Your “I Don’t Feel Pity – You Chose to Go” Tuesday Evening Open Thread

Statement applies to both Jets fans and [DFO-CON] attendees. One group has better decision-making skills.

NFL News:

• They arrested the shooter of Joe McKnight, and he’s being charged with manslaughter.
  • The decision partly comes down to the fact that McKnight got out of his car first, so the accused might claim self-defence, thus ruling out overt murder.
  • Also, the sheriff seems nuts.
• The Jets are now Bryce Petty’s team. They are also on the clock.
  • Strangely, not one Tebow reference to be found. So, they’re not totally that desperate.
  • I’m not sure the phrase “regime change” means what you think it means, Florio.
• D’Qwell Jackson of the Colts is getting the final four games off, courtesy failing a PED test.
  • Jim Irsay is relieved it wasn’t from his stash disappointed but hopes the young man learns from this.
• Ratings for last night’s game were the lowest in 40 years, only beating a Falcons-Saints game that went up against a Clinton-Trump debate in September. Hey – remember September? Good times.
  • Allegedly, tickets were available on StubHub for $5
• Rashaan Salaam has been found dead at age 42.
  • No cause of death has been announced.
  • He won the Heisman over Penn State’s Ki-Jana Carter and Alcorn State’s Steve McNair in 1994.
  • He was the youngest player to rush for 1000 yards, as a Bears rookie, but injuries & drugs cut short his career.
• Ron Rivera is worried about his team’s mental health, as well as their dress code.
  • Coach, Cam didn’t wear a tie; he didn’t try to hang himself with one. That’s the difference between choking and auto-erotic asphyxiation. And being a Dungy.

Finally, because they haven’t clinched the division (& conference) yet, the Cowboys are saying all the right things about not resting their starters.

• They have a three-game lead in the division and a 3.5-game lead in the conference. One more Giants & Seahawks loss gives them home field throughout.
  • Question: do we want this, so there’s a chance they put Romo in for a game and we get one last Romobyl before he goes off into the sunset?
    • I’m going to go back to the old place as reference: (hat tip to RFD)

But what if Romobyl never comes?

What I’ve been lying to my friends, promising things that will never happen? What if we’ve all been waiting all season like children struggling to get to sleep before Christmas morning, only to wake up and find the tree bare?

We must steel ourselves, friends. If for no other reason than to protect ourselves in case the unthinkable happens. Now, I have nothing against Tony Romo personally, and indeed, I am sick of the reputation he gets for his play late in the season. It is a crutch used by lazy sportswriters to construct a narrative in the most basic, paint by numbers way. But friends, the magic of Romobyl has nothing to do with Tony Romo himself, or even with the Dallas Cowboys organization.

Despite what you may think in the moment, each meltdown by Tony Romo — each interception, each sack, each forced fumble, each three-and-out… each imparts a sense of inner peace not because it is Tony Romo throwing the interceptions, but because in that specific moment, there is an awareness that millions upon millions of football fans across the country are taking solace in Tony Romo’s fuckups with you. Romobyl isn’t just an event, it is a tradition, an inherently American tradition that brings together football fans from across the country.

Except for Cowboys fans because they are the worst.

I don’t think we know if we need this, until we have it and can decide if we wanted it at all. I also picture a sideline route to Whitten that leads to his being tackled into Prescott and they both blow knees. It might sound cruel, but a Romobyl is only as big as you dream.

Nice work by Internet Dad on getting a shout-out from PFTCommenter over at Barstool Sports because he referenced the piece on “Football’s Rasputin: The Jeff Fisher Mystery“. I believe someone earned their merit badge today.

The rest of you? PICK IT UP!

Deadspin really has our demographic covered with a couple of stories from yesterday. The first is a piece concerning Bomani Jones talking about how the Falcons are cursed. Not hapless cursed, like the Browns, but more like hurtful cursed, since they exist just to cause pain at their ineptitude to hold onto the brass ring. It makes it more The Ring than the brass ring.

In my preseason prediction, I said a perfect storm would get the Falcons to 8-8, and at their bye I upped that to 9-7. It made me feel S-M-R-T, especially in light of this Albert Breer story for the MMQB – that is woefully lacking for mayonnaise references – written three days prior to the Chiefs game. Then this happened:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Gw4Vs6IoYqA

Two days later, and that’s still funny. But it planted a seed of doubt in my redoubtable brain.

I still think they win 9 games, and I think they can hold onto the division, because Tampa still has two against the Saints and one each versus the Panthers (home) & Cowboys (road). The Falcons get the Panthers, Rams, Niners & Saints. They’ll finish 4th in the Conference and get fed to the Giants.

Hope – that’s the hurtful part. And the hurt reminds you you’re a Falcons fan.

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The second comes from yesterday’s “Prom Night at The Meadowlands”, because it was a Jets abortion at home.

Fuck you buddy – that’s a good line.

Once again, in lieu of the home team providing any enjoyment on the field, some idiots appointed themselves stadium saviours. And, once again, as Balls noted earlier today, Kevin Harlan does the world a favour and calls the action on the field. In case the link doesn’t work, here’s a Youtube version.

Not sure how they initially broke through onto the field, but solid work on the back end there by security. More like the Giants security than the Jets, amirite?

Tonight’s sports:

It appears to be all college basketball on the national screens tonight, save Canada getting a national hockey game to compliment regional action.

• NHL: Rangers vs. Islanders – 7:00 | Sportsnet

• Villanova vs. La Salle – 7:00 PM | ESPN2
• Princeton vs. California – 7:00 PM | FS1
• Purdue vs. Arizona State – 7:00 PM | ESPN / TSN4
• Florida vs. Duke – 9:00 PM | ESPN / TSN4
• Texas at Michigan – 9:00 PM | ESPN2
• Seton Hall vs. Hawaii – 9:30 PM | FS1
  • Pearl Harbor Invitational at Joint Base Pearl Harbor-Hickam
    • expect lots of Pearl Harbor 75th anniversary tributes and such

Sorry girls: not March Madness = NO CARE!