As Barry Manilow would caterwaul, “Looks like we made it” to our second Super Bowl as a bunch of kid-like creatures that exist under the DFO banner. Well done everyone! [waits for ecstatic applause to die down] It just goes to show you what can be done with a wee bit of moxie, three cadavers, an empty garage, a government research grant, one teaspoon of wasabi, a pair of cargo shorts from Eddie Bauer, the letter “R”, (“G” can suck it-look at us now buddy, maybe you’ll actually answer your emails in the future) a few bottles of Zantac (150-the extra strength kind), the love of a bi-polar woman, superior gas mileage and some second-hand pot smoke. We’re unbelievably lucky because if you were to combine all these things together at any other point in time you’d not only not get this particular result, you’d more than likely get arrested. I thank God every day that there was no God to interfere with the extraordinarily delicate process that brought this whole thing to fruition. TO THE GAME!
In your daily wanderings across the internubs you may have gleaned that the Falcons of Atlanta are dueling the Patriots of the New England. Based on my long history of watching football I know that each and every member of both teams are going to try their very best to win the game because there is a financial bonus attached to doing so. For some it might be 10k, for others it may be 5 mil-whatever the amount, all participants (including coaches) regard this as “free money” and will do their utmost to have that money dumped into their bank account. Some will secretly record practices, others will intentionally deflate footballs. It’s more than likely that a certain unnamed squad is violating the spirit of a specific rule as I type. I’ve always felt that you are the sum of your actions and not what your guttural one- and two- and three-word responses in press conferences imply.
Okay. Now you know who I’m cheering for. Big whoop. Now it’s time for you folks to chime in. Tell us goobers what you’re up to. What are you cooking? Where are you watching the game? Hey lurker, say hello and let us know that you like what we’re doing and how we might make things better. We’re all ears-except for me, I’m all coccyx. Yeah, that’s right-I’ve got a big coccyx. If you lurk and have a medical degree…please, this condition is not pleasant AT ALL.
Enjoy the game people.
OK GOOGLE KISS MY ASS
That play almost jeopardized one of my prop bets; Quinn to make first coaches challenge
Looking at it another way, it almost won you the bet.
Have I mentioned that I think Tom Brady represents everything abhorrent about America?
The likelihood of me making a humorous comment referring to Edelman’s ancestry is directly proportional the the quantity of beer consumed during the following contest.
Like “I bet he’s related to that flower, edelweiss” type jokes?
Precisely.
SUPERB OWL PUNTKAKKE
Im making mac and cheese and apple pie. Fuck I fucked up the mac and cheese in the middle of typing this. Too much milk
Just combine them to make the ultimate ‘MURICAN meal!
Cook the shit out of it, increase whiskey intake by 50%, you’ll be fine.
Im 16. Whiskey is not an option
Well i just found some vodka so I gues intoxication IS now an option
That’s less good.
Flag on the play, Atlanta outgained New England on first possession, 40 yard penalty, loss of down, Touchdown Seahawks.
You know what I like about Devonta Freeman? He manages to be talented while being way less of a dickhead than Zeke
Zeke’s a dickhead?
He really is. I’ve read a couple interviews and I’m pretty sure I couldn’t be in the same room with him for 3 minutes without wanting to punch him in his stupid face.
Sorry folks. Taking a rage break. Bought an ice cream bar. Will rage again soon.
Personally, I’ve been having a craving for cinnamon flavored vodka and svelte chicks in tight red dresses.
But maybe that’s just me.
Joe Buck: There has never been a punt returned for a TD in the Super Bowl. THERE HAS NEVER BEEN A PUNT RETURNED FOR A TD IN THE SUPER BOWL!
Me: http://49.media.tumblr.com/1b0c51d65f0a29f6a8ac75c0ca8e0bf0/tumblr_o01e2d24x11rpvti2o2_250.gif
At last we know what it takes to get Joe Buck excited.
Any white male with more athletic talent than he has?
So happy I get to say this one more time…
“Shut the fuck up, Joe.”
For anyone looking for a new job, may I suggest Heinz
http://www.businessinsider.com/ap-kraft-heinz-employees-get-day-off-after-super-bowl-2017-1
Evening
Insurmountable lead.
Please, Atlanta, PLEASE??????
I can’t believe I’m rooting for Atlanta.
But did you see what Jonny Cage was wearing? Totaly deserved it.
OH LOOK IT’S TOM BRADY YELLING HE’S SO INTENSE GOD LET ME SUCK HIM OFF
How soon before the first roughing the QB penalty on Atlanta
It was called Friday.
You know someone on Twitter right now is confused that the 51st Super Bowl is happening 50 years after the first one.
Be honest Dems, compared to Trumpy the Bushes aren’t that bad.
Compared to Trumpy the plague isn’t that bad.
Well Duh
COME ON GUYS, BE REAL, YA GOTTA ADMIT THAT THE IRAQ WAR ISN’T AS BAD AS GLOBAL THERMONUCLEAR WAR
I mean, yes, it’s not that hard to admit that. Bush I, recession aside, was a fine statesman and knew global politics well. Bush Jr. wasn’t anything much himself, and for as much as I disliked his people, they were all long-steeped in American political traditions and knowledge. Bush Jr. has also done some good after his presidency and seems to have a realistic view on the world. Trump is a nightmare and his people are night terrors.
And now we present all the hotly anticipated Super Bowl commercials that you’ve already watched on the YouTube.
Was I just not paying attention, or did we finally see a reduction this year in media falling for the “our ad was BANNED from the Super Bowl” gimmick, where a company that had no intention of shelling out the cash tries to get some free publicity?
Nice to see Barbara’s age finally caught up to her appearance.
She hasn’t aged a bit since she crossed the Delaware.
Fun fact when asked, CIA officer Bush Sr., can’t remember where he was when JFK was killed.
Yeah, but neither can Trent Green.
This better not suck.
Whoa….prom night flashback.
Well, it’s beautiful that our former president looks like hes completely Trent Green’d.
‘MURICA!!!
The ceremonial coin roll, thanks Obama.
Five bucks on GHWB standing up and lunging to eat someone’s brain midway through the coin toss.
Has this shit started yet?!
http://38.media.tumblr.com/67fdf5d91e41aa6ad65430285eb58af5/tumblr_nde05u767l1qc0pn9o1_500.gif
Is this where we reminisce about how shitty Bush senior was?
And wish he’d take over given current circumstances? Yes.
Wait, New England’s the visiting team? They’re in Houston!
Barb Bush? Come on, you know you wanna.
How wonderful would it be if George Bush “accidentally” ran over Tom Brady’s foot with his wheelchair and broke his toe?
Bush Sr. has zero fucking clue what’s going in.
That reminds me, time to update this year’s dead pool.
BRB…
JESUS FUCK!!!! Why is the NFL insistent on dragging all these half-dead people onto the field?!
The only good bushes I’ve seen in years.
+1 Brazilian
AND NOW, PLEASE WELCOME THE CORPSES OF THE MOST RECENT RESPECTABLE REPUBLICAN ADMINISTRATION
Read my Lips “Heads or Tails?”
The Ford Pregame Show on Fox is sponsored by Ford?! HOW DID THAT HAPPEN?!
Carl Shepherds looks like he knows the inside of a pointy hood or two.
Having that goose in the OR cannot be sanitary, whether he pays cash or not.
Not watching the game yet. This came across as delightfully nonsequitorial.
COKE HATES MURICKA BOY COT COKE
FUCK YOU COCAINE MADE THIS COUNTRY GREAT!!!
Near naked Scarlet Johansson?!
Gotta go. Something has come up.
They do the flyby yet?
First play of the game, I hope someone dropkicks Brady whether he’s on the field or not.
“And now, to honor Atlanta, 38 Special are here to sing ‘Freebird’.”