Your Very First Monday Afternoon Open Thread

What’s on your mind? Me? Jackson Browne’s “Running On Empty” has been on my brain for the last two weeks. I sure as hell am not going to tell you that it’s the song of all songs-it’s just there. Every day. It is god damn relentless. If someone could distract me while I attempt to watch an entire Blue Jays game for the first time in 25 years, that would be great. Seriously, what are you up to?

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entropy

THE ALL NEW TACOMA, FAVORITE TRUCK OF ISIS AND OTHER TERRORIST GROUPS AROUN—– Jerry, shut the fuck up we don’t put that in the commercials!

Horatio Cornblower

I dunno, if a truck can stand up to what one of those assholes puts it through it’ll probably be just the truck I need for my weekly runs to the landfill.

JustStopDude

http://syriancivilwar.panzerfaustnews.com/wp-content/uploads/2015/03/syrian-technical.jpg

Say what you will…its one of the most effective offensive vehicles in military history.

Sill Bimmons

Its calle’d a Hilux in Arbia,,, ppl forget hat

Sill Bimmons

Sandy Bollocks is still pretty hot.

Defensive Back Mike Wallace

True, but I’m still avoiding her movies.

JustStopDude

I like older women. I will never understand why someone would want to date like a teenager when they are in their 30’s.

Give me a gal that knows exactly what she likes and wants…

Senor Weaselo

We haven’t had a holding/intentional grounding in the end zone for a safety yet this year, have we?

JustStopDude

Don’t throw you hands up with the “I didn’t do anything” motion. That NEVER WORKS!

King Hippo

From the upcoming Marc Trestman “Playgrounds For Dummies”

Sharkbait

ALL HAIL THE FLAG, FOR HE HAS BEEN THROWN.

Horatio Cornblower

Pictured: 2015 NFL MVP

WCS

HAIL BLEERGH

Spur
entropy

That is really an ungodly amount of pink.

JustStopDude

All the flags thrown…you don’t call THAT?!?!

JerryJones-Thugs-N-Harmony

Hey, a play without a flag

Sharkbait

I want to get off Gruden’s wild ride.

jjfozz

Serious question, has anyone actually seen a good game this year? If so, which one?

King Hippo

actually, last night was surprisingly good

Spanky Datass

Jags/Bucs yesterday? HA! Who am I kidding, no one got to watch that.

King Hippo

It’s all that gay marriage ,, smgdh ,, THANKS OBAMA

Random pan flute plug by Tirico, he’s clearly lost his mind being next to Gruden all these years.

Sill Bimmons

I would pay literally hundreds of cents to see a Gruden/Tirico Pan flute duo.

jjfozz

THANK YOU PAN FLUTIST FOR THAT MAGICAL INTERLUDE WHAT IN TEH FUCK AM I WATCHING

Dunstan

Zamphir, Master of the Pan Flute reference. Drink!

Spur

I keep flipping to baseball. I was told there would be a fight and no Joe Buck at this Mets and Dodgers game. So far no Buck but no fighting.

Horatio Cornblower

The Dodgers benched Utley.

JustStopDude

I would love it if in a situation in which there were two penalties against one team, the other team could get the combined total of the yards for both penalties, if a randomly chosen player on the team could do the math in their head without using fingers or toes.

Failure to get the correct answer results in picking up both flags.

entropy

I think if someone on the offending team catches the flag before it hits the ground, no penalty.

Senor Weaselo

Change that to “penalty yardage reversed” and you have something there.

entropy

We should clearly be on the NFL’s rules committee.

entropy

At some point during this season, a team will end up with negative offensive yardage due to the FLAG GODS. It sort of has to happen at this point.

Sill Bimmons

C-Hox –7 yards Nov. 4, 1979

Horatio Cornblower

I need a couple of throws to Gates to beat VMB.

I need divine intervention to win any sort of game in Sill’s 20 team league.

Matt Asiata is not a reliable RB in a 20 team league you guys.

Defensive Back Mike Wallace

Matt Asiata? You drafted him as a joke, right? Right?

Horatio Cornblower

It’s a 20 team league. I left him in this week, his bye week, because he was a better alternative than anything that was left.

jjfozz

REMEMBER OCTOBER IS SWEATER WEATHER
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Horatio Cornblower

That’s gonna leave a stain on the vanity.

Eric Weedle looks like he’s begging the ATF to besiege his cabin in the woods.

JerryJones-Thugs-N-Harmony

Boss Todd is heading to Mexico at halftime

WCS

THOSE MEXICALA LADIES GET ALL KINDS OF WET WHEN THEY SEE THE CAMARO

Sill Bimmons

MOAR LIKE BLOW LINE AMIRITE

Horatio Cornblower

Fun fact, that kids’ football team is made up entirely of Rivers’s children.

King Hippo

MOAR LE’VEON

JustStopDude

Need 3 yards…throw for 40…

Makes sense…

Defensive Back Mike Wallace

I thought they fired NORV.

entropy

Better than the opposite, although I have to wonder if anyone understand distance properly in the NFL.

JustStopDude

Rampant head injuries leading to questionable decision making and poor depth perception?

Sill Bimmons
JustStopDude
blaxabbath

That’s smart. Keeps the defense guessing.

JerryJones-Thugs-N-Harmony

Anyone else laugh about the time gruden brought a shovel into the booth from time to time?

BrettFavresColonoscopy

I don’t want to encourage him

entropy

I bet Tirico wakes up every Monday, sighs deeply, and then just inhales Xanax until he stops caring.

WCS

FLOOOOAAAAATTTTTT

entropy

LEARN TO FUCKING TACKLE!!!

Senor Weaselo

So, flags for the flag god again?

entropy

It’s a monster new religion sweeping the nation.

Sharkbait

Excuse me. Do you have a moment to talk about our Lord and Savior, The Yellow Flag?

nomonkeyfun

Believers are encouraged to drink to excess, correct?

entropy

“HE ASKS FOR NOTHING SAVE BACKWARD YARDAGE, AND YOUR ETERNAL SOUL!!!!”

Sill Bimmons

HAIL BLEERGH

BrettFavresColonoscopy

Rizzo showing how you use a glove there!

Seriously, there was no need for her to get pregnant in Grease.

Horatio Cornblower

Didn’t she miscarry at the end? I seem to recall that was how they happy-ending that issue.

JerryJones-Thugs-N-Harmony

Eat 24, cause you haven’t heard of seamless

Sill Bimmons
Horatio Cornblower

I can’t watch the new Muppets; it feels like I’d be aborting my childhood.

entropy

So this new, edgy “slightly more adult” Muppets is just Meet the Feebles with all the fun removed, right?

Dunstan

I actually sort of like it.

jjfozz

Finally watched the last Office episode and it sucked

JustStopDude

Is that show still on the air?

Old School Zero

Number 29, spelled d-u-m-b-a-s-s

Sill Bimmons

I’m beginning to think that the anti-Tomlinites may have a point.

This team is really poorly coached.

entropy

My Steelers favoring buddy is not a fan at all, and actively hopes someone takes him out on the sidelines.

Nat Turner: Toldya

jjfozz

The gnashing of teeth and beating of chests on Baltimore sports talk today was fucking gold.

nomonkeyfun

I was worried for both your sanity and the safety of your home yesterday.

JustStopDude

That is the good thing about your home team losing…is hearing the fucking sports radio hot takes.

“Dis is Dave from Dundalk! Dem Ravens ar play’n like shit!”

That guy really demands a flag right there.

JerryJones-Thugs-N-Harmony

He studied at the Diego Costa school of demanding a penalty

JerryJones-Thugs-N-Harmony

That’s one way to ask for a trade

nomonkeyfun

Fuck 3-0 dirt former Raiders.

Defensive Back Mike Wallace

Jason Verrett: Good at football

Defensive Back Mike Wallace

downtown ‘toni’ brown
/what possessed me to say that!?

jjfozz

because fuck it
comment image

nomonkeyfun

It’s a Lemon party.

Brick Meathook

Jack Lemmon has an awesome tombstone in Westwood cemetery. Somebody post it because I’m outside right now.

Sill Bimmons

goddammit haley

Sharkbait

That guy is a DFO’er alright. Gets home from work and immediately loses pants.

blaxabbath

Any of our residence recipe commentists here? I made some lentils last night and today I have been gassy AF. Just got back from the gym and I felt terrible, all bloated and the whatnot.

How do I cut back on this horribleness?

JustStopDude

Fart.

BrettFavresColonoscopy

Replace all vegetables in your diet with red meat

entropy

That green shit gives you cancer.

Sill Bimmons

Gas-X, bro.

JustStopDude

“Coors Light…cold filtered to try and hide the awful taste”

entropy

I refer to Coors Light as “the beer that NASCAR built,” but strangely find original Coors, the Banquet Beer, quite pleasant.

JustStopDude

I fucking love Nati boh so who the fuck am I to judge…