Your “Finally!” And “It’s All Over After This?!” Super Bowl Open Thread

Well, somehow we made it. I’m so glad that we didn’t have to turn the car around due to bad behavior. Does everyone know which teams are playing? That’s what I thought. Between that and Hippo’s excellent breakdown of the game I’ve nothing to say about that end of things but I would like to share with you some “behind the scenes” tidbits about this very site that I think you might be interested in. I’m not going to name names…just yet.

Way back in 2007 the founder of this site, a grizzled, PTSD-wracked veteran of 3 tours of the second invasion of Iraq (anyone that has a beef with this version of events can take it up with me in the boardroom tomorrow morning) decided that there should be a new-ish football site. With a ton of moxy and just one good arm he created “Abandon Hope All Ye Football Fans That Enter”. That site was a disaster. I mean, it was right there in the title. Who the hell would want to join? Years later, after his extended recuperation at the St. Tunison Sanitarium For The Hopeless he decided to give it one more go.

It was a super-tough haul, putting this site together with nothing more than used scotch tape and pigeon feathers but he got the damn thing to work. But would Door Flies Open fly? A number of lawyers flocked to the site but it was immediately apparent that as a result, the site lacked “any sense of a moral compass”, according to internet pundits. At that point the site was opened up to almost everyone. Normal people came to the site in the dozens-including yours truly.

What followed was a ton of hard work. Night after night, huddled together in a dumpster underneath a single street lamp, we batted around the questions. “How can we take this site to the next level?” and “Is no one going to throw some pizza crusts in here?-I’m hungry!” and “Could you please not urinate on my pizza crust?”. We learned a lot about each other. Who knew that someone could be triggered by two exclamation marks but not one or three? And the hygiene, OH, THE PERSONAL HYGIENE!

So here we are now. We’ve morphed into a mid-major behemoth of a football-specific website that is bound to knock off a #2 or #3 ranked site as soon as we’re allowed back into the tourney. “Ongoing Pattern of Irregular Prescriptions”, my ass. The Internet is clearly out to get “The Little Site That Could”. We’ll survive and thrive…and maybe, just maybe, I can finally get that $12 Toys R Us coupon I was promised at the outset…

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ThursdaySkyGoddess

FUMBRE

The Maestro

Denver gon’ challenge this shit

tundrajim

Looking forward to the first season of The Bad Wife..starring my wife.

ballsofsteelandfury

That’s well done!

Doktor Zymm

So what are you going to stab yourself in the eye with during the halftime show? I’m thinking I’m gonna go classic, with a standard fork.

Old School Zero

Grapefruit spoon

Sill Bimmons

Belt sander.

Romonobyl

Corkscrew.

WCS

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WhyEaglesWhy

Snapped-in-half Coldplay CD.

Romonobyl

opioids vs. cannibanoids…who ya’ got?

Sill Bimmons

DELTA 9 WOO

laserguru

Yes.

theeWeeBabySeamus

I am an equal opportunity chemical enthusiast.

Recovery Whiskey

Hard liquor

Brick Meathook

Did you hear about the constipated mathematician?

He worked it out with pencil and paper

HAHAHAHAHAHAHA

MikeWallaceAndGromit

What in the actual fuck?

Old School Zero

REALLY? POOP ADS DURING THE SUPER BOWL?! GODDAMNT, FUCK YOUR NON-SHITTING BOWELS!

theeWeeBabySeamus

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Sill Bimmons

These are the worst people alive.

The Right Reverend Electric Mayhem

Everytime they say “Norwood” I get a Super Bowl PTSD flashback.

laserguru

My viewing habits for the rest of the game may be spotty at best.
The cute girl my daughter brought over is a smoker and we were just out on the balcony discussing porn.

I like the direction this is going.

The Maestro

Godspeed, good sir.

Wakezilla

But what are her thoughts about anal?

laserguru

We have discussed anal.

theeWeeBabySeamus

Dear Penthouse Forums,
I always thought your letters were fake, but….

JERRY, JERRY, JERRY

JerBear50

Fuck football and fuck us. Get on it, YR.

The Right Reverend Electric Mayhem

Statutory Checklist?

WhyEaglesWhy

Put it in the end zone!

Recovery Whiskey

American Beauty

King Hippo

Remember, the SB halftime is extra long. Plenty of time to fuck, even when one is trying to impress someone new.

Shogun Marcus

You go, you glorious bastard. You go.

Romonobyl

Who called teh field goal?

MikeWallaceAndGromit

Bleergh’s presence is strong today.

Doktor Zymm

Hold me closer, offensive lineman.

indieguy

doki doki lineman senpai?

theeWeeBabySeamus

Vasquez….you fuckwit.

King Hippo

to be fair, he doesn’t hold…CJ probably no make it. Shoulda thrown on 3rd down then kicked. Not gonna run successfully when the Panthers are looking for it. Not with THIS OL.

King Hippo

Now the FG we always fucking knew was coming.

American Pie Story

Super Bowl Derp

Sill Bimmons

hold

theeWeeBabySeamus

My opinion….go for that shit.

ballsofsteelandfury

This does NOT bode well for Denver…

ThursdaySkyGoddess

Jared Allen is still active in the NFL!

Romonobyl

John Elway is chomping on the bit right now…literally.

King Hippo

FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK

MikeWallaceAndGromit

The Immortal Mullet.

American Pie Story

Oh ffs

WhyEaglesWhy

Riverboat Gary!

The Right Reverend Electric Mayhem

“Peyton, I know you want to throw it, but a whole yard?”

Recovery Whiskey

The fix is in

Sill Bimmons

I go away for 30 seconds and this shit happens…

WCS

Go stand in Horatio’s locker. Now.

Old School Zero

DERRRRRRP

makeitsnowondem

jfc

Marc Trestmans Windowless Van

NSFW Lena Headey for the long return

h
ttp://i.imgur.com/lsRh5cO.gif

ballsofsteelandfury

Nice

Moonbatting Average

What the shit?

King Hippo

GREAT return. DON;T EVER FUCKING DO THAT AGAIN!!!

makeitsnowondem

goddamn glorious idiot

ballsofsteelandfury

This is what happens when people are paranoid about Bleergh

The Right Reverend Electric Mayhem

His invisible thumb on the Cosmic Scale

theeWeeBabySeamus

He could go all the….
Nevermind.
FG range achieved.

Shogun Marcus

So what you’re saying is Santa Clara is rejecting the turf. The body knows when it’s diseased.

The Maestro

Wow, Jordan Norwood. Wow wow wow.

MikeWallaceAndGromit

What the hell just happened?

Doktor Zymm

THE FUCK!?

Did they think he wasn’t running?

WhyEaglesWhy

Holy shit, how did he get out of that traffic?

Old School Zero

WHAT THE FUCK

King Hippo

really needed that stop

The Right Reverend Electric Mayhem

Clever call. The Ol “Throw it to Ted Ginn and watch him fuck up” Play

Romonobyl

It’s not worked for them so far!!

Doktor Zymm

TURF TURF TURF!

Old School Zero

TURF FOR MVP

Romonobyl

Purely for the sake of conversation…what effect do you think a Dallas / New England Super Bowl would have on the space-time continuum?

ballsofsteelandfury

The End of Days.

Doktor Zymm

Dunno. But you should probably buy a lot of bleach and cheap booze stock.

The Right Reverend Electric Mayhem

Well…the Seahawks-Greatriots game did not cause the Smug Douche Singularity that most physicists were predicting, so likely nothing. Likely.

Mother Puncher

Goodell would just take his ball and go home once the Patriots looked like they were going to win.

Sill Bimmons

I want this to be a better game than it has been so far.

Wakezilla

Too many commercials. This game is dragging

WhyEaglesWhy

They penalized that girl for not completing the catch.

Recovery Whiskey

The over under was 40.5. Who took the under

Sill Bimmons

I took the push.

Was that stupid?

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