Your “‘Browns’? Who Are The ‘Browns’?” Tuesday Evening Open Thread

NFL Notes:

He went to Maryland.
That he went to Maryland, obviously.
  • Multiple sources say the Eagles are trying to convince Chip Kelly to trade them Torrey Smith. I guess they need someone who can outrun a Carson Wentz deep ball, because the constant overthrows are making the other receivers look bad, and ROOKIES GOTTA LEARN, MAN!.
    • Why they aren’t using the most obvious point to aid their cause is beyond me.
  • FYI: the trade deadline is November 1 #thanksobama
  • Field Commander Jay Gruden is hearing some noise about how the prevent defence helped aid the Lions’ final winning drive last Sunday.
    • Saying things like “they don’t get paid to backpedal” kinda sorta hangs his defensive coaches out to dry, something I have a hard time believing a Gruden would do.
  • Jay Cutler with this week’s banner quote:
    • “When asked if he feels he still has the support of Bears coach John Fox, Cutler replied, “He doesn’t have a choice, I guess, at this point. Brian is out, so I’ve got to go.”
  • Voices are now starting to get louder that the Giants as an organization need to face sanction over their handling of the Josh Brown matter, despite releasing him this afternoon. I’m just not comfortable holding out the Cheatriots as an example of the dichotomy:

If the Patriots were fined $1 million and stripped of a first- and fourth-round draft pick for potentially deflating footballs, how can the Giants, who explicitly kept an abuser on its roster and withheld information from the league, not receive an at least equally harsh penalty? (via)

“We have valued the amount of air in a ball but yet devalued when a person or persons have been harmed and fail to put forth necessary actions or energy and time” in dealing with them, Steve Smith wrote. (via)

  • Now there’s talk the proposed 2018 China game won’t happen because of travel & labour issues. The travel issues concern the multiple time changes & distances. The labour issues concern the impact on the 4th preseason game and player cuts.
    • Nowhere does it mention that most Chinese meat is so full of drugs the whole team might end up suspended after their first piss test back home.
    • PFT piles on by arguing that the NFL should be more concerned with saving the brand at home than trying to expand sales overseas.

Tangentially related to the above point, si.com has a long-ish piece about the reasons for the decline in ratings for the NFL this year.

  • The usual suspects are there:
    • the “No Fun League” & officiating
    • fan reactions to concussions and protests
    • the many bad games & bad, bad matchups
      • especially those scheduled for night viewing
  • as are some 2016 outliers:
    • the election
    • the Cubs (but not the Indians)

It’s nothing you haven’t heard before, but it’s another part of the increasing cacophony asking for something to be done to improve the game.

Finally, Deadspin has a long-form article – really, it seems like half the book – of excerpts from the new Jeff Pearlman book, “Gunslinger”. They chose to focus on two parts with a symmetrical line: that the Vikings had had a bounty program prior to Favre’s arrival, and how the Bounty-gate era Saints pounded him down in winning the NFC Championship.


90s TV callback!

So everything is coming up Cleveland today. Game One of the World Series starts there tonight, and the NBA season tips off down the street with LeBron & company raising their banner. There’s expected to be almost 60000 people in downtown Cleveland for sports, and the best the Browns can hope for is that people visiting the Rock & Roll Hall of Fame will use their parking lot.

 

Ohio is a swing state in the election, so you know politicians want to be all over this. Anyone going to the game is liable to be accosted by all manner of low-level pol running for state office. The Senate race in Ohio is considered “battleground”, although in recent weeks “incumbent Senator Rob Portman (R) has taken a significant lead over former Governor Ted Strickland (D) in the race”. Further to Ballotpedia‘s point,

Portman’s get out the vote effort in Ohio may even provide “reverse political coattails, with big stakes for Mr. Trump. Ohio has backed the presidential winners in the past 13 elections, and no Republican in modern history has won the White House without capturing Ohio,” according to The Wall Street Journal.

In the big race, fivethirtyeight.com‘s average of polls gives Hillary Clinton has a 1% lead over Donald Trump in the swingiest of states, but realclearpolitics.com shows the opposite, with Trump having the 1% lead. There is between 5-10% support for “other”, but that should shrink closer to voting day. I don’t think Hillbot would show up to any games, because she’s gone in pretty hard for the Cubs this year but can’t afford to alienate the more liberal part of the state. Only the most fanatical Trump supporters could ignore his obvious Yankees affiliation. Things like this matter in the “third-worst gerrymandered place on the planet.”

The pins are from some enterprising person’s ebay site. I admire their incentive to try and monetize this election for themselves as well.

This one's my favourite.
This one’s my favourite.

Tonight’s sports:

  • NHL Hockey:
    • Sabres at Flyers – 7:30 PM | NBCSN
    • Lightning at Leafs – 7:30 PM | Sportsnet1
    • Ducks at Sharks – 10:00 PM | NBCSN
  • NBA Basketball:
    • Knicks at Cavaliers – 8:00 PM | TNT/TSN
    • Spurs at Warriors – 10:30 PM | TNT/Sportsnet1
  • World Series: Game 1: Cubs at Indians – 8:00 PM | FOX/Sportsnet

I hope the Canadian ad geniuses that came up with the “Canada’s Team” moniker for the Jays choke on this Series. GOD I MISS THE EXPOS!

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Beerguyrob
A Canadian man-child of indeterminate age, he stays young by selling alcohol at sporting events and yelling at the patrons he serves. Their rage nourishes his soul, and their tips pay for his numerous trips to various sporting events.
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Marc Trestmans Windowless Van

Well I’m off to watch Agents of SHIELD, be back in 42 minutes. Hopefully the injury timeout will be over by then

JerBear50

Clearly typing is distracting me from swearing hard enough to motivate this goddamn team so I’ll have to check back in here later.

...

Kluber is on. There’s not much you can do about that.

...

It has occurred to me that I’m a *bit* over-zealous about tonight’s game.

Apologies.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

I want to see a comparison of the strike zones for the two pitchers.

...

OH LOOK YOUR STUPID FUCKING NARRATIVE ON LESTER JUST GOT FUCKING WRECKED BY A THROW OUT.

...

Jesus, Joe Buck cannot call a game without referencing his five or so pre-determined fucking talking points about ANYTHING.

And no, your daddy wasn’t a fucking good announcer either, you nepotistic piece of shit.

JustStopDude

WILL THE CLEVELAND BROWNS GO 0-16 IN THE 2016 NFL SEASON?
YES +2000
WILL THE CLEVELAND BROWNS HAVE THE NO. 1 PICK IN THE 2017 NFL DRAFT?
YES +170
NO -250

...

After a moderate amount of booze and three innings of baseball I’m in the I HOPE IT CALL CATCHES FIRE camp.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Wait, so…if you bet 250 on the Browns not getting the first pick in the draft, you basically get a free bet on them going 0-16 that pays off at 20-1?

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

IS THIS FORMAT WHAT THE KIDS LIKE THESE DAYS??

...

No.

ALXMAC

Bath salts? Bath salts:

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...

/bashes head against table

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

More like Corey KKKKKKKKluber, amirite?

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

It is clear that Kluber has been paying his bear tax.

Old School Zero

I haven’t seen an Indian fuck a bunch of Cubs this hard since Curt Schilling took over @[*Redacted] sFacts that one day.

Old School Zero

My total cholesterol is 88.

Just thought I’d #humblebrag.

Doktor Zymm

So, you’re saying your HDL is dangerously low?

Old School Zero

HDL of 56.5, so decently within normal bounds.

Doktor Zymm

I was more subtly pointing out that total cholesterol doesn’t actually mean much, but good stuff 🙂

JerBear50

I’d say you need to stop fucking around and start spending some weekends with yeah, right.

Old School Zero

NO ONE DENIES THIS

Horatio Cornblower

I am not digging this new format. I can’t tell comments from replies, unless someone says “Fuck you Cornblower”; then I know it’s a reply, and probably an accurate one.

...

FUCK YOU CORNBLOWER I HOPE YOU BLOW A WHOLE COB

/that help?

Horatio Cornblower

Thanks man. I totally knew that was a reply.

...

I’m helping!

Horatio Cornblower

I see Cleveland is not cooperating with the narrative.

Old School Zero

What ever do you mean? The Browns are still winless.

JustStopDude

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LemonJello

That’s just gourd-damn ridiculous, right there.

litre_cola

Are the flags really necessary?

Spanky Datass

ALL HAIL BLEERGH!

JerBear50

Could we DH for Coghlan and let Lester bat?

Brocky

So I really don’t watch much baseball, but I’m really starting to question the umpire.

It’s ricky Vaughn isn’t it?

JustStopDude

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Spur

Go Spurs Go

Evening

Marc Trestmans Windowless Van

I have video of the first Indians RBI. I’m sorry if I get the site in trouble for posting video

https://youtu.be/NfcmrwPNn7A?t=63

Doktor Zymm

Okay, I’m stopping at 3 SPONCH! and putting the other half of the pack in the fridge. Super tasty and hella sweet, but so many crumbs and coconut bits everywhere. It seems SPONCH! is how you get ants. That little bit of jam in the middle of the marshmallows? GENIUS.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Is this guy basically the Cubs version of Jim Thome?

...

A not terrible comparison.

King Hippo

1) I am watching NOTHING and going to bed at 9 like the grumpy old man I am.

2) I fucking LOVE the Catler quote, was super happy to see that I snagged him off waivers in my money league, and he goes STRAIGHT into the starting lineup (not starting Laserface against Denver again, he got me almost nothing already in the home matchup).

3) There is NO WAY the fucking Cubs caused NFL ratings to dip in any significant amount, despite the fact that every media person wants to say CUBSCUBSCUBSCUBSCUBS every other sentence, no matter how unrelated the topic. There is a reason the World Series is scheduled to avoid as many NFL nights as humanly possible, even the mighty Jags/Titans Colour Rush craptacular.

...

I was going to argue with you but I saw the Sunday Night matchup and all of the NFC East addicts needing their hit will watch no matter what.

But if you’re suggesting the Cubs have no boosted ratings, that’s a damned dirty lie because my awful people are watching in droves.

King Hippo

No, it helps el beisbol #s overall b/c the club DOES have a significant following, but it’s not so much that it would significantly impact the NFL (conflicts are still overall pretty rare, and for this you would have to say it takes so much energy away that the sports-watching public at large loses interest in Greater Footy, which I think is nonsense).

It’s just an impact at the margins. The other stuff is much more relevant.

...

I believe the Cubs NLCS game beat the Thursday Night game, but I consider that an aberration.

litre_cola

I think that other craptaculars would be offended.

...

So when the trivia question “Who had the first Cubs World Series hit in 71 years?” You all know to answer Ben Zobrist.

ALXMAC

“carpetbagger” is also an acceptable answer.

Doktor Zymm

Something Cubsy just happened. I don’t need to watch the game, I can just listen out my window for drunk people to yell or chant or something.

King Hippo

I want it off mah lawn too, Dok. And I don’t even live in the state.

Doktor Zymm

I’m going to be out of town this weekend, though assuming there’s a game 5, which there likely will, I’ll be getting back in town just in time to cram into a bus full of Cubs fans while trying to get home from the airport on Sunday night. Probably a better idea than a cab though.

...

At least the bleeding stopped at two runs. Fuck Joe West with a gigantic Louisville Slugger.

JerBear50

Is that definitely him? I just assumed it was because of the “look at me” bullshit.

JerBear50

FUCK!!!!!!

Doktor Zymm

!!!
SPONCH! IS ACTUALLY REALLY TASTY!

Shogun Marcus

Si!

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Are the Cubs under the impression that each team gets a finite amount of runs in this World Series and are trying to get the Indians to waste all of theirs early?

Doktor Zymm

Dear self. Just don’t make that Trump “grab her by the taco” joke. Just don’t.

litre_cola

It is Taco Tuesday after all.

...

Ha. All you baseball haters are watching baseball.

Ha.

Doktor Zymm

I’m not watching baseball, I’m just commenting on it anyway, since not all that much actually happens.

Doktor Zymm

Okay, I mostly like the new format. Only complaint so far, it’s kind of hard to differentiate replies from comments.

...

Hope you all like your FREE taco-like taco thing.

...

THE JON LESTER CAN’T THROW TO FIRST NARRATIVE STRIKES.

Hope you’re all drinking.

Doktor Zymm

Fun fact : One piece of SPONCH! has 55 calories

litre_cola

Ok, so, I will ask, what is SPONCH?

Shogun Marcus

http://www.droppedin.com/entryimages/sponch.jpg
Marshmallow cookie deliciousness!

Doktor Zymm

It is the tasty Mexican junk food featured in HRTN on this very site!
http://www.fromaway.com/observations/mexican-junk-food-sponch

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

I’m not sure I like the racial connotations of the phrase “steal a taco”.

JerBear50

It’s better than when Schwinn was a sponsor.

Marc Trestmans Windowless Van

In their defense there is nothing Mexican about a Taco Bell taco

Marc Trestmans Windowless Van

Get rid of the behind the plate umps and just have someone watch a monitor. Or at least get new umps. The random strike zone needs to end.

JerBear50

This had gotta be fucking Joe West calling this game.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

That is fine except for when you get a player that REALLY pisses off an umpire so the strike zone becomes defined as “anything that is thrown towards home plate.”

Doktor Zymm

I wish they would stop letting narcissists sing the anthem. It would be a fine song if people would just sing the damn thing instead of trying to be all impressive with their shitty vibrato and flourishes. Kaep probably sat down originally because he got tired waiting for some of the notes to end.

WCS

Have Bleeding Gums Murphy sing it at the Super Bowl.

JerBear50

He’s not protesting. It’s just the only chance he gets to trot out the victory formation.

Horatio Cornblower

I hope the Indians have Bartman throw out the first pitch.

...

Look at this whore mouth that needs shutting.

...

(Seriously leave Steve Bartman alone. He doesn’t want to be famous.)

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

I rewatched that 8th inning from 2003. They gave up 8 runs that inning! You can’t put that on Bartman. You can SORT OF put ONE on him.

Croooow

How much does Rose have on Cleveland?

Marc Trestmans Windowless Van

I actually like the new layout for the most part. The text wrap thing around the avatars looks weird though.

Shogun Marcus

Except youse guys and yinz

https://youtube.com/watch?v=9-i65Ydwzsk

JustStopDude

I DON’T HANDLE CHANGE WELL!!!

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WHY DOES THIS WEBSITE KEEP CHANGING?!?!?!

scotchnaut

Did you know that AC/DC’s “Let’s Get It Up!” was actually about raising literacy rates in South America? No? There’s a good reason why you’ve never come across that tidbit.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=I8dtfQbdvZs

Shogun Marcus

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WCS

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Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

“We don’t!”

– Todd Marinovich and Ryan Leaf, panhandling

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

“they don’t get paid to backpedal”…

[revises budget]

– LaDainian Tomlinson

theeWeeBabySeamus

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