Your Monday Night Inter-Conference Battle Between Two 2 Win Teams Open Thread

It’s not very often that a Canuck politician gets some positive media spittle beyond the 49th parallel but it happened last week when Prime Rib Minister-Elect Trudeau, when asked why his cabinet was evenly split between genders responded with, “Because it’s 2015”. Asked for comment, Tiffany Rivers responded with, “HUUUUUNNNGGGGAAAAAA-I’M PUSHING AS HARD AS I CAN!”

Chi @ SD: Let’s be honest, this is about fantasy points and hanging out on-line with guys/gals that make us giggle. By the way, Clare joins Gunner, Sarah, Rebecca, Grace, Halle, Caroline and Peter in their combined attempts at wrecking a certain woman’s birth canal.

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BrettFavresColonoscopy

I’m going to bed at halftime. This game is ugly and I’m running out of fucks.

montythisseemsstrangetome

You won’t find any more fucks in your bed.

BrettFavresColonoscopy

That’s not what my girlfriend–oh. She agrees with you.

Sill Bimmons

I keep my fucks in the fridge.

I find that they stay fresher longer that way.

makeitsnowondem

Philip Rivers looks like a composite sketch of every Trump voter.

King Hippo

He might drift that way once Santorum drops out.

blordinaryfagicmox

Ppl get mad wen i say womaen arnt good at sporst, but when I find a sport thay are good at they STILL get mad smgdth
http://www.ottawacitizen.com/sports/cms/binary/8112172.jpg

blordinaryfagicmox
JustStopDude

Texans vs the Bengals…

Honest to god…not only do I not know what the Texans’ record is…I kind of forgot they play in the NFL.

If you told me that three years ago they joined the CFL and moved to Edmonton…I would honestly have to look it up before trying to call shenanigans.

JustStopDude

Why not just keep the name. The Edmonton Texans have a nice ring to it.

Hell they would dominate the CFL for at least a season or two.

Wait…can JJ Watt play QB?

Duchess

they are one game behind the Colts for 1st place in the AFC South… with a 3-5 record.

JustStopDude

Wait…the AFC South is still a thing!?!

I thought the merger was suppose to take care of that crap!!!

Christ how much did ESPN pay for broadcast rights to these games? They’re lucky to have 2 decent matchups a season it seems.

“Eleventy billion dollars. And they’re getting a STEAL!” – Goodell

makeitsnowondem

I’ve been waiting all day for Sunday night.

montythisseemsstrangetome

I’ve been waiting ten minutes for my sammich.

ThePirateSloth

I picked up sammiches from here http://www.bunksandwiches.com/bunkbaratthewonder/ on my way home today. An Italian and a pork belly cubano.

Never has a better decision been made. Potato salad with bacon. Got. Damn. Son.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Italians make all the best food.

Sill Bimmons

It’s a shame they weren’t more colonially active in the place of shit food countries like Belgium and Portugal.

JustStopDude

Portugal has AMAZING food.

Seriously…some of the best seafood…and I challenge anyone who tries and say the best ham is from Italy.

Sill Bimmons

I’ve been there. The food is garbage.

I don’t eat seafood, but I’m told it wasn’t any good either.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

And it’s not like their cars and women are terrible, either.

King Hippo

Just a little hairy and/or expensive amirite???

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

“It’s funny that Lieutenant Dan said that, ’cause right then, Beergh showed up.”

jjfozz

So you take up for your QB, who suffers a cheap shot, and you get a 15 yard penalty?

Fuck these refs and fuck the NFL.

When does curling season start?

King Hippo

It’s like they are super touchy about how shitty they are at their jobs.

JustStopDude

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blordinaryfagicmox
Col. Duke LaCross

Ahhh, Eve.

King Hippo

I dunno enough curling terms to make with the sexual innuendo.

blordinaryfagicmox

Something like, “Id like to get around her guard stone and slide em right into her house all inning long” will do nicely, next time.

Shogun Marcus

Bob Ross on Mondays is a great way to forget Monday and Sunday happened. Thanks twitch.

BrettFavresColonoscopy

He dead.

Marc Trestmans Windowless Van

Unless he said something really bad that was a weak flag

King Hippo

I have three teenagers. One learns to get over fucking words.

BrettFavresColonoscopy

Of course he’s frustrated, he got beat by his man

Dunstan

“I don’t see what he has to complain about, then” — Greg Hardy

What he do there?

montythisseemsstrangetome

What? Kyle Long unsportsmanlike?

ThursdaySkyGoddess

A “crownie” sounds fucking delicious; why does DirecTV want me to think otherwise?

BrettFavresColonoscopy

Sounds like an obstetrics reference to me.

montythisseemsstrangetome

Yeah, that reference WAS pretty eccentric.

Dunstan

I … actually kind of like Arts and Crafty Romo. Seems like he’d be a nice neighbor.

Sill Bimmons

He probably makes some killer edibles.

entropy

Right until the police start finding the bodies in his back yard.

montythisseemsstrangetome

“He was pretty quiet. Kept to himself.”

makeitsnowondem

I’ve said it many times: Artsy-Craftsy Tony Romo seems cool and I’d hang out with him.

King Hippo

I mean…he’s got Red Zone?

entropy

My sister made some for the family Halloween party. They WERE delicious.

BrettFavresColonoscopy

I’ll bet $50 the Bears still could t have scored against 10 defenders.

Doktor Zymm

That $50 will get you a ticket to your choice of remaining Bears home games.

JustStopDude

Rare footage of the last time Boltman made it into a high school football game. He was later arrested for murder-rape of a minor.

http://cdn.makeagif.com/media/7-18-2015/UxDDwz.gif

makeitsnowondem

Rivers always looks like he’s reacting to the results of a paternity test on Maury.

Mother Puncher

Which is the exact opposite of how Rivers reacts in real life.

John Difool

San Diego, slowly making their way to L.A through penalty flags…. 5 yards at a time.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Okay, it’s kind of sad how loud the Bears fans are getting here.

BrettFavresColonoscopy

I know. All of us should have given up on the Bears by now.

Brocky

Sad or AWESOME?

yeah its sad

Sharkbait

Im going to laugh when San Diego picks up the first down.

Doktor Zymm

What’s the record for longest distance to go on 2nd down?

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

I don’t know, but I’m pretty sure the Raiders own it.

Sill Bimmons

Raiders have longest ever at 4th and 48.

Couldn’t find 2nd down.

John Difool

Yep, and it was only a few years ago too. 3rd and seventy something as I recall.

entropy

2nd and Long Term Parking.

Brocky

very giffable moment by phillip there.

speaking of gis, how about rodgers throwing the tablet yesterday.

BrettFavresColonoscopy

That ball of string cannot handle the pressure of starting on the OLine.

blackroseMD1

Bale of hay isn’t doing well either.

Wait did they compare Gordon’s college performance with his NFL stats? They do realize the huge stylistic differences between the collegial level and pros.

King Hippo

Also, the lack of Purdue.

BREAKING: Different things are different.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Melvin Gordon looking squirrelly behind the line there.

comment image

...

How long have you been waiting to use that?

montythisseemsstrangetome

Foreign country? You’re in San Diego, Gruden, not Tijuana.

Sharkbait

He’s just thinking ahead for when the game is over

JustStopDude
BrettFavresColonoscopy

The lesson as always: don’t do sit-ups.

JustStopDude

The most head scratching part of it…who the FUCK VIDEO TAPES THEMSELVES DOING SITUPS?!?

Is he trying to shame his fat cat???

entropy

I’m really bothered by the fact there are no cords whatsoever on this television, making the whole thing staged.

Brick Meathook

That cat did not give a single shit about that

John Difool

Jay Cutler is totally ecstatic over breaking Bears td records and his last scoring drive.

http://www.publicdomainpictures.net/pictures/20000/nahled/bored-cat.jpg

The Maestro

Finally got my computer unfucked, and just tuned into the game.

Maybe I should re-fuck my computer, the way this game is going…

...

Aw yeah. Sexy time for The Maestro.

Duchess

That is not what the USB port is for

The Maestro

You sure? They are called male and female ports for a reason…

The Maestro

You sure? They are called male and female ports for a reason…

Duchess

See all you Cutler haters just don’t understand. It’s not that he don’t care… He is Zen a modern day NFL Jedi Quarterback. It is better to lose than to win for the sake of winning. Without the Pick 6 there is no joy of the Touchdown. IN short

“A leader is best
When people barely know he exists
Of a good leader, who talks little,
When his work is done, his aim fulfilled,
They will say, “We did this ourselves.”
― Lao Tzu, Tao Te Cutler

Sill Bimmons

“We did this TO ourselves.”

FLTFY

...

I hope Jay Cutler keeps the Bears TD record for ever and ever and ever.

montythisseemsstrangetome

What empirical evidence do you cite when you state that the U.S. is the greatest country in the world?

Dunstan

“Because it’s the country that produced me.” — Donald Trump

Sill Bimmons

Amount of FUCK YEAH per capita.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Great, meaning large, or immense. We use it in the pejorative sense.

Mother Puncher

Lots of white people, but not too many. The perfect amount.

MikeWallaceAndGromit

Average waistline?

King Hippo

THIS. Go to any Golden Corral or McDonald’s to verify.

entropy

We’re first in delusional southerners?

Doktor Zymm

I was gonna say average BMI, except it seems Kuwait actually beats us on that.

Brick Meathook
JustStopDude

The fact this man once put a journalist in the hospital for writing a critical article…all the while having two broken arms…

MURICA!

MR F

am I safe in assuming Cutler wrapped up the all time Bears interception leader a while ago?

BrettFavresColonoscopy

He is 35 behind Luckman in that category.

entropy

That stat won’t be mentioned until someone stupidly proposes him for the hall of fame.

Marc Trestmans Windowless Van

Nope. Luckman still has that one

makeitsnowondem

He’s just two above Luckman, it turns out, and that’s if you count his Broncos interceptions.

entropy

Enough with the movie tie-in commercials for other random shit.

Marc Trestmans Windowless Van

I needed anyone but Bennett to score in both my leagues. So of course it is Bennett

King Hippo

I am now gonna be sweating bullets rest of the game, likely watching that motherfucker catch garbage time checkdowns. I had a 26 point lead and my K and defense against only Bennett. They netted 3 COMBINED. Full PPR.

BrettFavresColonoscopy

Sid Luckman mention! Finish your Mogen David.

makeitsnowondem

Sid Luckman, or Sid Frenchman?

Defensive Back Mike Wallace
King Hippo

NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

GODDAMN YOU GASE

Doktor Zymm

The Book of Job, starring Philip Rivers as Job

montythisseemsstrangetome

“Pillow” is a much less expensive means of stopping snoring.

makeitsnowondem

Give Cutler credit. It’s a lot harder to keep your feet alive when you’re diabetic.

BrettFavresColonoscopy

Anyone keeping a running count of injured Chargers? It’s harder to track than NFL arrests.

King Hippo

an injured Charger? that’s rare

entropy

Cutler waves off anyone who dares expect him to enjoy ANYTHING.

John Difool

Boltman is a cross between Pikachu and John Wayne Gacy

http://assets.sbnation.com/assets/728330/82748776.jpg

Sill Bimmons

There’s a lot of Nicholson in there.

Marc Trestmans Windowless Van

I would say more Jack Nicholson and a block of cheese

montythisseemsstrangetome

Wait, did Gruden just name the no-names?

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

PYLON Cam as opposed to PILE-ON Cam which exclusively shows footage of Ray Lewis.

JustStopDude

In response to the concerns of parents that Boltman was stealing the innocence of children with his terrifying visage, the Chargers have announced a new mascot for when they move to LA.

Meet “Snappy” the botched face lift patient!

http://static.comicvine.com/uploads/original/3/33224/671814-chatterer56436877.jpg

if you don’t brush your teeth, you’ll get gingivitis like me kids.

Defensive Back Mike Wallace