Your “It All Makes Sense” Thursday Open Thread

NFL News:

Brandon Weeden’s problems are now solved!
  • If you took the Saints in the draw, well – you’re a winner. Which is strange, because they weren’t part of the roster that opened veteran minicamps on Tuesday. Regardless, Defensive End Hau’oli Kikaha tore his ACL and is done for the year. Somewhere in western New York, a Wolfman lets loose a lonely howl in sympathy.
  • New NFL rules in place today tweak existing guidelines based upon incidents from last year:
    • The “James Jones rule” now prohibits wearing hoodies under a jersey. The reason is that they block view of the player’s name plate.
    • The “Joey Porter rule” now prohibits an assistant coach from entering the playing field except to specifically treat an injured player. The reason is because Steelers-Bengals 2016 playoffs.
  • Hue Jackson has publicly stated that he has not decided on a starting QB yet, and will need more time to decide on a #1. “About Week 12” was the best anyone could get.
  • In an interview on the Steelers website, Boss Todd echoed earlier Big Ben statements, saying “thirty points a game is still a goal.”
  • Via the AJC, profootballtalk has Roddy White stating he will only sign with a club that wants to win now, because he’s only got 1-2 more years left. “I don’t have the energy to be on teams that can’t win now.” So…hello Lions?
  • Numerous sites are reporting Cam has “retired” the Dab, and will have something new for the 2016 season. It’s not the “stutter step; don’t recover the fumble”, because we saw that in the Super Bowl.
  • Finally, 2016 Tebow (ie – QB with a bad arm that people keep linking to teams) Johnny Manziel got served with a lawsuit as he exited a club in LA. It could be because of his trashed rental, his car accident, or a civil claim related to his criminal charges.

    “Solid look, bruh!”

Finally, in this-will-end-well news, Ohio State announced all home games will now have stadium-wide beer sales. Hilariously, it’s rationalization is to allow OSU to create two new positions in the OSU police department, with any surplus revenue going towards studying alcohol & drug misuse…oh, and to athletics.


Politics:

  • Shockingly, Obama endorses Clinton.

End of special report.


Well, I guess it’s a series.

This shit was ridiculous.

I watched the first quarter, and the NBA at least accomplished this: the Warriors starting that game THAT BADLY ensured more people would either tune in or keep watching until well into the 4th quarter, because precedent promised Golden State would mount some sort of comeback. The closest I saw was 9 points; feel free to correct me. Finishing down 30 brought back memories of scores from each side of the Conference Finals.

Speaking of series, tonight you might get to drink one down for WCS if his beloved Penguins pull off their first home Cup win. (All three previous Cups were clinched on the road – Minnesota; Chicago; Detroit) If that happens, we probably won’t hear from him for a week, and his little girl’s birth certificate might have her birth name whited-out and replaced with “Sidney Murray”. (BTW: “Rust LeTang”, which first popped into my head, would make a great punk band name.) If that does happen, make sure to also pour one out for Covalent Blonde, as this sultry siren of the sidelines will have to wait once again for next year for her beloved Sharks. At least she still has the Warriors…

The Cup Finals MVP, and Covalent’s MVP.

Tonight’s possibly championship hoisting events:

NHL: Sharks @ Penguins – 8:00 (Game 5; Pens up 3-1)

Copa:

  • Uruguay vs Venezuela – 7:30 – Lincoln Financial Field, Philadelphia
  • Mexico vs Jamica – 10:00 – the Rose Bowl, Pasedena

Finally, look at this bird

That’s a seagull, and what happens when you dumpster dive behind an Indian food preparation plant, Tikka Masala specifically. Or, does it explain Trump’s magnetic glow & magnificent plumage…

HE LOVES INDIAN FOOD!

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Beerguyrob
A Canadian man-child of indeterminate age, he stays young by selling alcohol at sporting events and yelling at the patrons he serves. Their rage nourishes his soul, and their tips pay for his numerous trips to various sporting events.
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Brocky

It’s my birthdays ya putzes, that I share with the lovely ladies upton and hurley, and to my shame, that twat PK.

also special appearance by that russian model, and the skinny guy from hustle and flow

WCS

Congrats on your latest lap around Sol.

ballsofsteelandfury

Wooooo! Congratulations!

BrettFavresColonoscopy

Happy birthday! If you’d have told us earlier, someone would have baked a cake and then ate it.

Brocky

alright, final clue, maybe i’m being way too vague on this, i thought it’d be short and fun, but apparently i was wrong. this clue isn’t like the upton/peter king/dan fouts/elizabeth hurly ones

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WCS

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Wakezilla

/Uses cheap syrup

/Still would bang, but wouldn’t enjoy the waffles with cheap syrup.

Brocky

FIne, another riddle:

I am like a beer….

the more of me you have….

the more likely you are going to break your hip in a bizarre bathroom accident.

Senor Weaselo

Osteoporosis?

ballsofsteelandfury

I’M TRYING TO SOLVE BROCKY’S PUZZLES AND I CAN’T FIGURE THEM OUT! CAN SOMEONE BUY ME A CLUE?

ballsofsteelandfury

Hot girl + doofus?

Brocky

I like how Ball’s panic went from 0-89 MPH pretty quick.

Like did you do a line of coke and say “I MUST SOLVE ZEE PUZZLE!!!”

Senor Weaselo

I’d like to respond to my earlier “I’d want commentary by Rick and Morty.” One of my life goals is to have Morgan Freeman do play-by-play of my life, with Walt “Clyde” Frazier doing the color commentary.

ballsofsteelandfury

Hugh Grant is the world’s biggest moron for having cheated on her with a Sunset Blvd whore.

Brocky

while true, not exactly what i’m going for.

ballsofsteelandfury

Wait, is this a puzzle?

The Bearded Clam?

Brocky

its just a really simple one, combined with my previous post, they got something in common,

(p.s. i was going to post an actual picture of fouts, then i decided to go with the ferrell one.)

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Brocky

So its after midnight in chicago….. and i’ve got a riddle: who can tell me what these two have in common, and why am bringing it up?

http://images.thehollywoodgossip.com/iu/t_slideshow/v1375310406/kate-upton-cat-daddy.gif

http://sportschump.net/wp-content/uploads/2014/09/peterking.gif

besides you know, the whole oral sex with mlb players (whether it be verbal or literal)

ballsofsteelandfury

PK has pictures with cum on his back?

Brocky

….. that could explain the blackmail

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

I’m Frisbeetarian. Frisbeetarianism is the belief that when you die, your soul goes up on the roof and gets stuck.

-George Carlin

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Unsurprised

It’s about to be.

Covalent Blonde

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Good night, lovelies!

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
theeWeeBabySeamus

DTZM out cruising is all. What’s the big deal?

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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laserguru

You’re still alive Kitty Cat!

theeWeeBabySeamus

Led Zeppelin – All of My Love
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zeVz5R2lDQk

theeWeeBabySeamus

Led Zeppelin – Going to California
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7IZ-jATBq9A

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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theeWeeBabySeamus

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Doktor Zymm
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

Make sure an warn your sleep watcher to be on duty.

WCS

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Cuntler

That Harambe could do anything! R.I.P.

Doktor Zymm

It’s past my bed time, so I’m going to sleep. I’ll be dressed provocatively and unconscious, good thing I live far away from Stamford.

Doktor Zymm

On a lighter note, I’m digging my new sleep tracker. I’ve already learned that while I fall asleep on my right side, I mostly sleep on my left and back!

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

How much do you pay this person?

theeWeeBabySeamus

Heh…Moose will do it for half!!!

Doktor Zymm

Watching me sleep would have to be a tossup for most boring/creepiest job.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

With me I would watch for about two minutes, fall asleep, wake up at 3:00 am, make up a bunch of notes, go back to sleep.

*May eat things from the fridge.

Doktor Zymm

Just don’t eat my avocados or my fermented garlic and we cool. And if you finish the cheese, replace it.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

WELL! With all these rules!

Covalent Blonde

Say what you will about FS1 coverage, in my mind one of the announcers sounds like Morty from Rick & Morty

Senor Weaselo

I would gladly take commentary by Rick and Morty.

theeWeeBabySeamus

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theeWeeBabySeamus

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
WCS

Congrats, Covalent Blonde. TO SUNDAY.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
theeWeeBabySeamus

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Covalent Blonde

Nice goal, Mexico!

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Senor Weaselo

I’ll take the electric fence instead.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VrZR2tnJtGw

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

/Crosses Weaselo off of gift list.

Growing up in a rural area… well, let’s just say I have never seen someone in quite that much pain since.

Doktor Zymm

If you’re shopping for DFO Xmas gifts…

Sill Bimmons

Shitty politics and current events got you down?

Want to hit back?

http://www.recallaaronpersky.com/

Doktor Zymm

THIS

Sill Bimmons

Dude actually said this:

“There is less moral culpability attached to the defendant who is… intoxicated,”

There just aren’t enough nopes in the universe to deal with such an idiotic and dangerous statement.

http://jasminepetalsthoughts.com/wp-content/uploads/2015/09/Rape-chart-300×250.jpg

Doktor Zymm

I would love to see someone try to use that argument for a robbery. “He consented to giving me his wallet because he was intoxicated! And his pockets were so tight, outlining his wallet, how could I stop myself?”

Sill Bimmons

Or any other criminal offense.

And, hey! It was only 20 minutes or so! No biggie!

A pistol shot to the head only takes about a millisecond!

MEDALS FOAR MURDERERS

...

Or, “the door to their house was unlocked, how could I be expected *not* to steal all their stuff?”

King Hippo

You can’t hold me responsible FOAR THAT DUI. I was DRUNK, for Christ’s sake!!

...

My mind is always blown when someone offers up the, “Well, she shouldn’t have been drunk” argument as if it counters the fact the dude forced himself inside the woman, which is an undisputed criminal act.

No, friends. Her being drunk does not lessen the criminality of rape in the slightest.

Doktor Zymm

Not positive, but I think the passing grad students who caught that fucker were Swedish.

Sill Bimmons

They were.

King Hippo

Like, if you walk through a bad neighborhood and get mugged, positively ID the culprits AND have physical evidence…but the DA wouldn’t prosecute because “hey, you shouda known it was a bad neighborhood??”

Unsurprised

But in this case the judge is in the same gang as the muggers.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

Appointed by Greay Davis, also of Stanford.

Unsurprised

This is the voice of a man who’s intellectual considerations of justice ended with the explanations in the Model Penal Code.

Sill Bimmons

Somewhat lost in all this is Stanford’s appalling record in dealing with sexual assault.

Only one student has been expelled for sexual assault in the entire history of the school.

I keep thinking that’s impossible for a place to be worse than Yale, and Stanford keeps proving me wrong.

Doktor Zymm

From what I’ve heard of the various title 9 suits, Stanford is the worst of the worst.

Unsurprised

You elect liberal judge, you get liberal justice.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

WTF? We certainly know conservatives champion women’s’ rights.

Unsurprised

The judge didn’t prosecute this case, but he did sentence the offender.

When you get liberals demanding judges take into consider the multitude of factors leading up to crimes and demanding leniency as a means of ensuring justice is “restorative” or “rehabilitative” or whatever bullshit term used to describe “not harsh because it’s mean” against the specter of sentencing being punitive, you’re going to get lenient sentences because it’s not fair that offenders be sentenced because of their backgrounds. It doesn’t work one-way to justify keeping poor, stupid, and young people out of prison – it’s going to be used by every defendant, and that will itself end up with disgustingly light sentences for well-off or well-lawyered defendants.

Unsurprised

Empathy also excuses the judge showing favoritism towards a fellow Stanford athlete. Because at the end of the day, empathy and understanding most favor those facing justice who look and are just like those entrusted to dole out justice.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

This was case of favoritism in excess.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

Letting men off easily for crimes against women is right out of the conservative’s handbook.

Harsh sentencing does not work in a most cases. It only takes a casual look at the US prison/ “justice system” to figure that out, especially compared to other “liberal” countries who have much lower rates of recidivism.

Unsurprised

This was the perfect poster case for sexual abuse and it won’t change a fucking thing.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Doktor Zymm

Eh, I could do that, that’s just physics

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

Obviously. During the mount and dismount one should use caution.

Doktor Zymm

That’s gotta be hard to do gracefully. Also, excellent hat.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

The hat maybe what is freaking the center woman out……

Doktor Zymm

The guy next to her seems pretty bored. Perhaps she is seeking distraction from her unfulfilled relationship.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

Huuuummmm, if I said that I’d be projecting.

Sill Bimmons

The word “planet” means “wandering star.”

They were given the name because they moved about the night sky so differently to the fixed stars.

Doktor Zymm

Jamaica’s goalie is pretty high on the “badass” scale.

Unsurprised

Reminder: Highlander 4K restoration

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vT13a8KzBRM

Brocky

Man I forgot how early the game was tonight. I completely missed the Pittsburgh schadenfreude.

Ah well. Hopefully here’s some left Saturday night

Doktor Zymm

I desire a tie. SOMEONE CALL BUFFALO WILD WINGS.

Also, more Cava.

Senor Weaselo

But there’s no overtime in the lesser footy!

theeWeeBabySeamus

Hey man, what are you doin’ man?
Hey man, please don’t do that man…
Dude, dude!!! Be careful, man!!!!
http://forgifs.com/gallery/d/246563-2/Ferret-stuck-in-concrete-brick.gif

Doktor Zymm

If you didn’t want someone to chisel through the block you’re stuck in, you shouldn’t have gotten stuck in a block in the first place.

Unsurprised

Stop victim blaming!

Unsurprised

I just LOLed at this image of Neil DeGrasse Tyson’s character in the next Ice Age movie.

http://115.imagebam.com/download/bUTPqrUm-VNRnHfp7mBVuQ/48858/488574844/vVFrZYn.jpg

Doktor Zymm

I really need to find out what bras these South American women are wearing.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

ME TOO!

Unsurprised

They wear bras?

Mr. Ayo

Mr. Ayo’s guide to watching Univision : Definitely do so during soccer (FUTBOL) games

http://tdi.world/uploads/16565_imag0316.jpg

BrettFavresColonoscopy

She looks like a Latina Alison Brie

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

Need to see her run in slo-mo.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

*For science

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

Northern Bald Ibis – Geronticus eremita.

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Sill Bimmons

That moment when you realize that you put too much Mio in your water bottle:

http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-T7HkoUdu0W4/UClOfVbjIAI/AAAAAAAAGV8/DMBTaWMa8Jk/s1600/14feb6-bitter-beer-face.jpg

Doktor Zymm

Zymm’s Guide to Watching Sports on Univision : The Treaty of Tordesillas split the New World (new to Europeans anyway) between the Portuguese and the Spanish. The Spanish ended up with the majority of land, and that’s why Univision isn’t in Portuguese!

Unsurprised

I drove through Tordesillas on my way from Madrid to Barcelona.

There’s nothing there. I can’t imagine what the Hell gave the Church and the kings the idea to even meet there.

Unsurprised

Oh, right. That was the trip to A Coruña, not Barcelona.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Doktor Zymm

THERE CAN BE ONLY ONE

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

An Egyptian posing as a Spaniard who was rumored to be of Portuguese descent with a Scottish accent. Globalization.

Doktor Zymm

And just imagine where the cheese he ate was from!

Unsurprised

Greece?

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

Weird; now I’m craving Tapas.