Today was the first day of free agency, or the good riddance, post-Peyton era if you’re DeAngelo Williams. Good on him for refusing to apologize. At least now we know who’s in Peter King’s doghouse heading into the 2016 season, and not just for picking on Pete Prisco. Cam Newton should send him some flowers.
Your brief roundup of Day 1:
- Megatron retired. Are we sure we didn’t not see Jim Caldwell at the Combine?
- Malik Jackson was brought in by the Jags to keep Dante Fowler from hurting himself again
- The Iggles traded Byron Maxwell & Kiko Alonso to Miami, helping rid the joint of that Chip Kelly smell.
- Miami also signed Mario Williams. Combined with the above trade, Philly should lead the League in 9-3 final scores next year.
- Richie Incognito bullied the Bills into a three-year, $15 million deal.
- Tamba Hali is going back to the Chiefs. I know a couple of Commentists who are thrilled by this.
- Looks like the Steelers are getting Mike Wallace back. William Gay is staying.
There are four primaries tonight; in words that are rarely typed, the big prize is Michigan. The other states are Mississippi, whose Governor endorsed Cruz today, Idaho and – OBUMMER’S ‘birth place’ – Hawaii. In other birther news, a suit against Cruz was dismissed in NY, not like it would have stopped the process anyway. Question: Would the Republicans actually consider a non-candidate as a Convention-floor nominee? If so, I’d think it would be Paul Ryan.
Myself, I’m going to see “The Queens of Sheba” tour tonight, with Heart and Joan Jett. Like me, they rocked hard in the 80s, and today have a nice little career going for them in the 21st Century.
The contests of significance: (all times eastern)
NHL:
- Rangers @ Sabres – 7:00
- Penguins @ Islanders – 7:30
- Bruins @ Tampa Bay – 7:30
NBA:
- Nets @ Raptors – 7:30
- Spurs @ T-Wolves – 7:30
- Wizards @ Trail Blazers – 10:00
NCAA:
- Gonzaga @ St. Mary’s – 9:00 – WCC Tournament finals from the Orleans in Las Vegas
- BYU Lady Cougars were upset in a nail biter by the USF Lady Dons* 70-68 in the Women’s final earlier today
- Wake Forest & NC State played at 12:00 eastern, which would have been the marquee match of today’s schedule.
- Nothing else of note. Lots of minor conference tournaments.
- ESPN has Green Bay vs Wright State as their main network game, just to give you an idea.
- Here’s the link to the NCAA tournament broadcast schedule: http://www.ncaa.com/news/basketball-men/article/2016-03-08/march-madness-television-schedule-turner-cbs-announce-2016
* = FYI, “Don” is an acronym for De Origen Noble, which translates to “of noble origin” and is a Spanish title given only to a noble person of political, social or official distinction. The name references the early history of California and San Francisco, which was marked by the exploits of the adventuresome and swashbuckling Spanish Dons. Until 1931, the teams were called the “Grey Fog”, a much cooler name.
Enjoy your evening! BURN IT TO THE WICK!
https://youtu.be/p0OX_8YvFxA
Philly 2 points behind Red Wings now with a game in hand. Om nom nom.
“Excuse me, teacher? I have a question regarding my Sex Ed homework?”
♫
http://ia.media-imdb.com/images/M/MV5BMTQ4Mjg4NzIzMl5BMl5BanBnXkFtZTgwMjE1MDQ2NzE@._V1_UY1200_CR95,0,630,1200_AL_.jpg
Looks like AMC has renewed Into the Badlands for one more season. Despite some iffy storytelling and a SERIOUS need to fire their editor (the transition from main actor to stunt double was shaky as hell for a lot of the season), we will get at least six more episodes of this:
http://images.amcnetworks.com/amc.com/wp-content/uploads/2015/12/into-the-badlands-episode-102-the-widow-beecham-1200.jpg
Is it worth checking out? I have so much on my plate, but the trailers made it look entertaining.
Depends on what else you have going on; the fight scenes were decent, but the world-building made little sense. The characters are interesting but constantly make strange choices. The pacing and editing are strange for an American show. The teenage male lead needs acting lessons that started four years ago.
Then, of course, there is a bad-ass redhead in fetish gear who kicks everyone’s ass.
In my mind, the latter outweighs the former by a country mile and so I will watch every episode.
Fair enough. Based on your description, I would not be amused other than the fight scenes.
http://i.imgur.com/YifevOC.gif
Detroit is doing its best Montreal impression
http://45.media.tumblr.com/94739282fba27ee1b6e04b0cc27492bb/tumblr_mn6sj0RtLA1sqi85io1_400.gif
Curious as to the context. Not that it matters.
YouTube channel LivePrudeGirls.
Ice Bills PPG incoming…
New Lily ad, here’s Lily and Saul:
http://49.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_l8nkmvB8u11qb7hapo1_500.gif
Ah crap:
http://45.media.tumblr.com/508c9035f5de416eff63c1f513c54f54/tumblr_njcrlwd3MF1sqi85io1_400.gif
And the Packers have apparently made the NCAAT, somehow. WEIRD.
Woo!
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0iqLhdInGrk
That Fairleigh Dickinson’s in there deep.
So, what are the odds the Lions go full Millen and draft a WR in the 1st round (yet again) to replace Johnson?
In before anyone else…
http://quizsocial-wpengine.netdna-ssl.com/quimg/8-ball/results/1.jpg
“The Lions are way too smart to do something crazy like that.”
– Laquon Treadwell
Is everyone getting those awful Spike Lee radio ads for Bernie Sanders where he shoehorns in movie titles? It’s a good point, but jesus christ. Stop it.
*Turns down Sirius*
What’s a commercial?
SPIKE LEE is on the Bernie train? OK, I may refuse to drive my Sanders-supporting kid to the polls now (I already voted early at work last week).
/kidding. MAYBE
Seems like Mittens’ comically awkward (even for HIM) robocalls for Mr. Ruboto in Meeechigan didn’t help too awful much.
http://49.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_l8nkmvB8u11qb7hapo1_500.gif
Am I the only one hear who cannot help but think that Cruz makes his face from the flesh of drifters he brutally slaughters?
Not anymore.
This is all I have to say to that.
http://40.media.tumblr.com/a605820f97cfcd44e34fe3f86d0ece82/tumblr_o11jlth1Mu1qbn1vmo1_1280.jpg
Was that Pens-Isles intermission like 40 minutes? Holy shit.
WOOOOOOOU!!!!1!!1! Ice Cowbouys pouwer play goual 17 secounds into the secound perioud!
… and the Ice Alouettes answer poust haste …
http://ih0.redbubble.net/image.115706820.4383/flat,800×800,075,f.u4.jpg
All of this superfluous “u” usage is like a warm hug to me.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ws_vnXup7so
Saw earlier that someone hated Heart more than Rush. That is crazytalk. I would rather listen to Aqua on repeat than listen to one album with Geddy Lee wailing away. Rush is so fucking over rated, their fanboys are the fucking worst. I don’t need to try and “understand” them, they are horrible.
I’ll always co-sign the “Fuck Rush” agenda.
Rush is bullshit. And Rush fans are worse than TOOL fans with their endless whining about how intelligent Rush is (yeah, I know, TOOL loves all that mystical number shit but y’know what? FUCK OFF AND GIVE ME A NEW ALBUM. I do not care about your spiritual fucking journey or Maynard’s wine, just a new album after ten god damn years, OK?).
Sorry. May have hijacked that for my own purposes.
Big Tool fan here. Give me a god damn new album!!! I was down in Sedona last year and most wineries down there hate Maynards pretentious guts.
Their fans are awful. But Peart stands alone.
“And now Debbie Johnson who is on the ground in Detroit”
http://i.dailymail.co.uk/i/pix/2011/08/28/article-0-0D92267A00000578-697_468x286.jpg
“Thank you Brett. Here in Detroit (Loud explosion sending correspondent and camera running for cover)…
Sorry Brett. Here in Detroit it is a rare and quiet night. Only thirty three confirmed fires tonight, which marks a record low total in 2016 for a single day. Surprisingly, the Trump Campaign, despite small arms and mortar fire from local youth organizations, have managed to make headway in taking the state. A strong initial push by General Buttnaked…er I mean Gov Kasich has been successfully push back. It is only a matter of time before Detroit is surrounded and shelled into submission”
“Wow Debbie…how are the locals surviving in the chaos?”
“Well Brett, many are…wait…okay I am getting word. Brett we are getting robbed so I am afraid we are going to go off the air. Tell my family I love them”
“Thanks Debbie…up next…a cat that loves lasagna? Its not just a cartoon!”
http://2.media.collegehumor.cvcdn.com/a/1/collegehumor.dddb2a1ad691fdefcda5e6c15b79d616.jpg
Calvin Johnson is a class act, but I’m really glad he’s retiring and the Bears won’t have to worry about covering him anymore (especially with Tillman gone).
Poor Detroit. First Barry Sanders, then Calvin Johnson… guys just get used up playing for the satellite factory.
Megatron is taking a year off to heal completely and then coming back to play for a team that doesn’t take him for granted.I can’t understand why no one else can see this.
That’s the Detroit fanboy taek?
I always liked Calvin Johnson. Guy was a physical freak, but worked his ass off and (I hate to say this next bit) never came off as a gloree boy. Always seemed like a nice guy who just happened to have freakish size, speed, and soft hands.
But the best was several years back when Tillman pretty much shut him down, and someone got the idea to call Tillman “Optimus Prime,” for defeating Megatron. Then, later that year some other CB from some other team called himself Optimus Prime.
And Tillman stuck with “Peanut.”
Progress is only ALMOST giving up a goal in the last few seconds of the period instead of giving up the goal! Yay progress!
Hah! Wings own-goal. Out of the playoffs, with ye!
Oh man. How did I miss the GOP tweeting about a double amputee war veteran in the House and saying she wasn’t “Standing up for veterans.” Sometimes, I just look at my conservative friends and wonder what it’s going to take for them to disassociate themselves from their leaders.
I refuse to believe that happened.
Welp. Someone just got fired.
In today’s GOP? That’s an “up top, bruh!” and a promotion.
I love how they said, “Look, we weren’t being offensive” and then took the tweet down and changed the language anyway.
You’d think they’d learn from Trump and just keep saying stupid shit over and over again. The reason he’s not being held accountable for most of the stupid stuff he says is that he says something stupider and the original stupidity gets lost.
/stupid people’s problems
The wife and I found/bought a lake side property many years ago at a great price. Over the last fifteen years we’ve saved enough to begin the process of building a house there. Her sister (she married into a super rich family and has a beautiful house on a river) is insanely jealous of the fact that we’ve done well and might eventually live in a house “that might be better than mine” (her words). My question to youse dudes is-do I drown her in the lake or in the septic pit?
I believe the answer is yes.
I concur with my Latino comadreja. Yes.
Lake. You can make it look like a boating accident.
[scratches head in a thoughtful manner]
I believe you’re onto something Mr. Sharkbait.
You people and your “quick death” solutions.
Do you not want to make her SUFFER for her transgressions?!
What you do is, you build one of those stupid tiny house things (or buy a shitty old Airstream-style trailer (but NOT an Airstream; those are too good for the likes of this person) and install her in it, with chains sort of like Christina Rikki in Black Snake Moan. That way, she can constantly SEE how good you have it while sitting in her own lackluster accomodations, and never, ever escape to better environs herself.
Then, when she finally apologizes, you drown her in the lake.
I like a well-thought out killing solution. THAT’S GOOD HUSTLE!
But just under the surface, so she can see the sun and her fingertips can feel the gentle breeze as she dies feeling hope.
A little HF and a plastic barrel:
http://www.wikinoticia.com/images2//s3.tvlia.com/files/2011/07/Limpieza-a-fondo-800×450.jpg
Can you imagine getting some Peak Wilson?
Damn.
Nancy. Always.
No wrong answer.
Okay, I lied, it’s now 3-2 Ice Giants.
http://www.badcantina.com/wp-content/uploads/2015/11/master-of-none-1.jpg
THE SECOND PERIOD! IT’S HAPPENING!
Hey, Sunday it was the first few minutes of the first period! I was in the city on a gig and my phone was going off and all I was thinking was “Who the hell is texting me–wait what the shit where’s the defense?”
“Yes Brett…scatter reports are coming in. Its chaos here and its difficult to have a complete picture of what is going on the ground…but dear god…it appears that Mississippi has fallen to the Trump Campaign”
“Well, it’s rather brutal here. Right now we are advising all our clients to put everything they’ve got into canned food and shotguns.”
http://ct.fra.bz/ol/fz/sw/i66/2/4/4/frabz-Invests-everything-in-can-food-and-shotguns-Randomly-changes-tem-38ca09.jpg
Southerners for the big businessman from New York. Nothing makes sense, if anything still did.
I just rage quit my Netflix streaming plan. If they can’t even get the definition of “new release” correct, no wonder they keep recommending crap that I would rather gouge my eyes out than watch.
What, their streaming version of “Stop! Or My Mom Will Shoot” doesn’t meet your stringent requirements for a New Release?
Agreed. Trending Now is not shit I’ve either already seen or wouldn’t ever watch. New Releases should be that, not things they’ve had for months already or about to drop. Fix yo shit Netflix.
Ice Cowbouys and Ice Alouettes tied at 1 after 1 perioud.
Suuperfluuouus “U” uusage aleurt!
I like it.
Election update…So dem side, it appears that Clinton is going to run away with Mississippi. So the South has been taken by a Yankie, Sherman style. Massive voting advantage among African Americans. As of right now, the big prize today is the Michigan primary.Its looking like a squeaker for Bernie, with about a 2% lead with only 9% of the results in…so really its WAY to close to definitely called.
With the GOP, the SHIT SHOW CONTINUES! Michigan is trading back and forth between Trump and Kasich. Kasich taking the win would just make the delegate picture go apeshit. God I want that to happen. How tits awesome would be a broken convention. Basically what happens is the delegates vote for the candidates…then no one wins…so then the next vote is for whoever the fuck they want. It doesn’t even have to be anyone that has run up to this point. Romney, Palin…fuck Ted Nugent could get the fucking nomination.
CHAOS!!!!
Redshirt 2016: He’s not 35, but he’s probably the best Republican choice!
Redshirt v entropy, 2016: WE DO NOT CARE FOR POLICY JUST BRING US YOUR BOOZE AND WOMEN.
Whoever wins, WE ALL WIN. And I call dibs on Secretary of… hell, something.
That sounds like an invitation for me to show up drunk and heckle everyone. I’m in!
Booze and women, not booze in women.
Besides, we’ll both probably need a statistician to try and portray our policies as different enough to fake there being a choice between us, but close enough that we don’t actually argue at the debates until we’re nearly out of booze.
Goddamn I hate that song. Heart is worse than Rush
Fairleigh Dickinson is a great name for a school.
Known locally as “Fairly Ridiculous.”
Chicken souvlaki pitas with feta, fresh romaine, arugula and red onion.
http://www.tammysrecipes.com/files/grilledchickensouvlakigyros425c.jpg
For those who don’t want to spend their lives pressing and straining cucumbers and yogurt, Sabra makes a really good tzatziki:
http://sabra.com/images/gyd/product-tzatziki.png
Well that’s a little more reassuring. Ice Giants have dominated this period and now lead the Ice Bills 3-0.
TANGER WOO
Malkin v. Hamonic
2 men enter, 1 glove comes off.
That’s good.
The OJ show don’t start until like 10, yinz guys…
That hard edge that defined ‘early Heart’? It was defined by a guy by the the name of Roger Fisher. No one ever gives him credit for what he did to bring the Wilson Sisters to prominence.
https://youtu.be/3vlAdMeZSfw?list=RD3vlAdMeZSfw
/had I a tutor at my disposal I’d force him to learn me more about the computer…
Those new Islanders jerseys are an abomination, but yay!
The Isles have been shit for so long…I can’t help but wish them well.
Outside of them helping the Flyers’ playoff chances, I wish only the worst on them.
The Flyers are not built for serious playoff contention, even though that’s when I really begin watching them most years.
I am well-entrenched in the Ghost Bear frenzy. Every time I’m ready to write off the Flyers, he comes through in the clutch in big games. I haven’t had a Flyers D-man to really be excited for since Chris Pronger stopped dragging them kicking and screaming to the playoffs .
The State/Wake shitshow was even worse than you can imagine. Coach Ratface and the bastard son of Ted Cruz win by 40+ tomorrow.
HillyBob should pretty much clinch things tonight. Well, go from 98% likely to 99.9%.
I want to see more of “Little Marco” as the Black Knight insisting that this is a bad night for everyone but him.
C’mon, Columbus and/or Islanders. One of these teams need to tank, and you need to stop sucking long enough to make it happen.
I am going to lay down for and hour or two. Even if I wasn’t an insomniac you know I would be back by like 10 because I have nothing to do.
Since Low Commander brought it up, the creature from Cloverfield:
Was just one of the striders from The Dark Crystal on steroids:
I was actually about to start looking for something like this. I just re-watched the first one this weekend, and I want to go on Sunday to see Lane.
Not familiar with The Dark Crystal, but I see the resemblance.
Go watch The Dark Crystal. It’s an 80s movie, and it holds up marginally well, but by god the creature design is AMAZING. Brian Froud, the guy who was actually behind all the little goblin fuckers from Labyrinth, made DOZENs of sketchbooks about this world and then they made a movie that’s… OK. But the bad guys, the Skeksis, are pure nightmare fuel.
?1438292491
Let’s go Pack…eh Phoenix?
Most people would rather leave Phoenix.
“I choose violence.”
GAME OF THRONES SEASON 6 TRAILER:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CuH3tJPiP-U
That was amazing. Fucking April though, why not now.
Vinyl is still on?
Also: we need SOMETHING to watch until Summer proper begins.
We are already in the month that no network show bothers to air anything. Someone needs to stop this stupid TV pattern
MFW isidewith.com says I side most with Donald Trump:
http://stream1.gifsoup.com/view6/3393576/drew-carey-reacts-o.gif
http://25.media.tumblr.com/2a449b42ada2c4a0ec3ed09b220c13bc/tumblr_mipj9rkB5Q1rajykuo1_500.gif
You’re gonna need more pressure than your standard home shower head to wash THAT stink off.
“I don’t care what you think. I want you to drill a hole in my head and pour this bleach in.”
– Cassandra Cain (casstoons)
http://images-cdn.moviepilot.com/images/c_fill,h_225,w_300/t_mp_quality_gif/zqy1elvymocbbofd8jfh/happy-37th-anniversary-5-best-scenes-from-the-star-wars-holiday-special-720096.gif
Maybe you just need to be de-programmed there. Methinks the Little Ponies would be Very Disappoint.
Remember when The Hollywood thought that John Goodman could be a lead that could carry a film all by his-self? ME NEITHER!
/And yet here I am watching King Ralph…
That movie had no supporting cast! And John Goodman is a hero
My dad looked just like John Goodman.
As such, Mr. Goodman can do no wrong in my eyes.
John Goodman is a goddamn national treasure.
shamer shabbas!!!
SHUT THE FUCK UP, DONNY!
I am really looking forward to the new Cloverfield though. Probably a little too much…
(phone give “new news” chimes)
“Please don’t be Bengals resigning Pacman. Please don’t be Bengals resigning Pacman. Please don’t be Bengals resigning Pacman. Please don’t be Bengals resigning Pacman.”
O AN U NOE DEY DO BULLLLLLEEEEEEEEEEEEEE DAT CHUH CHUH
ESPN and other outlets are also reporting that JPP will remain a Giant for the 2016 season, with a contract that can be worth up to $10.5 millian, but only 7.5 guaranteed.
Incidentally, 7.5 is also the number of fingers JPP has at time of press.
Banner quote!
I would have also accepted “It’s a fair deal since JPP only guarantees he’ll have 70% of his fingers by the end of that contract.”
Love the news recap/new layout of the Open Thread.
Enjoy the show, Scotchy!
Its really hitting me that Megatron is retiring. I mean its such a shame that he never really had a great QB throwing to him. It feels like a wasted career and its not fair to him. Really the only time I got to see him play was when Detroit was getting destroyed every year on Thanksgiving.
I’m sort of hoping he stays in shape and just pretends to be a walk-on at a training camp next year as Jalvin Cohnston or something.
I never fault anyone from walking away. Hell, I respect people that walk away early rather than trying to hang on way past the point they should. I hope Megatron has a long, healthy life, and isn’t afflicted by the effects of playing pro.
I mean it just sucks the only fucking time he ever had a semi-decent QB in the pros was in the meaningless pro bowl games. I almost wish that every year, all the teams had to basically have a fantasy draft for players. So you wouldn’t get great players stuck on shit teams.
The funny thing…I suspect that the Browns and Raiders would still be perpetually at the bottom of the league…
Didn’t Williams sign with the Dolphins?
http://images.usatoday.com/sports/nfl/_photos/2004-11-23-ricky.jpg
Whoops! Edit forthcoming. Thanks.