Your “Slick Willie’s Back” Tuesday Open Thread

NFL Updates:

  • Cowboys DE Randy Gregory is facing additional suspension above his four games already scheduled. At this point, 6-10 looks like a pipe dream in Jerry World.
  • The [*Redacted] s are considering Greg Hardy as a replacement for Junior Galette. And thus Dan Snyder returned to his natural domain of bad ownership.
  • The Lions replacement for Megatron appears to be Anquan Boldin.
  • Jake Long signed with the Ravens; the Falcons released Devin Hester.
  • Today’s PUP list additions:
    • Jordy Nelson
    • Louis Murphy
    • J.R. Sweezy
    • Tyler Eifert

A couple of Packers QB stories round out the daily coverage I care to present:

  • Forever earning Mooch’s enmity, Deanna Favre will present Brett Favre for induction into the Hall of Fame.
  • Aaron Rodgers revealed on “Any Given Wednesday” what the true meaning of “OMAHA” is. All this time, I thought it was a steak advert Pey-Pey managed to sneak into game broadcasts, like Rodgers’ ‘Discount Double Check’.

Finally, Bashaud Breeland brought his bulldog puppies to training camp, where they are, unsurprisingly, a big hit among staff and fans.

The Vine is even cuter.

Not much exciting about tonight’s Democratic Convention coverage. Here’s the agenda. The official poll will be held to confirm Hillary’s nomination; there will be a bunch of boring speeches by courageous people; and at least 1-2 outbursts from the crowd. I’m sure the report from the LGBT caucus will be riveting. It’ll all come to a head about 10:00 EDT, when Bill Clinton gets up and tries to validate his wife without sounding like a smug prick and/or a guy planning a dynasty.

It doesn’t help when places like the NY Times is openly speculating about what Bill will need to do in order to both stay busy and keep out of trouble. Good thing Chelsea’s already married and producing photogenic grandchildren.

Watch if you dare; debate as we do.

Tonight’s sports:

  • MLB: Cubs @ White Sox – 7:00 – ESPN (National game)
  • WWE: Smackdown Live – 8:00 – USA

Alternative programming:

  • CW: 
    • 8:00 – Whose Line Is It Anyway?
    • 9:00 – MADtv – a new iteration of the old FOX staple

Nights like tonight really raise the anticipation for preseason football. SAVE US, ROGER!

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Beerguyrob
A Canadian man-child of indeterminate age, he stays young by selling alcohol at sporting events and yelling at the patrons he serves. Their rage nourishes his soul, and their tips pay for his numerous trips to various sporting events.
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Sill Bimmons

Cutch is not playing the basedball as well as was hoped for when the season began.

Marc Trestmans Windowless Van
Gratliff

Today, they would have put a disabled child in the path of his fist to up his favorability among primary voters

Gratliff

Fuck you, photobucket.
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Sill Bimmons

It is impossible to look at that and not laugh.

Marc Trestmans Windowless Van

Oops. You beat me to it. I only saw the not working gif before mine posted

Marc Trestmans Windowless Van

I am holding out hope that both party’s conventions are just elaborate hoaxes and next week they will announce the real candidates we get to choose from in November

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

THESE SANDERS DELEGATES THAT WALKED OUT I CALL THEM MIAMI HEAT FANS DURING GAME 6 IN THE 2013 NBA FINALS CAUSE IT WILL BE HILARIOUS TO ME IF THEY ARE NOT ALLOWED BACK INTO THE VENUE.

Unsurprised

No reason to now. Their job’s done.

Duchess

Best part of the Trump campaign being so dumb and strapped for cash is the fact I don’t have to stomach Pro Trump videos.

Duchess

sadly the one actress on the screen on that I have seen naked is the one I never wanted to see naked and not the one I would like to see naked.

Sill Bimmons

I take it this is the “Lena Dunham” portion of the program?

Duchess

Yeah I just realized i was in a major delay because I paused it while talking business with a client…

Positive note Duchess Realty services has got its first major client in the Northern Virginia area.

Sill Bimmons

My business partner is a pretty big wheel in the Loudoun County area.

http://vignette3.wikia.nocookie.net/simpsons/images/a/a5/Cracker_factory.jpg

Duchess

Unsurprised

Geez, dude. Selling one house in NOVA would probably be more than all of the money I’ve ever had.

Shogun Marcus

Bea Arthur v Rue McClanahan?

Marc Trestmans Windowless Van

I can’t watch this Democratic Convention, it is terrible so far from what I have watched tonight. Also, apparently Hillary saved New York after 9/11. I guess I liked that 30 seconds earlier when Elizabeth Banks was introducing the next speaker.

http://i743.photobucket.com/albums/xx76/choctawOK_2010/elizabethbanks.jpg

Gratliff

It’s hard for me to not view everything with a cynical eye, but this is where Hillary will chip away at Trump’s supposed patriotic edge and try to turn the whole conversation into “What has Trump ever actually DONE for us?” At the end of the day, the woman is a political assassin.

Unsurprised

And that was the last thing he posted before succumbing to alcohol poisoning …

Sill Bimmons
Gratliff

This needs to end with a crucifixion of Mitch McConnell.

herodotus450

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Marc Trestmans Windowless Van

What a cute picture of Bill and his grandmother

(seriously how did she look 65 in a picture I am going to assume is from the late 70’s/early 80’s)

Gratliff

Oh hey. Forgot Alexis Bliss was on the main roster now.
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Sill Bimmons

WHERE IS YOUR BELT

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Sill Bimmons

Is a cummerbund just a fanny pack worn in the front?

Sill Bimmons

I meant “the” not “a.”

Sill Bimmons

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scotchnaut

Kirk Cameron would tell you it’s just below the bible.

Sill Bimmons

DTZM would say “If it was up your ass you’d know!”

Sill Bimmons

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Gratliff

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“Lord, strike this sinner where he stands.”

Low Commander of the Super Soldiers

I was at this game…

WAY TO SHANK IT AT THE END, AND GIVE JEBUSSLINGER THE OT WIN, PISS-SHIT!

scotchnaut

Western/Dino Adventure?

Count me in baby, count me in.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

I just noticed; half this fucking country believes in the coexistence of dinosaurs and cowboys.

scotchnaut

And the other half believes that paper mache dinosaurs had to be phallic, no matter what.

/I don’t believe your country can be saved

Low Commander of the Super Soldiers

Apparently the Padres are 3 more games away from breaking the ’02 Rangers consecutive games with a dinger. Whoda thunk?

/Not me!

Unsurprised

Ima Matul, Sex Trafficking Survivor

Let’s see how evil right-wingers really can be!

Unsurprised

Dude. NSFW

Unsurprised

Donna Brazile, Incoming DNC Interim Chair

Seriously!?

Gratliff

http://stream1.gifsoup.com/view2/3550303/shelton-benjamin-mit-o.gif
Thanks to SmackDown being live now, we may actually get to see someone die on TV!

BrettFavresColonoscopy

On the SPROTS front, I see Chris Sale failed to destroy tonight’s throwback uniforms

Porky Prime

Was there one…

…on Sale?

YEAHHHHHHHHHHHHH

King Hippo

This is so brave to put up in response to all the fearmongering. Don’t give me any of this “she’s no different from Donald Trump” or “cautious centrist” shit tonight.

Porky Prime

HER AND SLICK WILLIE KILLED PEOPLE BENGHAZI BENGHAZI RIGGED

Shogun Marcus

The rnc doesn’t know that many unwhites.

Porky Prime

It’s funny, under normal circumstances I’m really conscious about eating dropped food or drinking from open water bottles whose original drinkers identity is unknown. Not OCD, just the occasional case of the icks.

When I’m sick, all bets are off.

King Hippo

First Michelle gives what is widely praised as one of the best speeches in ever, now “mothers of the movement” night in contrast to “angry lookit what all the dirty brown people are doing ur children are NEXT smh” night at the Trump shitshow. I’d hate to be Rush Limbaugh’s blood pressure.

Unsurprised

God isn’t just

BrettFavresColonoscopy

I can’t imagine being able to give this speech right here. Elizabeth Banks seemed nervous in this crowd, and these women have to keep their composure while talking about having lost their children on this stage.

scotchnaut

“Speaking of his blood pressure, I’ve got a little tune I’d like to sing.”

-Sly and The Family Stone

https://youtu.be/cDjnB_61k58

Porky Prime

Thought it would be this one…

http://youtu.be/0_VfGVKzcfs

Gratliff

I honestly believe Hillary cares about these things, but there’s a good bit of faith involved in that given that she can’t say it without sounding like she’s reading off poorly worded cue cards.

...

Yeah, she needs a charisma transplant from Bill.

Unsurprised

If only he stuck his dick in her.

scotchnaut

My wife is going through a really rough time right now-I wish I wasn’t 65% responsible for it.

/I worked out a fairly accurate mathematical formula a few years ago

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

“Where does the extra 5% come from?”

– Jerry Richardson

Gratliff

The villain from Ghost is making good points.

Gratliff

Oh wait. That actually is him. Hm.

Unsurprised

Well, he does play the President on Scandal now.

Unsurprised

A Republican president.

King Hippo

THAT is who that muthafucka is!!!

Gratliff

I was being snarky, and then I looked up the actor and it was him. 😡

Unsurprised

He kinda looks like Drew Magary

BrettFavresColonoscopy

The lesson is to always be snarky

Unsurprised

I don’t want to cook, but I should eat. I’m also constipated because what better way to spend 3 hours but sitting on your ass trying not to fart so badly you clear a conference center?

Sill Bimmons

Homage to the recently concluded 2016 San Diego Comic Con:

http://www.upithq.com/wp-content/uploads/2016/01/abby-dark-star-lara-croft.jpg

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Unsurprised
Porky Prime

Looking at the header pic, we need a movie starring Chris Pratt as young Bill Clinton, stat. I don’t care what it’s actually about.

Unsurprised

Have you seen John Mulaney’s latest special when he talks about how Bill would hang around outside the Georgetown library offering to walk girls home at night.

That is the cold open to your movie.

Porky Prime

Soundtrack playing: The Rapper

https://g.co/kgs/SiVHA1

Unsurprised

Bill Clinton’s ma boy

Unsurprised

Appropriate given the post’s subject matter.

Gratliff

Alright, Smackdown. You’ve been shit for like 12 years. Let’s see if you can stop sucking tonight.

herodotus450

Why does all my pepper always fall to the bottom of my soup? Nevermind, I don’t think I want to know.

herodotus450
Gratliff

They should just do nothing but talk about everything Clinton did before Bill’s rise to power. There’s literally nothing Trump can do to compete in terms of past political and social achievements.

BrettFavresColonoscopy

So damn hungry right now. I have prepped dinner (chopped the onions, garlic, zucchini) but have to wait to start cooking the pasta and italian sausage until the lady is on the way home from work. Whisky seems like a good way to hold me over…

Shogun Marcus

Garfunkel and Oates!

Shogun Marcus

Say what you will, but the Clintons know the game and how to play it. Like Herm they play to win. And much like the recently late Mr. Green said they are who we think they are.

scotchnaut

/watching “Carol”, sensing an odd symmetry

One of the things I love about some movies from the 50’s and 60’s is that the directors let the narrative “breathe”. Letting a movie unfold in it’s own good time is a good thing. This may seem counter-intuitive/plain stupid but the example I would use is “The Dirty Dozen”. That movie was testosterone personified and yet it took it’s own sweet time getting to where it wanted to go.

Sill Bimmons

NAWT ENOGH SPLOSIONS

scotchnaut

“THERE’S A GAS OVEN RIGHT THERE!!! THIS IS TOTAL BULLSHIT!!!”

-Michael Bay, reviewing the movie

Sill Bimmons

IT’S LIKE TOLSTOY ALWAYS SAID WHY HAVE A GAS OVEN IN THE SCENE IF YOU AREN’T GOING TO BLOW IT UP

scotchnaut

[turns on gas]

“If you loud-mouthed folks would just quiet down, maybe I could get some sleep.”

-Sylvia Plath

Unsurprised

Day 1: Kicked some MEE & MPT ass.

Unsurprised

Delicious

...

I think people being terrified of Trump winning are justified (it *is* possible).

But winning a presidential election requires a lot of resources, a lot of organization, and a lot of smart campaigning. I see none of that in Trump’s campaign while our last two presidents had it.

Trump is basically relying on a low-education white person to win. These people don’t turn out to vote in huge numbers. He needs mobilize them and rhetoric along won’t do it (see: Sanders, Bernie).

Unsurprised

Yeah, but Hillary still need the poor and minorities to win. You know … Democrats. And Democrats fucking suck at turning out.

...

True, but Hillary is running an actual presidential campaign. I can’t say it’s as good as Obama’s was (I suspect no) but if it comes down to who can drive more turnout via ground game, I’d bet Hillary.

Sill Bimmons

I just hate them so much. They’re like the Pöpli kids.

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At least I never voted for Bill.

/Perot
//I know, I know

...

So considering the widespread hate, are the Clintons the Patriots of national politics?

Sill Bimmons

Not for me, because I understand that I have no choice but to vote for Hillary.

My insane hatred of the Patriots is limitless.

Low Commander of the Super Soldiers

My extremely rational and justified hatred of the Patriots is limitless.

FTFY

The Right Reverend Electric Mayhem

W.

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