YEEEAAAHHHHH BOOOYYYEEEEE! I AM SO FREAKIN’ PUMPED FOR THIS GAME! (it’s midnight somewhere, right?) And I don’t even have a dog in this fight. I imagine Bronc/Panthers fans have spent the day peeling themselves from various ceilings much to the consternation of their co-workers/loved ones/friends. I liken this feeling to when I was younger and anticipated playing in a championship baseball or basketball game-giddy and excited and revelling in the anticipation itself.
Sure there’s a shit-ton of detritus that surrounds the sport and there’s no need for me to go on about it here. We tackle that shit on an on-going basis the same way that a certain coach from Kansas City tackles the “All You Can Eat And Rub On Your Face Innards Special” at The Offal House. There’s…Just…Something…About…This…Game. Whatever it may be, it is my master tonight. TO THE GAME!
Panthers/Broncos: There’s tons of hand-wringing out there in Denver fandom about this Siemian fella. The qb’s CV is thinner than the audience at an “Anne Coulter Appreciation Night”. He’s got all of three quarters of exhibition play under his not-onion belt. No one seems to know anything solid about his arm strength but he is said to be a fan of the slant route but crap, what qb in the league isn’t? Kubiak, a big fan of the Northwestern grad, and the coaching staff will do their best to keep Trevor (Trevor? Who names their kid Trevor?) out of 3rd and long spots because that talented Panther lb crew will be jumping those slant routes looking for an easy pick-six. In useless stat news, Denver has won 15 of their last 16 home openers.
Possessor of 16 career sacks, dt Kawaan Short is only 121.5 short of the record at his position. My money says he doesn’t get it tonight. Cam has a paltry 11.1 QBR vs. Denver in two meetings and Von Miller aims to drive that rating down even lower. In related news, Michael Oher’s ears are burning. Wr’s Funchess and Benjamin have to be the biggest pair in the league, right? No, I don’t acknowledge the existence of one year wonder Ted Ginn Jr., thanks for not asking. Both teams are relatively injury-free right now although I just learned that wr Bennie Fowler is out. Thing is, I don’t know which team he plays for.
And there you have it-one of the most comprehensive, salient, insightful game intros that you’ve ever just read. Of course you’re welcome! NOW LET’S TEAR THIS PLACE UP!*
*in an orderly, respectful manner
[checks 5 different leagues to see if I started Benjamin]
So Goodell has to be a saboteur for the MLB, right?
NO GANOS IS GOOD GANOS
http://www.photonics.com/images/Web/Articles/2010/7/26/GaryGnu.jpg
What’s a GNU?
Motherfucker gets a penalty for jumping Jacks these days…..
“Unsportsmanlike conduct, 48 Offense, 3000 page think piece, and a loss of southern restaurant sponsorship.”
That is the weakest taunting bullshit
LET FAT MAN DANCE, NO FUN LEAGUE
No Fun League makes an appearance.
So they gave the Panthers a Yellow Card?
Oh yeah, a taunting penalty for a lineman. That’s the stuff. Football is BACK!!!
No Fun League!
/not regretting benching Donks D
//yet
http://i.giphy.com/tcnht8dofvbYk.gif
New Game: What does Al drink during the TV breaks.
Whatever’s available.
Ether
The blood of young welfare recipients.
All about the Benjamin!
I am the master of timely references!
That was a hell of a pass.
Hey, remember how I told myself repeatedly not to start Kelvin Benjamin against Denver’s defense?
Yes… let the self-doubt creep into your mind and DESTROY YOU
Thank God there’s only one Wade Phillips, Gozer doesn’t need two Destructors.
/Stay Puft Marshmallow Man joke
/dickjoke
BEACHEMDOWN!!!!
Two timeouts in seven minutes. Rivera remembers his time working for Lovie fondly.
http://s2.quickmeme.com/img/b7/b78bb9ae1662f6aee8a8088183e58087e057978f9ed35df273063f579e6ec50a.jpg
“So, my daughter told me you don’t eat meat?”
“That’s true sir, but I eat pussy all day long.”
‘Keeb Talib, motherfuckin’ Cooley High’
TWO timeouts used before the end of the 1st
/Andy Reid cums bbq sauce
///immediately sues for copyright infringement
This is Andy Reidian timeout management, Riverboat.
Finished a “2 hour” lab in 15 minutes to get home for football.
http://25.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_maazt9z4kG1rcqfgdo1_500.gif
The secret to not getting errors on the rivebrog is not knowing how to post anything but words.
I missed this
Ginn is good when you don’t have to throw the ball at him
Congrats on the great post. Have a Ginn Coin.
http://thumbnails116.imagebam.com/47916/308832479158026.jpg
I HATE TED GINN!
/have I mentioned this before?
Day off, bro’s in town, and NFL kickoff. Shame I don’t have a TV and he doesn’t drink.
Anyway, Monica Bellucci is still hot as fuck as shown here.
http://sharenxs.com/gallery/monica-bellucci-paris-match-september-2016-by-fred-meylan_57d04d432373d
The game is streaming on nbcsports!
I’m 99% sure I could watch it on my phone thanks to NFL’s deal with Verizon, but that’s not the issue exactly. Thanks, though.
Razzle dazzle
Collinsworth is already hammered.
Been stealing Al’s gin since the pregame.
There it is, new nickname! Kelvin Beachem forever!!!
For those in Oregon or about to visit, you must try: Mango Sorbet 28.17% thc
#gotdamn it is wonderfully fantabulous
I saw one leafly listing for a 1:1 THC/CBD strain that I would like to try.
Nectar dispensaries have an exclusive deal with a new grower that has a Columbian Gold strain, the “dope your fathers used to brag about from the 70s”.
My THC tolerance is approximately fucking zero, or I’d join you two.
Are you in Portland as well?
Yay foar new gigantic TV. This is like sitting on the front row for a movie. Neck’s gonna hurt like fuck later tho.
Whadja get?
Vizio 60″ smart LED. But the room it’s in shouldn’t have bigger than 50″. But fuck that.
Love this fucker.
Awesome. We might replace the current plasma in the next year or so, so I’m keeping my ears open for recommendations.
I was shocked how cheap they’ve gotten. Couldn’t not do it.
This Door Flies Open website, I call it the gateway to Eden because paradise is inside but a damn Bad Gateway is keeping us out!!!!
The chili is bubbling happily away. Beer and scotch are on hand. This night is so fucking great.
/tomorrow, however
Time for Mike Tolbert to go nuts and embarass me immediately for benching him.
My first Liiiiveblog with the new format. Aside from the 502’s, I like it.
Also, /fuck yeah that’s my DFO logo up top
Woooooo! Landed just in time to see Hertz employees in Broncos jerseys while I wait in a big ass line.
MOAR FLIPS THAN A DIVING MEET
http://i.makeagif.com/media/4-23-2015/zeBRM9.gif
My intestinal gas could bend steel tonight
“Yeah but can it melt them?!”
— Pete Carrol
I have no doubt.
Like a plasma torch
Tub of Goo sighting!
Fattie sighting!
That was the strangest fucking hand-off I’ve ever seen
Are you talking about Empire Strikes Back?
Drink lots of beers for me tonight, folks. Family beckons.
Fuck ’em, honestly. I wanna watch.
More Buddy stories:
1. Seeing a defaced box of Flutie Flakes in ’98
2. A game against the Patriots later that year that was stopped for 5 minutes due to an upper deck fight that had everyone’s attention
3. Grown men twisting yellow mustard packets to the brink of explosion and then hurling them from the upper deck.
4. The nameplate “MUEHLGAY” that was popular in my uncle’s section. It was like a bumper sticker and people wore it on their favorite Glenn Foley or Adrian Murrell jersey.
5. Leaving the Favre 7-TD game early and hearing a big stadium-wide “OOOOOOH” as my uncle and I are going down the escalator to the exit. We later learned that was due to Erik Smith attempting to decapitate Anquan Boldin.
Y WEBSITE NO LOAD AFTER I COMMENT?
Because god doesn’t like it when you touch yourself late at night in the dark all alone.
http://www.eonline.com/eol_images/Entire_Site/2013112/rs_500x246-131202140124-tumblr_lmlhh3PQpE1qb9pg0o1_500.gif
The firstest, freshest derp of the year.
DERP ALREADY?
Good. That was going too well.