Why must I be a football fan? It’s not a particularly pleasant hobby to have during this run of Pats dominance. I think this is their fifth straight appearance in this game. OOF! That’s tough to swallow. It’s not hard to envision myself in a simpler time. I can see it now. [screen goes all wavy wavy] Me and my buddies are just back from the hunt, having brought down a noble stag. There’s plenty of mead to be quaffed as we warm our balls by the large fire. It’s damn cold but there are smiles all round.
Soon talk centers on the threat from the East. The land- and power-hungry Quinnzealots have won a number of skirmishes with our neighbouring tribes and will be soon threatening our (The Allthatisgoodnauts) borders. Word has reached us that they are led by a charismatic warrior, Large Teeth. Some say that his successes are due to a shadowy black-robed druid that possesses uncanny powers that cloud the minds of those who oppose him. During battle one does not know where the Quinnzealots will attack from-when they come for you it could be from the left, perhaps the right, sometimes from the trees above, all without warning. Their small yet rabid foot soldiers buzz around one’s ankles so quickly that it is difficult to hit them with your sword. T’will be a difficult task to defeat them-that much is certain.
Well that’s just great. THE PATS DOMINATE MY ALTERNATE HISTORIES AS WELL. On to the game, I guess. The venerable Hippo could break this game down much better than I could so I’ll just toss some nougats (not nuggets!) out there. The Gronk has 6 TD’s in as many games against Denver but it’s something of a boom/bust thing. Three TD’s came in one tilt and he’s been held to as little as 35 yards in another. Brady is 2-6 in Denver over his career which bodes well for the Orange Horsies. Denver led the league with 52 sacks but in order to be successful they must get pressure from the middle of the line and not the edge because Brady lets go of the ball in just over two seconds on those quick hitters to the Amendolas and Edelmans of the receiving corps. Hochuli is the ref and we are blessed with Jim “Prominent Masters apologist and serial philanderer” Nance and Phil “safe to say Morehouse State didn’t have an Elocution elective” Seems. THERE IS GLORY IN TYPING…SO TYPE!!!
How was that a flag?
Dude wasn’t down when he committed.
Nope, that was bad.
HAIL BLEERGH YOU ARE ALWAYS RIGHTEOUS
But hey guys remember, refs hate the Patriots! Goodell wants them to lose!!!
FACK
BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
So has Carey been correct at all this season?
He is about as accurate now as he was when he was calling actual games
Backwards pass?
EAT MY ASS!!
Dammit, Donks!
Good job Mike.
Wrong again.
Booooooooo
Welp, you knew it had to end.
Damn. I was hoping it wasn’t enough to overturn.
WTF is there only 3 cameras as this fucking game?
Of course Carey is wrong. Of course he is.
YESSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
boo
Anyone watching the Rumble after the NFC game? You think Daniel Bryan is coming back to win it? My heart says yes, but my brain says “LOL, you’re so stupid, heart.”
“We’re gonna bring in Mike Carey to tell us what the call shouldn’t be.”
Be a man and use the lady razor.
Jeeeeeem’s obvious boner about it couldn’t be any larger.
I was just typing a msg how I should pay attention to the game instead of mostly watching Netflix on my computer with the game on mute and that happened, at least the ref fucked up the call so it wasn’t a TD right away
Huh, Grumblelord is hoodieless today. Maybe it’s like Samson and the hair and now he’s powerless!
That’s a good theory. I like it.
Bellicheat’s username and password for FUCKALOCALMILFTONIGHT.COM fell out when he pulled that red flag.
No need to show us a replay, CBS. Just go to commercial.
GO CONSPIRACY
godfuckingdamn you Hillman
LIVE BALL
THAT’S A LATERAL
This is a backward pass no?
That was a fumble
If this game lasts longer than four hours, I’ll need to see a doctor.
(Not my joke)
MOAR PATRIOT FLAGS FOR THE FLAG GOD!
What the fuck did Nantz just say?
kjfadjfadfjakfjkajshfgjhs
I’m loving all these dumb NE penalties. Beauty.
Hahahahahahah KEEP SUCKING
HAHAHAHA BWAHAHAHA BWHAHAHAHAAAAA
https://twitter.com/AaronNagler/status/691359143412760576
I’m enjoying this so far. Much more than I thought I would.
I just thought the same thing.
everything is terrible
This is turning out to be an excellent game
BOOOOOOOOOOOO
BOOOOOOOOOOOO
BOOOOOOOOOOOO
Just as long as Brady suffers and Cam wins in two weeks I don’t care what happens today.
It’s not illegal to tackle Tom Brady by the ankles? Sweet!
15 years of referee bail outs coming back on them in one game.
THAT WAS NAWT A SAHK! TAWMMY WAS TRIPPED BY THE TREACHEROUS FIELD!
I’m going to have to stick this boner in a snowbank if this doesn’t stop.
HELL YEAH
DREAMSACK!!!!!!!!!
DREAMBOATSACK
Teehee. This is a fun drive.
Ed Hochuli is a beautiful man
Bill Simmons @BillSimmons
Here we go… That’s two. I’m staying off Twitter.
BRYAN STORK YOU FUCKING GODDAMN DIPSHIT WHAT THE FUCK
He delivered a little bundle of trouble for the Pats there
Hello, my name is ThePirateSloth. I’m a football addict, and have been for over 30 years. I’m here today to give my confession to you, here in this safe space: I’m a little ashamed of myself, but I’m secretly rooting for a Panthers/Pats Super Bowl and have the Panthers win.
Simply so all the Boston area racist fucksticks come out in force and reveal themselves to the world. Their meltdown and hate will be glorious to watch. So glorious.
Come on in for a reassurance hug, this is a safe space.
Well, that was a stupid and deserved penalty.
soon have to decide if I stick with coffee in my Donks mug or starting my anxious drinking
Why not spike your coffee
I tried it with gin before and it’s uber gross. I have used my lifetime allotment of whiskey.