Unfortunately for the portly folk of greater Wisconsin, the Superb Owl was not in fact played last weekend. THIS weekend, Green Bay put on a veritable clinic in how to not FOOTBAW, especially on defense. They might as well not brought one of those.

It’s high time to give some credit to Atlanta’s D, though. Everyone raves about Vanilla Ice’s spiritual cousin, Baby Shanny, and the otherworldly phenom that is Julio Jones. But this is two consecutive elite (and not in the Flacco sense) QBs they have thoroughly confused, battered, and mentally beaten into submission. For two quartered backing minds as brilliant as Messers. Wilson and Rodgers, that is no mean feat. A hat tip and a bow is in order. To the Falcons’ defensiving!!

I entered the night fixture with a sense of great dread. Likely this would be another shitshow, with Satan’s handmaidens punching their ticket to an all-red Grand Final (no doubt very pleasing to our new overlords).

Sadly, my low expectations were met. Fuck you, 2017.

So, now the world is reliant on ATLANTA, a city whose sporting franchises nigh always come through as small as humanly possible in the spotlight, to prevent the Darkest Narrative from culminating in Superb Owl LI.

Count. Hippo. Out.

I shall read a book or some shit like that. Blech. Hurry back, Donks training camp.