Your “At Least It’s Not Titans/Jags On Thursday” Monday Night Thread

Hou @ Cin: Coach O’Brien of the Texans admitted to his team that benching Hoyer after the first game of the season was a mistake. If only more “leaders of men” were so forthcoming. At 3-5 Houston (who?) is a half-game out of first and one game removed from last in the AFC Harrison Bergeron Division. One guy that ain’t care about any of this “This team sucks!” or “Who’s the QB this week?” business is WR Hopkins and his 870 yards and 6 TD’s. What I want to know is-where is his sideline tantrum? Where is the mid-week DUI? When does he bang a porn star and prove it on Instagram? I’m not sure if I can regard the fella as a superstar until he steps up to the plate and starts acting like one. Kudos to all you fantasy bums that grabbed TE Eifert off the waiver wire. Aren’t you the smartest bunny rabbits in the briar patch! The Bengals are 8-0 for the first time ever and 9 straight looks like a slam dunk. And yet this game has all the sex appeal of the corpse of Bea Arthur performing a ‘naughty’ burlesque number. Go figure-because the NFL hasn’t bothered to.

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ballsofsteelandfury

I’m embarrassed for that pass

BrettFavresColonoscopy

If the Bengals can’t open this game up against TJ Yates, they are clearly NOT elite

Sill Bimmons

I like food on sticks.

Brick Meathook

JJ WATT vs TOM BRADY: ESPN Presents an All-Star All-Action Hardcore Sex Movie. Who wins Edelmans tender love? WATCH TO FIND OUT!! Only $19.99 on Disney PPV.

BrettFavresColonoscopy

Ryan Mallett at home: “Should I have bought an alarm clock?”

:takes bong rip:

“Naaaaah”

nomonkeyfun

I didn’t realize Mallett was a DFO°

Sill Bimmons

SOULLESSSACK

Redshirt

Oh, great! T.J. Yates is going to play.

Doktor Zymm

Doesn’t this much slobbering over JJ Watt’s dick violate obscenity statues? Or is it okay cause this is cable?

Doktor Zymm

I meant statutes, but now I’m curious as to what an obscenity statue is and how one would violate it.

Spanky Datass

Do a Jim Morrison grave porn search … or so I’m told…

Sill Bimmons

comment image?w=300&h=228

John Difool

There’s no slobber left, they used it all up on Brady yesterday. J.J.’s gonna need some burn ointment for his Dick at the end of this game.

John Difool

J.J.J Watt…. Mother Sackresa

JustStopDude
jjfozz

In this case, crack does NOT kill
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ballsofsteelandfury

Indeed

Horatio Cornblower

Yes, JJ Watt never does anything that draw attention to himself.

Sill Bimmons

STOLEN VALOR

Sill Bimmons

Where do the high school girls hang out around here?

ballsofsteelandfury

Nacho?

Sill Bimmons

No, I like to take them for ice cream.

ballsofsteelandfury

Not to make fun of a serious subject, but this game can’t be good for anyone referred to in OSZ’ post today.

Spanky Datass

Post OSZ’s … post and some bourbon and bitters I feel like I have this shit game in proper perspective.

makeitsnowondem

This is just like last night’s game, except instead of Clete Blakeman’s officiating crew we have both of these teams.

Defensive Back Mike Wallace

Fuck you O’Brian

Moonbatting Average

Fedora-witz: “I got circumcised before it was cool”

jjfozz

Just heard that the “safe space” for Yale students has banned all airing of Monday and Thursday night football games.

JustStopDude
Sill Bimmons

That should make said space safe from crushing boredom and limitless disappointment.

Horatio Cornblower

Someone should tell those Yale kids they go to school and live in New Haven. The five blocks surrounding Yale are the safest fucking blocks in the entire city.

Walk a mile west and then tell me how you don’t feel safe on campus.

Redshirt

Proposal to liven up this game: Two footballs can be played on the field. Two drives happen at the same time.

Doktor Zymm

MuLTIBALL!!

makeitsnowondem

I have no stake in this game except the hope that Hoyer will force the ball to Hopkins on every single play.

blackroseMD1

My stake is the exact opposite. I need Hopkins to not do a damn thing.

I also need AJ Green to score a couple of TDs, but it seems like touchdowns have been banned tonight.

The Right Reverend Electric Mayhem

I hereby demand an apology from everyone who called Thursday night’s game a boring shitshow.* THIS is a boring shitshow.

*Unless you are red-green colorblind. THE CRIMSON SCOURGE probably was less compelling in black and white and gray.

BrettFavresColonoscopy

I thought I was watching a Starbucks cup get concussed

Horatio Cornblower

THAT CONCUSSION BETTER TELL ME MERRY CHRISTMAS!!!!

Redshirt

Geez, Refs. Holding much?

Moonbatting Average

I choose to imagine that this is a high-scoring, exciting NHL game

The Right Reverend Electric Mayhem

6-3 is not an exciting hockey game. It just means the goalies both had Headcase Goalie Time on the same night

WCS

Sup homies.
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Spanky Datass
Spanky Datass

“Yinz?’ Dammit, should have gone with “Yinz”.

ballsofsteelandfury

There is not enough cocaïne in the entire run of Archer Vice to salvage this game.

I have no idea why the umlauts, but I’m keeping them.

King Hippo

I would like to see if this game could get me to sleep through blow

Sill Bimmons

Things went poorly for the Ice Stillers this weekend.

nomonkeyfun

I just want to thank OSZ for his post earlier today. That was damn brave to put.our ypur imaginary friends.

Spanky Datass

Yep. Enjoyed it and the call back to Ape’s article too.

jjfozz

It was well timed because I was off all day long. fucking hate that.

then I went out and put a huge bow on my 2004 honda pilot and pretended it was a new Lexus.

Then I got happy because I realized that it was my old car, and that I wasn’t about to become a raging douchebag.

BrettFavresColonoscopy

Dumber fantasy football move for me this week (Non-Sill insanity league version): Starting Peyton Manning over Ryan Fitzpatrick or starting Alfred Blue over pick a backup?

Doktor Zymm

What’s with all the pointlessly fancy screwdriver commercials?

jjfozz

IT IS THE CHRISTMAS AND WE NEED TO SELL THIS SHIT NOW! IF NOT, JOHNSON IN ACCOUNTING SAYS WE’RE ALL GETTING THE BOOT!

The Right Reverend Electric Mayhem

But…but I need more grip!

ballsofsteelandfury

I’ve got this game in the background with no volume while I’m on the Internet on my phone and I’m still annoyed at how much it sucks. Not even fantasy football can salvage this.

entropy

I wandered upstairs, well away from the TV, and I can hear it in the background, slowly making me angrier.

jjfozz

Tell me something – how come France could hit all of those targets in Syria with the info we gave them – and we never did?

Redshirt

Because Obama didn’t want to get involved in another war. If we did, Hillary and Dems can’t use the Iraq War against the Republicans.

ballsofsteelandfury

They have zero fucks to give and don’t care if they kill civilians?

Brick Meathook

I’m going to agree with the theory that right now France has zero fucks to give and nobody will fault them for it.

King Hippo

Yeah, they have “they started it” on their side and collateral damage now more acceptable.

Moonbatting Average

My read is that we were going to, but let them do it instead

John Difool
makeitsnowondem

We were hitting all the other targets and maybe hospitals already.

jjfozz

And I should have noted, I don’t want to get political, I’m honestly curious as to why.

Horatio Cornblower

France was really fucking motivated.

nomonkeyfun

My good friend Fozz
The GCSG keeps track of these groups ontassholes on theor own. The French have been more inerested in angry Muslims for a much longefr perios thazn the US.

makeitsnowondem

Bad, bad Andy.

Defensive Back Mike Wallace

Borinterception!

The Maestro

Busy watching the Ottawa Senators choke in overtime yet again. Clearly I’ve missed a riveting game.

Sill Bimmons

SOULLESSCEPTION

Redshirt

And there’s Primetime Andy!

Redshirt

I feel for those people listening to this game while driving.

ballsofsteelandfury

ROLL DOWN THE WINDOW!

jjfozz

This game
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Doktor Zymm

I’m going to go read Russian literature and listen to death metal. That’ll cheer me up after watching this game.

John Difool

The second half just started. I believe you can go way sadder than that if you continue watching.

makeitsnowondem

Lermontov in particular seems like a step up from what we’re watching here.

King Hippo

Russian Cliffs Notes: everyone is an alcoholic, about half commit suicide. Other half just all jelly.

Brick Meathook

SPOILER: In “War and Peace,” it turns out that Rosebud was his sled.

Horatio Cornblower

OH FUCK YOU!!!!!

/Throws ‘War & Peace’ at wall
//breaks wall

Doktor Zymm

That fat man celebratory sack dance is probably going to be the high point of this game.

Why Thank You Eddie

Meh, If you live in Jersey, Chris Christie does them on demand.

Redshirt

Why does it feel like Thursday?

Sill Bimmons

Because this game is terrible.

John Difool

Because, NFL….

jjfozz

Today in callin sports talk radio, someone mentioned that Holly Holm was “attractive”.

I googled her image, and my penis retracted into my body. It’s still there.

JustStopDude

She’s basically Amy Schumer on PED’s….

jjfozz

Her labia could snap a pencil in half

John Difool

She beat Rouse so hard she looked Chinese. Imagine what she’d do to a Dick.

Horatio Cornblower

She reminds me a little too much of Tonya Harding. I’m kind of surprised she didn’t have her coach distract the ref while she smack Rousey with a police baton.

jjfozz

Zales Extraordinary Moments – quite a fucking stretch for this game so far

Defensive Back Mike Wallace

What’s more offensive: McDonald’s Urban commercials or Soul Plane?

Why Thank You Eddie

But did they serve McDonald’s on the plane in the movie Soul Plane? That’s the conundrum.

Defensive Back Mike Wallace

It was Popeye’s.

makeitsnowondem

fam this is too many spiders

jjfozz

Oh hey, college football brackets. Let me go and check my belly button for lint, that’s much more interesting.

entropy

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JustStopDude

Holy shit…there is a type of spider that builds its nest for its young under water…

http://i.imgur.com/OrjDMNi.gif

Uses surface tension to capture air in its hair and brings it below the surface.

I can’t tell you the fucking score of this game, but I have learned more about spiders in the last 30 minutes than ever before…

theeWeeBabySeamus

http://i.imgur.com/dxknE.gif

Nitey nite boyz n gurlz

JustStopDude

Shit someone is holding?!? WHO????

http://i.imgur.com/uscQR.gif

jjfozz

Joined tonight by JJ Fozz Sr., halftime creeping up, he says, “I’m getting out of here before that asshole starts talking.”