Your “I Don’t Feel Pity – You Chose to Go” Tuesday Evening Open Thread

Beerguyrob

Beerguyrob

A Canadian man-child of indeterminate age, he stays young by selling alcohol at sporting events and yelling at the patrons he serves. Their rage nourishes his soul, and their tips pay for his numerous trips to various sporting events.
Beerguyrob

Statement applies to both Jets fans and [DFO-CON] attendees. One group has better decision-making skills.

NFL News:

  • They arrested the shooter of Joe McKnight, and he’s being charged with manslaughter.
    • The decision partly comes down to the fact that McKnight got out of his car first, so the accused might claim self-defence, thus ruling out overt murder.
    • Also, the sheriff seems nuts.
  • The Jets are now Bryce Petty’s team. They are also on the clock.
    • Strangely, not one Tebow reference to be found. So, they’re not totally that desperate.
    • I’m not sure the phrase “regime change” means what you think it means, Florio.
  • D’Qwell Jackson of the Colts is getting the final four games off, courtesy failing a PED test.
    • Jim Irsay is relieved it wasn’t from his stash disappointed but hopes the young man learns from this.
  • Ratings for last night’s game were the lowest in 40 years, only beating a Falcons-Saints game that went up against a Clinton-Trump debate in September. Hey – remember September? Good times.
    • Allegedly, tickets were available on StubHub for $5
  • Rashaan Salaam has been found dead at age 42.
    • No cause of death has been announced.
    • He won the Heisman over Penn State’s Ki-Jana Carter and Alcorn State’s Steve McNair in 1994.
    • He was the youngest player to rush for 1000 yards, as a Bears rookie, but injuries & drugs cut short his career.
  • Ron Rivera is worried about his team’s mental health, as well as their dress code.
    • Coach, Cam didn’t wear a tie; he didn’t try to hang himself with one. That’s the difference between choking and auto-erotic asphyxiation. And being a Dungy.


Finally, because they haven’t clinched the division (& conference) yet, the Cowboys are saying all the right things about not resting their starters.

  • They have a three-game lead in the division and a 3.5-game lead in the conference. One more Giants & Seahawks loss gives them home field throughout.
    • Question: do we want this, so there’s a chance they put Romo in for a game and we get one last Romobyl before he goes off into the sunset?

But what if Romobyl never comes?

What I’ve been lying to my friends, promising things that will never happen? What if we’ve all been waiting all season like children struggling to get to sleep before Christmas morning, only to wake up and find the tree bare?

We must steel ourselves, friends. If for no other reason than to protect ourselves in case the unthinkable happens. Now, I have nothing against Tony Romo personally, and indeed, I am sick of the reputation he gets for his play late in the season. It is a crutch used by lazy sportswriters to construct a narrative in the most basic, paint by numbers way. But friends, the magic of Romobyl has nothing to do with Tony Romo himself, or even with the Dallas Cowboys organization.

Despite what you may think in the moment, each meltdown by Tony Romo — each interception, each sack, each forced fumble, each three-and-out… each imparts a sense of inner peace not because it is Tony Romo throwing the interceptions, but because in that specific moment, there is an awareness that millions upon millions of football fans across the country are taking solace in Tony Romo’s fuckups with you. Romobyl isn’t just an event, it is a tradition, an inherently American tradition that brings together football fans from across the country.

Except for Cowboys fans because they are the worst.

I don’t think we know if we need this, until we have it and can decide if we wanted it at all. I also picture a sideline route to Whitten that leads to his being tackled into Prescott and they both blow knees. It might sound cruel, but a Romobyl is only as big as you dream.


Nice work by Internet Dad on getting a shout-out from PFTCommenter over at Barstool Sports because he referenced the piece on “Football’s Rasputin: The Jeff Fisher Mystery“. I believe someone earned their merit badge today.

The rest of you? PICK IT UP!


Deadspin really has our demographic covered with a couple of stories from yesterday. The first is a piece concerning Bomani Jones talking about how the Falcons are cursed. Not hapless cursed, like the Browns, but more like hurtful cursed, since they exist just to cause pain at their ineptitude to hold onto the brass ring. It makes it more The Ring than the brass ring.

Hello, Mrs. Blank.

In my preseason prediction, I said a perfect storm would get the Falcons to 8-8, and at their bye I upped that to 9-7. It made me feel S-M-R-T, especially in light of this Albert Breer story for the MMQB – that is woefully lacking for mayonnaise references – written three days prior to the Chiefs game. Then this happened:

Two days later, and that’s still funny. But it planted a seed of doubt in my redoubtable brain.

I still think they win 9 games, and I think they can hold onto the division, because Tampa still has two against the Saints and one each versus the Panthers (home) & Cowboys (road). The Falcons get the Panthers, Rams, Niners & Saints. They’ll finish 4th in the Conference and get fed to the Giants.

Hope – that’s the hurtful part. And the hurt reminds you you’re a Falcons fan.

________________________________________

The second comes from yesterday’s “Prom Night at The Meadowlands”, because it was a Jets abortion at home.

Fuck you buddy – that’s a good line.

Once again, in lieu of the home team providing any enjoyment on the field, some idiots appointed themselves stadium saviours. And, once again, as Balls noted earlier today, Kevin Harlan does the world a favour and calls the action on the field. In case the link doesn’t work, here’s a Youtube version.

Not sure how they initially broke through onto the field, but solid work on the back end there by security. More like the Giants security than the Jets, amirite?


Tonight’s sports:

It appears to be all college basketball on the national screens tonight, save Canada getting a national hockey game to compliment regional action.

  • NHL: Rangers vs. Islanders – 7:00 | Sportsnet
  • Villanova vs. La Salle – 7:00 PM | ESPN2
  • Princeton vs. California – 7:00 PM | FS1
  • Purdue vs. Arizona State – 7:00 PM | ESPN / TSN4
  • Florida vs. Duke – 9:00 PM | ESPN / TSN4
  • Texas at Michigan – 9:00 PM | ESPN2
  • Seton Hall vs. Hawaii – 9:30 PM | FS1
    • Pearl Harbor Invitational at Joint Base Pearl Harbor-Hickam
      • expect lots of Pearl Harbor 75th anniversary tributes and such

Sorry girls: not March Madness = NO CARE!

Beerguyrob
Beerguyrob

A Canadian man-child of indeterminate age, he stays young by selling alcohol at sporting events and yelling at the patrons he serves. Their rage nourishes his soul, and their tips pay for his numerous trips to various sporting events.

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Senor Weaselo
Member

In Senor’s BattleBots/nerd cred news, Grant Imahara (yes the guy from Mythbusters) responded to my Facebook comment asking about his robot Deadblow and confirmed it’s still intact though it needs batteries. This makes me happy.
https://youtu.be/VPPAV5Z2KGo

JerBear50
Member
JerBear50

Did he reclaim Geoff Peterson after Fergs went off the air?

Senor Weaselo
Member

That is another good question! I imagine (or at least hope) Geoff’s either with Craig or Josh.

JerBear50
Member
JerBear50

I’d like to think they programmed him to follow the producer around and continue to mock him an call him racist.

Unsurprised
Member
Unsurprised

I also learned that in August there will be a total solar eclipse over the entire (continental) U.S. and now I’m eagerly anticipating the Apocalypse because of course 2017 is going to be worse than this year.

Unsurprised
Member
Unsurprised

I only had one beer, but I had enough coconut chicken that I suspect if I ever shit again it’ll be in the form of a fully intact coconut and a couple of live hens.

JerBear50
Member
JerBear50

And hello to you as well.

Unsurprised
Member
Unsurprised

Well, I didn’t have anything for the Request Line but I felt like sharing something.

JerBear50
Member
JerBear50

It’s been pretty dead thus far. Trying to convince Brick he’s gonna die before the night is out.

Unsurprised
Member
Unsurprised

Have you posted a photo of him with crosshairs overlaid?

JerBear50
Member
JerBear50

Naaah, I’m not really so good at the photoshop thing. And by “not really so good” I mean I have clue how to do it. I’m lucky if I copy/paste regular pics without fucking it up.

Senor Weaselo
Member

So I’m proud of myself for not getting ostracized because I didn’t make an Oakland joke in a Brooklyn warehouse where I’m playing an opera and there was a little electric-powered propane fire or something for us to stand around during break. That was my evening.

Porky Prime
Member
Porky Prime

Brick Meathook
Member
Brick Meathook

I had to go a lawyer’s office today and sign my own will, with witnesses and a notary. Now that’s a responsible financial thing to do, but it was like admitting that I could die tomorrow.

JerBear50
Member
JerBear50

Tomorrow is still a long ways off.

Brick Meathook
Member
Brick Meathook

There’s still a whole lotta tonight!

JerBear50
Member
JerBear50

Exactly. That next drink could be the one that gets you just a litttttllllee too light headed when you stand, throws your balance just a shade, causes the stumble where your head catches the coffee table just right, and you lie there to bleed out alone before midnight even creeps close. Or maybe you make it past 12 but end up full-on Million Dollar baby. Enjoy your evening.

Brick Meathook
Member
Brick Meathook

FULL WILLIAM HOLDEN

Mr. Ayo
Member
Mr. Ayo

How much does DFO get?
Also, RIP in advance.

Porky Prime
Member
Porky Prime

“The woods are lovely, dark and deep,
But I have promises to keep,
And miles to go before I sleep,
And miles to go before I sleep.”

Brick Meathook
Member
Brick Meathook

I left everything to me.

Mr. Ayo
Member
Mr. Ayo

SMRT!

JerBear50
Member
JerBear50

Aww man, you could at least buy us all Hard Ride posters.

Unsurprised
Member
Unsurprised

The greatest mausoleum since the Taj Mahal

theeWeeBabySeamus
Member

Yeah, this dickhead again. Phrasing. Still tho…good song….

theeWeeBabySeamus
Member

OK then…I guess that mean g’nite.

theeWeeBabySeamus
Member

theeWeeBabySeamus
Member

theeWeeBabySeamus
Member

JerBear50
Member
JerBear50

Keeping with WBS’s Canadian country submission

BrettFavresColonoscopy
Member

Shared this with tWBS, but seems appropriate for this crowd:

JerBear50
Member
JerBear50

Never heard her before but that was pretty good.

theeWeeBabySeamus
Member

theeWeeBabySeamus
Member

Any votes for this week’s theme on Sexy Friday? I’m seriously mailing it in this week so I’m open to suggestion.

ArmedandHammered
Member
ArmedandHammered

Goth asians. Or is that a little too specific?

theeWeeBabySeamus
Member

Dunno about GOTH, but Asians might do.

ballsofsteelandfury
Member

NO! THEY MUST BE GOTH ASIANS!!

theeWeeBabySeamus
Member

ArmedandHammered
Member
ArmedandHammered

Sounds he is talking about rockabilly instead of goth, which is fine as they can be incredible as well. Still a great tune. Will have look up more of his stuff,

JerBear50
Member
JerBear50

Yeah, there’s a bit of crossover there sometimes.
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JerBear50
Member
JerBear50

Heh, that’s a damn good song, as is the whole album. I tried learning that one for awhile but I gave up on it. It’s not the same without the bass runs in it.

BrettFavresColonoscopy
Member

I’m always down for the old school pin up girl look.

Senor Weaselo
Member

Musi—*gets endpin in the skull*

The Right Reverend Electric Mayhem
Member

Regret. Also known as “IUsed To Live Her, But She Gave Me Ass Herpes”

Cristina Agulara is the platontic ideal for this

The Right Reverend Electric Mayhem
Member

Love. Not live

BrettFavresColonoscopy
Member

Less than an hour layover in Houston? Sounds like the right amount of time in Houston. Any recommendations for Austin when I finish working tomorrow/Thursday?

JerBear50
Member
JerBear50

Not sure what you listen to, but I know James McMurtry plays the Continental Club most Wednesdays when he’s not out on tour. He’s an awesome fucking songwriter. Here’s a sample if you’re not familiar.

JerBear50
Member
JerBear50

ArmedandHammered
Member
ArmedandHammered

Love his music, saw him years ago in Austin during SXSW. Was a b reakfast event with Mojo Nixon. Got to meet Mojo and do some shots with him. Was a glorious morning.

JerBear50
Member
JerBear50

Oh, that had to be a trip. Mojo is a fucking lunatic. I’d really like to hit the Outlaw cruise that they’re running but it’s in the budget at the moment. I’m wanting to do an Austin trip basically organized around how many shows I can catch while I’m there. I gotta start seeing some of these guys before they completely stop touring or die. Already missed out on Guy Clark, can’t wait too much longer.

ArmedandHammered
Member
ArmedandHammered

It was a blast. Tequila and jalapeno pancakes. Saw McMurtry and Jesse Dayton. Mojo was fun to talk to as well.

LemonJello
Member
LemonJello

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BrettFavresColonoscopy
Member

I’m connecting in Houston on my way to Austin. There are far more of those airport carts than I’m used to seeing. I have a theory as to why:

http://www.mensfitness.com/weight-loss/burn-fat-fast/the-fittest-and-fattest-cities-in-america

JerBear50
Member
JerBear50

I think a DFO-con in Austin would not be a bad idea, but that’s probably just because I really want to go to Austin.

blackroseMD1
Member
blackroseMD1

Hmm, not really seeing any sports that I feel like watching. Maybe I’ll head out to Santee and catch a movie.

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Don T
Member

PG13. What is? Freeform?

Gratliff
Member
BrettFavresColonoscopy
Member

Attention Fellow Americans: If you are listening or watching something with volume in public or especially on a plane on an iPad, phone, laptop, or other mobile electronic device, and you do NOT use headphones, then you deserve to have every cavity on your body filled with cactus needles until you bleed out and die.

That will be all.

Low Commander of the Super Soldiers
Member

I take it their selection of porn was not to your liking.

Shogun Marcus
Member

When is it EVER?!
/I’m like the dad in Taken, but with porn

Don T
Member

Provided it is not Peter La Anguila
https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=t4PTtXIQ3vs
/buried in scorn

JerBear50
Member
JerBear50

You can add “loud conversation in close quarters” to that.

theeWeeBabySeamus
Member

Greetings fellow retards.

Shogun Marcus
Member

Sup?
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LemonJello
Member
LemonJello

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Nothing. Watching 2012 (or A Look At 2017 as it may soon be known). You?

Spanky Datass
Member
Spanky Datass

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/goes full retard

LemonJello
Member
LemonJello

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Low Commander of the Super Soldiers
Member

If you haven’t seen this yet…

https://sports.vice.com/en_us/highlight/finally-the-planet-earth-iguana-run-as-narrated-by-marshawn-lynch/

That iguana is all about that action, boss.

Spanky Datass
Member
Spanky Datass

Chad Johnson plays goalie for the Ice Stampeders? That’s the most OchioCinco thing ever! ZAMBONIBOAT!

JustStopDude
Member
JustStopDude
Unsurprised
Member
Unsurprised

I don’t like guns, but I do love shooting guns with my brother whenever I visit Los Angeles

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly
Member

Same here. I’d very gladly live in a gun-free world, but we have lots of fun shooting with friends up in Tehachapi from time to time.

Unsurprised
Member
Unsurprised

Time to drink!

Shogun Marcus
Member

Sure it’s cheap theatrics, but if you know the song, you’d have stabbed somebody to be at the show. For the Oakland peeps.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly
Member

Somehow seeing the word “Oakland” in my peripheral vision made me read that as “you’d have stabbed someone at the show”.

Shogun Marcus
Member

Why not both?
/probably both

theeWeeBabySeamus
Member

Oakland smells like skunks.
I speak from recent experience.

Kungjitsu
Member
Kungjitsu

JustStopDude
Member
JustStopDude

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Member
Rikki-Tikki-Deadly
Member

This link is TOO HOT FOR DFO!

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Member
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

Well, that is a fucking funny gif.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Member
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Member
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Member
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Member
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

That’s a common one, but still cracks me up….. kind of like his head.

Sharkbait
Member
Sharkbait

So I got an Infinity TV Box from work as a christmas present. It’s all UK based streaming. Still trying to figure out how to work this damn thing.

Unsurprised
Member
Unsurprised

Silly walks?

Unsurprised
Member
Unsurprised

The good news is that I have a Christmas party in an hour. The bad is that it’s balls cold outside.

scotchnaut
Member
Gratliff
Member

Simmer scores again!
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Unsurprised
Member
Unsurprised

Obviously, my depression has been fucking with me. I think I finally got a grasp on it today, though. I feel better — at least, I feel like I have control — and so things are looking up.

Shogun Marcus
Member

Good! I honestly hope nothing but awesome for you. Things do improve.

JustStopDude
Member
JustStopDude

The fucking evil thing about depression is its just as crippling as a drug addiction. Depression makes you want to isolate yourself, stew in your own head, and just shutdown…which is the worst thing for you.

Similarly with drugs, I found I wanted to get fucked up just to deaden the thoughts about how much money and time I wasted and the hell I was putting myself through. Then I would sober up and feel like shit for fucking up again, and then want to do more than face what I had done.

Our minds can be fucking evil at times.

Unsurprised
Member
Unsurprised

Thanks.

I’ve been fretting about the last time I got drunk which happened to be around a bunch of lawyers. Luckily I deleted all the stupid shit I posted on FB but I sometimes wonder if I should join AA because I turn into a shithead when I get drunk because that’s who I really am.

Shogun Marcus
Member

AA only works if you want it to. I tried it, but it became a cheap excuse to do it again because of all the enabling hard-luck tales. Shittiest barometer of fuckuppedness ever. You want it, just do it. I’m nearly two years cold now, which given where I live, is a minor miracle. Go ahead, if you want to.

Don T
Member

If being drunk makes one angry and needy, that will escalate beyond the true self. That happens to that kind of alkie. Not being able to consider that is also incapacitating.
Be well man.

Unsurprised
Member
Unsurprised

Yeah, I’ve been stewing and self-sabotaging myself and basically trying everything possible in my head to run away from disappointment and uncertainty, which has just increased the amount of both in my life.

I’m sick of running away

scotchnaut
Member

In-coming Giants-oriented rant

Coach MacaDon’t recently said that the Giants offence “hasn’t earned” the accolade of ‘being good’. Yes, there are some mitigating factors, I acknowledge that. The O-line isn’t the best. I get that. But for a coach to call out an offense that has been forced to run between the tackles on first down every fucking series BECAUSE THAT IS THE PLAY HE CALLED drives me nuts. Jennings is a run-of-the-mill rb that grabs 2/3 yards IF the blocking lanes are there.

I thought that Coach Old Man’s influence would fall by the wayside after he was kicked to the curb but it’s still here-run first down, something ineffective on second down, throw it to OBJ on third down.

I just remembered that the Browns are 0-Infinity this year. I’ll shut up now.

All things taken into account-wise? The play-calling on O is unimaginative, predictable and forces the qb into uncomfortable situations.

Shogun Marcus
Member

Venting incoming, scroll on.
The moment you truly realize those who raised you will not be here the rest of your life. They got us this far, so why wouldn’t they be yes? Stepdad is in 2nd night of observation. Heart stuff, an enzyme or two is out of whack. We didn’t particularly get along for years (insert your traumas here), but we’ve mostly been ok for a while now. Should be ok, but it is 2016, so whodafuq knows. Anywho, while ma is with him I took it upon myself to run over and do house stuff, make things easier. It quickly dawned on me how much “stuff” he actually does for ma and the home. Not so much the big stuff, but those little things. Those tiny kindnesses no one notices until they’re suddenly gone. This man, Vietnam vet, Santini-like conservative republican, who I let throw me through walls in drunken rages so he wouldn’t do it to ma when I first him…is now a proud liberal, tiny dog having, more or less decent my mom loving and taking care of, Man. After our private conversation this morning before anyone else got there (which truly wasn’t about anything deep, but it was more than anything we’ve EVER done in 25 years), I realize I will deeply miss him when the time comes. More than I ever thought capable of or possible. Goddamnit.
/sorry folks something got in my eye
//no YOU shut up
///please for dick jokes

Unsurprised
Member
Unsurprised

I’m sorry, bro.

BrettFavresColonoscopy
Member

Sorry to hear about the dwindling sands in the hourglass. Glad you and he might find some peace at the twilight of his life, and good on you for being there to help out your mom.

Spanky Datass
Member
Spanky Datass

J ust
E ccept
T erminul
S tupididy
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scotchnaut
Member

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YnqkbRx7tk0

In case you forgotted-the best Xmas song out there

BrettFavresColonoscopy
Member

Incorrect, THIS is the best Xmas song out there:

scotchnaut
Member

The presence of Chris Kattan negates 43% of the greatness of that tune.

BrettFavresColonoscopy
Member

Unlike a movie or a skit, he can clearly carry a keyboard.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly
Member

So you’re saying the tune starts out at 44% great? Sounds about right.

Curse of Marino
Member
Curse of Marino

WRONG. This is the Best X-Mas Song

BrettFavresColonoscopy
Member

I think we call that a…

(puts on sunglasses)

…DMXmas song.

YEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAHH!!!

/shows self out

LemonJello
Member
LemonJello

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Shogun Marcus
Member

Hmm…how about this gothy emos?…(turn subtitles on)…

BrettFavresColonoscopy
Member

Non-cynical Pearl Harbor thought: I think it’s awesome Abe and Obama are going to visit Pearl Harbor together this month.

Curse of Marino
Member
Curse of Marino

OBUMMER IZ GONNA BOW DOWN TO DAT CHINAMAN.
THANKS OBUMMER

Spanky Datass
Member
Spanky Datass

HRTN’s time traveling Abe Lincoln is gonna hang with Obama? Sweet!

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