Your Monday Night Football Double-Header Open Thread

[feels a bit icky making a baseball-related reference]

Damn, I like this 7:10 (eastern) starting time. Sometimes my extraordinarily strict post-work beer, scotch, cider, wine and martini regimen catches up to me and the world starts spinning and the games (yes, the games) lose their focus and I have to find out the score the following morning. This way I’m guaranteed to be coherent all the way into the third quarter of the first tilt. Enough about me-TO THE GAMES!

Steelers/Redacted’s-I feel as though Pittsburgh without the services of rb Bell and wr’s Bryant and Wheaton is a team playing with one arm tied behind their back but it won’t make much difference in the end. I think it has a lot to do with not being able to judge the prospects of Washington objectively because Dan Snyder has come to be the embodiment of a number of shitbags I deal with in my work setting. [takes a deep breath] Everyone is yakking about the Norman/Brown showdown but doesn’t the former play just one half of the field? I’m sure Brown will get moved around a bit and they will cross paths but I think it’s cb Breeland (with help from Hall?) that does the heavy lifting. It’ll be a tiny bit interesting to see who among Coates, Heyward-Bey and Rogers gets the majority of catches. Cousins’ pursuit of a long-term deal would benefit from a home win here.

Rams/Niners-As hc Kelly prepares for the game Jim Tomsula (“we hardly knew ya”) prepares for the coming hobopocalypse. A wasteland of discarded bindles and can-openers awaits mankind-he’ll be the first to tell you! STAY AWAY FROM THE SWITCHYARDS, PEOPLE! The game? Gurley runs roughshod on the Niners and qb’s Keenum(what?) and Gabbert(who?) try their damnedest to keep their combined giveaways below 7. Fantasy-wise, if Hyde goes for 35+ I may just squeak out a not-earned victory.

There she be. Now…LET’S WATCH THE SHIT OUT OF THIS!

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BrettFavresColonoscopy

A couple more of those from Kenny Britt and Dora and Her Fuck Monkey are going to pound my ass

/I know what I said

Unsurprised

Wild Ride Peanut Butter Porter is delicious.

makeitsnowondem

I’m totally down with the peanut butter porter/stout thing. I don’t care that much for peanut butter as an isolated thing, but the added saltiness is great for those dark beers.

WCS

What did we do to deserve Buffalo-Jest on TNF?

BrettFavresColonoscopy

You touch yourself at night.

LemonJello

But during the day is ok? Asking for a friend.

makeitsnowondem

Invent Thursday, I guess.

Marc Trestmans Windowless Van

Just general terribleness over a long period of time

Beastmode Ate My Baby

Seriously? You’ve been on DFO since day one.

You know what we’ve done.

montythisseemsstrangetome

IT’S THE REX RYAN GRUDGE MATCH

theeWeeBabySeamus

These SF Giants look pretty good.
What?
Oh Christ….really?

Covalent Blonde

Yay! I would not have put my money on this being the way this went….

montythisseemsstrangetome

So the 49ers have Berman and Young calling this game for their broadcast, I wonder who the Rams have.

Beastmode Ate My Baby

A pair of USC frat bros who wandered into the booth.

Sep

This game is making me realize how awful AVClub has become. It’s almost UPRO**ian in it’s transformation

BrettFavresColonoscopy

Come on you pigfucker, concuss yourself

Gratliff

I’m just here to talk about how great Kevin Owens is and mock Washington. These are some god awful games on tonight.

http://i211.photobucket.com/albums/bb320/Lthomascsonka/ALT%20Wrestling/clgyX5o.jpg_zpscjssgkeo.gif

Covalent Blonde

The ever-evolving definition of a catch:
– Kegel Exercises = Catch

Croooow

I wish Jim Everett had pummeled Jim Rome when he had the chance.

WCS

So, the Rams moved to LA, and are starting a new era?
http://www.insixgames.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/04/still_shitty.jpg

theeWeeBabySeamus

Joe Montana is looking down from heaven right now and smiling.
What? Joe Montana isn’t dead.
LET’S GO KILL JOE MONTANA.

Fucker was ‘sposed to go to NC State. Fuck you Notre Shame.

Covalent Blonde

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theeWeeBabySeamus

Go buy some new Skechers, dicknose.

Covalent Blonde

On the plus side, when everyone pegs your team for last place, ANY success seems miraculous

Old School Zero

Last place gets pegged? This is league I can cheer for.

theeWeeBabySeamus

Shit, be cool. Don’t say “peg”.
Moose is loose.

BrettFavresColonoscopy

I don’t know if I’m comfortable with all this pegging

theeWeeBabySeamus

Inorite?
/ouch, stop that honey

Beastmode Ate My Baby

Considering the JUGGERNAUT that is Seattle, I…

/remembers yesterday’s game, reconsiders

Considering the JUGGERNAUT that is Arizona…

/oh, right, they lost

SF is actually looking competitive right now.

Covalent Blonde

Oh god, just don’t let our division slowly evolve into the AFC South…

makeitsnowondem

Gurley was just flagged for calling Chip Kelly a deplorable.

theeWeeBabySeamus

I short armed it…gimme a break fuckers.
– T. Gurley

WCS

HAIL; BLEERGH

Covalent Blonde

Yaaaaaaargh

BrettFavresColonoscopy

You know what this game needs? A bunch of penalties and huddles to slow it down.

montythisseemsstrangetome

This doesn’t look like the LA Rams to me? Where’s Dickerson? Where’s Jack Youngblood? Where’s Vince Fucking Ferragamo?

Col. Duke LaCross

Dieter Brock isn’t coming through that door.

makeitsnowondem

I spent most of the first game doing wedding planning, so I’m in this one for the long haul, no matter how awful it gets.

BrettFavresColonoscopy

That’s what I like to hear as I transition to my sixth different beer of the night.

makeitsnowondem

I’m rotating tonight too. Too much in the fridge right now to even think about drinking the same thing consecutively.

BrettFavresColonoscopy

I was at a bar where I started with Atlas Rye Rye My Darling (Saison), had a Gose, some Flying Dog White Peach Saison, Berliner Weisse, back to that peach saison, Stone IPA, and now on an Oktoberfest from somewhere I can’t pronounce.

makeitsnowondem

There’s the Chip Kelly offense I know.

Covalent Blonde

White and ineffective?

makeitsnowondem

Just like David Duke’s dick.

Horatio Cornblower

If that was poker, (which it isn’t Berman, so shut the fuck up), the 49ers just went all in with 7-2 off.

Covalent Blonde

So we are all pretty sure that Gabbo gets injured and is out by the half right?

Sep

Yo Gabbo Gabbo

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Good Lord this game is terrible. I can’t take it anymore. Good night everyone, love to all.

Covalent Blonde

G’night, RTD!

BrettFavresColonoscopy

Someone check on Rikki in a few hours.

/not it

Darkest Timeline Zack Morris

G’Night buddy

Sep

THE FLOW!

BrettFavresColonoscopy

They should tell the Rams that if they lose they have to go back to St. Louis. That should make them play at least a little better.

BrettFavresColonoscopy

That was for you, boss. PS Aren’t you a Browns fan now?

Darkest Timeline Zack Morris

Oh God, I just hate football now.

Spur

So Rodgers lives with Clay? That his roommate?

Sep

Olivia Munn has to sneak through the bedroom window

BrettFavresColonoscopy
Covalent Blonde

I will never not giggle over Clay with the broom in the background.

Spur
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

THERE WAS ALREADY A MOVIE ABOUT AN ACCOUNTANT ON THE SPECTRUM WHO IS ALSO AN ASSASSIN IT WAS CALLED COLDBLOODED STARRING JASON PRIESTLY AND IT WAS PERFECT.

http://coldblooded.ru/gallery/Poster.jpg

Darkest Timeline Zack Morris

The Ultimate Thriller

They don’t understand the meaning of ultimate.

Sill Bimmons

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Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

That’s right, the writer/director of the film WAS a writer for the Simpsons during the first four seasons!

BrettFavresColonoscopy

I don’t know, that cast seems a little shaky.

WCS

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theeWeeBabySeamus

Damn you….faster than me.
Giggity.

Horatio Cornblower

I’m not sure I’d trust Michael J. Fox’s aim these days.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Michael J. Fox is only in it for about two minutes, and all he does is drink some coffee and [SPOILER CAUSE YOU SHOULD TOTALLY SEE THIS MOVIE] get shot.

comment image

theeWeeBabySeamus

Psssst….Beastie….psssst.
You dint kill yoself with vodka on top of life threatening allergen hypersensitivities did ya? Because I hate to tell you this, but your wife knows you were gonna try that shit. And she ain’t happy.

I Will Dye Blonde

How can I be upset when I was doing the serving? You under estimate my coolness.

theeWeeBabySeamus

No I do not.
But please try not to kill him.

Beastmode Ate My Baby

After 20 years of dealing with this, she has a pretty good handle on what to do for the various reactions….luckily, since half the time my brain turns into jell-o.

theeWeeBabySeamus

LMFAO. I wish I could tell you why I’m LMFAO…but that was funny as fuck right there.

Marc Trestmans Windowless Van

I like your wife Beastmode, when she decided to settle for you, you got lucky.

theeWeeBabySeamus

THANK YOU!!!!!!!

Beastmode Ate My Baby

Just one shot. So far. And my hands are warm again, so I think it shut down some of the side-effects.

Horatio Cornblower

The 49ers new campaign to excite their fan base…

http://66.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_mam8zhFNJt1qdci9xo1_500.jpg

theeWeeBabySeamus

He’s definitely at least breathing heavy.

makeitsnowondem

STOP POLICE BRUTALITY AND TODD GURLEY

Old School Zero

I hate you

makeitsnowondem

I’m gonna kick your ass. I’m like an iPhone 7, you’re like a piece of toast.

Old School Zero

HEY COACH DID YOU HEAR THE NEW GALAXY PHONES TOAST THEMSELVES? YOU DON’T EVEN HAVE TO CHARGE YOUR PHONE IN THE TOASTER ANYMORE!

King Hippo

Remember, nothing ever happens in Blaine…

Marc Trestmans Windowless Van
Doktor Zymm

I’m gonna have another Pimms and go play Civ 5.

Bright side : At least when we get to week 4, RG3 will probably still be out and we won’t have to listen to a horrible “revenge game” narrative!

BrettFavresColonoscopy

Pretty sure this is RGIII’s revenge game now:

http://web.eecs.umich.edu/~gameprof/gamewiki/images/d/d9/OperationGame.jpg

theeWeeBabySeamus

Pictured: ECU med school.

Marc Trestmans Windowless Van
Covalent Blonde

It only makes the pain worse to pretend like we had a chance.

Marc Trestmans Windowless Van
BrettFavresColonoscopy

I was promised SF would be terrible before I decided not to hold onto Hyde in my keeper league.

Horatio Cornblower

That probably just cost me a win this week.

Well, that and my decisions to draft Bell and Brady and say ‘fuck it’ until week 5.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Darkest Timeline Zack Morris

That’s the Rams defense I remember watching.

montythisseemsstrangetome

Berman: AND THE 49ERS HAVE JUST WON THE SUPER BOWL!

theeWeeBabySeamus

Hee hee

Sep

that was, um, that was bad

King Hippo

Fightin’ Tomsulas, lookin’ competent??

LA has made Fisher’s moustache soft, man…

Horatio Cornblower

If Gabbert gets himself killed and Kaepernick comes in and throws for 250 and 2 TDs and runs for 75 and another TD 49ers fans will be burning flags in the street.

WCS

Limbaugh and Hannity would immolate themselves on air if that happened.

LET’S GO KAEP

ArmedandHammered

Listen to Berman for another 2 hours or go get some sleep? Hmmm, night all.