Just the EPL Sad and Lonely Weekend Preview

Yes, the weekend has finally come when I have no JV NFL to preview. The world is colder and more barren than usual. And I promised my kids we would go get a Christmas tree this afternoon. Timing is not exactly coincidental. I will likely fuck my neck and/or back up (even more) and have nothing good to watch. SIGH.

But let us keep our chins up and our heads out of the oven, and focus on the EPL. The Little Foxy Engine That Could surprised everyone last weekend and re-took sole possession of first place, and Boxing Day (the day after Christmas) is generally considered the day things stop being polite, and start getting real in English footy. Leicester ain’t going away by then, folks. To the fixtures!

Norwich and Dear Beloved Everton kick things off at the ungodly hour of 7:45 EST (NBCSN), and it’s another crucial match for the Toffees as they try to get out of the mass in the upper-middle. Currently, there are seven teams on 21-23 points, clogging up slots 6-12 on the table. Everton smack dab in the middle at 9th on 22. Two weeks ago, Everton blew a 2-nil lead, then a 3-2 lead in the last 30 seconds of added time to Bournemouth. Last week, on English MNF, they hit the woodwork three times in a dominating performance that ended in another draw against Palace. Win either game, and the Blues are clear of the pack in 6th, as their goal differential predicts they should be. Irritating as fuck, but hopefully some frustration gets taken out on sad sack Norwich.

Saturday’s 10:00 window brings two interesting games – 3rd place City against desperate, reeling 15th place Swansea (NBCSN), and the two ends of the upper-middle pack, 6th place Palace and 12th position Southampton (USA). The Swans got absolutely destroyed at home by Leicester last week, and once wonderkind manager Gerry Monk might need a result just to keep his job. City looked awful themselves last week, and have been truly baffling after a red hot start to the season. The Saints are loads more fun than Palace, so hopefully they compress things in the middle even more with a victory. Definitely the most evenly matched fixture of the day.

Sunday brings three matches, but the two top end clubs each play relegation fodder (Arsenal vs. Villa at 8:30, NBCSN; Spurs vs. Barcodes at 11, NBCSN or Extra Time). The 8th place Shite of Liverpool play the slightly better than relegation fodder West Brom Albion at 11 (NBCSN or Extra Time, the website isn’t clear), so I guess one could watch that.

Monday Night Footy could be very good indeed, with Leicester hosting Chelsea. Chelsea are in 14th, and that’s where they deserve to be, based on goal differential. Don’t kid yourselves into thinking that a run to the top is imminent – they’re shit and it’s glorious. Should be an excellent showcase for the Foxes, as NBCSN loves the story, every bit as much as the front-running English press hates it.

Feel free to talk about college hoops, 1-AA footy in the comments, etc.

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King Hippo
Reclusive, vulgar Broncos fan. Also a proud fookin' Evertonian. Likely dropped on my head repeatedly as a small child. [Insert George Carlin quote followed by thoughtful nod.]
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blaxabbath

Interesting to see how well Army manages the clock, considering their affinity for getting bogged down in endless wars.

WCS

WCS

blaxabbath

How’s the kid from Navy supposed to be a Heisman candidate if he can’t even shred the Army? I’m starting to wonder if he even has what it takes to be a middle east warlord with this performance.

WCS

I’m an Air Force guy, so Army-Navy doesn’t have the same appeal. What I could do without are the dozens of faux-patriotic, jingoisticly inane ads for USAA, Geico, and whatever the fuck else every break.

blaxabbath

It’d be awesome if the Air Force just did fly byes for three hours, releasing chemtrails over the stadium and sonic-booming the crowd every 45 seconds.

That would be an acceptable use of tax dollars.

Horatio Cornblower

To be fair, USAA is great car insurance. Good thing my Dad served, because I sure as hell didn’t earn it.

blaxabbath

So I don’t get this. The US Army is supposed to have some of the greatest strategic minds we have to offer. Yet they run the ball on every down and basically just use every play as an excuse to throw young, healthy bodies at their opponent to get destroyed while gaining the applause of thousands of onlookers with a complete refusal to update their tactics or….oh, right. Never mind.

ballsofsteelandfury

If this site actually gave out comments of the week, this would be it.

Horatio Cornblower

They’ve never gone beyond Grant’s plan at Cold Harbor.

blaxabbath

I think the Army QB has more arm strength than Teddy Bridgewater.

BrettFavresColonoscopy

Gentlemen, I’m in a bar at the Wichita airport drinking a local beer and watching Shockers-Utes roundball. Send help.

blaxabbath

That place has a airport?

BrettFavresColonoscopy

The airport is actually very nice. Once you step outside…

WCS

If PK shows up, break a bottle over his fat face, and stab his neck flab with the shattered end.

blaxabbath

Confirm the kill!

BrettFavresColonoscopy

Seems reasonable

blaxabbath

Oh the Army/Navy football game is on. I guess Doctors Without Borders is safe for a day.

WCS

Hey, Scotchy, A Crown For Christmas is on Hallmark right now! Drop your cock, and grab your remote! Then you can grab your cock again, because Danica McKellar is still gorgeous.

blaxabbath

That’s it! I’m getting cable!

scotchnaut

DAMMIT!

Spanky Datass
Senor Weaselo

So, Navy’s positional helmets: Thoughts? I think it’s a nice touch.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

h
ttp://eroticarta2z.com/images/erotic-calendars/sex-positions-calendar-2011/sex-positions-calendar-2011-6.jpg

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

If your arms were short and you couldn’t reach your junk you’d be pissed too.

http://41.media.tumblr.com/0d8762a999f3d248bbb2f9133442923a/tumblr_naq06nUXEn1sqap8qo5_1280.png

Low Commander of the Super Soldiers

I hadn’t seen this before…

comment image?oh=ac6d4138c45f8941dee75621c9911894&oe=571F5A68

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

I have not seen that particular combination of characters either!

“?oh=ac6d4138c45f8941dee75621c9911894&oe=571F5A68”

Fuckin’ A!

http://49.media.tumblr.com/c61b8c5ff8a22eeb22c0f7616cc10948/tumblr_nz7tjti6gr1s3rlr2o1_400.gif

Low Commander of the Super Soldiers

You betrayed me for the last time, crl+c/crl+v!

comment image?oh=ac6d4138c45f8941dee75621c9911894&oe=571F5A68

Oh GOD DAMNIT!

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Horatio Cornblower

North Dakota State wins a lot because they recruit winners you guys.

Croooow

Wow, very impressive win. Would love to see this side stay up.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

Oh, you meant something else.

Senor Weaselo

Didn’t jinx it!

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
blaxabbath

Sonoran is not with relish and is missing beans.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

ARE YOU SAYING THIS VERSION IS INACCURATE TO WHAT YOU HAVE HAD!??! IT’S NOT ‘OFFICIAL’?!?

WHO CAN WE TRUST NOW?!?!?

http://45.media.tumblr.com/c7005750f91f5d66ce08c749ccf66ecf/tumblr_nya5fa5Lcb1s8gtxto1_500.gif

Croooow

Wow, is Bournemouth’s stadium tiny. Are they the smallest ever to make it to the EPL?

Senor Weaselo

So is Bournemouth leading Man U 2-1 late regularly humorous or extremely humorous?

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Horatio Cornblower

What the fuck is wrong with Georgia?

And yes, my questions concerns both the state and country.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
scotchnaut

Lesson Learned: Moose can’t let go of weiners.

scotchnaut

/watching Doug Flutie: A Football Life

He seems like a bit of a dickbag.

I thought for sure that Melvin Bratton was gonna be something big in the NFL.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

Potato dog does not make sense to me.

Horatio Cornblower

I am intrigued by Chile’s entry, but keep that mayo to yourself, thankyouverymuch.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

Avocado serves as the mashy/moist ingredient anyway.

laserguru

Off to the gym. Going to work out indoors today. It’s cold and windy as a motherfucker out there so no walking.
Goddamn El Nino.

His Right Honorable Lord Lordship the Lordly

It’s 60 in the Northeast.

scotchnaut

I should have done a hike today. Damn it.

/definitely tomorrow

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

HIPPO; MAYBE IT’S BEST: ON DAYS LIKE THIS SEA LIONS ARE IN THE CROSSWALKS.

http://41.media.tumblr.com/b305721d46de6e2672446d1e4382c165/tumblr_ny62qqPfHW1rojphdo1_1280.jpg

laserguru

Right here on the damn beach.
Shit ain’t right at all.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

My house 28-deg F, gusts to 30mph, snow, it is fine for walking the dog.

http://45.media.tumblr.com/3c0b2d194f635a5b0f7339a033937bea/tumblr_nml2e1x9xC1u4fjsto5_500.gif

scotchnaut

Riddle me this, commenters. Why doesn’t Kentucky have a nationally prominent/dominant women’s basketball team? To a dumbass outsider like me this seems obvious.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

Sister-wives?

Horatio Cornblower

Tennessee took all the local talent and Connecticut takes all the national talent.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

Obviously still talking about the sister-wives.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Senor Weaselo

How is Frightful not on that list? And sign me up, not real according to the fine print be damned!

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

schmine schprint!

laserguru

So King Hippo, two questions: have you seen, what did you think of the last episode of the Leftovers and did you hear they were renewed for a third and final season?

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

I tried it for a while and just couldn’t get into it; should I give it another go?

laserguru

Most definitely. The first season was a challenge and you had to get to episode 4 before you lose that whole “I feel like slashing my wrists” thing.

This past season was incredible.

I’m head over heels for Carrie Coon so that helps.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

I always thought she’d wear her makeup like Taylor Manson.

laserguru

Motherfucker may have been the line of the season.
I loved it too.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

It’s a luchador, on a motorcycle, at a protest, being fired on by riot police….

Just another day in paradise.

http://40.media.tumblr.com/3eca56919e4166b6e3960625071e9a48/tumblr_ny8pjjPF0W1rqf6tdo1_1280.jpg

scotchnaut

Is no one watching North Dakota St. vs. University of Northern Iowa?

/I’ll hang up and listen off-air

scotchnaut

I’ve had a soft spot for UNI ever since Ali Longlastname drilled that ballsy three to put Kansas down back in ’10.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
ballsofsteelandfury

Yes it is

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
scotchnaut

This way lies Madness.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
laserguru

Keep your nose out of other people’s business, Jake.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

One of his best?

laserguru

Yep.

scotchnaut

Gittes gets stitches.

blaxabbath

Hey all. Just got back from hiking. Got some eggs and bacon going here. Gonna take on Yeah Right’s carintas next. No sports on my tv yet — what’s today for games?

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
laserguru

Glad you’re giving this a try. Trust me with the corn tortillas and salsa.
If you want to get crazy here’s a quick bean recipe.
1 pound bag of pinto beans cleaned sorted and rinsed.
1 onion chopped
5 cloves of garlic minced
1 teaspoon of chili powder
1 teaspoon of cumin
Salt and pepper to taste.
4 pieces of bacon uncooked.

Throw everything but the bacon in a pot, cover with water and simmer for 2 1/2 to 3 hours. Stir occasionally. After cooking throw the bacon in a pan and cook. Eat the bacon but add the bacon grease to the beans. Stir and cook for 15 minutes more. Mash up about half of the beans with a masher or the side of a spoon.
Serve and be happy.
Can most definitely top with shredded cheddar cheese.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

King Hippo anyway.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

The worst part about this hangover is that complaining about it doesn’t make it feel the slightest bit better.

Horatio Cornblower

Pedia-lyte.

Would this guy lie to you?

comment image

laserguru

Today is the day I must fulfill my grandfatherly duties and sit through another 3 hours of the Nutcracker ballet. Number 1 granddaughter is dancing in the performance for a record six years in a row.
There are some very cool moments, when she’s on stage and some other moments, when she’s not.
It’s like an acid flashback and not always a good flashback.
I’ll try to make a comment or two during intermission. God help me.

jjfozz

Also, as I posted in the Ratbirds entry, make sure you value the time with your friends. If you’ve fallen out of touch, call them and grab a beer or coffee. Hell, just call them.

I lost a buddy this week to a sudden heart attack, and as I said before, I am fucking furious at the universe. I’m also mad at myself, because I fell out of touch with a solid guy – one of those guys that you say, “Yeah, he’s one of the good ones.”

Okay, rant over. I’m going to go decorate the house with Mrs. Fozz and drink and because it’s nice outside, fuck wearing pants. Let the neighbors gawk, and be jealous.

Horatio Cornblower

Sorry about your loss.

laserguru

Sorry here as well. You make a great point, hug your family and friends. Often.

blaxabbath

“Yeah, he’s one of the good ones.”

::black friend joke::

jjfozz

THIS SOCCER, I CALL IT TOLERANCE, BECAUSE AMERICANS CAN’T UNDERSTAND WHAT IT IS, BUT THEY HATE IT ANYWAY

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

Nice! How fucking on point.

The Maestro

COTW right here.

Horatio Cornblower

Next week’s tag line.

Doktor Zymm

And it begins….TBOX is today, the first drunk people in Santa hats just walked by. Though they probably aren’t that drunk yet.

Doktor Zymm

Cubs fans were all happy yesterday cause of Cubs stuff that happened. I just smiled, nodded, and talked about football.

Doktor Zymm

Why does no one deliver Thai food at 8:45 am? What a bunch of breakfast fascists.

laserguru

Holy crap, some pad see ew and red curry sounds glorious.

Doktor Zymm

I’m upset that the place near me that did amazing Panang curry nachos closed. Gonna have to try and replicate them at some point.

laserguru

If they turn out right you’re going to have to share that recipe with the rest of us.

Lothar of the Hill People

Going Christmas and birthday shopping today. This will be my anthem:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1iAYhQsQhSY

jjfozz

Shopping tip: bourbon, beer, bourbon, cigar, bourbon, unleash the credit cards.

People on your list will be surprised, amazed, and worried about you.

Horatio Cornblower

The wife and I are doing the same thing. 65 and sunny here in Connecticut, so you know I’m in the Christmas mood.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Great album.

Lothar of the Hill People

My nearly 6 year-old daughter watched Star Wars for the first time last night.

It was fun, seeing her reactions. And it was rewarding that despite her growing up in the age of CGI and Pixar, she didn’t sneer at the 40 year-old special effects, bad acting, bad writing, bad directing, etc. She loved it, and it was special for me, watching it again through her eyes.

And thus, another Star Wars nerd was born.

Lothar of the Hill People

My daughter is either the coolest kid at school, or the nerdiest (or both). Good thing she’s tall and has been learning the kung fu I randomly teach her.

She’d be perfectly at home growing up 40 years ago (minus the Internet giving her on-demand access to everything), because she loves Schoolhouse Rock, old cartoons, my music, etc.

My kids don’t clamor for the Wiggles or other juvenile shit when we get in the car. My 3 year-old son wants Badlands (Jake E. Lee’s band) or Whitesnake, my daughter wants Van Halen. Sometimes we have to compromise on Joe Satriani.

The Maestro

You’re doing fucking amazing work as a parent, just FYI.

Marc Trestmans Windowless Van
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