You can take the states of Meeeechigan and Ohio and use them exclusively for nuclear waste storage for all I care. Oh, and I guess to hold the collective ESPN commentator ejaculate.
Anyway, Burnley host Man City to kick your Saturday off. You can watch while pretending to have resolve to get up early and get on that treadmill/exercise bike (7:30, NBCSN). You get a terrible, unspeakable game on NBCSN in the 10:00 window, watch Leicester/Middlesbrough on CNBC instead.
5th position Spurs invade top of the table Chelski at 12:30, and it rightly gets big boy NBC coverage. This is the match of the weekend, and a true test of whether Chelski have the mettle of a potential champion. Tottenham usually do quite poorly here, but this is a different caliber side than most of the past decade-plus.
CNBC start Sunday with a drab double-header of Watford/Stoke (7:00) and Arsenal/Bornemoth (9:15). At least the latter is a grudge match between Horatio and yeah right!
The real action is in the 11:30 window, with NBCSN taking Manure hosting West Ham, with Mourinho trying to pull himself out of a death spiral against an equally desperate side that surprisingly finds itself just clear of the relegation zone. On CNBC, 7th position Everton visit 11th place Soton, who will look to provide a rude welcome to their former manager, Ronald Koeman. Everton are in very poor form at present, so…blech.
Georgia Tech at Georgia (Noon, SECN)
This game is underrated in the intensity of the hatred it produces/involves, but it will be nigh unwatchable this year due to the Bees’ offensive style and the Dawgs’ offensive ineptitude. The latter is largely due to youth, though. GT is abandon all hope, ye who enter here…
Kentucky at Louisville (Noon, ESPN)
They moved this “always used to be Labor Day Weekend” fixture to the end of the season, presumably to make fans more confused as to why this isn’t a basketball game.
Michigan at Ohio State (Noon, ABC)
HantaAIDS FOAR all.
Mississippi State at Ole Miss (3:30, SECN)
Johnny Reb needs this Egg Bowl (coo coo ka-choo!!) to qualify for a shitty bowl bid, thanks to their hilarious loss at Vandy. The Cowbells just aim to fuck shit up, which is always fun in a rivalry game.
Auburn at Alabama (3:30, CBS)
Iron Bowl! A game Roll Damn Time could conceivably lose! No wait, Bama’s at home. Try again next year, War Damn Eagle.
Notre Dame at USC (3:30, ABC)
Because laughing at Brian Kelly is really, really fun.
Utah at Colorado (7:30, Fox)
Buffs go to the Pac 12 title game with a win. Otherwise, SC gets it.
South Carolina at Clemson (7:30, ESPN)
The Chickens are pretty meh, but stabilized a little bit late, as the Tiggers have wobbled. Minor upset potential is present.
Tennessee at Vanderbilt (7:30, SECN)
Vandy can also get into a shit bowl with a win over a rival, and the Vols have little to play for other than maintaining their .950-ish all-time record over the sad sack Commodores. Again, minor upset potential is present.
Florida at Florida State (8:00, ABC)
I see nothing compelling in this “spotlight” game whatsoever.
I miss Star Trek. http://www.hollywoodreporter.com/heat-vision/star-trek-first-contact-next-generation-crews-greatest-movie-949885
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WBpDs-BfwO0
https://twitter.com/NBA/status/802663232699650048/video/1
Well, I’m a professional butt brusher and body makeup artist.
http://www.imagescream.com/images/jenniferlovehewittsexygif.gif
Hey! Me too!
Just as the day ends at 12, death becomes official with the Don Francisco meme.
http://www.thenug.com/sites/default/pub/111913/thenug-hH5zx9t10T.gif
I….WILL….FUCKING…. KILL…. YOU……
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She seems nice.
SMRT too!!
http://screencrush.com/files/2012/05/JenniferLoveHewitt-TheClientList006.gif
Hope CO wins, for as much as I enjoy SC’s Renaissance, I really want a Pac 12 side in the tourney. And to hopefully avoid two B1Gs, at least unless Clemson loses.
/still hoping for Bama, Wiscy, Wash, and Okie State
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If her husband ever dies, and she decides she really just must have another Brad…
http://www.fairfaxunderground.com/forum/file.php?40,file=179614,filename=jlo_hewitt_1.gif
This guy is a maniac:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MnExgQ81fhU
No way am I clicking that. Just seeing picture and caption made me pee a little.
I thought it was funny…… but I’m a fucked up individual.
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Oregon State won the Civil War and my Facebook feed is finally full of happy people, so I guess that’s a good thing.
I feel a great cultural affinity for the Beaver faithful. I even liked their radio crew (caught some of Q4 on my way back from errands tonight). Wish I had the will to live and could afford to retire in Corvallis.
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The “Homer Simpson is a sexual predator” episode of The Simpsons was really fucking hilarious.
Sweet sweet can.
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SHAN’KHOR is alive and well in Clemson.
He demands that all sacrifices have one shoe on
PRAISE BE SHE!!
http://uproxx.files.wordpress.com/2012/08/dr-spaceman-main.gif?w=650&h=366
http://juicygif.com/albums/userpics/2015y/08/09/21/1/6520-jennifer-love-hewitt.gif
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http://media.giphy.com/media/YBtgvPs5jXKkU/giphy.gif
Pretty much every woman I know hates Jennifer Love Hewitt…. so I’ll bring her up occasionally just to watch some fireworks.
Do they explain why?
http://images4.fanpop.com/image/photos/16300000/Gifs-jennifer-love-hewitt-16306495-479-436.gif
This is probably an accurate answer.
http://especiales.fhm.es/galerias/jennifer_love_hewitt/images/jennifer_love_hewitt_12.gif
The best gifs are from 20 years ago.
Oregon State *finally* beat Oregon! About damn time.
http://s13.postimg.org/rj1vpjfp3/0_Jnrz2k.gif
One of my friends is an Oregon State alum. Biggest reason I was rooting hard for them.
http://38.media.tumblr.com/cfe5e3a84e2c5ffc01efd947811d4282/tumblr_mlrlrmc3HL1s934v0o1_500.gif
This has been on YouTube for 9 years, but I only found out about it when Notre Dame lost to Navy.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=p0Y7yjxJVlc
I needed this
According to the announcers, Brian Kelly is coming back next year!!!
Of course, according to these clowns, ND is literally the only team in college football that has to deal with players graduating or leaving early for the NFL.
I’m scared if Brian Kelly leaves, they might hire someone competent. Let’s hope not, because shitty Notre Dame is the best.
I really want to see how much more damage he can do with the program.
For the life of me, I don’t get why any decent head coach wants to go there unless they are obviously desperate for a HC job or they went to school there.
Tickets for the Giants Browns game are going for $6 on stubhub. Only an 8 hour drive for me…
Really the only downside is having to go to Cleveland…
On the upside, wherever the fuck you came from will feel like heaven afterward.
http://farm4.staticflickr.com/3446/3892388037_298164914b_o.gif
The bright side to this boring Iron Bowl is that my brother’s awful wife is just salty and miserable right now.
You can tell she isn’t very bright (i.e went to Auburn?) if she really thought Auburn had a good enough chance to win to be mad that they lost.
She didn’t go to Auburn. Most of the most die hard fans of either school probably haven’t even been within 50 miles of the campus.
I moved to Alabama when I was 11 and two weeks after I’d been there my classmates told me that was enough time to decide if I was Alabama or Auburn, and I didn’t even know what they were talking about because I didn’t follow football at all then. They’re just really fucking crazy down there.
This ND team has been hilarious this year. Back to back bullshit plays on defense (the first included kicking an injured Trojan in the head while the trainers were running out to the down player), and then the same dude stomps on the leg of another player long after the play is dead.
I hope South Bend is bombed into its component atoms.
So when did Harbaugh start slowly transforming into Cyril Figgis?
This gif might not work …
http://66.media.tumblr.com/01466c8be3a99446a71660ac1d872ba1/tumblr_mgsb30UbqH1qefwl8o2_500.gif
What kind of world are we living in where the top ranked team is favored by more than 20 points against another top 25 team?
ROLL TIDE.
Motherfucking AMERICA!
I really like how Ohio State winning fucked over both Michigan AND Ohio State.
Me logging into DFO:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AYURxfaTdpY
Tremors 3 is on AMC.
/Graboids!
Simpson “The Shinning” Halloween episode is on right now…
I want more beer.
We need more toilet paper.
Everyone goes home in a limo!
[drives to Food Lion]
http://img.pandawhale.com/147482-jennifer-love-hewitt-hot-excit-rD0S.gif
She seems… excited.
Because more beer.
You’re doing a good thing today, Moose.
I thought Food Lion folded up years ago. They all closed in my corner of fly-over country at least.
Riki? You alright?
Eldest right and granddaughters 1 and 2 are visiting. Granddaughter 2 is 4 next week.
After serving 22 on Thursday we just ordered pizza.
I’ll cook again tomorrow.
And if you’re watching the USC game then you can see that it is raining like a motherfucker.
So your pizza is never arriving due to traffic conditions lest airboats be a thing there.
http://media.giphy.com/media/cN4QlPgacB1h6/giphy.gif
If we are to begin healing we need to accept pancakes AND waffles.
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http://68.media.tumblr.com/3e114c7de34be43f71b835a24a4a5faf/tumblr_nv83b55CQR1tolobgo1_500.jpg
“…STARTS WTH C!!!!!”
http://www.barnorama.com/wp-content/images/2012/03/jennifer_love_hewitt/14-jennifer_love_hewitt.gif
So is Lifetime Network cleavage, abs, and sad victim stories?
http://dailygarlic.com/userImages/jennifer-love-hewitt-sees-you-ch.gif
http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-V-nLcK6CFy0/U5fNHjcGWzI/AAAAAAAD_Xk/8MVjVkDnF20/s1600/tumblr_n6ki5kgVx21rpx2cmo1_500.gif
http://media.giphy.com/media/dS6Z0LvryD9NS/giphy.gif
Snow monkey has seen some things, man.
Harbaugh’s post game press conference is HILARIOUS!!!
http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-5fIKDP1EByg/UdSmr72ieVI/AAAAAAAAQvg/Iroj2zbAYxc/s600/jlh5.gif
Where has Sill been Recently?
He no longer comments. Might lurk. I believe the podcast thing was a turn off.
He’s discovered twitter
Oh dear lord, tell me that’s a joke plz.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=piF-ObPhQPc
Hahahahahaha, Notre Dame, just go away.
Oh yeah, college boosters can suck a smegma-crusted nut.
http://www.barnorama.com/wp-content/images/2012/03/jennifer_love_hewitt/11-jennifer_love_hewitt.gif
Those fucking hypocrites.
“Hahahahaha, Notre Dame, just go away.”
You sound like someone answering the phone at Notre Dame’s sexual assault crisis reponse center.
http://images.sugarscape.com/userfiles/image/AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAJUNE2014/Rachel/tumblr_n11zk1q2W41s59nqxo1_500.gif
Need advice: What kind of booze should I drink? If it helps, I will probably be eating Thanksgiving leftovers later and the weather is rainy and windy enough to knock down a scissor lift.
What is in the liquor cabinet? What is in the fridge? You in the mood for brewed, mixed, distilled?
We need to narrow this down.
http://www.barnorama.com/wp-content/images/2012/03/jennifer_love_hewitt/15-jennifer_love_hewitt.gif
We have pretty much everything for liquor types. Oranges, could pull a lemon off the tree if desperate. No maraschino cherries but maraschino liquer.
Obligations tomorrow?
http://cdn.gifbay.com/2012/09/jennifer_love_hewitt_is_a_heartbreaker-2252.gif
None other than staying out of the housekeeper’s way.
Maybe a poor man’s Manhattan (bourbon with a splash of maraschino liqueur) and a hot bath and a new Discworld book would work.
Do you have very good sippin’ booze? Beer? That would be my first choice.
I make a good marg. also a VERY dry martini to start getting you funny AND boyishly handsome.
Manhattan is always a solid choice.
http://www.universityprimetime.com/wp-content/uploads/2015/12/marg.gif
Kinda cold for margaritas. Though we are tequila-rich at the moment.
But they’re so tropical!
Just kidding, I’m makin’ dark and stormys.
Also I don’t know any tequila base drinks served at room temperature.
Quality sippin’ tequila.
“WHAT IS THIS, AUSCHWITZ?”
Based on how my digestive system has been reacting to Thursday’s feast, I’d have to say yes.
“Notre Dame felt like they did everything they needed to do” except, you know, making sure their kids went to class and did their own goddamn assignments.
Fuck you Kelly
http://www.daidegasforum.com/images/670/Jennifer-Love-Hewitt-Client-List-sexy-hot-gif-3.gif
“Missed it to the right” is also how I’d describe the United States’ performance in its last presidential election.
http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-vPH1Mp515FM/T3GdOOwhAAI/AAAAAAAAIcM/e1y3IFF9iJE/s1600/JenniferLoveHewitt-JayLeno1001.gif
While I don’t look anywhere near that good, that is the same expression I get in traffic.
http://i.perezhilton.com/wp-content/uploads/2014/07/joe3.gif
Are any of the female Commentists even around today? Wouldn’t want this man meat to go to waste.
Thursdayskygoddess.
Reloading I now see the “like.”
What do you mean “reloading”?
http://iruntheinternet.com/lulzdump/images/gifs/ancient-aliens-is-such-a-thing-even-possible-yes-it-is-Giorgio-Tsoukalos-aliums-1351596245T.gif
Mashing F5 to see if anyone has liked my posts.
I’m thirsty for affirmation.
Oh, I thought a nap after jerkin’…….
A football game that ends 76-61 without OT. When did Syracuse and Pitt join the Big 12?
http://www.gotceleb.com/wp-content/uploads/celebrities/jennifer-love/hewitt-the-client-list-s02e02-ani-gifs/Jennifer-Love-Hewitt—The-Client-List–02.gif
http://www.mtv.com/shared/promoimages/news/t/tgif_gifs/8a.gif
http://68.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_m4khm7zEA51qg4ch3o1_500.jpg
Joe Namath’s BAC: on a scale of 0.0 to Bukowski
http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-Hc4S-CjrS_E/UsHzejeiauI/AAAAAAAASfE/pbbiYZkr1jE/s1600/jenniferlovegif.gif
Tyrion Lannister
http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-zW33dtc5J-8/Uzp9d1wrzOI/AAAAAAADzYg/95OA9PSH3ZY/s1600/aiai1.gif
I’ll start pretty high up on that scale and go with Dean Martin.
http://65.media.tumblr.com/b1a070d49cb5ce059d882c14c238b3b6/tumblr_nq1k07dmBM1sz9h0xo1_1280.jpg
I mean the Patron is way higher than say Mila Kunis.
http://www.thespiritsbusiness.com/content/http://www.thespiritsbusiness.com/media/2014/11/Top-10-famous-whisky-lovers.jpg
The myth is that Deano was the drunk of the rat pack; quite the opposite. He was the one to leave early and go home to his wife and kids. Sinatra and the rest would fucking drug, hooker, starlet, drink it to no end. Deano was the best cook too.
NAMATH KISSED VERNE LUNDQUIST! YOUR MOVE, SUZY!
http://68.media.tumblr.com/62d32b1c9c13be8948f4e4f575859a1e/tumblr_o992hfZFqk1tolobgo1_500.jpg
This is best read in the voice of Dr. Mrs. The Monarch.