Cin @ Den: What to make of Denver? They’re the first team in a few years to not score any points at all in the second half of three straight games. They’ve lost their last two, they’ve beaten San Diego (like everyone else), they beat the P*ts in OT (did NE win the toss in that one?), and they lost 17-15 to the Bears. A devout Broncs fan “says” (meaning he mumbles through tears), It’s not a slow fade, honest! Let’s math it up for a bit, shall we? If the Broncs win tonight the chances of a first-round bye rise to 72%, yet if they lose the odds of them missing the playoffs altogether increase to 23%. Isn’t football fandom fun in a severe chest-pain kind of way? But there is some good news… HERE COMES CINCY! [camera pans to a lone figure limping over the horizon, backlit by a setting sun] That illustration is, like, way metaphorical, right? QB Dalton and TE Ifart are out so the Bengals won’t be looking like a 3-loss team. My prediction is that each squad has the exact same game plan-pack the box and make the QB win it with his arm/smarts. This means the game is determined by which team has the better secondary/pass rush. Denver? Denver.
Wow.
BUTTHOLES: REPUCKERED
SHANK.
Let us celebrate the end of Peyton Manning’s career!
Snake Dick is the hero we need, and the one we deserve.
Game.
Did you write that in your notebook?
Verily.
run, run, kick
I want one of these things…until someone loses an eye…
http://i.imgur.com/A29BSZ4.gifv
I want one of those so someone loses an eye.
I have one. It’s way too much fun.
I am banned from using it whenever we have parties in the house now though, unfortunately.
Boo…
That was a nice pass. The next one not so much.
SNAKE DICK REDUX!!!!
I mean this is just sad.
We have a Snake Dick sighting!
1:40
That’s like :45 more than Brocky needs.
This is in the bag.
So… Jock Rowsdower pick-six?
Only if Hippo says.
MANCE WALKER THE KING BEYOND THE WALL
Sonofabitch we got thundersnow. Climate change ain’t real my ass.
I have always wanted to see thundersnow.
I HAVE SEEN IT! WOO, the South!!
We had that up here earlier in the winter, was very weird!
Man, I fucking love thundersnow. It almost never happens, but when it does, I feel like Thor himself is throwing the entire meteorological fury of Scandinavia at us.
Draw play coming up, followed by a punt.
For a touchback.
CALLED IT!
70?
Asshole
http://i.imgur.com/67666Mi.gifv
Very nice.
There’s a lot going on here.
in all serious, before you posted that, I had the smurfs theme song in my head
Its my gift…its my curse…like that guy who would have visions of graphic murders from the show “Millennium”…only with goofy gifs…
Millennium/Lance Henriksen reference.
WOOOOO!!!!!
/still miss that show
I always figured his character HAD to be a vegetarian right?!?
Every time he picks up a burger, he is experiencing the cow being slaughtered and shit right?
Peyton warming up yet?
(screams unitelligably at litre_cola, probably about maple syrup and superfluous u’s)
Goddammit we just lost power. Won’t fet it back for another hour and a half. This is just as bad as when I went to the Anne Frank house and founf it disappointing! My Kit Kats will melt without proper refrigeration! WON’t SOMEBODY THINK OF THE KIT KATS!?!?!?
This right here is why you shouldn’t leave food out in your locker, Horatio.
What the fuck is the power company even doing?!?
http://26.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_llk1mlNhwX1qg9y2oo1_400.gif
Argh!
I only have 1.7 beers left to dull the pain, too.
Sounds like a good night to bust into the oxy reserve stash.
And don’t you even try to tell you don’t fucking have one.
Hippo, you have any stock tips, I’ll make sure to short whatever you pick.
The Big Shart
Also known as Peter King
Invest in Danny Woodhead!
I’m a liberal Demmycrat, I can’t even pretend to know ANYTHING about money ,, smh
I nearly just spit diet coke thru my nose.
Well fuck, now I feel bad.
I’m sorry Hippo.
IT IS ALL MY FAULT. I JINXED HIM, IN THE WORSTEST WAY POSSIBLE.
fuck me
THIS MICHAEL JOHNSON I CALL HIM AGENT SMITH BECAUSE HE JUST TOOK OUT MR. ANDERSON
If you can’t make them defend the length of the field, at least make them defend the width I guess.
Buttholes: EXTREMELY puckered
Scales, tipt
YAY!!!!!!!!!! NAWT on our dipshit OL!!!
Canada is weird…
http://i.imgur.com/qMQYnvC.gif
Like they don’t even do road rage right…
Fun facts about CJ Anderson. He’s decisive in his cuts, AND has normal, man-sized hands that allow him NAWT to fumble if someone breathes or farts on him.
I heard Ronnie Hillman is fast tho
I jinxed him. I deserve to fucking die.
Don’t die.
But you do owe snow some beer.
What was that about fumbles?
see above
And he fumbles…
(Hey guys…watch…watch this)
Ahem…
Hey Hippo…how’d Everton do today?
Motherfucker. How much of the cap does Flacco’s GUARANTEED contract take up again? 😀
LMFAO.
See…supportive. Like I said.
This “two hand touch” tackling strategy doesn’t seem to be working for the Bengals.
BLEED
THAT
CLOCK!
6 minute drive, set up McManus. LOTS AND LOTS OF CJA
I don’t believe in this running game. All I want to see is wide receiver screens.
Gentlemen…
http://i.imgur.com/xeN8b56.gifv
I suspect we made it to overtime…
I do believe that is likely.
Buttholes: Repuckered?
Oh, come on, people… just use a buttplug for fuck’s sake. It’ll help.
Taxicab confession time – never really unpuckered
So many questions I am afeered of axxing.
Doublepuckered.
oh my God Roby, you so fucking lucky
Roby was bad, but Bush was even worse.
at least he has the excuse of being, like, a 3rd string safety and not a starting NFL CB.
ONE goddamned 3rd down stop, pleaz
I think I understand the false start/neutral zone infraction distinction now. You call it against Denver, right?
Funny that Japan has repeatedly gotten people in trouble in this site…
We have a policy against full Nippon exposure.
That’s fucking fantastic.
And Parcells doesn’t even post here.
Nor Husband Kimmel.
FUCK
PRE
MA
TURE
E
JA
…
zzzzzzzzzz…
@JustStopDude – not to play internet police or anything but that was a little too much.
Be happy it wasn’t octopi.
APPROPRIATE
That girl is texting her friend.
Cyber-Gojira ate that train.
And that post.
Well, at least no one will be asking about putting Peyton in now, right?
Well…Only Peyton, at least.
I’m not making any promises.
Denver ain’t like Tuscaloosa, eh?
Shit. Why did I switch to beer?