25.
Duke hacked up the bone. All is well.
Duke is choking big time.
Well, Belle Knox isn’t a real porn star. I know neither Bobbi Starr nor Bobbi Bliss would have choked.
Can I just say how great it is to care about baseball again?
To have players from whom you expect excellence rather than incompetence?
Those twenty years were some dark times. Operation Shutdown. 57-105. Matt Morris.
Never once did they even hint at competence, even the crazy ride of 1997. You knew it was just a mirage, and when the inevitable collapse occurred you just sort of shrugged, a pre-Internet indication of the emotion “Meh.”
I did think they’d finally get over .500 in 2013 but if you’d bet me that they would make the playoffs you would have pretty much everything I own.
And now you watch these guys. They can play, and they know they can play. They expect to succeed. They expect to make the big catch, the big strikeout, the big hit. It’s fantastic.
I will say that being the second best team in baseball and getting nothing out of it but a one-game dice throw against a guy who has been insane since the ASG pretty much sucks. But that’s probably how it’s going to go. I really think if they’re going to include two wildcard teams in the postseason they really should have a three-game playoff. Too many variables in a single game of baseball, which is why nobody but insane people bet individual games.
Thanks for listening.
2nd best after Toronto now. Redbirds dead in the water, win the coinflip game and you’ll sweep us. No Yadi, no Carlos = no chance. Good luck, Yinz have suffered much and deserve a good run.
One thing I will never do is count out the Cards.
That’s just crazy talk.
Sill,
I understand. I miss skinny Barry Bonds throwing out Sid Bream, Andy Van Slyke, Doug Drabeck, especially fleecing the Yanks in that trade, and most of all I miss Bobby Bonilla being a Pirate, and not a Met.
Most especially I miss the old NL East. All of the cities I love to hate in one division, except of course for Bahstan.
The Mets, Cards, Pirates, and Cubbies battling it out in quite often great season long battles. And all four beating the shit out of the Phillies. Those were the days. I really would like baseball to go back to the two division/two league setup. Have the two division winners, and the two top non-division winners make the playoffs. As a LOLMets fan, I wouldn’t be happy to get shut out of the playoffs this year, but I would be proud to lose to my now former ML East brethren.
Your dirt Stillers can still theoretically win 100 games, and have a one game playoff against a team you could be leading by as many as 10+ games. That ain’t right.
Do the Cards play the winner of the one game playoff, because they have the best record in the league? Really hope they do, even dealing with Kershaw et al, I’d rather go out West than have my Pondscum play those hicks from STL.
Best of luck to your boys, unless they meet mine.
Fuck the Cards.
It does suck that two 90+ win teams only get one game.
One of which (Cards/Bucs) will have 100+
To which I must say. Fuck the Cards. They are the Yankees of the NL.
BTW, their fans, while they revel in the history of the gashouse gang and other great periods, they always think of themselves as a down trodden member of the NL.
Again, a hearty FU to the Cards. Much respect to the franchise for being so good on a regular basis, but I hate those guys in general.
Let’s Kiner’s people..
That guy in the gold Taco Bell/PS4 commercial is a serious cock blocker. I hope he gets his ass kicked in the commercial sequel.
You know what I miss? The comment trees.
“You know what I miss? The steak and cheese.”
http://www.prosportsblogging.com/psb/uploads/2012/01/reid-pleads-case.jpg
“You know what I miss? Unleashing the bees.”
http://media.giphy.com/media/8Jww0ZIXMZoXu/giphy.gif
“You know what I miss? My favorite fleece.”
http://www.greekmythology.com/images/mythology/aeetes_225.jpg
“You know who I miss? My kid’s deadbeat father Reese. I’m sorry, did I say ‘deadbeat’? I meant ‘beat dead’.”
http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-t9MdkKcy3FM/UceaScbPhoI/AAAAAAAAAYI/LmhDM_ydz_w/s400/Sarah+Connor+Terminator.jpg“
You know what I miss? The summer breeze.
http://image.cdn.ispot.tv/ad/7bn2/wrangler-five-star-premium-denim-comfort-featuring-drew-brees-large-2.jpg
http://ichef.bbci.co.uk/news/660/media/images/64696000/jpg/_64696325_on-j-jt.jpg
I miss Grease.
http://www.math.nyu.edu/~crorres/Archimedes/Pictures/cigar_label_600dpi.jpg
I miss Greece too. Fuckin’ Romans.
“I miss the trees too, man.”
http://static1.squarespace.com/static/52f51a96e4b0ec7646cd474a/5328b57de4b067106916ef7f/5328b97ce4b04d947b058ef5/1395177855377/loraxcover2.jpg?format=500w
“You know what I miss? My G.I. Joe Amphibious Battle…what’s that, Mom? I told you, I’ll take the garbage out later! JEEZ!”
You know what I miss?
Mushy peas:
http://ecx.images-amazon.com/images/I/51u%2B7JBiOhL._SX425AA425_PIbundle-8,TopRight,0,0_AA425_SH20_.jpg
http://cdn.capitalfm.com.my/wp-content/uploads/2015/07/rogerrees.jpg
I miss Roger Rees.
“You know who I don’t miss? Michelle Rhee.”
– Washington D.C. area elementary school student
3 Truths
1. Quantico will be a bad show
2. Quantico will have a lot of viewers
3. Election teams will pay top dollar to put their ads on Quantico
It looks like I may end up getting/having to vote for Diamond Joe Biden after all. I hope he runs and governs as his Onion alter ego.
Just the first random Joe B article I could find:
http://www.theonion.com/article/biden-offers-government-post-elvira-mistress-dark-51090
http://i.onionstatic.com/onion/2510/8/original/960.jpg
It’s too bad, because while I’m not that big on Priyanka Chopra, I’d be happy to see more hot South Asian women on American TV.
fake FG to kick a closer FG!
which he misses. Christ, what a game…
“If only my name was Magnum!”
Ann Arbor is looking like Carthage, IL for BYU right now.
I had to do a little Googling to figure out if Carthage was a good spot for the LDS.
Actually, I checked the score first to figure out if that was the place they got run out of.
Excuse my rant, but FACK LSU and FACK the prior wolven administration for negotiating such weak contracts. This shitty series against L’Orange was supposed to be against NC State before Gueax Tiggers bought it out for an easier win.
Like NC State wan’t already goddamned easy enough. Inbred gumbo eatin’ cousinfuckers.
I run errands and miss the first hour of the noon games, and so Duke, Michigan and Syracuse (kinda) decided to nut up. I got home, surfed scores quick and said 3 straight WTF’s?
And SCar with 5 points just seems humorous for some reason.
Down 9 to UCF. That win over the Holes may be the only one they get all season (unless they have a 1-AA game later in the season).
L’Orange got a first down! Participation medal? AWARDED!!
Anybody want to have a good chuckle, ESPN2 is showing what GT looks like when forced to throw. In the rain. That’s the fucking weather I watched my kid run in.
Hey, don’t feel sorry for HER, she fucking chose this sport.
I always felt like cross-country was a sport for people who couldn’t do other sports.
/didn’t letter in any sport until his junior year.
In my school, we joked that CC was what you did if you lacked coordination to do anything except stay upright when you ran.
We had an annual charity run in November, where the goal was to see how many laps you could run in an hour. My senior year, the top 10 finishers were 9 football players and 1 cross country guy.
Fighting Harbaugh-hai are up 2 TDs on the Storming Mormons.
LSU/Cuse. Both of these teams would much rather play without a QB.
Fucking LSU and lucky plays, I can’t think of another college team with as many lucky plans as LSU.
Notre Dame when I bet against them.
Extrapolating from the first 5 minutes: Syracuse is going to shut out LSU. Also, I hate it when people pronounce it Sare-a-cuse.
Don’t git me started on how the WNYers pronounce OUR words when they come down to North Cakalaky for the ACC Tournament ,, smgdh
Michigan couldn’t get a better QB than a Hawkeye? I mean, I come from a line of Hawkeye grads, but even I never have faith in their QB to do anything above mediocre.
Leonard Fournette, like Wesley Snipes, are names that are entirely incongruous with their most recognizable bearers
oh there you are, little comment, youre not supposed to be there.
It’s a fake!!
Apparently all of my comments are banished to this reply thread.
SEC refs with a bullshit call against an out of conference opponent? check.
No replay of the bs call? check.
Fighting Harbaughs vs. Storming Mormons. An LSU team that may be good enough that not even Les Miles can fuck it up.
Key word being “may” – very interested to see their game vs. Johnny Reb, that’s for sure. And who knows if Saban will have his shit together by November…
I wonder if Michigan fans are pissed at RichRod since he’s had decent success at Zona
Morning greetings fellow members of glorious commentist party.
And isn’t it a lovely morning?
Gonna get some work in at the gym then watch the newly playoff anointed Cubbies rough up the dirt Steelers. Followed by the grocery store then a trip to a new Austin themed burger place. Cap this off with some afternoon football and alcohol overindulgence. I’m even going to drop a new Tailgate Time post on you somewhere in there.
The Cubs are in the playoffs!
The Cubs are in the playoffs!
Give Chris Denorfia my best.
Most Glorious Baseball Cardinals’ dreams died last night, so I guess I’m a Yinzer in spirit now. All I care about is that anyone but the Small Bears eliminates the Redbirds.
I’ve been like a wet dog in the rain for the past 90 minutes or so at kid’s cross country meet. Fucking cold too (60 feels cold when wet, based on what my body is used to at present). In honor of WCS and his ‘eers it will have to be a two pill day when I gets home. Too bad my liver don’t tolerate teh bourbon no mo.
Looking forward to the first shitty cold of the season tomorrow morning. Woo!
I will not be joining you fine assdicks today. The ol’ WCS IS GON DRANK at the the WVU slaughter of the Twerps (pours one out of Ape). This will be my first WVU game since 2011. I’ve got the hip flask full of Bulleit, already popped two pills, my parents are buying pizza for the drive, and Mountaineer Field sells beer.
O AN U NOE WCS GON CHANEL DAT PACMAN O YEZZZZZZZZ HE DO BULLEEEEEEE DAT
LET’S GOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO MOUNTAINEERS
No matter where you go, no matter who you ask, everybody fucking hates Maryland.
Even my buddy who teaches there hates it.
Spending this most glorious Saturday afternoon at Fenway Park with a good friend. Beer, ballpark food, baseball. Not a bad day.
Also Arsenal v. Leicester, because no one’s here to watch defense.
I want to watch the UCLA-Arizona game, but the AZ uniforms might be some of the unholiest abominations ever birthed by a non-Tea Party third wife.
I mean, their helmets look cool, but going for the “red out” look from top to bottom makes them look like shiny used tampons.
You great… soft… sissy… girlie… nancy… French… bender… Man United supporting POOF!
For the Hot Spurs:
http://s204.photobucket.com/user/celestialgaurdianfox/media/KarateKid.gif.html#boy%20chased%20by%20chicken%20gifs%20281×187
Cocks! ….. I meant Spurs!
City look dead and buried.
Manure would take over the top spot with a win over the last place Black Cats (if this result holds).
Harry Kane finally scored.
http://i3.kym-cdn.com/photos/images/newsfeed/000/614/729/e62.gif
Spurs are up, this season might not the runaway freight train for City after all.
BYU is a surprisingly good team. I wouldn’t be surprised if the beat the Fighting Harbaughs.
Whilst I enjoy making with the magic underwear and Big Love jokes (and rightly so!), they’ve earned my grudging respect on the field this season.
They certainly don’t hide, schedule-wise…
I’m surprised you go with the USSR angle for NCS. They are called the Wolfpack. Why not go with the Kriegsmarine.
http://uboat.net/media/boats/emblems/flo09.gif
Try #2
Fun, but they are not REDS, comrade!
Lenin Cat is most sacred talisman, but we have to save him for basketball season.
And is it just me, or does everyone just want to punch the everlovin’ shit out of Harry Kane? He just has a face that screams “hey guys, punch me!”
Immensely enjoying his dumpster fire “second season syndrome.”
And City are on top, inches away from 2…
Yeah, they seem right pissed off about last week.
Oh yeah…almost forgot…I really liked this one, so might as well overuse it.
Vlad sez “FIRST DOWN, Wolfpack!!!” (I call him Vlad)
http://www.crestock.com/uploads/blog/2008/propagandaposters/01.jpg
Stop Stalin’, run a play.
Quite triumphant! Hope Vlad is a good luck charm, indeed.
Not with a bang, but a whimper?
No matter. I will be happy not to burn precious bandwidth on ESPN3 today.
Though I do have to admit to having been pleasantly surprised by the local broadcast of ASN for last week’s NCSU/ODU juggernaut. And there was even no Fanduel/DraftKings eye/ear hole rape during the breaks….so, bonus.
This. I love streaming games online because not only are there no commercials (except the occasional ESPN promo), but the music/graphic combo is at a different volume and different enough visual that you can easily pay attention to other stuff during the break, and then snap back when the game comes back.
They used to play a slide show of photos of the week, and that was tough, because there were always some damned good pictures on display, and so I’d end up paying more attention during the breaks than during some games.