Your “You Don’t Know How It Feels” Tuesday Evening Open Thread

First off, a belated hat’s off to The Maestro and his Redblacks for their victory in last Sunday’s Grey Cup, a victory 40 years in the making, and in the same spot as their last one. Both involve a pretty memorable touchdown too.

In an 8/9 team league, hopefully it doesn’t take as long again. If it were a 7/9 team league, Jeff Fisher would move here.

FYI, the Tom Clements throwing that pass through a concussion is the same Tom Clements Mike McCarthy took the play calling away from in Green Bay in 2015. After his playing career he went back to school and got his law degree, graduating magna cum laude from Notre Dame Law School in 1986, and practiced law for 5 years before going into coaching in 1992.


NFL Notes:the-many-faces-of-jim-caldwell

  • Jim Caldwell is trying to deflect credit from him and to his players for their 7-4 record. After all, he points out, they are the ones actually making the comebacks, not him.
    • He feels the praise given him for his demeanour is wasted, since you don’t know how he feels.
  • A more emotional coach is Bruce Arians, who is mad at some of his players for pumping their stats rather than pursuing team goals.
    • a problem that doesn’t seem to be afflicting Carson Palmer, who is doing all he can to force Fitty to retire.
  • Apparently, having a good kicker leads to making crazy requests at League meetings. The Ravens are proposing a single-point (a “rouge”, if you will) for kickoffs that go through the uprights.
    • Hey Harbaugh – you wanna play by CFL rules, you play in the CFL!
  • Get ready for this shit to start Thursday: the Cowboys can become the first team to clinch a playoff spot this Sunday. Bandwagons ho!
  • So, Jeff Fisher has the stones to ban Eric Dickerson from the facility? I don’t know if that’s a 12-4 move or a 4-12 move, but it sure seems extreme for a career 7-9 guy.
  • In case you didn’t see it last night, Aaron Rodgers had himself a little alone time on the sidelines during the third quarter. Ostensibly to allow him privacy to tape up a sore hamstring, speculation ran rampant about what he might actually be doing. The words “Olivia Munn” were never brought up.
  • Darren Sharper: 20 years for rape, 10 served in-custody, in a Los Angeles case. To run concurrent with a previous sentence of 18 years from a New Orleans court.
    • That should give Peter King enough time to craft an iron-clad Hall of Fame argument.
  • Future former future Oregon coach Chip Kelly got upset when reporters credited the 49ers with not giving up in Miami.
    • Meanwhile, off the tracks just outside of Santa Fe, Jim Tomsula roasts a possum over a fire, smiling brightly at his good fortune.
  • Speaking of hot beefs:
    • On the Josh Norman “Trolls & Clowns” front:
      • Dez Bryant has let it go, probably because they won. Josh Norman, however, is still going strong – probably because that “Washington should ask for their money back” line actually stung.
      • Norman and Patrick Peterson have started up, in advance of the Cardinals – Washington game this Sunday. This dates back to summer, when Peterson made fun of Norman getting schooled during training camp.
    • This concludes “Trolls & Clowns”, brought to you by Prestige Worldwide

Finally, today’s recommended long-form read is about former Steeler Will J. Allen and the constant mistaken-identity he faces every time convicted former Giants 2001 first-round pick Will D. Allen is in the news. Sharing the same name with my tax & bill avoiding father means people come at me when they can’t find him, so I can sympathize with his hassle. At least I’m not on twitter and don’t run a charity; I just get to swear at people on the phone and occasionally get paid-days to show up in court and point out I don’t live in Palm Springs and have never run a mining company.


Speaking of twitter, I kinda want to start a spoof site related to Trump’s first 200 days, since that’s what he’s bragged about his agenda’s timeline being. Topics like:

  • Day 1: Pull out of the Trans PP, because Mike Pence says China can’t tell us which bathroom to use.
  • Day 16: Announce increased economic sanctions on Cuba, to force change after Castro’s death & make Marco stop calling.
  • Day 37: Force Mattel to rename Hulk Gloves “Trump Hands”.
  • Day 42: Announce Trump Hotel Havana as part of an aid package to help Cuba transform into a capitalist democracy as a result of Castro’s death.
  • Day 55: Propose legislation to force US auto manufacturers to recall manufacturing production to Michigan from foreign operations in Mexico, Brazil and Tennessee.
  • Day 68: Check Melania’s “life clock”. Get Sandmen to send her to Carrousel.
  • Day 69: Contact Vladimir. Tell him I need another “gift”, blonde preferably.
  • Day 100: Offer Ted Cruz back to Canada. Sweeten deal with parts of Maine that didn’t vote Trump in the election.

Suggestions welcomed in the comments.


I don’t care if it’s a couple of days old, I love this gif:

Good form off the line, but poor tackling results in the breakthrough. Man, the Lions defence just isn’t the same since Suh left.


Tonight’s sports: a big night for JV hoops

  • NHL:
    • Bruins at Flyers – 7:30 PM | NBCSN / Sportsnet
    • Maple Leafs at Oilers – 10:00 PM | NBCSN
  • NBA: Cavs at Bucks – 8:00 | Sportsnet1
  • NCAA:
    • Georgia Tech at Penn State – 7:00 PM | ESPNU
    • Pittsburgh at Maryland – 7:00 PM | ESPN2 / TSN1
    • Syracuse at Wisconsin – 7:30 PM | ESPN / TSN2
    • Iowa at Notre Dame – 9:00 PM | ESPN2
    • North Carolina State at Illinois – 9:00 PM | ESPNU
    • Michigan State at Duke – 9:30 PM | ESPN / TSN2

Also, “Ink Master” (SPIKE, 10:00) is down to their Final Four, so tonight is a tattoo-off to see who goes to the grand finale next week. As usual, the show is a combination of “Damn, that’s pretty cool,” and “DEAR GOD, why would you get that?!” They have a mini-marathon of episodes starting at 4:00 (ET), if you are so inclined.

BEATS WATCHING THE CANUCKS!

 

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Beerguyrob
A Canadian man-child of indeterminate age, he stays young by selling alcohol at sporting events and yelling at the patrons he serves. Their rage nourishes his soul, and their tips pay for his numerous trips to various sporting events.
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Unsurprised

My mother commuted to and worked in Santa Fe for 15 years. There was a guy near the parking lot where the vans would park who would sell breakfast burritos in the morning. Apparently they were good and he was popular.

She asked him what was in them. He pointed at some prairie dogs in a field nearby (those no-good varmints can go to Hell). And that’s why I just laughed my ass off reading about Tomsula’s possum roast.

Unsurprised

Ye have the shinning

Brick Meathook

Prairie dogs, eh? That’s good eatin’ bro.

Unsurprised

Not as high in cholesterol as squirrel.
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Unsurprised

Oh. Saw this last night possibly for the first time, which can’t be right but I don’t recall seeing it before.
http://116.imagebam.com/download/OdL_KdcCQg4axEQZUmgrPg/51754/517530482/aJJYnph.jpg

Unsurprised
Unsurprised

Knowing how to embed Youtube videos timed to a specific second makes me so fucking happy.

THIS BIRTHDAY YEAR IS OFF TO A ROLLICKING GOOD START!

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

I really should have seen it earlier that all of Trump’s campaign promises were basically a version of Fry’s “Don’t you worry about Planet Express, let ME worry about blank.”

Unsurprised

Well, he is nothing more than a deadbeat fraud who probably isn’t a billionaire and in liquid terms has less real wealth than my broke ass.

Low Commander of the Super Soldiers

I feel like that makes the RNC Mom in this metaphor.

/Shudders

Senor Weaselo

Simpsons Safari is on now, and then looking at the next day or so… it’s finally the part where it stops being good. Or even decent.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Always loved this exchange:

HOMER: Your box made promises of a vacational nature, and I expect you to live up to them.

EXECUTIVE: Yes, but we won’t.

Senor Weaselo

It’s pretty crazy how that was the end of Season 12. It’s now Season 28. There’s sixteen years of descent since that point.

Unsurprised

How the law works in real life in two sentences

Unsurprised
Brocky

woohoo blackhawks

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly
Unsurprised

That’s beautiful

Senor Weaselo

That’s almost banner-worthy. Almost.

Low Commander of the Super Soldiers

Damn, Dok was right:. Old Bay is good on pizza.

Senor Weaselo

I don’t know, I feel like the Cougars’ll keep their coach.

LemonJello

Oh, I thought he meant some mythical Houston team called…um, I have it written down here…ah, yes…the “Texans.”

Gratliff

Rich Swann is the shit right now, and this song is impossible to get out of your skull.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TcTyJ8gQG9s

Sharkbait
Senor Weaselo

Drunk Hamilton has less rapping than musical Hamilton but more swears.

Unsurprised

i.e. watchable

Gratliff

Gostisbehere with the game winner!
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Brocky

Ah yes, the yearly tradition of putting up a collage of Christmas figures and knick knacks sp grandma can have some nostalgia when she is able to make her annual visit.

This is of course is tied to the tradition of me trying to sneak as much oddball shit on to the collage in the hopes no one notices.

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The bobble heads were removed twice before my dad just gave up. They’ve been a fixture for a while now. (Actually while I do have an Urlacher and payton bobbleheads, neither are the ones pictured here, I just found the first image that fits)

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The iu basketball gnome (again, somehow NOT the exact one pictured) was packed up with all of the other decorations before I informed my dad it wasn’t a Santa figurine like he had assumed)

Which leads to this year:

Brocky

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I think the leatherface plushie from loot crate will be too overt, plus I don’t trust my dad to not just throw it to the shih tzu, where it will be most likely humped

Brocky

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Or perhaps the loot crate dr strange figure, which neither of us have seen yet:

Brocky

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Or this random abe lincoln bust he doesn’t know I received from my other grandfather. It’s dignified, but lacks the charm of the other options.

Unsurprised

In the last three weeks my pace has gone from 3 mph to 4 mph and I’m not getting outpaced by little old ladies anymore.

https://youtu.be/M67E9mpwBpM?t=13s

(I’d embed the whole video but you don’t need 13 seconds of jerking off for the money shot.

BrettFavresColonoscopy

Not clicking on that….

Unsurprised

Oh, so that’s how to do that.

Low Commander of the Super Soldiers

I apparently have a new neighbor.

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I can’t entirely rule out BOLTMAN until I meet them, but then it might be too late.

LemonJello

Have you noticed an increase in confetti cannons firing and shredding guitar solos accompanied by STOMP STOMP CLAP?

http://media.10news.com/photo/2014/01/02/boltman_1388714417997_1786155_ver1.0_320_240.jpg

STARE INTO THE ABYSS!!!

Low Commander of the Super Soldiers

Not yet, but this just happened. I’ll know for certain when the screaming starts, because it won’t stop.

Doktor Zymm

You should get them little tiny bolts to replace the dots on their fuzzy dice. You know, as a welcome gift.

Low Commander of the Super Soldiers

I have those same dice in my car. I feel like I’m staring into my own dystopian future.

Sharkbait

I hope he drives that to Steelers-Chargers games and meets Haley in the parking lot post game

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LemonJello

Racing for pink slips?

Unsurprised

Boss Todd’s IROC isn’t racing anyone on the back of a flatbed trailer

Unsurprised

Damn. Re-reading that cuts a bit too close to home.

Because I once rode in the father’s IROC as he drove it back to his house behind his truck.

Did I mention the truck’s name was FUBAR? As is the father’s nickname? Fuck me sideway for life.

entropy

Every time Ragnar Lothbrok meets someone on Vikings, my “countdown til he kills them” clock starts. First season, it lasted episodes. Now I’m down to commercial breaks.

Brick Meathook

Dropping at 1000fpm! WiFi about to die! Phoenix final approach!

Doktor Zymm

Why did I start reading this on a Tuesday? That’s like, the stupidest day of the week waiting-for-NFL-wise

...

Only two days until you can hate watch the Cowboys again!

Low Commander of the Super Soldiers

So ESPN did a bullshit puff piece on Richie Incognito earlier today, and really should have done an ACTUAL puff piece on another Bills lineman.

https://sports.vice.com/en_us/highlight/bills-ot-seantrel-henderson-who-uses-weed-to-treat-crohns-disease-suspended-10-games/?utm_source=vicesportsfb

As always, Roger Goodell is a national disgrace.

Sharkbait

Roger can’t stop tripping over his own dick can he?

Unsurprised

Tripping implies it wasn’t intentional

King Hippo

NC State gets a 5 point lead, only to immediately ratchet up the fuckupitude. This team is gonna kill me during conference play.

Gratliff

PENALTY SHOT FOR THE FLYERA

King Hippo

they heard your chastising!

Gratliff

Fucking Flyera, man

Senor Weaselo

Oh sweet, that’s a final at the smoothie bar.

Sharkbait
King Hippo

hey Hippo your Sunday night weren’t shitty enough anyway, let’s have the wolven sort lose to a dogshit Illinois side. JESUS TAPDANCING CHRIST

LemonJello

Losing to the Illini? That’s a paddling.

Sharkbait

Now onto another christmas classic:

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entropy

Have you checked our shitters?

Brick Meathook

36000ft over Taos NM, 420kts heading 252.

Not that anybody cares, but me and the first officer are ripping bong hits.

entropy

Hey, Senor knows all about 252s!

SENOOOOOORRRRRRRRR!!!!

entropy

For anyone interested: the Hogfather re-read has really been a very bittersweet ordeal; I still love the book, but with any Pratchett re-read you get reminded he’s gone and you want to punch a Danielle Steel book as hard as you can.

Doktor Zymm

I’ve been sort of bracing myself to reread Shepard’s Crown. Right now I just look at the title on my Kindle and get sad.

entropy

Took everything I had to read it ONCE. I ain’t going back for years.

...

So Facebook is doing something devious. It must know I’m logging in a lot less and it’s been sending me emails of things that would otherwise show up on my timeline.

No, I will not take you back on your terms Facebook. I will only use you to see what the weekly special is at my favorite pizza place!

Doktor Zymm

It has nothing to do with how often you log in, it’s just from an update. You can turn it off.

...

Ha! YOU MAY OUTSMART ME FACEBOOK, BUT YOU CAN’T OUTSMART MY SMARTER FRIENDS!

entropy

Facebook can send emails now? HOW LONG BEFORE IT MASTERS SNAIL MAIL TO TELL ME I AM IGNORING MY CANDY CRUSH INVITES?!

Sharkbait

Ice Giants tie it up!

Gratliff

Seems like a good night for Botchamania. I wonder if Daily Motion videos embed.

http://www.dailymotion.com/video/x15qin3_botchamania-238_sport

Gratliff

UPDATE: No.

entropy

I had no idea what the hell this was, so I clicked on it. I am now 11 years old again. Thanks!

Gratliff

There are so many of them, mainly on Daily Motion due to Copyright bullshit. As it turns out, wrestlers are super bad at wrestling.

...

I got drunk and bought this and I’m quite happy about it.

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Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Shouldn’t it be a picture of a bumblebee?

...

I don’t know, but I’m thinking of buying a second one, sneaking into the Doktor’s house, and hanging it somewhere she can see it but not remove it.

Marc Trestmans Windowless Van

I have a very important question I need answered. The god of missed kicks, is that divine beings name SHAN’KHOR or SHAN’KLOR? I see both and need to know the proper name.

...

The first, though I’ve seen the apostrophe put in various places.

Shogun Marcus

I think #1 was the adopted version.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

In order for you to type it with the correct spelling, I would have to rip off all of your fingers.

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...

Guess what, everyone? The Glorious Committee thinks Ohio State losing to Penn State doesn’t matter at all and that the Big Ten Champsionship means nothing either.

Go subjective playoff systems!

Senor Weaselo

THIS COLLEGE FOOTBALL COMMITTEE, I CALL THEM PEGASUS BECAUSE THEY’VE TURNED THIS TOURNAMENT INTO A TOTAL FARCE… IN AMERICA!

...

Just imagine this system in the NFL. We’d have the fucking Patriots in the playoffs every fucking year over teams they beat head-to-head. The Jets might finally win the division and stay home.

Senor Weaselo

Whoa whoa whoa… the Jets winning the division?

entropy

You shut your lying whore mouth!

King Hippo

It’s a <7 point loss at Team Bad Touch, and the paedo enablers thankfully have a second loss. That said, I think OSU really lost to Michigan, so hopefully Wiscy wins Saturday and the Condi Committee says fuck all y’all.

Because I don’t like them, you see.

But really, when you only play a 12-game season, and the SOS varies so wildly, it’s ridiculous to think you can have an objective “top 4.” It’s better than 2. Which was better than just voting on it as pure beauty paegent. But 16 makes sense, which is what D-1AA did for DECADES. Conference champs plus a reasonable number of at-large bids to handle conundrums like this one.

...

I follow football outsiders’ rankings and–amazingly–they match the top five exactly. (#6 is 4-loss LSU!) so I could argue objectively the committee is right.

To me, that’s not the problem. The problem is games on the field mean jackshit. No other league allows a second place team into a playoff without letting the first place team in too even if one can justify via a bunch of metrics the second place team was “better.”

Brick Meathook

Currently at 36000ft over Dodge City, KS, heading 246, speed 405kts

King Hippo

YAY! Rouge NFL!!!

Fuck humanity.

GO STATE!!! (and not the paedo one playing on the U beforehand).

Brick Meathook

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JustStopDude

The “Saw” franchise really ripped off the “Home Alone” franchise.

Marc Trestmans Windowless Van

Yeah, but “Saw” at least had the decency to make the sociopath the villain.

Gratliff

Okay, so I’ve been playing Final Fantasy games since 1989. Which of you fellow nerds wants to out yourself and tell me if FF XV is worth the money?

Senor Weaselo

I doubt it. Although a friend of mine apparently played on the soundtrack, lucky bastard.

Gratliff

Did he ever get to work with the Patron Saint of Nerd Music, or is this his first time working with them?

Senor Weaselo

I don’t know.

...

I stopped after either 10 or 11, so I’ve been out of the game for a while now.

Gratliff

Fun Fact: Final Fantasy X is now 15 years old and death swiftly approaches.

Senor Weaselo
Gratliff

Yahtzee is truly my inner monologue come to life

Sharkbait

Evening all. I’m watching Rudolph. The Christmas classic with thinly veiled racism, and shunning non conformists.

Gratliff

That reminds me, since we’re a country soon to be ruled by Gamersgate meets Sith Lords, do we go back to airing uncensored olde tyme looney tunes?
http://diaryofahollywoodstreetking.com/wordpress/wp-content/uploads/2009/10/looney-toons.jpg

King Hippo

GOD, I hope so. Kids need to see those and know why Daddy is so fucked up.

Gratliff

G with the insane sharp angle goal. Fuck Boston forever!

Senor Weaselo

It’s Giving Tuesday, and my sports teams are all in for it, since the Ice Giants gave the Ice Panthers two goals in the first and St. John’s is losing at home to something called a Delaware State. By double digits. With six and a half left.

evilbeaver8

Anyone here have/had a job that is virtually perfect except for the fact that it presents no real challenge?

...

When you spend more than a decade online treating people like crap because you’re insecure, sometimes they get their revenge:

https://www.amazon.com/Season-Ages-Chicago-Brought-Championship/dp/1683581156/ref=cm_cr_arp_d_product_top?ie=UTF8

Doktor Zymm

I saw that first line and just KNEW you had been spending time doing Cubs stuff on the internet.

...

You can’t appreciate it, but the top review there is from a guy the author absolutely HATES. The fact it’s probably stuck there for a while is of great joy to me.

...

I really wish you could share my excitement watching people write bologna-themed reviews about a guy’s book who goes bonkers when he can’t suppress critical opinions. This was so much fun.

Doktor Zymm

And as for Josh Norman, he’s actually having a damn good season. He gets lots of shit cause of his Twitterz and such, but while the DC defense is still not great, it’s a significant improvement over last year and I doubt anyone with a lick of sense regrets the signing. He’s not Haynesworth by any stretch.

BrettFavresColonoscopy

Ahoy hoy. Spent part of the day in an MRI machine and the rest struggling with work. What a shitty day.

litre_cola

Mri? Dude, all the best. Those suck.

LemonJello

MRI is not fun. I had one for back problems and I’ve never felt more claustrophobic in any other time in my life. I almost hit the panic button a few times lying there.

Doktor Zymm

I’ve been reading this and really enjoying it :
https://www.amazon.com/gp/product/B017I25CVY/ref=kinw_myk_ro_title

And damn good thing too, cause I spent entirely too much time on the phone with various customer service type people today.

Brick Meathook

St. Louis, MO, from 34000ft, looking south, 5 minutes ago.

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The Maestro

God damn, thanks Rob. The parade today was pretty, pretty cool. Probably 15,000 people packed into the square next to the stadium, even in the cold and freezing rain. Really hope they can make it back to the show next year so I can watch it live at the Grey Cup being hosted here!

Low Commander of the Super Soldiers

“If it were a 7/9 team league, Jeff Fisher would move here.”

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You get me, Rob.