NE @ Hou: The Gronk is listed as Questionable. The player most statistically invested in him playing is not Gronk, it’s Br*dy. Mike Sando has pointed out that since 2010 when Gronk entered the league, Brady is 182/42 with respect to TD/Int’s when the former is on the field. When Gronk is not on the field that ratio falls to 42/19. And so it goes-Brady’s passer rating falls from 104 to 86.8. His QBR falls from 72 down to 59.5. Brady’s TD rate with Gronk on the field? 6.7%. Off the field? 3.5. Stats-wise, that porno star-boinking tight end is more valuable to the O than anyone else. “That’s all well and good”, says JJ Watt, “but has he ever squealed with delight when meeting Jennifer Aniston?”.
Hoyer is 10/19, 115 yds.
“Damn, that is impressive!” — Alex Smith
My opponent started him today in the FF play-offs.
I feel like I should thank him.
Oh god, I just looked at your matchup with Balls of Steel. His entire team deserted him today.
“What’s gametime?” — Colin K. in Santa Clara
That looked like a diabetic retina:
http://www.sjeyeassociates.com/UserFiles/diabetic.jpg
Weird, I thought “diabetic retina” was the custom ipad that Apple made for Jay Cutler.
No, he actually uses Android devices, you know, because the current Android OS is marshmallow, and the previous ones were lollipop, kit-kat, and candy cane.
His retinae don’t look like that yet.
That’s 20 years of poor control.
Jebus, Houston’s O-line sucks. They really need to play the Bears and turn into All-Pros.
I am not lying about the weight loss. I have to let my pup out in the rain and my gym shorts without a string keep falling off me the moment I move. I might just do it pantsless
That’s called “DFO style”.
I didn’t know who to reply to. I really love you all
No Pants is the unofficial motto here. I’m surprised its not a tag yet.
You may have heard, I espouse a philosophy called “FUCK PANTS”
Fuck Pants are what Rex Grossman calls his favorite jeans.
Pictured, Zymm’s “Fuck Pants”
http://www.shopvanitykills.com/content/206014/hotpants3.jpg
Whoops, I posted “Hot Pants” instead.
Maybe these are the fuck pants?
It’s been cold and rainy and winter like..
and I have not put on a pair of pants all motherfucking day.
Damn right it’s called DFO Style!
Jadaveon Clowney did a thing?
Jadaveon Clowney did a thing!
He been trucked by a Clowney car?
Nah.
Clowney sacks Brady.
15 yards, touching the Dreamboat.
And a puppy.
http://www.hideme.io/uploads/2015/9/29/20-scary-clowns-in-movies-and-tv-shows-that-will-give-you-nightmares-2.jpg
Gronk’s nurse needs a follow-up on his condition.
http://41.media.tumblr.com/5bb23301e5160590508b96fce9ef6a93/tumblr_nxlv8eAL3Y1t1yih0o1_500.jpg
Asshole near me when a [*Redacted] got injured via a low hit. “Oh it’s not Reed, so fuck him, also, let’s kill the QB”
Everyone else was actually really nice, and a guy with horrible teeth gave me a bunch of popcorn.
Not like he could eat it….
Fun fact: he also gave you popcorn lung!
NOT FUNNY!!! My step-cousin died from that!!
And popcorn jelly beans!
http://media.candystore.com/catalog/product/cache/1/image/9df78eab33525d08d6e5fb8d27136e95/b/u/buttered-popcorn-jelly-belly-10lbs_2.jpg
That explains my persistent cough and sweet, buttery breath.
4th and 31? NFL BLITZ!
if so just toss a sweep to the right then have the half back throw to the crossing route… TD!
Fat guy laying motionless on the field? Looks like a pretty good Haynesworth impression to me.
Has the Texans offense ever played football before?
I’m not sure they have tonight, either.
Who?
Who?
Good lord, I’m pretty sure I’m on deck for this defense.
Sweet mother of mercy…
“If they had called that a fumble, they would’ve got Bill O’Brien in a teapot moment, eh?”
WHAT THE FUCK IS THAT SUPPOSED TO MEAN, CRIS?
How often do you have to ask that question?
“Aren’t you enjoying this seventy degree weather in northern Wisconsin this December? We made that happen.”
– ExxonMobil
I think I got a slight sun burn on Friday in DC. Thank You Exon!
I’d love for some Democrat to deliver a chunk of green, green grass to Inhofe and say, “It’s 70 degrees in December, fuckwad, where’s your fucking snowball now?”
Yeah it’s the Patriots ability to find role players that makes them so dangerous, not that the league rules heavily favor their style of play. Yup all these Gritty O’Scrappies are the cause.
They picked up Gritty O’Scrappy? I can’t believe he went undrafted. He’ll be a real difference maker!
They saw his 68-round bare-knuckle bout with JT O’Sullivan and were impressed by his moxie and spunk.
HE’S BETTAH THEN ONE O THEM GLOREE BOY DAHKIES! NO ONE DENIES THIS!
Guess who else wore pants?
ah mother pus bucket
The Oilers offense is HuntaAIDS.
Edmonton?
everybody sprain chung tonight
Anyone else remember this reference?
http://www.tampabay.com/resources/images/blogs/80s/56254.jpg
We’ve said this so many times, and we don’t want to overstate this … SO Y U NO SHUT UP?
How do you not shatter your legs after hitting the water?
I think I just felt the alcohol move to my forebrain. I know it doesn’t work like that, but I’m using it as an excuse to say explicit things. Sadly, I can’t really think of anything explicit I want to say, so I’m using junk science I made up for nothing. Damn.
You could curse out pants some more?
Nazis had really nice pants. Just saying.
Hugo Boss designed and made them!
Ah fuck me. That’s who I meant.
Lagerfeld’s a hell of a designer.
Jodphurs, riding boots, crops, monocles, peaked caps, maybe even a walking stick – they were dressed to kill.
Sorry.
Really bad mustaches though
Maybe it’s time to open up and tell us how you feel about Dallas.
I’m sure you can find scat porn link on your own.
Explicit and junk science?
Parsnips make your dick grow!
Chemtrails get women horny!
How come announcers never suffer career-ending injuries?
Rush Limbaugh did, sort of.
The Pilodonal Cyst Of The Abcessed Mind
It takes a lot of specific brain trauma to permanently impair speech.
THIS SWEENEY TODD, I CALL HIM THE BERNARD POLLARD OF THE BROADCAST BOOTH.
Because god sees you touching yourself.
Theismann did. Unfortunately, he didn’t get his leg snapped in the booth.
Kraft looks like he found his “girlfriend’s” stash
Of Plan B?
I’ve said this before, but that girl in the McDonald’s ad is my neighbor.
You don’t tempt people on diets with cash. You tempt them with gravy filled donuts.
I’d take the 40k
$40K buys a fuckload of donuts.
“Explain how.”
“Money can be exchanged for goods and services.”
Wait…was that Nike commercial actually celebrating the fact that the league chews up and spits out players, requiring a fresh batch of desperate and poor kids to sacrifice their physical and mental health for our entertainment?!?
Kind of refreshing to be that honest…
At least they’re upfront about it now
The funny thing about the child returning the kickoff for the Broncos in that commercial is he’s actually Trindon Holliday.
Nate Washington: Nobody’s Favorite
http://www.houstontexans.com/assets/images/imported/HOU/photos/In_Story_Photos_400_190/580draftparty2.jpg
Nate Washington can eat a bag of dicks. It is known.
That’s the Lions’ problem: they have a 12 year-old returning kicks for them.
And an overweight bulimic lesbian for a quarterback.
http://i.imgur.com/IQh2FVA.gifv
i like this guy. I want to hang out with him
It is like a cat, but i know they hate you to start out with
The world needs more Sam and Dave. We all need more Sam and Dave.
Original American Music…ppl forget that.
When the Bluesmobile starts blasting “I’m Comin'” as Jake & Elwood rip through the shopping mall pursued by two squad cars, it’s probably the top Sam & Dave moment in all of history.
True Story…
I worked in that mall as a teenager. Closest I’ve come to a claim to fame.
Man, as mall jobs go, that is fucking awesome.
http://38.media.tumblr.com/9656f04464655aac07c249aa721b2f52/tumblr_n9uszg3J3h1tnyky2o1_250.gif
Shame about that salmon. It looked pretty good.
All I’m asking is for this week to change absolutely nothing about the AFC homefield race. I don’t think that’s too much to ask.
Tremendous “courage” by Malcolm Butler? WHAAAA?
Coverage, I think.
I hope.
Otherwise the fellating is even getting too much for me.
That makes more sense.
Even my ears are drunk!
This game here I like to call it Obama’s first 2 years, because nothing is happening and the talking heads are sitting around spouting nonsense.
Nate Washington: Again, why?
One of my biggest pet peeves is players who signal possession before the refs decide who has the ball.
You’re not going to influence, the refs, assholes! All you’re doing is potentially misleading the coaches on your sideline as to which team has possession.
Fucking commas.
Where does this rank against watery hot sauces?
No, that’s me. Lothar’s hot saucy waters. And below watery hot sauces, and FAR below geese.
Geese are the fucking worst.
I agree about geese. Even eating them is overrated.
The other thing like this, when you’re down, placing the ball a full arms length away. Cause that’s totally the spot. This has never worked.
It worked for Walter Payton a few times during his career.
Of course, he had 15 bajillion carries, and it worked for him a few times.
YOU GET A DERP AND YOU GET A DERP AND YOU GET A DERP
“I don’t give a shit what they have, I’m spoiling those fucking kids because I can.”
Yes, I said this. Yes I said this to my wife about Xmas gifts. Yes, I realize that I’m a douche.
Fuck it, they’re my kids and they are huge dorks and I love them.
As long as a football squirts out of one of the gifts, and whichever kid covers it, gets the pony.
Fuck what other parents are doing for their kids, you do what you feel is right for yours.
Kids don’t get spoiled at Christmas. They get magical memories that comfort them later in life when things get shitty.
That’s still no excuse for the kilo of heroin.
Hey guys how many line backers do you know can cover the flats and the middle? Disregard the fact it is the zone they are always responsible for…
In that guy’s defense, catching a punt is the hardest fucking play in football.
But then again, he’s a Patriot, so fuck him.
http://content.randomenthusiasm.com/8BNX3nl0O.gif
But…but it was .gifing…why u no .gif?
KESHAWN MARTIN YOU FUCKING SHITTIOT
In my opinion he’s currently the greatest Patriot ever.
If you rewind and play in slow motion, you can see the instant he got cut.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PnSccAokV3c
http://stream1.gifsoup.com/view6/4630934/ralph-heartbreak-o.gif
Faith in football…RESTORED!!!
Then destroyed!!
LET’S GO…Um..Texans? Am I doing that right?
Getting better, no profanities.
Who?
We’re all pretty new at this.
I mock my house all the time. No room but the kitchen has overhead lights, because they never bothered to install wiring. The cable thing, was installed no where til I helped my dad drill throgh the floor and hook him up with it in the living room. We moved it up to his room but buying a repeater was easier than getting it to my room.