Your “Finally!” And “It’s All Over After This?!” Super Bowl Open Thread

Well, somehow we made it. I’m so glad that we didn’t have to turn the car around due to bad behavior. Does everyone know which teams are playing? That’s what I thought. Between that and Hippo’s excellent breakdown of the game I’ve nothing to say about that end of things but I would like to share with you some “behind the scenes” tidbits about this very site that I think you might be interested in. I’m not going to name names…just yet.

Way back in 2007 the founder of this site, a grizzled, PTSD-wracked veteran of 3 tours of the second invasion of Iraq (anyone that has a beef with this version of events can take it up with me in the boardroom tomorrow morning) decided that there should be a new-ish football site. With a ton of moxy and just one good arm he created “Abandon Hope All Ye Football Fans That Enter”. That site was a disaster. I mean, it was right there in the title. Who the hell would want to join? Years later, after his extended recuperation at the St. Tunison Sanitarium For The Hopeless he decided to give it one more go.

It was a super-tough haul, putting this site together with nothing more than used scotch tape and pigeon feathers but he got the damn thing to work. But would Door Flies Open fly? A number of lawyers flocked to the site but it was immediately apparent that as a result, the site lacked “any sense of a moral compass”, according to internet pundits. At that point the site was opened up to almost everyone. Normal people came to the site in the dozens-including yours truly.

What followed was a ton of hard work. Night after night, huddled together in a dumpster underneath a single street lamp, we batted around the questions. “How can we take this site to the next level?” and “Is no one going to throw some pizza crusts in here?-I’m hungry!” and “Could you please not urinate on my pizza crust?”. We learned a lot about each other. Who knew that someone could be triggered by two exclamation marks but not one or three? And the hygiene, OH, THE PERSONAL HYGIENE!

So here we are now. We’ve morphed into a mid-major behemoth of a football-specific website that is bound to knock off a #2 or #3 ranked site as soon as we’re allowed back into the tourney. “Ongoing Pattern of Irregular Prescriptions”, my ass. The Internet is clearly out to get “The Little Site That Could”. We’ll survive and thrive…and maybe, just maybe, I can finally get that $12 Toys R Us coupon I was promised at the outset…

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John Difool

Peyton Manning, the oldest starting robot in Super Bowl history. Heres a pic with him next to Eli.
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Sill Bimmons

The Black Hole was awesome.

Moonbatting Average

You and yer friends is doomed

ThePirateSloth

This is one of my favoriteist of favorites of ever

Old School Zero

“Willem Dafoe in a skirt? /cums” –Lars Von Trier

Mother Puncher

-Troy Duffy

indieguy

that’s a fine comment

American Pie Story

Ok that avocado commercial was strange but it worked?

Shogun Marcus

Oddly so.

ballsofsteelandfury

Are you guys seeing this Willem Dafoe/Marylin Monroe commercial? WTF?

Romonobyl

So Denver scores on it’s opening drive. I knew Cam Newton would choke!!!

ThePirateSloth

Imma bout to make some thick ass calzones with fresh mozzarella, pepperoni, hot Italian sausage, and diced garlic. I’m pairing it with Anderson Valley Bourbon Barrell Stout and a twax joint that’s 42% thc. AND the sun is shining.

It’s all coming up Pirate. It’s a god damn good day to be alive.

Brick Meathook
Brick Meathook

Aaaaaaaaarghhhhhhh

King Hippo

I will take it. Good horsey work. Once Hillman came in and ran right into the lineman’s ass, 3 was the best case scenario. -6 was the woulda/coulda/shoulda

makeitsnowondem

Okay good

WhyEaglesWhy

I can watch the CBS feed with Pheel and Jim in SD, or the international feed with a different pair of shitty announcers in HD. Hmmm….

ballsofsteelandfury

International FEED!

ballsofsteelandfury

Field goal. As expected. Too bad there wasn’t a prop bet where the first Denver drive would end in a FG.

WCS

McManus
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Moonbatting Average

Shutout, averted

ballsofsteelandfury

That should have been a pick six.

King Hippo

indeed

Sill Bimmons

I’m all in for a shootout.

King Hippo

Near heart attack #1

theeWeeBabySeamus

Yeah, that almost went the other way in hurry.

theeWeeBabySeamus

Hey look, as part of the 50th SB celebration, the ’95 Panthers’ D showed up.

The Maestro

WCS

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Senor Weaselo

Really Pheeel?

Marc Trestmans Windowless Van

Peyton is looking like a rookie Kyle Orton in both arm strength and accuracy. And even with the strength of his Jack Daniels drunk he lost to the Panthers in the playoffs that year. So while they are moving down the field I am assuming they will eventually fail.

The Right Reverend Electric Mayhem

Is the main camera work/angle a little wonky or am i not drunk enough yet?

ballsofsteelandfury

A little Column A, a little Column B

King Hippo

CJCJCJCJCJCJCJCJCJCJCJCJCJCJ!!!!!

Old School Zero

Momentum: Denver

ballsofsteelandfury

CASTIGO!

Bortleback

The BBC coverage has commentary that’s somehow WORSE than nantz/simms

American Pie Story

Seriously?

Bortleback

Didn’t think it was possible. Had to find a stream of the CBS coverage.

Gatoraids

Baby spice and one direction

King Hippo

BUBBA did a good?

American Pie Story

Let’s party people

Moonbatting Average

If my Fitbit weren’t out of batteries it would record tens of thousands of steps of pacing over the next 3 hours

Senor Weaselo

HAIL BEERGH!

Romonobyl

I’m just here for light snacks and Coldplay.

Shogun Marcus

That is nawt how I read it at first.

ballsofsteelandfury

ESPN Deportes feed is great!

makeitsnowondem

This is fine. I’m fine.

The Right Reverend Electric Mayhem

Breath

Moonbatting Average

We’re fine

JustStopDude

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Senor Weaselo

My TV’s not widescreen enough to show the personnel grouping.

Doktor Zymm

I can’t hear the name Graham Gano without remember how he just spontaneously got horrible injuries when he was on the Skins. And now he’s on a Super Bowl team. Just goes to show, playing for DC sucks, even if you’re only on special teams.

Sill Bimmons
Romonobyl

At least Pey-Pey didn’t flub the snap. He has a bad history concerning that.

WCS

BETTER START THAN LAST TIME

Things looking up for you, Hippo.

King Hippo

Dreaming about FG range!

King Hippo

Nice goddamned block!!!

Old School Zero

Well, at least that snap didn’t go over his head.

Sill Bimmons

And it was snapped on the proper count!

Senor Weaselo

Snake Dick sighting!

The Right Reverend Electric Mayhem

Welp, anyone have high-snap safety this year?

WCS

HOLY SHIT IT ACTUALLY STARTED

JustStopDude

Oh shit…I totally forgot there was going to be a game today…

Sill Bimmons
ThursdaySkyGoddess

I wish I could get ESPN Deportes.

Spanky Datass

SAP button?

Old School Zero

OH GOD THERE ARE BREESUS

JustStopDude

I just want to live in a world where Pey-pey has fewer rings than his dipshit brother.

And I am not willing to sit through another Giants Superbowl victory.

So come on Panthers!!!

Gatoraids

Clete with the thumb discipline

laserguru

So the girl that my daughter brought over, ostentatiosly to possibly set me up, is hot as fuck.

I may be busy later.

Woo Superb Owl!

Senor Weaselo

I’d tell your daughter great hustle, but, um…

Nice work, yeah daughter.

theeWeeBabySeamus

OK, fuck the game.
I wish to hear more about this “Jerry Springer” moment.

ThePirateSloth

PICS OR IT

Oh nevermind. Have fun!

ThursdaySkyGoddess

STFU AND KICK THE DAMN BALL OFF ALREADY!

theeWeeBabySeamus

No post coin toss analysis?
I feel cheated.

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