Your “Finally!” And “It’s All Over After This?!” Super Bowl Open Thread

Well, somehow we made it. I’m so glad that we didn’t have to turn the car around due to bad behavior. Does everyone know which teams are playing? That’s what I thought. Between that and Hippo’s excellent breakdown of the game I’ve nothing to say about that end of things but I would like to share with you some “behind the scenes” tidbits about this very site that I think you might be interested in. I’m not going to name names…just yet.

Way back in 2007 the founder of this site, a grizzled, PTSD-wracked veteran of 3 tours of the second invasion of Iraq (anyone that has a beef with this version of events can take it up with me in the boardroom tomorrow morning) decided that there should be a new-ish football site. With a ton of moxy and just one good arm he created “Abandon Hope All Ye Football Fans That Enter”. That site was a disaster. I mean, it was right there in the title. Who the hell would want to join? Years later, after his extended recuperation at the St. Tunison Sanitarium For The Hopeless he decided to give it one more go.

It was a super-tough haul, putting this site together with nothing more than used scotch tape and pigeon feathers but he got the damn thing to work. But would Door Flies Open fly? A number of lawyers flocked to the site but it was immediately apparent that as a result, the site lacked “any sense of a moral compass”, according to internet pundits. At that point the site was opened up to almost everyone. Normal people came to the site in the dozens-including yours truly.

What followed was a ton of hard work. Night after night, huddled together in a dumpster underneath a single street lamp, we batted around the questions. “How can we take this site to the next level?” and “Is no one going to throw some pizza crusts in here?-I’m hungry!” and “Could you please not urinate on my pizza crust?”. We learned a lot about each other. Who knew that someone could be triggered by two exclamation marks but not one or three? And the hygiene, OH, THE PERSONAL HYGIENE!

So here we are now. We’ve morphed into a mid-major behemoth of a football-specific website that is bound to knock off a #2 or #3 ranked site as soon as we’re allowed back into the tourney. “Ongoing Pattern of Irregular Prescriptions”, my ass. The Internet is clearly out to get “The Little Site That Could”. We’ll survive and thrive…and maybe, just maybe, I can finally get that $12 Toys R Us coupon I was promised at the outset…

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ThePirateSloth

NFL SUPER BOWL 50 CAUSED A MASSIVE AMOUNT OF SUICIDES
– headlines tomorrow

Shogun Marcus

Knees will be blown out because of dancers heel stomping. I have no problem with this.

Unsurprised

2 Broke Girls is on KPDX and as far as boobs go I’d rather see Kat Dennings’ than Chris Martin and/or Roger Goodell.

Gratliff

Ooh fuck Coldplay.

Brick Meathook

This show is so horrible they’ve switched to reruns

Spur

Show me that Prince Purple Rain.

Romonobyl

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I’m half expecting Dolemite to come out and slap a bitch and karate chop Cold Play

I would pay ALL THE MONEY for that

Unsurprised

That would make everything that came before actually worth it.

Mother Puncher

You’re going to regret that bad posture when you’re forty, mister Martin

King Hippo

My mom tried to warn me about MY slouching, and did I listen? NOOOOOO

One PeyPey procedure later….

John Difool

“It’s official…. Beyonce can be my house slave…”

Ted Cruz

The Right Reverend Electric Mayhem

Worst. Oreo. Ever

The Right Reverend Electric Mayhem

So Bruno has moved from biting Prince and Morris Day to MC Hammer?

hippofant

THAT ONE OLD WHITE DUDE IN THE FRONT ROW WATCHING BEYONCE!!!!!

Kungjitsu

I’d have sex with Beyonce in front of my wife’s family.

Unsurprised

If they had any sense they’d be cheering you on.

The Maestro

Oh sure, put the BLACK WOMEN on the shittiest performance area and put the WHITE MEN on top again,, smh

Spur

I can’t hear shit

theeWeeBabySeamus

Funny…I’m hearing quite a bit of it.

ThePirateSloth

On HuffPo/Uproxx later: Bruno Mars band is the blackest band out there making music

makeitsnowondem

Wow, I can’t believe Beyonce brought all the single ladies.

Unsurprised

I give you ass, you PDX commenters give me a cheap-ass recommendation. I’m headed out.

http://40.media.tumblr.com/4733dda604b088d9536ad6e2c24f36b6/tumblr_o259mhqous1sxz71lo1_1280.jpg

Old School Zero

Du’s Grill

Unsurprised

Thank you.

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ballsofsteelandfury

No, THANK YOU!

ThePirateSloth

The Acrop

WhyEaglesWhy

Chris Martin’s imitates Bono with an utter lack of understanding what’s good and bad about Bono. It reminds me of nachos Flanders style.

Brocky

This is so gay and I am loving it!

theeWeeBabySeamus

Not insurmountable. Not dead yet. Now get this fucking thing off’n mah head.
http://i.dailymail.co.uk/i/pix/2010/09/08/article-0-0B176E7E000005DC-411_468x387.jpg

Brick Meathook

Whenever I see bands like this, I like to remind the young folks that when I was fifteen and saw my first concert, it was Led Zeppelin.

Sill Bimmons

I was twelve and it was Genesis.

The Maestro

I WANT KATY PERRY BOOBS

THIS IS BULLSHIT

makeitsnowondem

BRING BACK LEFT SHARK

theeWeeBabySeamus

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Sill Bimmons

Never gets old.

theeWeeBabySeamus

No, it assuredly do not.

ballsofsteelandfury

Goddam you NFL. Goddamm you to HELL!

Redshirt

I see something peaking…

The Right Reverend Electric Mayhem

Finally, we agree on something

JustStopDude

Is there any band whiter than Cold Play? Going to one of their concerts has to be on par with owning a John Tesh album right?

ballsofsteelandfury

Riley Cooper has an alert on his phone for every time they come to town.

The Right Reverend Electric Mayhem

“I WILL FIGHT EVERY NI…jeez, there really aren’t any at this concert, are there?”

ballsofsteelandfury

When will an enterprising “adult” video company create a live halftime show and stream it online for $1? Do you know how many people would tune in?

theeWeeBabySeamus

I would gladly pay the hefty entrance fee of one dollar US.

makeitsnowondem

I’ll be honest: I’m only watching this because I don’t want to miss the BLM protest.

Gratliff

So Coldplay. I still don’t get it.

The Right Reverend Electric Mayhem

There’s nothing to get. They are blandly inoffensive

WhyEaglesWhy

My cable just went out. Even machines don’t like Coldplay.

Spur

Even for San Francisco, this is too gay

Senor Weaselo

Name 5 bands more Matt Ryan than Coldplay. You can’t!

Old School Zero

This isn’t even bad. It’s just boring.

Did they cgi those placards?

makeitsnowondem

Coldplay: …but that was when I ruled the world

Manning: [sheds a single tear]

Moreno: [also sheds a single tear, drowns Miami]

The Right Reverend Electric Mayhem

And one for the Band Geeks

Unsurprised

Shit. I haven’t gotten anything done today and now I’m debating making myself something pathetic and trying to work or going out while everyone is now invested in the second half.

The Right Reverend Electric Mayhem

Going out is a tremendously bad idea. Just embrace the apathy

Unsurprised

But I don’t want a sad sack, dry as a week-old turd turkey sandwich.

ballsofsteelandfury

I looked for just two seconds with the sound off. I just can’t.

Romonobyl

Did the NFL even consider calling the Foo Fighters?

WhyEaglesWhy

Sadly, I doubt it.

The Right Reverend Electric Mayhem

Too edgy.

Senor Weaselo

3edgy5them.

Brick Meathook

THIS HALFTIME SHOW IS GREAT ALREADY!

Gratliff

Yay. It’s the Joe Satriani song

Spur

Coldplay is for people that think U2 is edgy

Kungjitsu

Hey! This is the song Coldplay stole from Joe Satriani.

makeitsnowondem

You know how I know millions of people all over the world are gay?

Mother Puncher

Pepsi owes us an explanation as to why they couldn’t just have Janelle Monae perform

Spur
The Right Reverend Electric Mayhem

Who is this cunt?

Old School Zero

Come on, man.

Mother Puncher

Chris Martin

Shogun Marcus

What have we learned thus far? What will be the topic sentence in notebook?

Beerguyrob

The Red Zone – Why Shore Leave Was a Mistake.

Sill Bimmons

Watching the Food Porn/Shake Weight episode of South Park.

So much better than whatever crap they’re going to show.

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ballsofsteelandfury

Here’s cab fare.

Sill Bimmons

SWITCH ARMS

Beerguyrob

Bart Scott looks like he got Ray Lewis’ spray-on Popeil hair for this game.

http://larrybrownsports.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/01/ray-lewis-spray-hair.jpg

The Maestro

“Alright, Mr. Scott, we’ve got you all booked in for your next appointment at 3:30 PM on Wednesday! Thank you once again for choosing SuperCuts.”

“CAN’T WAIT.”

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