…so I gave you a Far Side cartoon, instead.
Well, it’s now March. March means spring is closer. It also means it’s time for the greatest sporting event over the year*, the NCAA Tournament. While we’re not quite there yet, it’s tantalizingly close. Smaller conferences have begun their tournaments, and the high-majors only have one or two regular season games remaining. Speaking of smaller conferences, the Atlantic Sun has itself in an odd quandary. Here’s an informative article on how a 10-22 Stetson Hatters team has bulldozed their way to the A-Sun title game, but isn’t eligible for the Big Dance, and the weird fallout that could ensue.
When smaller conference tournaments start, it’s akin to when the CorporateLongnameDotCom Bowls in Amarillo, TX start ten days before Christmas. It’s the hor d’ourves to the appetizers, the second course (high major conferences tournies), and finally, Selection Sunday, and finally the NCAA.
Blax had the ingenuous idea of starting a DOF Bracket Meltdown, which is just a brilliant idea. They’ll be more info on that as it develops.
Speaking of low- and mid-major basketball, there’s actually a lot of them featured on national TV tonight. All times are in EST, the only time zone that matters.
Kent State @ Akron TWWL2 (19:00 EST), Ball State (heh) @ N. Illinois CBSSN (19:30), Austin Peay @ Belmont (19:30) TWWLU, a shit load more on Watch TWWL/TWWL3/whatever name they are today
Texas @ Oklahoma State (21:00 TWWL2) is the only “big boy” conference game on TV.
The NHL only has three games tonight, and two of them are dogs. HOWAVAH: WAS @ NYR is a hell of a tilt, and it should be on nationally, but Gary Bettman continues to just the worst.
The NBA has it’s usual Friday night takeover on TWWL, with WAS @ CLE at 19:00, followed by ATL @ LAL at 22:30. Hey, see that, I did pay some attention to the NBA!
Alright, that’s enough of my inane shit. Let’s start the drankin’.
*If you disagree, I’ll stab you with a screwdriver.
Someone said we were headed toward 90s deep cuts, well, here’s one:
Stuck Mojo, Snappin Necks:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=t9x7sPSLhFc
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VaeLgJzNTAY
She’s also maybe 5’1″.
http://40.media.tumblr.com/dd713d2c9e8ae0b0f99665756d8422cc/tumblr_nlhb33o56l1sb8nnvo1_1280.jpg
Also maybe 18.
She’s 18 now. She was 17 in this photo.
Shorter chicks = better tits. I learned this in highschool and my friends call ed me midget molester, but fuck them. tits rule.
And this is why as Tall Guy I like Short Women.
When you say 5’1″ you mean lying down right?
Who is this, now?
Ariel Winter. Alex on Modern Family (the one with glasses).
Ariel Winter. The younger daughter on Modern Family and the voice of Sofia the First, my daughter’s favorite cartoon. This picture is actually disturbing to me (and amazing)
So, my computer isn’t refreshing comments. I’m just going to sit some plays out. This is twice I’ve basically repeated you.
Pearl Jam, Footsteps (this song is disturbing as fuck but I love it):
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bHfDGBalOUE
The mom on labrats is fucking smoking hot. damn!
http://images5.fanpop.com/image/photos/29300000/lab-rats-disney-xds-lab-rats-29319374-400-319.jpg
Soundtrack to some of the more badass parts of John Wick.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0_3sdIEhkNA
I really want to know who did that background illustration. Looks like Jock, but I’m not 100% on it.
Apparently it’s artwork from Payday 2, which I assume is a video game.
I enjoyed the shit out of John Wick, and it has the only marilyn Manson song I enjoy:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZkaK2cKTsU8
the acting on disney shows is horrible, it’s so telegraphed. i shout the jokes before they are said. my kids hate me. i am drinking bourble and watching the disney channel. it’s kinda enteraining
God, Queen is the fucking tits.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VEJ8lpCQbyw
Radio Gaga from Live Aid in Wembley is the most commanding rock performance I have ever seen. Freddie just OWNS that crowd.
Wife is inbound and i’m tryingn to figure out the best way to seduce her. either I give her hte credit card, or display my junk when she come in thee house.
Thoughts?
Credit Card on your junk
Cover your junk with the credit card
Whelp, not only was I second to this low hanging fruit, but I also seem to have replied to the reply. Fantastic.
You know after 15 years of marriage she would almost expact that. so crazy i tjust might work.
Cover your junk with the credit card
Easy. Attach credit card to base of junk, avoid decision altogether.
Perfect grammar.
I just whine: Come on, it’s been forever. PLLLLLLEEEEEEZZZZEE!!!
Shit. Downside to Absolut Propel: pissing like a goddamn racehorse every 45 minutes.
http://105.imagebam.com/download/0_ALz4u58Em-88WuFdK_RQ/46943/469420378/bp5y1s7.jpg
Because JSD mentioned heroin earlier, it is time for Mad Season. Imma try the embed first, because it seems to be randomly working for some new folk:
https://youtu.be/Fm72DPJCX58
And ifn’t it doesn’t work for me, here’s the linky:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Fm72DPJCX58
Nice! Looks like we are working our way from the 80’s hits to some early 90 deep cuts.
For jjfozz: Sorta Disney (ABC)
oh man oh man!
HIGHWAY TO THE BOURBLE ZONE!
TAKE ME RIGHT INTO THE BOOOOOOURBLE ZONE!
Kenny Loggins, yourer my firend
BourbleFozz is definitely one of my favorite drunken imaginary friends.
This new Viceland channel is the tits! “Burden of Dreams” followed up with “Fitzcarraldo” and “Bad Lieutenant: Port of Call!” It’s all Werner Herzog all the time here in Stately LaCross Manor!
http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v74/Nickasinsaltlick/image_zps5lzpejte.jpeg
Sometimes the pics show up, sometimes they don’t.
No “-jpeg” links. jpg, JPG, gif, and PNG work.
Thanks man.
This could be the DFO theme song. It would definitely apply to HRTN
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aczrDOa5Asc
Finally, the long-struggling young lads from Yale have something to celebrate. Their basketball team has a chance to make the NCAA Tournament since 1962. Those poor kids. Will they finally catch a break?
NOAP
http://www.foxsports.com/college-basketball/story/yale-basketball-jack-montague-captain-expelled-030416
Bun B is everything.
https://youtu.be/XLnZ7IHCYhc
http://113.imagebam.com/download/_edzT184cb1PxtRLI0HfKw/46949/469489011/z653dWC.jpg
So thick and rich, I want to spread that all over a buttermilk biscuit.
Happy Friday. Let’s get weird:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=q4mTkx5KzTI
Well played, fine sir.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rSmtHBMjXLU
My favorite new-ish band.
So I am on a date. Seems everything is going well. I am walking the young lady to a bar after diner and a homeless dude approaches us. I give him a fiver.
She proceeds to spend the rest of the walk telling me that I’m just exasperating the homeless problem and feeding the dude’s obvious addiction. She wouldn’t shut up about this for like an hour. Turns out she is a big Trump fan.
I didn’t feel like explaining to her that when I was a teenager, I struggled with addiction and was homeless for almost a year in Baltimore. I’m sure there was a Seinfeld episode where Jerry is dating a hot chick and it turns out she is a Nazis or some shit. It kind of felt like that.
Hate fuck and leave
First of all, good for you, homeless people break my heart. I don’t give a fuck if they’re the gold medal champion at shooting heroin. I fucking don’t.
Screw her, she’s the problem. I’d bone her and then leave.
That episode was when Jerry’s wedding date leaned over and said, “Yeah, now all we have to do is get rid of the blacks and the Jews.” Bonus, she was the chick who starred in Will and Grace.
I had this bad habit of dating really, really racist women (by “dating,” I mean “meeting at bars and promising my friends these women would never find out where we lived, then taking them home after the bar closed”), but they hid the racism from me and everyone else for a while. My one friend was ALWAYS there just before some filthy racist tirade would start, but he would go to the bathroom right before it came out (he’s a white guy, so I don’t know why he got spared the racism and I didn’t). He always wondered if I was just making excuses to get rid of these nutballs.
So, after my third or fourth bout with this nonsense, I meet this insanely hot red head at another bar. She seems fun, a little crazy, and really into me. She never makes a racist comment, my buddy thinks she’s normal enough to actually say I may have broken my crazy streak, and all is well. On his third trip to the bathroom, she leans in and says, “when did all these n*gg3rs get here?”
I was drinking my beer and nearly choked when my buddy shouts, clear as a bell, “WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH YOU?”
It was so nice to finally have a witness so they could tell it wasn’t just me.
Here’s a really weird thing I’ve noticed: Disney stars normally don’t have big tits.
They’re also shorter even than normal actors. So basically kids that don’t grow up.
For the record, I love tits more than life itself. I always have. When I was young I told my mother that I liked when women showed “that crevice on their chest.” Yes, I meant cleavage, and yes my father was proud.
I’m an ass man, but I’m the exception among the men in my family.
I am a very tall man. I like very short women. This has nothing to do with thinking they are “kids that don’t grow up,” I just like short women. Short women with large breasts? Dear god.
They digitally shrank Lohan’s talent for that Herbie movie.
Debby Ryan begs to differ…
http://surgerystars.com/wp-content/uploads/2015/02/Debby-Ryan-Bra-Size.jpg
Counterpoint:
http://www.networth2013.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/07/Debby+Ryan+2013+Los+Angeles+Film+Festival+j5c0Q32oZqXx.jpg
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=smQ8zC6auH4
Sorry. Didn’t notice at first that the uploader fucked with the audio.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=q-8LQegrAZU
Eminem’s finest, right here:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xDITCiI5fxI
This is my favorite Eminem
https://youtu.be/lyTbrhyxHZY
BREAKING BREAKING BREAKNG TERRELL SUGGS ARRESTED BREAKING BREAKING BREAKING
…for driving with a suspended license.
After a one-car accident, no less.
This is the 1987 go to jam for some sexy time. If I ever meet Terrence Trent D’Arby I’m going to give him a big hug and thank him for getting me into places I had no business being.
https://youtu.be/tsGAlrAVHZs
I can do it too! Woo!
I love this song. My best friend was throwing up when this song came on. And you know what? That’s THE MEMORY THAT POPS INTO MY HEAD. And we laughed and laughed.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Dtb5HA1ovHI
I can’t keep posting videos, at least not right now. HOWEVAH, that story was too good to pass up.
Thanks, god that was a fun night.
I’m taking it you’re one of the few that can post videos? I’ve tried every thing and no dice.
I genuinely don’t know why I have this superpower and others don’t.
With great power comes great responsibility. Use it wisely.
The fifth floor lounge of my student union had TVs that were always on BET and when this video came out it would air non-stop.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cPRKsKwEdUQ
I now have a crush on the female nba ref.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1G03xA3SMKo
For the record, Absolut and Propel “fitness water” really DOES work well together, and you don’t feel like you’re a rotten alcoholic at all when you combine them. Nope. Not at all.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=41qC3w3UUkU
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3KL9mRus19o
Let’s start this shit right.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IZBlqcbpmxY
I have to say, I thought you were going to drop come C+C Music Factory on us with that intro.
I’m not a gay steelworker.
OH BE NICE
No.
So…you’re a gay bronze worker?
Pipefitter.
HAR
Fuuuuck yeah
Tim and Eric. holy shit how are they not locked up or in an insane asylum?
STORNG TAEK ALLERT:
I can’t stand that show.
I stand with WCS on this.
Oh come on
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=y2Zf9_7LA7c
EVUN STORNGER:
I’ve never seen it.
Just keeping up the stumble down memory lane
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PhDBZ42jTiU
So Michael Stipe has always looked fifty, it seems.
Delighted to see only one of us is watching Kevin James films this evening. How are everyone else’s frontal lobes this evening?
Stuck on REM and travel, it seems.
YES I’M STUCK ON THEM LIKE I’M STUCK TO THIS BOURBLE BOTTLE!
HERE YOU GO!
https://www.youtube.com/embed/lf6vCjtaV1k
My REM era is a little later, but I have an appreciation for the whole catalog. 1987 can go fuck itself, though.
We should seriously get everyone together and self-publish a travelogue.
A lot of interesting people have been a lot of interesting places and done a lot of interesting things around here.
http://babysimpson.co.uk/gallery/frames/14/eabf15/266.jpg
And, luckily, most of those things have statutes of limitations that have run out!
I was in Orange Park, FL, TODAY!
We’ve found our lead-in.
NO FUCKING WAY I WAS IN TRENTON I SMELL A BEST SELLER OH WAIT THAT’S THE BURST SEWER MAIN
I think it’s actually a halfway decent idea. “Travel Tales From Imaginary Friends”
I think I’m in the beginning of a mid life crisis.
I was listening to “Little America” today by REM and I thought, “Goddamn, I’m old and getting older and I need to do something really stupid. Just for me.”
So I cranked my Honda Pilot up to 65.
MY MIDDLE NAME IS DANGER!
You, sir, live on the edge.
The edge of wuss cliff, but still, the edge.
I was talking to my wife about REM. She teaches 8th grade and I asked her if her kids listen to them. She teaches at an art school, and the kids listen to all kinds shit, not just whatever the hell is on the radio right now. NOAP! REM is fucking dead. U2, Metallica, Eric B. & Rakim, the whole British Invasion, but no REM. Which surprises me because I always thought they were the best of that post-punk movement.
That’s kind of upsetting, but it probably just means that they will get an “ironic” resurgence in a few years when someone introduces them to Finest Worksong after a Trump Rally or some shit.
I think REM was totally of its moment.
Most of the 80s is like that if you think about it.
I don’t know. Maybe it’s because I was a teenager for most of the 80’s, but I think a bunch of it holds up.
It totally holds up.
For some.
For others, as I once heard someone say, it was “whiny hipster douchebag noise.”
I say it holds up:
http://i.telegraph.co.uk/multimedia/archive/03046/hipster-tash_3046941b.jpg
I remember buying Dead Letter Office and it stayed in my cassette deck for the entire summer.
Even now, when I play it, I can clearly see those perfect summer sunsets turning to that awesome purpley dusk, with the promise of going out and getting shitfaced and hitting on girls way out of my league.
Fucking memories, bro.
That’s Life’s Rich Pageant for me.
I saw REM at the old New Haven Coliseum for that tour. My brother’s GF’s friend kept trying to sit in my lap and it was pissing me off because there was only room for one of us.
I was a stunningly stupid teenager.
If there is a heaven, and if I get to go, it’s going to be the summer of 1987 forever for me.
And Prince is going to be the soundtrack
That would work for me too.
I’ll show up with half a Schaefer weekender, a pack of Marlboro Lights, skunkweed, and my LL Bean Camp Moccasins.
And my Quicksilver board shorts and ripped Velvet Underground shirt.
That was the standard uniform for just about all the white dudes I hung out with in high school.
My seven-foot G&S, my killer fucking Audi quattro and OH YEAH MY FUCKING HAIR WOO
1987? OK, I’ll be over in the friend zone with a bottle of Bacardi 151 and a vague feeling of nausea that will not persuade me to put the rum down.
Again, STUNNINGLY stupid teenager.
I never liked REM. That was the one band I never liked.
http://www.reactiongifs.us/wp-content/uploads/2013/06/boo_this_man_half_baked.gif
With regards to the header image – the thing about smoking is that when the hot chick at the wedding reception keeps putting her hand on your arm and then ducking out for a cigarette you KNOW she is down for a little makeout session, but you can’t because you’re married.
God, that was fucking terrible:
http://e.lvme.me/cazgv41.jpg
Yeah, but is it bedtime, or will she force you all to watch an Adam Sandler movie now?
I have to say that my kids enjoyed Big Daddy – they laughed hardest at the crudest jokes. And they wanted to go to Hooters for lunch.
I kind of enjoyed Big Daddy, too, but then again, at the time I was doing A LOT of drugs.
“Sounds fun to me!”
http://cbssports.com/images/blogs/mark-davis-raiders-hooters.jpg
Rangers–Craps.
http://cdn.meme.am/instances/500x/60236362.jpg
oh for fuck’s sake
Trying to figure out how many dong I need today
/will never get tired of this joke
http://img05.deviantart.net/14dc/i/2015/270/f/d/inhale_all_the_dong__by_danielle3crystal-d9b321w.jpg
How do I love thee? Let me count dem ways.
http://commonlyfine.weebly.com/uploads/4/5/5/9/45596977/5591921_orig.jpg
More gleeful reading on the Trumpocalypse:
http://talkingpointsmemo.com/edblog/the-gop-s-july-crisis
Suggested remedy for after the November slaughter ends:
Heard this on the radio tonight and struck me how prescient this is to the Trump phenomenon.
Time for another day of walking around with random stops for coffee, booze, a massage, sandwiches or whatever. I dig it. I was here before, and I don’t think museums or tunnels change so much that I need to go again, so I’m pretty free from tourist stuff. I like aimless wandering.
I read that as a “massage sandwich.” And I’m wondering, would that be better with mustard, mayonnaise, or peanut butter?
Probably mayo actually, though you would smell awful pretty quick
Olive oil? It’s good for the skin. My grandmother used to use it as a moisturizer.
I was thinking the egg component would turn. Olive oil is good shit, inside or out.
Head cheese.
Can’t have a proper banh mi without it!
You and I vacation similar. Problem is…my feet always end up sore as fuck before my vacation is half over, unless there is a beach/lake/volcano I can stare at for breaks.
My Vancouver wandering alone damned near killed me.
I’ve been to a lot of places, but I usually avoid the museums and shit due to crowds of people who have no real appreciation for what they are looking at, and are just there to say they were, as well as long lines, stupid high entry fees, and idiots who take smiling selfies at god damn concentration camps.
So I spend a lot of my time in foreign countries doing what locals do; I go to bars, I check out weird shops, and I make friends with at least one cab driver everywhere I go. My russian cab driver in Berlin drove me and a buddy around for three hours for 20 euro, AND got us… illicit substances, we’ll say. I maintain that the time I spent smoking weed on the balcony of an East Berlin old-Societ tenement was better than someone else’s time standing outside an Opera House that was built in mid-fuckall hundred years ago.
My fucking allergies preclude much in the way of travel so, y’know, fuck y’all.
http://i2.wp.com/moviessilently.com/wp-content/uploads/2014/07/merry-widow-mae-murray-tongue.gif
I took a picture of the line at the Louvre, that sufficed for me.
I went to Berlin with a friend’s tour group, and upon arrival, disappeared for three days. Never went to the awful group breakfasts, dinners, any of that shit. I made friends with locals, and on the third day as my buddy and I walked into the hotel, a bunch of people were in the lobby and they shouted, “holy shit, you are alive!”
After comparing notes on what we did vs what they did, they had seen maybe the surrounding six blocks of the hotel. I bought fireworks from a stand in East Berlin, miles away, and shot them off in a field outside town with a bunch of fun people from the bar. We were 3 AM regulars at an American-themed bar that I took all the hotel people to after the lobby, and the owner hugged me when I walked in. My cab driver friend called me around midnight to see if we would need a ride. These people were dumbfounded, convinced I’d been in town before, and had no idea you could become part of a city so quickly.
I can walk pretty much all day as long as I gots my boots, but I generally take a break to read/people watch every two or three hours. Sandals slow me down considerably, and the heat here makes midday a good time to retreat indoors.
I wore out a brand new pair of Ken Coles in five days in Rome.
The good Ken Coles too, not the rubber-soled Reaction pieces of crap.
I’ve seen more Kevin James movies in the past 12 months than actual movies.
When did children begin having a say in anything, let alone what an entire room full of adults has to watch?
I love this kid but I fucking hate everything about how she’s being raised, but that’s all kids these days.
We need more playpens, belts, chains, and padlocks if you ask Uncle Sill.
My ex-wife’s unfertilized oocytes are SO HAPPY I didn’t fertilize them.
Can’t you switch it to stock news and call it educational?
I can’t even talk or I get shushed.
By a nine-year-old.
And my sister does nothing about it.
http://s2.quickmeme.com/img/c3/c36f0ef5cac6a7c100a5312db604255aa6228d89e1ecdd32dd099573e611719c.jpg
Is sororicide illegal in your neck of the woods? Because, dude, seriously, I’m pretty sure you have just cause.
I watched my youngest nieces and nephews a few weeks ago, and they asked me to put on Pixels. I refused, because I want them to grow up to be intelligent human beings.
Don’t despair. Some of us are trying to raise our kids right.
Last night at my house we had a Goodfellas/Casino/Home Alone marathon.
Then we watched It’s Always Sunny . . .
There but for the grace of bog…
I just saw an ad for London Has Fallen. I feel at least 10% stupider now.
Wait til you see an ad for the TV version of Rush Hour. You’ll swear you’ve been lobotomized.
Pretty confident most of us here would prefer the lobotomy.
I’m fucking serious. Whoever the Chris Tucker guy is, he’s going a bad impression of Tucker, and what I saw was just the first movie redone without cursing or Chan’s bizarre version of slapstick/violence. It’s hideously bad, so it will run on CBS forever.
Fuck you, I’m watching PAUL BLART 2: UNFUNNY FATASS BOOGALOO
My brain is hiding in the garage.
Ok, I laughed at “UNFUNNY FATASS BOOGALOO.”
Jesus god avoid that fucking ghostbusters preview cause that is like taking a shot of distilled idiocy
Saw it, just to see what the fuss was about.
All-female lead cast? Sure, not a problem.
Unfunny, unoriginal trailer? Problem.
My Lenten streak of meatless Fridays continues.
My other streak of drinking alcohol every night also continues.
What’s up, brothers?
Warming up the oven for fish fillets. There will be liquor. Oh, yes. There will be liquor.
http://i1253.photobucket.com/albums/hh586/TheDailyLike/anigif_enhanced-buzz-27672-1342455440-2.gif
I ate a big honkin’ bacon cheeseburger and felt good doing so. The liquor has already made its appearance.
Want to know how I REALLY got my ass in trouble?
Two years ago during Lent, my super catholic mother in law calls on a Friday night and says, “What’s Mrs. Fozz cooking?”
And I say, “Meatloaf and steak.”
Aaaaand no one thought it was funny. Except for the Fozz spawn.
BOURBLE WARNING LEVEL RED
http://45.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_lcog86AGQX1qzrlhgo1_400.gif
Does cobra wine count as meat? They tell me here it is ‘very good for the gentleman’
Considering there are entire weekends where I consider whiskey food, sure, cobra win can be meat.
How do you stab someone with vokda and orange juice? Do you have to wait til it freezes? What kind of monster wastes alcohol like that?
ICING REVIVED HIM FROM HIS SUGAR CRASH ITS FUNNY BECAUSE HE’S FAT MY STOMACH IS LITERALLY SPLITTING IN THAT I AM CURRENTLY COMMITTING SEPPUKU
I hope your reason for watching this is a good one. Like, you’re getting paid good money to do so.
Having my life ruled by my nine-year-old niece and her shitty taste in visual entertainment.
That’s at least a good reason. My nieces and nephews do that kind of shit to me all the time.