Your “OY! WHO’S UP FOR A HATE-WATCH, THEN?” AFC Championship Open Thread

Why must I be a football fan? It’s not a particularly pleasant hobby to have during this run of Pats dominance. I think this is their fifth straight appearance in this game. OOF! That’s tough to swallow. It’s not hard to envision myself in a simpler time. I can see it now. [screen goes all wavy wavy] Me and my buddies are just back from the hunt, having brought down a noble stag. There’s plenty of mead to be quaffed as we warm our balls by the large fire. It’s damn cold but there are smiles all round.

Soon talk centers on the threat from the East. The land- and power-hungry Quinnzealots have won a number of skirmishes with our neighbouring tribes and will be soon threatening our (The Allthatisgoodnauts) borders. Word has reached us that they are led by a charismatic warrior, Large Teeth. Some say that his successes are due to a shadowy black-robed druid that possesses uncanny powers that cloud the minds of those who oppose him. During battle one does not know where the Quinnzealots will attack from-when they come for you it could be from the left, perhaps the right, sometimes from the trees above, all without warning. Their small yet rabid foot soldiers buzz around one’s ankles so quickly that it is difficult to hit them with your sword. T’will be a difficult task to defeat them-that much is certain.

Well that’s just great. THE PATS DOMINATE MY ALTERNATE HISTORIES AS WELL. On to the game, I guess. The venerable Hippo could break this game down much better than I could so I’ll just toss some nougats (not nuggets!) out there. The Gronk has 6 TD’s in as many games against Denver but it’s something of a boom/bust thing. Three TD’s came in one tilt and he’s been held to as little as 35 yards in another. Brady is 2-6 in Denver over his career which bodes well for the Orange Horsies. Denver led the league with 52 sacks but in order to be successful they must get pressure from the middle of the line and not the edge because Brady lets go of the ball in just over two seconds on those quick hitters to the Amendolas and Edelmans of the receiving corps. Hochuli is the ref and we are blessed with Jim “Prominent Masters apologist and serial philanderer” Nance and Phil “safe to say Morehouse State didn’t have an Elocution elective” Seems. THERE IS GLORY IN TYPING…SO TYPE!!!

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fleshwound_NPG

THE RUNNING GAME DOES A GOOD

jjfozz

Gronk just went to the sideline and said, “Gimme the #32”

Redshirt

Brady-Manning XVIII, I call it Star Trek V because it’s an ego-fueled travesty that shows that once beloved stars are well past their prime.

Bortleback

Peyton Manning is climbing a mountain……why is he climbing a mountain?

Beastmode Ate My Baby

Star Trek VI, however, fucking rocked.

Romonobyl

I can’t watch any of the recent Star Trek movies without comparing it to Baby Looney Tunes.

Old School Zero

THIS GUY SANDERS I CALL THE COLONEL BECAUSE HIS LAST NAME IS SANDERS AND I’M HUNGRY FOR FRIED CHICKEN

Shogun Marcus

http://comicsalliance.com/files/2014/10/CA_Supermovies_11-25-20151.jpg

So you say there’s too many comic book movies?

Gratliff

Fuck that. I am hype as fuck for Civil War, but jesus christ, ANOTHER Wolverine shitpile?

Beastmode Ate My Baby

IT WILL NEVER END

NEVER, EVER, NEVER, EVER

The Right Reverend Electric Mayhem

The Donks are still going to blow this, aren’t they?

Moonbatting Average

Likely

Sill Bimmons

KEEP TALKING ABOUT THE MAGIC OINTMENT FELLAS

Doktor Zymm

OINTMENT FOR ALL

Sill Bimmons

My old house was in that shot!

Cuntler

Hey fellas. Fuck the Pats!

blaxabbath

Just the most obvious passcode ever.

ballsofsteelandfury

Nice

Cuntler

Ha!

Moonbatting Average

Only one more quarter of pacing around the house!

Smithchez

I can’t decide which would piss off Boston sports fans more, Peyton getting one more ring, or a black guy winning.

Romonobyl

New York builds a statue of Bill Buckner at Mets Stadium.

ballsofsteelandfury

“Hammered from behind”

Where is Buddy Cole when you need him?

King Hippo

Sorry, Brock. We are gonna have to give Von all teh monies.

Dick E. Phuck

Jim can’t wait to be hammered from behind.

Romonobyl

I want paper AND plastic!!!!

Defensive Back Mike Wallace

Oh that’s just unfair.

Claymaker

“The only thing in doubt is the size of the NFC victory.”

makeitsnowondem

Von Miller watched Khalil Mack earlier this year and said “I’m allowed to do that? Fuckin’ sweet.”

blaxabbath

Brady seems pretty slow for a guy who depends on a quack who hustles anti-AIDS water to keep him in top physical condition.

Old School Zero
Smithchez

“Manning is sacked…or Brady…who gives a fuck.”

American Pie Story

Brady should just stay down next time.

King Hippo

Von is a goddamned hero

fleshwound_NPG

Von Miller 2016

The Right Reverend Electric Mayhem

Miller/Pollard 2016

makeitsnowondem

Tom Brady getting extremely sacked offline.

Sill Bimmons

woo

JustStopDude

More Sumo crap because I am utterly bored. Feel free to ignore this or if necessary, tell me to shut up.

Near as I can tell, these tournaments last 15 days. Each day, each sumo fights once. Whoever has the most wins at the end, wins the tournament. If you are injured, those missed bouts count as losses.

So the dude that one was a lower rank than the top which I think is Yokozuma. So to win, he had to beat the Yokozumas, which I think there were three. There is a tradition that when a lower ranked sumo beats a higher rank sumo, all the people in the arena take their sitting cushions and chuck them as hard as they can, while cheering.

When I first saw this, I thought they were pissed and there was going to be a riot for some reason.

Kungjitsu

I think it’s Yokozuna, with an N.

hippofant

That extra shove should’ve been roughing the passer.

Romonobyl

Only in slow motion.

Cuntler

Your mom didn’t say that last night when I finished.

Gratliff

I really hope this all ends with Cam Newton crip walking with the Lombardi in 2 weeks.

Fronkenshteen

Grounding!

Redshirt

St Louis Turf Monster demands a sacrifice

Romonobyl

Big Dumb Clumsy Sex Idiot.

American Pie Story

Gronk derp is the best derp

Doktor Zymm

It’s fun to imagine sound effects.

Romonobyl

Mile High Stadium is turning into a glue factory.

blaxabbath

What was the line on this game?

Moonbatting Average

Pats by 3?

Fronkenshteen

3

Sill Bimmons

Zig zag.

WCS

INJURY FOR THE PAIN GODS

The Maestro

I think Derek isn’t actually hurt out there. He’s probably just crying Wolfe.

Beastmode Ate My Baby

Maybe he just wants a snack because he’s hungry like the Wolfe?

King Hippo

Wolfe now??

makeitsnowondem

Wolfe too. Jesus Christ.

Romonobyl

But why hook up with an Altima when it’s much easier to boink in the back of a SUV? Trust me on this…

Cuntler

So, has anyone made the 17 year old gym teacher who loves the Pats and dominos cry yet?

Sill Bimmons

COMIC BOOK OVERLOAD

Beastmode Ate My Baby

Not even close yet, unfortunately.

jjfozz

Lexus asked, “How can we make a more douchier, ‘fuck you poor people’ commercial than our Xmas version?”

And they came up with, “I can get used to this.”

I’m keying every Lexus I see from now on.

litre_cola

Do you get the one where the asshole couple goes surfing then drives their rig on all the saltwater? Fuck those people.

Kungjitsu

Lexus owners don’t like it when you call their cars Toyotas, which they are.

You see Broncos playbook is just incantations begging the gods to prevent Manning from dying on field.

Moonbatting Average

*Prays to the Safety Gods*

makeitsnowondem

They will reward our faith.

makeitsnowondem

Kayvon Webster’s just an okay corner, but he’s a goddamn special teams hero.

King Hippo

The Panthers and Cardinals DCs will LOVE the tape of this shitburger

ballsofsteelandfury

Can someone tell Kubiak he can’t start running the clock out yet?

hippofant

Have both OCs just decided to go fuck off and get drunk at a bar together?

King Hippo

the complete lack of an OL is quite the limiting reagent

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