As Barry Manilow would caterwaul, “Looks like we made it” to our second Super Bowl as a bunch of kid-like creatures that exist under the DFO banner. Well done everyone! [waits for ecstatic applause to die down] It just goes to show you what can be done with a wee bit of moxie, three cadavers, an empty garage, a government research grant, one teaspoon of wasabi, a pair of cargo shorts from Eddie Bauer, the letter “R”, (“G” can suck it-look at us now buddy, maybe you’ll actually answer your emails in the future) a few bottles of Zantac (150-the extra strength kind), the love of a bi-polar woman, superior gas mileage and some second-hand pot smoke. We’re unbelievably lucky because if you were to combine all these things together at any other point in time you’d not only not get this particular result, you’d more than likely get arrested. I thank God every day that there was no God to interfere with the extraordinarily delicate process that brought this whole thing to fruition. TO THE GAME!
In your daily wanderings across the internubs you may have gleaned that the Falcons of Atlanta are dueling the Patriots of the New England. Based on my long history of watching football I know that each and every member of both teams are going to try their very best to win the game because there is a financial bonus attached to doing so. For some it might be 10k, for others it may be 5 mil-whatever the amount, all participants (including coaches) regard this as “free money” and will do their utmost to have that money dumped into their bank account. Some will secretly record practices, others will intentionally deflate footballs. It’s more than likely that a certain unnamed squad is violating the spirit of a specific rule as I type. I’ve always felt that you are the sum of your actions and not what your guttural one- and two- and three-word responses in press conferences imply.
Okay. Now you know who I’m cheering for. Big whoop. Now it’s time for you folks to chime in. Tell us goobers what you’re up to. What are you cooking? Where are you watching the game? Hey lurker, say hello and let us know that you like what we’re doing and how we might make things better. We’re all ears-except for me, I’m all coccyx. Yeah, that’s right-I’ve got a big coccyx. If you lurk and have a medical degree…please, this condition is not pleasant AT ALL.
Enjoy the game people.
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Billicheck at halftime: “fuck it. Lets just steal their play calling with Vladdy’s technology.:
Ok, that was actually pretty clever
Brady leading the Patriots “so called” offense. SAD!
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Belichick scribbling intensifies
Every single rusher was held and they still only gained three on that play.
Son of a Baptist stout: NSZ tested, OSZ approved.
We’ve replaced Tom Brady’s arm with Phillip Rivers’s. Let’s see who notices.
The first place to look will be Gisele’s uterus.
Last time I saw a float like that it had a scoop of ice cream in it.
Also, fuck Stan Lee for continuing to take the credit for Jack Kirby’s creations.
Does anyone else really hate his cameos? To me, it just ruins the immersion.
Oh please…there are a shit ton of things to give Stan Lee shit for…but that isn’t one of them.
The comic book industry is set up to fuck over content creators.
Now his fucking non-stop shoe horning into fucking films…he should be shot in the fucking streets.
Sorry, dude, but I know more about the comic industry and history than you’ll ever want to. Kirby still got shafted, and Lee got far more credit than he ever deserved.
God damn you Sir Anthony Hopkins. I’m mad at you for making me see you in a fucking Micheal Bay movie.
God damn you.
That transformers movie looks like Michael Bay wanted to remake every Nolan movie with Transformers as the characters
So good that the first touchdown scored against Trump’s team was by a black Freeman.
LOL TRIGGERED?!?!
They need a safe space, the poor snowflakes.
That’s a good one.
Dear China…because you keep spending literally BILLIONS to watch shitty Transformer movies, that is all we are going to produce for the next 10 years.
Fuck you.
I’ll approve of most anything with Chris Walken.
Yearbook commercial freaked me out.
EAT CHLAMYDIA COVERED COCK, TIMBERLAKE!
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Stan Lee whoring for Honda instead of Marvel now. Weird. UBER-WEIRD.
These commercials are all terrible…
MORE COWBELL!!!!!!!!!!
Freeman horning in on Ray Lewis’ territory with all these amazing cuts
Woo Freemandown!
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WOOOOOO FUCK YOU PATRIOTS!!
Yes!
https://youtube.com/watch?v=kaFygeknae8
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Well, so much for my 0-0 office pool.
#24 with the TD!!! WOOOO!
I know, it’s not Lynch, but still.
FREE MODE
HOT SHIT
Every time I see Justin Bieber I’m reminded that I know what his penis looks like.
Did we ask about your dating life?
Why does Bradshaw have blood on his shirt?
YAY ATLANTA THING!
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That little girl is getting fined for that celebration.
Justin Bieber has the personality of a Skyrim npc
So….can I buy lockpicks from him?
“This is the part where you fall down and BLEED to death!”
-Motto of the Steelers defense
Holy fuck. Who greenlighted that Bieber shit?
/adds T-Mobile to enemies list
You can now have TO show up to your kid’s bar mitzvah for $2k in cash.
You have your favorite CD going; fuck the world.
Gronk in his natural habitat
I was happy as a T Mobile customer until this very minute.
Why didn’t Gronk embrace his destiny by killing Bieber with a spiked football?
HIGHTOWER!
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Beiber and Gronk?
This is the most exciting drive I’ve seen in a Super Bowl in quite some time.
God, these commercials are triggering the fuck out of Trump’s America, aren’t they?
Care to expand for those of us who are watching the Sky Sports coverage?