Your “OY! WHO’S UP FOR A HATE-WATCH, THEN?” AFC Championship Open Thread

Why must I be a football fan? It’s not a particularly pleasant hobby to have during this run of Pats dominance. I think this is their fifth straight appearance in this game. OOF! That’s tough to swallow. It’s not hard to envision myself in a simpler time. I can see it now. [screen goes all wavy wavy] Me and my buddies are just back from the hunt, having brought down a noble stag. There’s plenty of mead to be quaffed as we warm our balls by the large fire. It’s damn cold but there are smiles all round.

Soon talk centers on the threat from the East. The land- and power-hungry Quinnzealots have won a number of skirmishes with our neighbouring tribes and will be soon threatening our (The Allthatisgoodnauts) borders. Word has reached us that they are led by a charismatic warrior, Large Teeth. Some say that his successes are due to a shadowy black-robed druid that possesses uncanny powers that cloud the minds of those who oppose him. During battle one does not know where the Quinnzealots will attack from-when they come for you it could be from the left, perhaps the right, sometimes from the trees above, all without warning. Their small yet rabid foot soldiers buzz around one’s ankles so quickly that it is difficult to hit them with your sword. T’will be a difficult task to defeat them-that much is certain.

Well that’s just great. THE PATS DOMINATE MY ALTERNATE HISTORIES AS WELL. On to the game, I guess. The venerable Hippo could break this game down much better than I could so I’ll just toss some nougats (not nuggets!) out there. The Gronk has 6 TD’s in as many games against Denver but it’s something of a boom/bust thing. Three TD’s came in one tilt and he’s been held to as little as 35 yards in another. Brady is 2-6 in Denver over his career which bodes well for the Orange Horsies. Denver led the league with 52 sacks but in order to be successful they must get pressure from the middle of the line and not the edge because Brady lets go of the ball in just over two seconds on those quick hitters to the Amendolas and Edelmans of the receiving corps. Hochuli is the ref and we are blessed with Jim “Prominent Masters apologist and serial philanderer” Nance and Phil “safe to say Morehouse State didn’t have an Elocution elective” Seems. THERE IS GLORY IN TYPING…SO TYPE!!!

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Sill Bimmons

How was that a flag?

Dude wasn’t down when he committed.

Sill Bimmons

Nope, that was bad.

HAIL BLEERGH YOU ARE ALWAYS RIGHTEOUS

Spur

But hey guys remember, refs hate the Patriots! Goodell wants them to lose!!!

American Pie Story

FACK

Beastmode Ate My Baby

BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

So has Carey been correct at all this season?

Marc Trestmans Windowless Van

He is about as accurate now as he was when he was calling actual games

Dick E. Phuck

Backwards pass?
EAT MY ASS!!

ThursdaySkyGoddess

Dammit, Donks!

theeWeeBabySeamus

Good job Mike.
Wrong again.

BrettFavresColonoscopy

Booooooooo

jjfozz

Welp, you knew it had to end.

Doktor Zymm

Damn. I was hoping it wasn’t enough to overturn.

Spur

WTF is there only 3 cameras as this fucking game?

ballsofsteelandfury

Of course Carey is wrong. Of course he is.

The Maestro

YESSSSSSSSSSSSSSS

Sill Bimmons

boo

Wakezilla

Anyone watching the Rumble after the NFC game? You think Daniel Bryan is coming back to win it? My heart says yes, but my brain says “LOL, you’re so stupid, heart.”

Smithchez

“We’re gonna bring in Mike Carey to tell us what the call shouldn’t be.”

Sill Bimmons

Be a man and use the lady razor.

King Hippo

Jeeeeeem’s obvious boner about it couldn’t be any larger.

Marc Trestmans Windowless Van

I was just typing a msg how I should pay attention to the game instead of mostly watching Netflix on my computer with the game on mute and that happened, at least the ref fucked up the call so it wasn’t a TD right away

Doktor Zymm

Huh, Grumblelord is hoodieless today. Maybe it’s like Samson and the hair and now he’s powerless!

ballsofsteelandfury

That’s a good theory. I like it.

jjfozz

Bellicheat’s username and password for FUCKALOCALMILFTONIGHT.COM fell out when he pulled that red flag.

Smithchez

No need to show us a replay, CBS. Just go to commercial.

Sill Bimmons

GO CONSPIRACY

King Hippo

godfuckingdamn you Hillman

The Maestro

LIVE BALL

THAT’S A LATERAL

litre_cola

This is a backward pass no?

Marc Trestmans Windowless Van

That was a fumble

Redshirt

If this game lasts longer than four hours, I’ll need to see a doctor.

(Not my joke)

Smithchez

MOAR PATRIOT FLAGS FOR THE FLAG GOD!

Spur

What the fuck did Nantz just say?

Sill Bimmons

kjfadjfadfjakfjkajshfgjhs

Doktor Zymm

I’m loving all these dumb NE penalties. Beauty.

American Pie Story

Hahahahahahah KEEP SUCKING

fleshwound_NPG
blackroseMD1

I’m enjoying this so far. Much more than I thought I would.

litre_cola

I just thought the same thing.

The Maestro

everything is terrible

American Pie Story

This is turning out to be an excellent game

The Maestro

BOOOOOOOOOOOO

BOOOOOOOOOOOO

BOOOOOOOOOOOO

Sill Bimmons

Just as long as Brady suffers and Cam wins in two weeks I don’t care what happens today.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

It’s not illegal to tackle Tom Brady by the ankles? Sweet!

Redshirt

15 years of referee bail outs coming back on them in one game.

Beastmode Ate My Baby

THAT WAS NAWT A SAHK! TAWMMY WAS TRIPPED BY THE TREACHEROUS FIELD!

jjfozz

I’m going to have to stick this boner in a snowbank if this doesn’t stop.

Old School Zero

HELL YEAH

Smithchez

DREAMSACK!!!!!!!!!

fleshwound_NPG

DREAMBOATSACK

Doktor Zymm

Teehee. This is a fun drive.

King Hippo

Ed Hochuli is a beautiful man

Spur

Bill Simmons ‏@BillSimmons
Here we go… That’s two. I’m staying off Twitter.

The Maestro

BRYAN STORK YOU FUCKING GODDAMN DIPSHIT WHAT THE FUCK

Dunstan

He delivered a little bundle of trouble for the Pats there

ThePirateSloth

Hello, my name is ThePirateSloth. I’m a football addict, and have been for over 30 years. I’m here today to give my confession to you, here in this safe space: I’m a little ashamed of myself, but I’m secretly rooting for a Panthers/Pats Super Bowl and have the Panthers win.

Simply so all the Boston area racist fucksticks come out in force and reveal themselves to the world. Their meltdown and hate will be glorious to watch. So glorious.

jjfozz

Come on in for a reassurance hug, this is a safe space.

Spur

Well, that was a stupid and deserved penalty.

King Hippo

soon have to decide if I stick with coffee in my Donks mug or starting my anxious drinking

American Pie Story

Why not spike your coffee

King Hippo

I tried it with gin before and it’s uber gross. I have used my lifetime allotment of whiskey.