As I sit here at my Canada-centric desk, high in my ivory tower looking over the sweaty masses I wonder to myself, “Stomach flu?”, Allergic reaction?”, “Suppurating chest wound?”, maybe….”Penis cancer?”. What should be my go-to get-outta-here excuse? Or should I just be honest and take the inevitable harassment I’ll get for leaving early to watch “fartball”? Real mature guys. Now drop and give me a twenty. Two tens is also acceptable, whatever. It’s either that or I take it out of your paycheque. Sometimes they can be sooo childish. [walks to window, sticks tongue out] Only “we”, the DFO commentists can make fun of the ball that is footed. They haven’t earned the right yet. Savages.
Phi @ Det: I’m not going to break down this game because it’s broken already. There is a rumour floating about that a certain Sanchez will be quarterbacking a certain team today. But judging by Martha Ford’s erect nipples, (wear a bra for god sake, grandma!) the Lions are up for this one.
Let’s do this!
Nacho probably hates Thanksgiving.
Feliz Gracias-Giving?
Ok, who shaved their pubes and glued them to Joe Buck’s face? I want to congratulate you on an excellent prank.
My mom goes “Ewww! What’s wrong with that guy’s beard???”
The PHI offense sure doesn’t seem to run plays as fast as Oregon did.
“Where do the Eagles go from here?”
To the bar, Joe. To the bar.
They need to pull Sanchez so he doesn’t get hurt.
Who is the PHI backup?
http://media.philly.com/images/042015_tebow-eagles_600.jpg
I’m pretty much out of my fantasy game already, going against Stafford and the Lions D/ST.
These circumstances are less than desirable.
I very nearly started the Iggles defense this week.
I’m going against Stafford and Megatron in one league. They’re at almost 80 points total between them.
/giggling
C’mon Chip I know you have a :30 second no huddle, 3 and out left in you
I can see the Eagles on the field reacting to the image signals flashed from the sideline:
Salami hoagie this
Toy firetruck this
Barbie head this
Catamaran this
“Hmm…stay in Detroit and die randomly or go back to Philly and die by mob?”
http://www.unwinnable.com/wp-content/uploads/2010/11/ed209p3.jpg
What’s a Thad Lewis?
An atheist Tebow?
My entire family is made up of Eagles fans. Not a one of them is with me in the living room watching this unfold.
http://img12.deviantart.net/6d6d/i/2005/328/a/d/athf_thanksgiving_by_i_didnt_go.jpg
The Lions are blowing out the Eagles on Thanksgiving. This is a true sentence that I am typing in 2015.
10 more minutes to defrost puff pastry. Then mini-pies go in oven, ice cream mix goes in ice cream maker. Pie and gelato will distract me from the entirely pointless 4th quarter.
Eagles defense apparently going for the 100 points in 5 days record.
Chip Kelly goes to USC, LSU or Miami?…..or Texas!?
Texas.
Charlie Strong deserves better.
USC. They’re due for another major scandal.
Back to ORE.
Iggles are turning into the other green-and-white team. I approve.
The Eagles have such cool helmets, why do they have such a gay logo?
Has Ezekiel Ansah ever even seen a chicken?
http://45.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_m9znq7Prfi1r7ygp0o1_500.gif
Very nearly had a buttfumble there. Just a regular fumble though.
no-butt fumble?
Gut fumble will have to do.
Not the Buttfumble 2.
Because this so obviously had to be the one game per season that Stafford turns into Joe Montana.
fml
http://www.travelandescape.ca/wp-content/uploads/2014/03/91a16d596c50fc5c26d2248b943629a0_h.jpg
Time for Jordan Matthews to start throwing up on the field.
ah, memories!
Time for dinner.
/checks clock
2:30??? Thanksgiving is weird
Keep playing the rookie on Calvin. Good are bound to happen.
I understand it is Detroit, and Ford field is likely the best building-type structure there, but why does the field itself look like it was left out in the ghetto overnight? All stained and blotchy. Bet it smells like welfare.
I think it’s because they built it directly on top of poor people.
This is a not a city that embraces recalls.
Happy Thanksgiving everyone! Fuck da Eagles!
Is it pie time? I think it might be almost pie time.
Puff pastry isn’t completely defrosted yet. But so close…
It’s pie time over here. Also, pumpkin roll! And whiskey! And beer!
Poor kid, trying to cover Megatron.
Also, why the fuck did I have to double check the lines this morning? EASY FUCKING (fake) MONEY
Hey Stafford, you should throw a TD here to that Megatron guy.
Theo Riddick isn’t Megatron, Stafford. Stop being an asshole.
Ask and ye shall receive
c’mon TAINT
Even if you’re not doing anything elaborate, a great way to get the whole house smelling savory and delicious is to roast a head of garlic.
Take one whole clove of garlic and slice off the top 1/4 of it, brush with olive oil and season with salt and pepper.
Bake in a 350 oven in a small baking dish for 50-55 minutes. Let cool and use to your liking.
It smells amazing in here.
I will be using a few of the roasted garlic cloves in my mashed potatoes later.
Hell yes.
Roasted garlic is the shit
Seconded.
Good news is my entire house smells of fresh based apple pie.
Bad news is the pie no esta aqui and probably ain’t none of it coming back alive.
/am comforting myself with opiates
Two more TaintDOWNS would be awful nice.
Wasn’t the Eagles D supposed to be good at one point?
This team just blows. This is making me think the NFC East is bad enough that the Skins might make the playoffs after all. They shouldn’t. But really, none of these teams should.
I honestly have no idea how they beat the CasselVANIA Cowboys, even.
I’m actually pretty pissed off that the Skins are the only NFC East team that didn’t get a shot at the Romoless Cowboys.
That is kind of unfair, though you’ns have a habit of throttling them randomly at full strength recently.
No matter how shitty the season has been, they TRY for that game. It’s always close and surprisingly fun to watch.
Don’t fret, by the time the Slurs play the Boys, Romo will be in full-bore heartbreak mode, so you have good chances.
I still treasure the memory of that beautiful Romonobyl for the division a few years back.
The NFC East is a dumpster short of a dumpster fire
Cuse is playing at 3:30? Screw this. I’m going home.
THIS GAME I CALL IT HELL FREEZES OVER. THE ODDS OF THE EAGLES MAKING A DECENT COMEBACK ARE ABOUT THE SAME.
BALLAST POINT IS DOWN!!! REPEAT, BALLAST POINT IS DOWN AND KAAAAAAREN USED THE WHITE WINE TO MAKE GRAVY!!! WE HAVE NO WHITE WINE!!! SCRAMBLE, SCRAMBLE, SCRAMBLE!!!
ANCHOR STEAM HOLIDAY BEERS TO THE FRONT TURRET!!! GET THE MALBEC AND CABERNET TO TURRETS 2 AND 3!!! MOVE PEOPLE, THIS BIRD’S COMING IN HOT!!!
DEFEND THIS LOCKER WITH YOUR LIFE, HORATIO!
GET THAT WHISKEY TO THE SNIPERS, MOVE MOVE MOVE
What did you do with the wine KAREN!!!!!!!
http://i.huffpost.com/gen/462911/images/r-JAPAN-FUCKING-SALE-600×275.jpg
That’s what set me off on the translation spree.
Full circle then.
Wow. I’ve been so busy with this family thing I hadn’t even looked at the score…. nice to see Nacho performing down to his usual level.
Chip Kelly gets fired on the way home if this gets any worse for Philly.
And by fired I mean “Fired out of the plane and into the sun.”
He’s coaching LSU by Valentine’s Day.
He will then criticize the rocket for not hustling.
I have eaten. Taken the various entropy nieces and nephews to the park, and am hungry and thirsty again.
My one and a half year old niece, who is the spitting image of my mother, kept telling me she wanted “apple juice,” which confused me greatly until I realized she meant my Jameson shot sitting on a nearby table.
This kid is gonna be AWESOME.
Oh, she gon drank.
A kid’s gotta learn to drink sometime, and c’mon…what are the odds everybody hasn’t branded you as THAT uncle already anyway??
I was “THAT uncle” before I had nieces and nephews, I’d wager. My family knows who I am.
CHUH CHUH
We should set up some sort of Junior Commentist Program.
Actually, we could do this. Put their stuff on a separate site, plaster it with ads, make millions.
We just have to remember to call them “student-commentists” or something so we have an excuse not to pay them…
JVDFO is GO!
HAPPY THANKSGIVING, TIME TO SQUASH YOUR BEEFS
http://assets.adamriff.com/images/mcpoyle_eyepatch.jpg
BEETS I THINK YOU MEANT BEETS
http://www.tablespoon.com/-/media/Images/Articles/PostImages/2013/02/week4/2013-02-22-goat-cheese-beet-salad-p-1SM-580w.jpg
What in the fuck is in this turkey? Am I hallucinating? Or is it just a major tryptophan OD?
http://cdn.smosh.com/sites/default/files/ftpuploads/bloguploads/0714/product-names-sega.jpg
@FakeWIPCaller’s twitter feed is just spectacular today.
https://twitter.com/FakeWIPCaller
Worst slam poetry ever
This is better than most Super Bowl half time shows.
I don’t listen to Big Sean. Has he always been this utterly devoid of talent?
Still better than Berman.